Where Are They Now: Hot Guys of Black Hawk Down

When Black Hawk Down (Ridley Scott) was released in 2001 I saw it, count it, 4 times in the theater, that's not counting how many times I saw it after it was released on DVD. I didn't know what the Delta Force was, I didn't even know which part of Africa Somalia was in. But I'll tell you this much, pretty much every singe supporting player (and yeah the main players as well) were super hot and I couldn't get enough. Yeah, it was pornish you could say. They were all in uniform and heroic and all that jazz, and it's just so funny for me to now recognize them in some of the biggest shows/films today, it's like good job growing up, but I discovered your hotness first. I am the main reason for your success and you owe everything to me. Anyway, let's go down the list. 

Nikolaah Coster Waldau as MSG Gary Gordon

The biggest success from Black Hawk Down is obviously Nikolaj Coster-Waldau who stars in basically the biggest show of all time right now; Game of Thrones (which I DON'T watch so I have no idea if he's still on it or not, but he's also in that godawful disappointment of a film Mama (2013) and a bunch of other crap so he's definitely the breakout. And he had maybe 5 lines in Black Hawk Down, but believe your ass I didn't forget about him. I even learned how to pronounce his name properly out of respect. You probably still haven't done so. Get on it.

Tom Hardy as SPC Lance Twombly

Another obvious one is Tom Hardy, yeah he's in Black Hawk Down, for like 10 minutes, but I totally caught him. He was pretty gaunt back then and didn't exactly look like the massive sex-symbol he does now, but I got it, that's right people. Way before Chris Nolas was even writing Inception (2011) I was all over it. 

Charlie Hofheimer as Corporal Jamie Smith

Another one is Charlie Hofheimer. Who actually has a very dramatic death scene, so his role is pretty memorable (he tries to save Tom Hardy and is shot in a critical part of his leg and bleeds out). In case you don't recognize the name, he was a child actor actually who is currently on Mad Men as Peggy's leftist Marxist boyfriend (well ex-boyfriend now) Abe. He's hard to recognize with all that weird facial hair, but I can still dig it. 

Jeremy Piven is in Black Hawk Down and he's making it as a professional douche bag, moving on. 

Orlando Bloom is obviously in Black Hawk Down, in fact I remember it came out the same year as the first installment of Lord of the Rings; The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) and that's why the theater was mysteriously filled with teenage idiots. 

Kim Coates takes the edge off by sketching as Master Sergeant Tim "Griz" Martin

Kim Coates is another one if you blinked, you missed. He dies a pretty gruesome death, and has little over 2 lines, and he's doing really well for himself on the highly underrated show; Sons of Anarchy, because let's face it, he looks like he belongs in a biker gang, which just makes him hotter. 

Get this, Ty Burrell was in the fucking film. Yeah, TV's new favorite dad on Modern Family was in Black Hawk Down too. Bet you didn't catch that one did ya? 

Hugh Dancy in his big scene as Sergeant First Class Kurt "Doc" Schmid.

And let's end with my personal favorite. I saw the film, and there was one scene I played over and over again. It's Charlie Hofheimer's death scene where the medic Kurt Schmidt tries with futility to save the poor soldier. He was played by a little known British actor named Hugh Dancy, which began a renaissance in my loins, and I think after that I rented every fucking film he was ever in, and now he plays opposite Madds Mikkelsen on Hannibal when he's not playing second banana to his wife; Claire Danes...bitch.