Couples Therapy?

Courtney Stodden and 'husband' Doug Hutchinson on the therapist's couch, or as I like to call it, the media whore couch.

I've never gone to couples therapy. I don't think I would make it, I'd probably never let the other person talk. At least that's what always happened when mommy and I went to therapy. First of all, it's kind of hard to imagine that any psychiatrist would forgo their hypocratic oaths and vows of silence in terms of doctor-patient confidentiality and have it recorded for all the world to see on a cheesy cable network, but apparently that's what's happened. You hear that world? nothing is sacred anymore. Give up now. 

And who should be the epicenter of yet another one of VH1's failed experiments along the lines of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew? Why none other than cradle robbing perv who had that one awesome role in that really great movie 15 years ago, Doug Hutchinson and his child bride of 16, hyper-sexed, big bosomed, so-dumb-it-should-be-illegal walking Barbie doll, Courtney Stodden. I smell desperation for ratings! Also, desperation for an extra 15 minutes but that goes without saying.  

Obviously, I mean, these two people need therapy like nobody's business. They also need shirts without holes and a divorce lawyer, but they're milking this sad, sad cow for all it's worth, and apparently it's not worth much more than a mediocre time slot. 

On the show, the two do what they do best - whore it up.

I'm also pretty positive that the shrink on the show is actually not an certified therapist and just some actress they dug up from VH1's unending well of blonde extras to sit there and ask the hard but obvious questions to Courtney that none of us are dying to know such as 'were you molested as a child? Because you seem obsessed with sex', like no one has linked nymphomania to sexual trauma in childhood before, thank you doctor. 

Anyway, usually I'm all over broadcasting bullshit like this, but even this is too low for me. I mean it's worse than Honey Boo Boo, yes I just said that. First of all, Mr. Hutchinson should be in jail... because he's a child molester. Let's call a spade a spade. And Courtney, well I don't know run her out of town or get thee to the nunnery! She needs to get the oil off her tits and study, last time I checked we're in a recession. This show is just a whirlwind of stupid with a pretty good chance of sad. Watch it if you must, but I guarantee you're going to get sick of Courtney's half-dresses pretty damn quick, not to mention her face, voice, and generally everything about her.

Below great Jezebel article that basically explains the jist of this nonsense. 

Couples Therapy: Courtney Stodden Isn’t as ‘Rill’ as She Purports

Below, Courtney and Doug's introduction in the show. Aaaaaaand barf bag.

Regarding Toddlers & Tiaras and Courtney Stodden

I'm going to talk about Filth in a different way for once, and address something I believe to be truly filthy, as in filthy wrong.

With current trends in television regarding the sexualization of minors that range from the teenagers (My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding) to the rugrats (Toddlers & Tiaras) being 'too young' has all of a sudden become trendy. 

Gross. 

Lost and The Green Mile actor Doug Hutchison (51) recently made headlines when he married 16-year-old Courtney Stodden (who’s tweets speak for themselves). Every time they are on TV to defend their union she’s dolled up in Jersey make-up, tousled hair, and a ridiculously low-cut leopard print skin-tight dress like she’s Streetwalker Barbie and he’s looking like Old Man Potter with his skeevy arm around her waist. It’s sickening. There are just so many things wrong with this picture. Stodden acts far too sexually mature for 16, making sexy convulsive faces as Hutchison talks about how he fell in love with her 'heart' and how her parents were 'totally cool with it' and then all of us excuse ourselves from the dinner table to go throw up. 

Last month, TLC aired a particularly controversial episode of their highest rated program, Toddlers in Tiaras where a particularly dumb bitch stage mom decided to dress up her three-year-old as Julia Roberts character from Pretty Woman (1991) and for those of you living in a cave, her character in the film was a prostitute. The three-year-old had everything from the black vinyl thigh high fetish boots to the skimpy white cut-off tank top and micro-mini. It was completely beyond me how anyone could have found this remotely OK.

Just a few years ago, the trend was being an older, wiser woman who was able to snag a younger man. Shows like Cougar Town, Lipstick Jungle, and Desperate Housewives were all exemplary of this. It was symbolic of feminine strength and dignity, and we as women seemed proud. Now that seems to have inverted on itself, and stepped backwards roughly about 2000 years. I just want to conclude with some thoughts for the TLC Channel that continues to air the nausea-inducing and cringe-worthy program Toddlers & Tiaras.

Dear TLC: First of all congrats on hosting the favorite show of pedophiles everywhere. You need to take Toddlers & Tiaras off the air and quick if you want to retain any kind of respectability or dignity for your network. When a 3 year old is paraded around in a prostitute costume it’s not funny, and it’s morally deplorable, and I'm not sure it's even legal. You should be ashamed of yourself. And not in the good way. 

Here's a link to Courtney Stodden's Twitter, and yes this is her ACTUAL twitter, and they are all ACTUAL posts she wrote. I know, I almost didn't believe it myself. 

Courtney Stodden on Twitter

Here are the highlights of the episode. I usually can't bring myself to watch a full hour of the program, so I would never want to inflict that on you.