Let's Talk About Bill Cosby

Polanski at the height of his success

With the giant clusterfucks of the current administration's agenda against women of constant shit and malice hitting us in the face like a curve balls at …I don't know what constitutes fast in baseball, whatever. I wanted to bring this subject up because among all of the Trump news to which I have almost become immune, almost (I mean, its great material for my non-existent comedy career). Alas, we've all recently heard among the Trump babble that the jury is in a deadlock about the verdict against Bill Cosby. A deadlock is not the best use of that word but at least they didn't call it a hung jury …Am I right? Ok! Enough puns. 

If you're not up to date because you've made a nice home for yourself under a rock, let me enlighten you. After a woman's accusation came out that Cosby had sexually assaulted and raped her, it was about 10 or so years old. Now, in the state of California that is still within the statute of limitations so he can still be prosecuted for it. After this very courageous woman finally spoke up, it seemed like every other woman in the greater Los Angeles area came out all with the same disturbing story. 50 to be exact. I mean, it boggles the mind. 50 women are accusing Cosby, and what really sticks in my craw is that these women will never be vindicated. They will never see justice. He's not going to stand trail for those 50 as he should considering none of them had the courage to speak up, which is totally understandable. What's the word of a lowly ingenue against one of the biggest celebrities of that era? If this teaches us anything, and knowing about rape statistics, the most important and best thing a woman can do if she is victimized is speak up. You would think that a comic as successful as Cosby doesn't have to drug and rape girls. Who knows, was it titillating? Was it amusing? At least we know that to a sane person it's sick and wrong, and according to the police an egregious violation on too many women to even wrap your mind around.

Now, I'd like to talk about a paradox of conscience that I've dealt with for a while. It's interesting that no one has yet compared this scandal to the Polanski scandal of the 1970's. Here's some backstory on that; Roman Polanski was and is a brilliant filmmaker from Poland who lost both parents in the Holocaust as a kid. He made a name for himself as an auteur in Europe, moved to Hollywood and after Rosemary's Baby, he was THE Roman Polanski. He was married to the beautiful and wonderful Sharon Tate for a little less than a year until she and others at her house were brutally murdered by the Manson family while Roman was in London. His life changed forever, I mean of course it would. It should be added she was 8 1/2 months pregnant with their child at the time. 

A few years later, when he decided not to give into grief but to survive and to keep going as an artist he made arguably his best film; Chinatown. Around this time, he started dating very young girls. He's European, they were European, I'm sure there was some legality there. Then, one night at Jack Nicholson's house, he was taking photographs of a 13 year old girl named Samantha Gailey, and according to public record, he proceeded to give her champagne and quaaludes to knock her out (sound familiar?), then sodomized and raped her. 

Because of a really long story about what happened to the system of justice in this particular case, even though he had admitted culpability and guilt, he fled to France. To this day he is not allowed in the United States. The crisis comes from the fact that as a film lover, I without any pretense, faux intellect, or politics, really admire and respect him as a filmmaker. He is actually one of my favorites, and given what he had survived in his life, is it time to forgive him? Should we have forgiven him before? Surprisingly most people did. Except the police. I will never in my life advocate what he did. I have had to separate the person from the crime like a family member would.

Cosby at the height of his success

However, there's a sense of betrayal with Cosby that I cannot come to terms with. I grew up on The Cosby Show, and he really was America's dad. Not only that, he was so wholesome, and so iconic, realizing what he had done was such a blow to me that I don't think I have any forgiveness for him. As a woman, it makes my skin crawl. What I think bothers me the most is that he thought he could go on and on and get away with it, but now he's learning that no one is above the law. I just have no mercy for him. Why his case is different to me than the Polanski case is a total mystery. I do not think of Polanski as a victim. Although the European press would argue that. There is a very interesting documentary that I will link that expresses how he became two different people to two different sets of press; The European press saw him as this wholly tragic figure who survived the gassing of his mother, the murder of his wife, and maintained his voice against the Hollywood machine, while the American press saw him as this malignant twisted dwarf who dabbled in Satanism (untrue btw), was highly controversial, and just the perfect villain.

13-year-old Samantha Gailey, Polanski's victim. 

And yet, Cosby would be the last person to understand as a villain. So many of us, particularly women, have difficulty coming to terms with that. He brought happiness to so many homes on TV night, broke race barriers in comedy, did a great deal for Civil Rights as well. And yet, his epic downfall is what his legacy will be, it is not tainted. It is forever tarnished. 

I think the moment where I truly felt guttural hate for this man is when someone not exactly known for being of sound mind or for telling the truth; Janice Dickinson was interviewed about her experience with him as a young model. She said her piece, but the camera man failed at his job and forgot to turn off the tape. You can see that she started weeping in a way I never want to see a woman weep. Sexual assault is no joke, and having to hold it in because of intimidation from Cosby is even more disturbing and disgusting. 

Back to Polanski, I would blanket statement this whole thing and say that of course circumstances aside it is never ok, and we all know this. What is it about a person that you can eventually forgive and one that is unforgivable. When Polanski received his Best Director Oscar for The Pianist in 2002, every single member in the Dolby Theater stood up and clapped their asses off. Is it time? I doubt it. It's ironic that a man like Polanski who made films that were really amazing and that's about it, is more forgivable than Cosby who brought us so much joy when we were children. But perhaps that's why we hate him more. And you know what? We should. There will always be an asterisk next to both of their names, and actually perhaps Cosby's name will be erased from TV history so that there isn't a giant splotch on their repertoire.

How the world will now remember Cosby. 'Shame' should be written on his lapel like a scarlet letter. 

Ironically for Cosby, Hollywood is a very forgiving city. Hugh Grant, Mel Gibson, fucking Tara Reid, I mean c'mon. But in this age where women feel that their rights are being peeled apart like an orange, he is not a martyr. He is the shining example of what happens when power in Hollywood goes unchecked. We've talked about what's most infuriating and for lack of a better word defiling about this whole case is that it took one woman to speak up to make a whole army of them who felt so little next to the great and powerful Cosby to speak up and lived in silence for YEARS. I really do hope he gets his comeuppance. If not in court, the certainly in the court of public opinion. Why? Because I'm a woman. We will always be intimidated by figures like that who have more power, more money, more everything to fear people into speaking up. But since Obama had put sexual violence on the map, and really made it a forthright issue, its time to say I don't give a fuck who you are. You're a monster, and that's all I see.

Below is the trailer for the film I had mentioned earlier. It's called Wanted and Desired. Don't bother with Netflix the full thing is on Youtube, it is a must-see.

David Tennant is All Over Like Netflix Like I Would be All Over David Tennant...Hypothetically

I want...but I can't.

Great news uber nerds! One of your favorite Doctor's from Dr. Who (if he's not your favorite, you can go fuck yourself) has a big career on the biggest online streaming binge watching wreck your life platform. The quirky Scot that stands at about 6'5 (which is technically a giant I think) and always has something really snarky and Scottish to say is literally on every show you can and should binge watch right now. 

I love the English murder mystery genre. The Killing was aiiight, but it got way too bleak, even for a show called The Killing. I needed something to fill my show hole void, and dating...please. Get me another show. So Netflix, in all of their algorithmic wisdom was like well you clearly like to watch shows about multiple homicides and troubled characters. And I was like, yeah you pretty much nailed it, Netflix. Whatcha got? And they gave me Broadchurch. If you haven't checked it out, I'm praying for you. Not only is it a show that rejuvinated Tennant's career as someone besides the Doctor, it is a crossover hit, and I'm not talking genres. It's popular in the UK where it's set, and here stateside. Check it out, seriously. More importantly, his co-star is this brilliant Olivia Colman. The two play DCI's (That's detective chief inspector to you American folk) in the small seaside town of Broadchurch where a bizarre murder (or accident) occurs that shakes up the whole town. Now, this is a trope that gets played out on mmmm every episode of Dateline, but trust me, with Brits at the helm, it's pretty brilliant. Btdubs, Olivia Colman might be the greatest woman ever, check her out as, again, a DCI on the Tom Hiddleston mini-series The Night Manager. 

Tennant as DCI Alec Hardy with Olivia Colman as DCI Ellie Miller.

After that show was over for me, and I was about to enter another show-hole; deep depression, day-drinking, you get the picture. Netflix throws something else my way. This one is not that great, but I've never seen David Tennant in such a light. It stars one of my favorite actresses; the understated Emily Watson as the wife to Tennant's some kind of higher up British politician (I don't know how British parliament works). The show is called you guessed it...The Politician's Husband. Tennant is blonde, he's aggressive, and not in the cool-I've never tried this before-kind of way; in the straight up I'm going to ruin your life and make you cry for days...way. But it's really the blonde that upsets me the most. Anyway, that's only 3 episodes. So it's like a hold-over. 

Don't know what Tennant's penchant for purple is, but I dig it...just no more BLONDE!

But there's Netflix again, kind of like my show-hole sponsor, was back with a 'not to worry' there's another one. And at this point I'm thinking; who's playing a shitty joke on me? I started (for god knows what reason) watching Marvel's Jessica Jones, and I'm in a full on binge. Now, I don't read comics, I have no shame admitting that. My dorkiness only goes so far. Krysten Ritter starts as the eponymous character who's a brunette badass with a heart of gold and the strength of ten men. I know, I wish she was my best friend too. She has a dark past though, if you've read the comics, first of all, dork! Second of all this is going to be very redundant but her past includes a very mysterious man in purple (gah!) who has the power to control people's thoughts, and for one time did her's. 

Marketing still for Marvel's Jessica Jones ...yes it's sexy. I think so too. 

She escaped miraculously from his mental kunfu grip and is now on a mission to help those also afflicted. It's not my cup of tea, but let's face facts. I will watch a Tennant show when it comes up. His name is Kilgrave, and if he told me to jump into traffic, I might just do it. 

I know it's only a matter of time before another Tennant show makes the rounds and I can't wait. Or at least put Olivia Colman in more stuff, because she's earned her stripes. Thank you Netflix!

Also check on my previous post that includes a game of who'd you rather with Tennant included here.

Happy binging! 

Quasi - Trailers below: 

Enough Already! (A Prayer for a Better World)

It’s beyond difficult for me to write about the tragedy at UC Santa Barbara and that is why I’ve avoided it for so long. My mother, on the other hand, could not stop talking about it. When I first heard about it, I am ashamed to admit I was rather blazé. Considering that there’s a school shooting in this godforsaken country an average of twice a year, and after the immeasurable tragedy at Sandy Hook in December of 2012, I thought, along with many others that it could not possibly get any worse. In fact, I was at a point of giving up on society, and not in a superficial pseudo-philosophical Dostoyevsky kind of way, in a profound way that blackened my heart. I was too young to fully understand the gravity of 9/11 even though I completely absorbed the ramifications and the profound changes it had on our nation as a whole, but when I was 28 and was sitting in my cubicle with a co-worker running towards me asking me to tune the TV in the lobby to CNN because of a school shooting, and then watching as our entire office of over 200 people crowded around it, listening to sniffles and cries from the girls, and exclamations of disbelief from the men, I was changed forever.

What kind of world are we actually living in when something like this happens? I don’t want to compare it to something like shellshock after two of the greatest wars in human history that both took place in the 20^th century, but I felt like a soldier who had spent years in the trenches and upon being furloughed had no idea how to assimilate back into culture once again because to me, there was nothing left of value and goodness to care about or fight for. We could march in the streets protesting the 2^nd amendment, ring our fists in the air and demand change from the administration and then go home and eat our dinner with our family. And that’s the true horror of it all. We bare witness to atrocities everyday in our lives. Atrocities that could have been prevented. And we say ‘oh how horrible!’ and then go on about our day, thinking that one day there will be change, one day we’ll hit our bottom, but after Sandy Hook I realized there is no bottom. It’s an endless spiral into the abyss to where we as a species have no means of rescuing ourselves from apathy, selfishness, and discontentment.

So when Elliot Rodger rampaged through the dorms, sorority houses, and campuses of UC Santa Barbara, I had almost expected it, but what I didn’t realize was the absolute abhorrent nature of his act. There are certain atrocities we as reasonable people will never fully understand, but Rodger made sure that he gave us a play-by-play account of exactly why he was going to do what he did, like it even mattered. In his tapes, he actually feels that he is not only justified but a martyr for his cause. It took me right back to an incendiary incident that captivated the heart of the nation back in the 1920’s that most of us never lived through but we had definitely heard of.

In 1923 two young and rich lovers, Nathan Leopold and Richard Loeb in Chicago kidnapped the son of a family friend and brutally murdered him after luring him into a park. They did so for no other reason than they thought they could. They, like Rodger believed themselves to be the reincarnations of the Nietzschean Superman, in which laws, morals, and ethical codes no longer apply. The superman lives by only his own rules because he is an ‘enlightened’ being, a being of absolute power who exists on a plain above the rest of humanity. If they were indeed Supermen then the notion of being caught for this senseless crime never entered their minds. The crime was in itself a means of proving to themselves and each other that they were indeed what they claimed to be. Alas, they were not. Both were arrested and sentenced to death. The trial is infamous in that the best defense attorney in America at the time, Clarence Darrow (who famously defended John Scopes during the ‘Scopes Monkey Trial’ and won) decided to defend Leopold and Loeb pro-bono and rather than enter a plea of not-guilty for which they would have definitely been hanged, he submitted pleas of no contest, not even by reason of insanity, instead arguing that capital punishment in this case was unconstitutional and won. Loeb was killed in prison, and Leopold died after being paroled in the 70’s.

But unlike Leopold and Loeb, had Rodger survived his murderous rampage, no attorney would take his case for a billion dollars.  With his half-baked manifestos and Youtube rants, he proved to be nothing more than a deranged lunatic with delusions of grandeur, and a deeply dangerous inferiority complex, not to mention the worst manifestation of sexual frustration.

The question becomes not that which we keep asking ourselves; which is ‘how do we prevent this from happening?’ because it will continue to happen. I’m sorry to say that, but we fight and fight for change and yet nothing really changes. As evolved as we think we are, nothing really changes. In truth, as John Locke or Emanuel Kant would have put it, and to a greater extent Machiavelli; is that we as human beings are born with a darkness in our soul. We are conditioned to put ourselves first, to thrive in our selfishness, and drunk with the idea of being better than the person next to us. It is very likely that Rodger took that idea of being ‘supreme’ just like Nietzsche hypothesized and took it to atrocious and unimaginable conclusions. What is supremacy anyway, and what is entitlement? Entitlement, like respect is earned. And therein lies the sexual divide.

He skewed his entitlement towards a particular psychosexual conceptualization that Freud would have a field day with. As a woman, it’s hard not to be completely sickened by the rants and raves of such a subhuman mass-murderer believing that his actions are to be blamed on women at large considering the few he came in contact with never paid attention to him like it’s our fault as a species. What we have to remember is that there is no one to blame but the perpetrator. Another paramount thing to remember is that when a cataclysmic event that changes and reshapes our culture as we know it forever, the way towards ramification and rectification of it is not to superficially find superficial things here and there that we think we can fix, because there will always be people like Elliot Rodger. There will always be those who’s mentality is so perverted and skewed that are capable of afflicting the worst atrocities on the human race. What we can do is take a long hard look at the progress or lack-there-of that we’ve made because as much as we say ‘never again’ there will be an again, it will just be under different circumstances. If history has taught us anything it’s that. Every murderer, subhuman monster, and deranged lunatic will always affect our culture, and we as victims will try our best to cope with the damage done. We need no longer to be victims. All that can really be done individually is to take responsibility for our actions and hope that we set an example for the next generation based on empathy, brotherhood, and affection so that future generations learn from that and hopefully utilize those aspects that make us actual supreme beings in our ability to give love rather than inflict hate. 

'That Ain't Fair' - Rape in Hollywood

Jodie Foster minutes before her attack in The Accused (1988)

There's a film I like to show to most of my friends, it's a flawed documentary called Girl 27 (2007) about a rape case that was kept quiet by the Hollywood studios, mainly MGM for over 70 years. The story goes that in the early 30's a young teenager who worked as an extra for the studio was lured to the Hal Roach Ranch (a place where a lot of MGM films were shot) under false pretenses to be 'entertainment' for the MGM sales team, basically the people who sell the studio's films to theaters. Champagne and whiskey was flowing like ground water, and eventually this 17 year old named Patricia Douglas was dragged out into a parked car and brutally assaulted and raped by one of the salesmen, a man named David Ross. He was never served, never charged, and never had to pay for what he did. The studio heads snapped into action and made sure that even though Pat Douglas brought a class action law suit against him at the age of 17, they paid everyone including the only witness to the crime and even her own mother a substantial amount of hush money, and the whole thing stayed buried until a documentary filmmaker accidentally chanced on the headline while working on his book on Jean Harlow.

Pat Douglas and her mother outside the courtroom in a picture from the headlines in 1932. The mother was later paid to keep quiet about the whole thing. She took it and didn't ask any questions.

It's been a long time since then but have things really changed? In the documentary, the victim, Pat Douglas brings up the 1988 film The Accused. In which Jodie Foster stars as a rape victim with Kelly McGillis as her attorney, who later came out in People magazine admitting she was raped. Jodie won the Academy Award that year, and everything seemed sealed up with a nice little bow. As if Hollywood was saying ok now we know the gravity of the issue and look, we addressed it so let it go away now. If only it was that easy.

There's a scene early on in The Accused where McGillis visits Foster and asks her about all of her 'bad habits'. As in, was she dressed provocatively, does she go to bars alone, and when she does does she get drunk? Even if she's had sex with multiple partners and when she does have sex if a man hits her does she enjoy it? Foster rightfully is unhinged by these terrifying questions and gets irate while McGillis explains herself saying that 'these are the questions they are going to ask you on the stand', to which Foster replies 'That ain't fair'. If that isn't the biggest understatement of our century. 

'That ain't fair'.

No it isn't fair, and to this day that's what women have to endure. Just like what happened to Pat Douglas over 70 years ago, when they immediately labeled her a 'tart' and a 'tramp' because back then a tramp couldn't get raped. We see it happen again and again. It's what I like to call the 'double rape standard'. A woman gets attacked physically, and then she gets raped again on the witness stand when she is brave enough to fight for her dignity, her rights, and her life. In The Accused Foster is a self-described 'white trash bimbo' who works in a diner, drinks during the day, and goes to bars alone. And at first all of that is used against her even by her own lawyer. What hasn't changed at all is women being afraid of a predominately male-dominated world to speak out against injustice. In Girl 27, it was Pat's mother, in The Accused it's the best friend who actually witnesses what happens and once one of the male onlookers turns to her and says 'you're next' she runs off. 

Pat Douglas in a Vanity Fair photo shoot when she finally revealed her story, about a year or so before she died.

Since that film, this ugly subject matter has rarely been brought up because Hollywood daintily thought well we addressed it (because Foster does get her comeuppance in the end)  and that's that. Let's close the book on that forever now. It's not that easy Hollywood. I bring up these two examples to illustrate how little has changed. And even though the outcome for Patricia Douglas was different than that for Jodie Foster's character, it's the hardship in between is something that continues to go unaddressed. In a world that is still highly dominated by the male perspective and male filmmakers, it's not going to be easy to get a woman's point of view, the exact point of view across. This is far from over, and until this stops happening basically every single day, we need to keep putting a mirror to it. Especially when we have (albeit inexplicable) public figures like Melissa Gorga from Real Housewives for New Jersey fame advocating marital rape in fucking 2014. It just goes to show that little has changed. It's never ok, and it's never the woman's fault. It's really not that hard folks. What I've been talking about is basically an archaic version of 'slut shaming' and we all know that that leads no where good. It's not ok either, and it's time to stop.

Why 12 Years a Slave Will Win Best Picture and Gravity Won't

Basically these are the two main contenders at the moment, and it's really not that hard to see why my title is accurate here. To whomever watched both, if you actually think Gravity (2013) will win top honors maybe you should go back to film school for a semester. Both actually have similar underplots; which is the story of survival against immeasurably difficult odds and circumstances. But here's where one triumphs over the other. What's that thing that's really important in a film that has to be nuanced and explored and worked on before principal photography even starts? Oh yeah, the fucking story. What's the story of Gravity? The plot? Two astronauts are stranded in space trying to get home safely. The end.

Both Alfonso Cuaron and Steve McQueen are auteurs in their own right but you have to admit that McQueen's work, though less prolific than Cuaron's is far superior. Here he's taking on a story that basically enormous in scope and emotion, it has to be dealt with delicately and with finesse, and he accomplishes that task beautifully. 

Visual effects don't equal Oscar gold no matter how awesome, didn't we learn that with Avatar?

I may not be a 'big player' in the film business but I did graduate (with honors I might add) from two of the top film studies programs in the country and was taught by some of the best professors in the academic world so excuse me but I know a thing or two about these things. Also, I pride myself in knowing what wins Oscars and what doesn't. A film based mostly on gimmick and technical tricks will not win anything but technical awards. Like anyone gives a shit about those anyway. Oh Sound Editing, Sound Mixing, Visual Effects awards are coming up, time for me to freshen my drink and use the bathroom. That's where Gravity will hit home runs.

Three huge contenders for acting nods this year, (L to R) Michael Fassbender, Lupita Nyoung'o and Chiwetel Ejiofor)

On the other hand we are blessed and I truly mean blessed with a film like 12 Years a Slave (2013) which doesn't come out every so often, it will definitely be in that category of There Will Be Blood (2007), The Social Network (2010), and others that granted didn't win Best Picture honors but that was mostly due to politics, but it's a film that 50 years down the line film schools will make their students study.

It's basically the Slavery version of Schindler's List (1993), which I have to say while watching I saw so many similarities between. It was a no-holds-barred account of the story of a man through whom we saw the atrocities of what people are capable of doing to other people that actually happened in our human history. It is brutal, and yet so sincere, that's how you approach making a movie about such a delicate subject. 

the brutality and visceral nature of Schinder's List made people appreciate and understand the content in ways they'd never had before, same goes for 12 Years a Slave.

Really all you have to look at is the history of the Academy Awards, yeah they're political, yeah they're just dumb show and a fashion 'meat parade' as George C. Scott famously quipped but who wins Best Picture? Perfect example is when The Hurt Locker (2009) triumphed over overblown bullshit gimmicky crap film Avatar (2009)...in 2009. Here's a few things that matter to the Academy; Scope, brevity, STORY, and pathos. Usually a film has to have all to win. Some times they miss the mark, but I think there's nothing about this film that they can use against it. It is literally perfect Best Picture material. A better film couldn't have been fitted for that category. And they LOOOOOOOVE it when a true story is brought to life. My friend and I are talking about this as we speak and she said the following about 12 Years a Slave; 'it's dark and violent and hard to watch', all good points. But that's never stopped the Academy. Sure Passion of the Christ (2004) didn't even get nominated, but that was largely due to controversy of antisemitism and a valid one at that, and also lest we forget the same director won a decade earlier basically every award for the 'dark, violent, and hard to watch' epic Braveheart (1994). And what else fell into all those categories? One of the greatest films of all time that as difficult to watch as it was we all still did and we were better people for it, that's why all awards went to Schindler's List (1993) the year prior. 
This film to me is basically the new version of that, it has all of those things I spoke of earlier; heart, pathos, humanity, tragedy, redemption, and it makes us FEEL rather than sit there going 'woah that was cool'. So it's no question in my opinion, and if you want to put money on it, I'm ready. 12 Years a Slave to win, Steve McQueen to win, John Ridley to win, Chiwetel Ejiofor to win, Michael Fassbender to win, Sarah Paulson to win. I'm putting all my eggs into this basket this year, and though it might not turn out as I want on some of them, the first two are a sure thing in my mind. 

Trailers below: 

Netflix Pick: Scandal

Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope. I really hope this causes a spike in Law School admissions this year.

So I just started watching Scandal (yeah I know, I'm like three season's late, fuck off I'm busy), and yes Kerry Washington is my newest girl crush, are  you kidding me? She's so hot I swear the temperature of my computer screen went up every time the camera focused on her (ok that's crazy-cheesy but whatever). So how would I describe this show? It's House of Cards meets The Practice with a His Girl Friday (1940) seedy underbelly to it.

If you haven't seen His Girl Friday, 1. you're a pathetic excuse for a human being, 2. Let me explain it to you. It was a seminal feminist film directed by Howard Hawkes about a newspaper in which there is a conflict of interest that is hilarious between soon to be divorced couple Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell. The thing about the film, is that it is famous for the characters talking like a million times faster than usual. It was a 90 page script and made for an hour and 5 minute film. That's somewhat of the flavor that is added to the pot of the sizzle of Scandal. 

Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell engaged in a battle of wits in His Girl Friday (1940) a lot of which the latter wins.

Kerry Washington plays the feared-by-all uberbitch lawyer Olivia Pope whom everyone including the most powerful men in the world (yes, I'm talking The President) fear, and who is a 'fixer' of sorts for high profile scandals. She has an army of what each refers to as 'gladiators in suits' who do her bidding for her, and are all just as tough. They have to be or their ass is right the fuck out in the bitter DC cold. This includes freakin' Desmond from Lost (Henry Ian Cusick) and within the second episode I'm already on a learning frenzy, and no not the square root of anything, but apparently if you're visiting a prostitute code for her having it all shaved is that there are hard wood floors in her apartment, you know, important life stuff like that. Within the third episode all kinds of serious shit goes down and it's up to Olivia to fix it, and she does; with the fire and wit of a modern day Rosalind Russell and the bitch virtuosity of a hot Ruth Bader Ginsburg. 

Gladiators in suits. The bulk of Pope's law firm, with The President (Tony Goldwyn, wait, that Tony Goldwyn? yeah, that Tony Goldwyn) on the far right.

This is NOT a really good night-time soap, this is a seriously underrated show and has as much...well scandal as say something like House of Cards, and though at times self-righteous, it is not nearly as pretentious, which is why I'd rather watch it. If you read my blog you know how cantankerous I am so this should come as no shock to you (the prior) statement I mean. Granted, I've only been through the first season, but I can't wait to see what's in store coming up. 

Meet Olivia Pope...

A bit from His Girl Friday... 

Politics, Not Sex Rules at This Year’s Oscars

Look at the films in this slate, pretty depressing huh? The Iranian hostage crisis, Osama Bin Laden’s manhunt, a dude surviving in the Ocean with a tiger as his first mate. Wah wah. Just kidding, I’m all for serious films especially when they’re done artfully and in a non-pretentious way, and the only one I can say that that’s true of out of the politically charged films which are Zero Dark Thirty, Argo, Lincoln, and Beasts of the Southern Wild (arguably) is Argo. So therefore I hope it wins Best Picture.

Of the risqué in the bunch the only one we can remotely put in that category is Silver Linings Playbook. Remember when Moulin Rouge (2001) was nominated? Scratch that, remember when Midnight Cowboy (1969) WON?? Has the Academy totally gotten prude over the years, the answer is a big fat sticky yes.

If we look at the history of the Oscars, it’s usually sappy love stories and wildly inaccurate bio-pics of historical figures cases involved; Gladiator, Amadeus, Titanic, The Best Years of Our Lives…and snooze. When Midnight Cowboy won, it was a battle year. 1969, perhaps one of the most vibrant years of the 20^th century; one fraught with racial tension, sexual experimentation, and general aggression against social morays and reflections of which. Therefore, the Academy picked the most controversial film that challenged everything it used to stand for as it’s top prize winner and they were right. For once, sex lead the way, and a film about a prostitute cowboy and his Puerto-Rican drug addict friend trying to make it in New York City garnered top prizes. Since then we’ve lowered the bar a bit. Raunchy films get nominated but they don’t win. I think the one that showed most boob-grabbing of late was Chicago (2002). 

Promo still for Midnight Cowboy the most controversial film to garner Best Picture honors, 1969.

This is of course ignoring the big elephant in the room which is all of Tarantino films ever which will win for other awards (Screenplay, Supporting Actor, what have you) but will never get the lord of all knick knacks especially not after what happened in Sandy Hook. Hollywood would much rather condone sex than explicitly gratuitous violence. But even then, the sex is toned down, and has to be within a context of love, which is why I keep going back to Midnight Cowboy. That was a pure sex-movie, that’s why it was rated X when it was first released. There’s little more to it, except of course the touching bromance, but it’s explicitness worked in it’s favor back then, it’s completely the opposite now. If you look at Silver Linings Playbook, the most those two ever do is kiss, though both talk about sex endlessly like they know everything about it, and yet somehow you just don’t believe either of them. In a way Silver Linings Playbook is the most unsexy romance film there is. Amour is more sexy than it, Sorry David O. 

Jennifer Lawrence tried very hard to play Femme Fatale to Bradley Cooper's troubled soul, but too young for the part, somewhat missed the boat. Though a solid effort on her part.

So in conclusion, give it to Argo please. It’s well directed (way to really fuck up by snubbing Affleck, btw), it’s mostly historically accurate, and it’s most importantly, interesting. Hollywood loves nothing more than a history lesson they don’t have to read.

House of Cards. Filthy, Naughty, Politics

Kevin Spacey sitting in the same style as the Lincoln memorial. Rather offensive no? But I suppose that's part of the show's Caché.

If you haven't noticed, I've been in quite the creative lull lately, but I've had two cups of coffee in a half hour so let the inspiration rain down. Also, as it seems I have had nothing to watch unless it's either Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or Downton Abbey and I usually choose the latter because klonopin can only go so far, and Housewives always gets me so darn riled up. It's basically the only thing I have time for because I have what in the soft sciences is called a 'a job'...it's something you apply for and they pay you, nevermind I don't want to spoil the surprise. Anyway! 

I smell a lot of hate sex in their future.

The big buzz around my office has been the Netflix exclusive House of Cards (2013) The newest Aaron Sorkin show not written by Aaron Sorkin. It's a little bit of Game Change (2011), a little bit of Recount (2008), through the Richard III filter comes a story that Kevin Spacey constantly breaks the fourth wall to tell you about, kind of like a mean Woody Allen. But the big scene stealer is alpha male incumbent Peter Russo (Corey Stoll) who's first scene is him basically tearing apart some poor young Washington player who THINKS he's in love with her. Oh to be 22 and stupid out of your fucking mind. Washington is Washington people, lest we forget is the worst town ever. Covered in red tape and richeous indignation bullshit coated in dirty games and backhanded backstabbing, there's a reason why the word 'politics' is used as a pejorative. So anyway, first scene is him destroying this girl with his penis so immediately I liked him. Then the second scene was him being arrested for driving drunk, and at that point I was wondering if he was single. My kind of guy. Not that I condone driving drunk, but everyone knows I love a badass. And in a city of phonies that would make the most plastic of Real Housewives jealous, he's a real bitch baby. 

Coley Stoll as US Representative Peter Russo. Don't fuck with him, but if you do, make it messy.

Clearly I've only seen the one episode but don't worry dear readers, I plan to continue, just give me some fucking time! I have a feeling there's going to be a wildly graphic scene involving Robin Wright because it's been a whiiiiile since she's been let out of a constricting dress so I'm sure she's begging for it. Anyway, you're probably watching House of Cards already so I won't even bother recommending it. Let's all tune in to see what happens next shall we? 

Kate Mara as Zoe Barnes. Don't fuck with her or you'll end up in her blog...same goes for me too.

PS Rooney Mara's less hot and more annoying younger sister Kate Mara is on the show as the hipster blogger wants-to-stir-up-trouble next-Woodward or Bernstein low-level journalist who's probably going to have a few affairs and bunny sex scenes of her own so, tune into that!

 Trailer below. 

CNN Should Take Cues From Bravo When it Comes to Debates

If the increasingly boring debates are starting to get to you, worry not. Cable networks would never leave you without options. There's always palpable tension, name-calling and general disagreements having all over the place, you just have to know where to look. The 4th Season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey had it's reunion special spread over three weeks and you better be sure they packed enough punches 'cunts' and sparkles into the Borgata Hotel Casino and Spa that would distract the most undecided and clueless voter. 

My advice? Turn off the CNN because Chris Matthews' voice and forehead are both so overbearing and aesthetically offensive and start following Andy Cohen on twitter and DVRing every Bravo show out there.

aesthetically, the Real Housewives is very similar to the debate. I prefer these fabulous couches rather than podiums though.

Bravo exists in a universe where elections, wars, recessions, and general things that the normal person tends to think about don't exist and never have. You ask the average housewife to tell you who the vice president of the country was (which actually happened, on season 3) between the four of them, they won't be able to give you a cohesive answer aside from 'that grey haired guy!'

Bravo is the simplest most profound form of escapism that exists today. That's right, put down the heroin needles and throw away those overpriced tickets to Six Flags, because you can just tune into Bravo on any given day and see what the Top Chefs are up to when they're not competing in basically a gladiatorial version of cooking against each other. 

Bravo has also elevated fighting and verbal jousting into nothing less than an art form. You want to see people argue? It's not going to be at the debate. It's on channel 48, 9pm Eastern Standard Time. Unlike what's expected at the presidential debate, the Bravo reunion specials are usually so outlandish that there's never anything to expect, except walk offs, the occasional hair pulling, and a lot of throwing around the word 'goddamn bitch' and variations of that like 'cunt bitch' 'slut bitch' 'bitch queen' and 'I'll kill your stupid bitch face'. If only Romney and Obama were allowed to talk to each other like that, or at least CNN would put Michelle and Ann in a room together with no windows and some cameras rolling, I'm sure it would be up to par with a Real Housewives reunion in a matter of seconds. Classy ladies have a breaking point too. 

Inner monologue of both: Why thank you, I am more awesome.

 Though Candy Crowley proved to be the most interesting moderator of the entire election, she still can't hold a candle to Andy Cohen who will gladly hold down a housewife as she tries to backhand him to get to her adversary but then toast champagne with her in the next scene. If you ask me, he should have been a moderator at one point, I'm sure somewhere in the back of his mind piled up under confetti and pictures of naked bartenders is that tiny wish to go full on serious journalism a la Anderson Cooper. I mean, the guy can't get enough of making it all about himself no matter how insane the action around him gets. 

Let's face it, how many undecided voters are actually out there, and do any of the debates actually affect our opinion. We're just waiting for that moment where Obama does his little 'booyah' facial expression and pulls out the subtle swag to trip shaky dis-human Romney up on an asinine accusation. And after that, we're waiting for the next SNL cold open to lampoon it. None of us actually care or follow what is being said, be honest. I'm still casting my vote for Obama, and no amount of cat fighting goes on at mid-level university auditoriums is going to affect that. If you want to see some serious passive-aggressive drama and palpable tension manifested in sly backdoor insults, change the channel to Bravo and catch it all.

Below some clips. 

Boy if drama for the white house was only this interesting.

Like we need more opinions from Chris Matthews, and why does he insist on yelling them at us?

The Gays Want All Your Babies

Andrew Rennells and Justin Bartha play dads-to-be in new comedy series The New Normal (2012) on NBC

 I was watching the aptly named The New Normal (2012 - ) on Hulu because I had woken up an hour and a half before I have to start getting ready for work (for the love of god why) and I was actually pleasantly surprised. Like most new comedy series, it has some big names (Ellen Barkin, Justin Bartha) and then a bunch of nobodies, building their career with television (Andrew Rannells, Georgia King). It concerns a gay couple who stumble upon a preggers lady who's kind of a quirky ditz because being at all like Zooey Deschanel is a fucking velvet goldmine these days, and decide they want the baby inside of her because they are desperately ready to be daddies...well, mommies who don't breastfeed. Hilarity ensues. Turns out the oven their using to cook their bun has got a conservative grandmother (oh snap!) who is not going to let a couple of Oscar Wilde reading, sweater-vest wearing, marathon knit-club presidents make her grandchild carrying their baby vote for Obama. When usually this is a tired comic ploy, the writers actually made it work pretty brilliantly when Jane (Ellen Barkin) accuses Bryan and David (Justin Barha and Andrew Rannells) that they don't even have any Afro-American friends, so to prove that they aren't hypocrites they have basically what can be referred to as Look-at-How-Many-African-American-Friends-We-Have party. They implore the only African-American person they know, one of their co-workers, to show up and bring her friends. She is played shockingly well by, wait for it...Nene Leaks of Real Housewives of Atlanta fame. If you're having trouble placing her, just think of some of the following catchphrases; 'I'm rich, bitch' and 'close ya legs to married men'. Got it now? But when she shows up at the party and all of her 'friends' are a bunch of white skinny bitches who probably had 'ambien sex with Tiger Woods', it creates quite an awkward situation.

film veteran Ellen Barkin and reality star Nene Leaks make surprisingly awesome additions to the cast.

This is catching unto the idea of gay couples becoming domesticated on television since Modern Family (2009 - ) began the trend a few years ago. While in th 90's it was taboo to even show a gay couple together on primetime, now television execs are taking it a step further and finally bringing us gay parents, albeit it seems like they are always male gay parents. I suppose it's assumed that gay males are naturally very maternal because of the stereotype that they're effeminate, but does that mean that if there was a show about lesbians raising a baby, there would be scenes of the child being strapped to the front of a motorcycle and trying on leather pants at the Baby Hot Topic?

Justin Bartha and Andrew Rannells do play characters somewhat similar to Mitch and Cam (Eric Stonestreet and Jesse Tyler-Ferguson) in that one is uptight and obsessive-compulsive, while the other is highly effeminate and sensitive, but the light somewhat sarcastic humor makes it work, even though they are constantly feeding into gay stereotypes like obsessions with gift-wrapping and frequent trips to the Farmer's Market.

Mitch (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cam (Eric Stonestreet) are the prototypes who paved the way for domesticated gay couples on television with Modern Family.

This is just one in the growing trend of domesticated same-sex situation comedies. Another one along somewhat similar lines is Partners (2012) with David Krumholz and Michael Urie that premiered yesterday but is not quite as interesting. If you think about it, any show that follows this trend has something regarding this in the title MODERN Family, The NEW Normal, I guarantee the next one is going to have the phrase 'now-a-days' in it. It's a niche in TV that is working very well these days, and just like Will & Grace (1998 - 2006) had done almost 15 years ago, shows like The New Normal are helping tear down the remaining few taboos about the gay community, and doing it tastefully, sweetly, and comically. It's a good thing. 

Below, a promo. 

Say What? 'Legitimate'-Gate and Its Repercussions

Todd Akin; the picture of privileged white-man hypocrisy. And also he looks somewhat like a serial killer.

As Lynne Koplitz once put it 'I'm not well adjusted, I'm on Vicodin when I visit you', well I had to take a Vicodin because i hurt my ankle, but it's making me all euphoric and woozy so I feel this is the best time to write about the whole 'legitimate rape' debacle that has everyone up in arms, because this means I can't get too crazy and angry, and can just barrel through this with a mellow distance.

Unless you've been planning your suicide and don't have much time for CNN, newspapers, HuffPo, or people talking around you, you've heard of 'legitimate rape-gate'. Some foo named Todd Akin, who's apparently running for republican senate (good luck with that) said something along the lines of when a woman is 'legitimately raped' her body has a way of shutting her reproductive organs so that she doesn't get pregnant. Ergo abortions should be completely illegal even in cases of rape, because rape can't get you pregnant, unless you were wearing a short skirt and asking for it, you disgusting whore.

Now there's nothing I love more in this world (aside from Aussie shepherd puppies) than old white wrinkly dudes on capitol hill talking about a woman's body and anatomy like they've ever even touched a boobie in their entire lives. Every time Uncle Fester has something to say, he looks like his knowledge of the female body was taught to him by his sister in an outhouse (ok I went a little Larry Flynt just now) or, him and his wife procreate through a hole in the sheet without looking at each other, fully clothed. And Mr. Todd Akin looks like he hasn't fornicated with ANYTHING for millenniums. Not only that, he's entering dangerous 'Anne-Coulter territory' to where even the Republican party itself is turning its back to you and disassociating you from their politics. Once that happens, it basically means you've fallen pretty far buddy. 

First of all, I'm very much of the opinion that not only 'my body, my choice', but that it is highly unfair for 'lawmakers' who are mostly white men get to make these kinds of decisions for us, just because their daddy's paid for their Law School back in the 50's get ANY say in this whole debate coming up with scientific theory that even a hungover 8th grade science student would go 'oh yeah, that's not true'.

If anything though, I think what Akin said, as horrendous and utterly disgusting it was, might bring some good to this whole election after all. If people slowly start to realize that this is actually how people in the Republican party think (and i'm sorry, but it's true. You always get flub ups and hypocritical statements coming out of their circle, I mean Sarah Palin's brain was like a hotbed for thoughts like that) then, Obama has more than just a fighting chance. 

The whole thing is beyond infuriating, especially putting words like 'legitimate' and 'rape' even in the same breath, and does so much damage by offending basically the entire female population all over the world, it basically makes us remember that we're still #2 even though we're supposedly as progressive as we all think we are. Some people just need their mouths taped shut, and most of those people are Republicans, this just proves my point. 

See video below.