To Mourn the Death Of Hiddleswift I Did My Own Version of 73 Questions with Vogue! Just as Spontaneous, Not Nearly as Basic

I tried to be basic. It didn't fit.

What's keeping you busy these days? 

-Work.

What's the most exciting thing in life right now? 

-The Emmy's 

What are you bored of?

-Snapchat

What is something that recently moved you?

-a moving vehicle

What's going on over here?

-I'd rather not say

How many guitars do you own? 

-1 acoustic guitar and it's missing a string.

What's the first song you learned to play on guitar?

-The House of the Rising Sun

First thing you do after you get an idea for a song?

-I rub one out

What is your songwriting process?

-A lot of crying and white wine

What song took the least time to write?

-'Fuck it' in E Flat

What song took you the longest to write?

-The Libretto to Hamilton ...I wrote that.

Is this the room where you keep awards?

-Does a CPR certificate count as awards?

Who is your favorite teacher?

Graig Uhlin at NYU who taught my first Warhol class. 

If you could teach one subject what would it be?

Sarcasm.

What's your favorite beverage?

Cold brew.

What's your favorite cocktail?

Anything single malt.

What's your favorite food?

Bacon.

What would you order at a drive through?

Starbucks just made a drive through near my house, so Starbucks

Best birthday cake you've ever had?

For my 28th birthday my friend got me a Strawberry Shortcake from Sweet Lady Jane in West Hollywood. They use fresh seasonal berries and make their own buttercream. It was ridiculous.

What was the last thing you baked?

Meth. 

What's one thing you need to have in your fridge at all times?

Grapes.

What is one thing you still have from childhood?

A creepy horror movie looking doll.

What is your favorite TV show of all time?

Arrested Development

What is your favorite show currently on air?

Halt and Catch Fire

What is your favorite movie?

Seriously?

What movie recently made you cry your eyes out?

The Theory of Everything

Why do you think you're the most followed person on Instagram? 

My Instagram account is actually a front for a brothel I run.

Have you ever Googled yourself?

Daily.

What do you think when you google yourself?

Google still hasn't learned how to spell my name.

If you had one superpower what would it be?

Mind reading.

If you were not a singer what would you be doing?

Polishing my Tony collection and doing a Scrooge McDuck dive into my giant room of money.

Cool or bizarre talent?

I can say it but you're not going to like it.

Whats something you can’t do?

There's nothing I can't do.

What is the best compliment you've ever received?

Is that Kirsten Dunst?

Whats the best gift you've ever received?

My mom got me a gold Tiffany's bean for my graduation...which I lost so when I finished grad school she got me a platinum one to teach me a lesson. 

One habit you wish to break?
Boys.

Do you have any nicknames?

My friend calls me Gigi because she thinks I look like Gigi Hadid, she's my favorite. 

What surprises you about people?

Celebrities are really short.

What makes you laugh?

Children on leashes.

What does creativity mean to you?

Tennessee Williams.

What's most adventurous thing you've ever done? 

My roommates and I did 5 sprints back and forth in Morningside Park at 2 am for exercise but I think we were drunk.

What are your favorite lyrics?

Shake your head girl, with your pony tail, takes me right back, when we were young. From 'If There is Something' by Roxy Music

One song you wish you'd written?
Killer Queen by Queen

Best fan moment?
I have haters not fans.

Whats your most memorable career moment?
Facilitating the opening night red carpet for Cinequest

What's one accomplishment you're proud of?
Graduating from Columbia University with honors.

What is one thing you want to try but are too scared to?
Snake blood.

What is your spirit animal?
George Clooney's pet pig.

Where should you take my wife?
A swingers bar.

Advice for singers?
Stop writing shit.

Do you have any pre-show rituals?
I plead the 5th.

Most difficult song to perform on stage?
I always think I'm going to kill Christina Aguilera on karaoke night and I'm always wrong.

How many cats are in this room?
I'm allergic. 

If you were a cat would you get along with your cats?
No.

How many cat breeds can you name in 10 seconds?
Sphynx, Main Coon, British Shorthair, Tabby, Scottish Fold, Germany.

What's the coolest thing in this room?
I have a bottle of 2010 Chateau Margaux.

What is one woman’s closet you'd raid?
Tilda Swinton

What's your favorite fashion trend?
Mod eye make-up

What do you have to have in your purse besides your phone and wallet?
Eye liner.

What are you wearing to this year's Met Gala?
Alexander McQueen

What did i want to do at age 5?
I wanted to be a Marine Biologist I think, which is a glorified way of saying I wanted to be a SeaWorld Trainer.

What do you wish you knew at 19?
Some people suck.

What is something you will not be doing in 10 years?
Babies.

What is the most important life lesson?
Get over it.

What can you say in another language?
My favorite Hebrew expression is 'Chaval al ha Zman' it means 'waste of time' you say it sarcastically when you had a good time.

What do you love most about the town you grew up in?
That the Nazi's tried to take it and we were too badass to give it up.

What is the bravest thing you've ever done?
Admitted I loved someone.

What's the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
Drugs?

What is your one most important goal?

To have my play produced.

What is your favorite scented candle?
Bond #9 Sag Harbor.

Showgirls 2? Is This Real Life?

Classic Nomi. 

So by now my fellow film buffs and gay community, you've heard about the fiasco coming straight-to-video as a sequel (Showgirls 2: Pennies from Heaven) released two days ago, to the masterpiece that is Showgirls (1996). I was discussing this with a friend from work recently and he asked me if I love the film ironically or unironically, and I said I loved it unironically, it is truly one of my favorite films of that decade and I never tire of watching it. With a masterful director like Paul Verhoeven, this glitzy, campy, vaudevillian, T&A fatwa was just what the film industry needed back then, and kind of what it needs now with filmmakers taking themselves way too seriously (Are you hearing me Nicolas Winding Refn?) 

the pool scene is utterly classic in it's over-the-top ridiculousness

There are also just classic film moments that will never be unetched from our memories. The pool scene for example, calling every Versace you see in a window a Versayce, spelling MGM backwards and so on. I mean the memories and moments that you carry with you from this film are priceless and the drinking games don't hurt either.

'Can you spell MGM backwards I bet ya can!'

Now on to my biggest point, to parody a parody is just so meta it's stupid. Showgirls is already basically All About Eve (1950) in Vegas with tits, and it works, why fuck all that up and tarnish its legacy. And there will be no cameo appearances by any of the principal cast which made the film which pisses me off, probably because they are all pissed off that this catastrophe has even been greenlit. You only catch lightning in a bottle once, and Elizabeth Berkley, Kyle Maclachlan, and Gena Gershon all knew that this was going to be something that whether you loved or hated, you remembered, and you'd probably tell you children about...shamefully, or not depending on the kind of person you are.

Speaks for itself.

 The original is just so brilliant in so many ways, in effect it's an over-the-top campy story about a struggling young girl who just wants to break into show business no matter what it takes, it just pushes it to places that Burlesque (2011), Chicago (2002), and all the Step Up movies weren't able to go. This is mostly due to the fearlessness and devil-may-care attitude of Dutch filmmaker Paul Verhoeven who understood that any publicity is good publicity, and more importantly the 'worse' the film was and the more it aggravated and shocked people, the more chances it had of becoming a huge cult phenomenon...and it did. I mean, if you don't like this movie or have a problem with it, you're just an idiot in my book, and I'm sorry if that came out harsh but really. Stop taking yourself so seriously.

Showgirls FTW

My friend and co-worker was intuitive enough to post this to the website that I work for, which basically explains my whole point in GIF's. Here it is: 11 Gif reasons why 'Showgirls 2' will never be as good as 'Showgirls 1' (NSFW). And he's got a point, to really understand what I'm trying to say just go on iTunes and rent it just one more time. It's the Citizen Kane (1941) of cult classics, and it has stood the test of time brilliantly all the while doing an erotic dance on a stripper pole and then licking it. I'll leave you with some clips too, just to give you a taste of how good it once was. Go ahead and throw that viewing party where everyone has to come dressed as an incarnation of Chrystal or Nomi, but remember kids, I get to be Nomi...I even have a Versayce! 

Clips below, go ahead and take your pants off and get nostalgic...or you know whatever.