Well ladies and gents. I've reached 400. My god what have I done with my life? I started his blog in 2010, and have finally gotten to 400. I consider that a feat, I don't care. I'm very proud of my blog and can't believe it's been 5 years and 400 posts. I've written probably about 7 pieces on Marilyn Monroe, about as many on Edie Sedgwick, Orson Welles, Spring Breakers, Downton Abbey...and then it came to me. Ask yourself...who whether you like it or not is a living icon that our generation grew up on? Who is perhaps the most photographed person right now? And who is instantly recognizable in their work, look, or sound? Let's spare anymore suspense....It's Britney, bitch.
For my 400th I thought the best thing to do was to give you the ultimate countdown of her best music videos. She's had quite a lot of them, and not all made the cut. But every single one is special in its own way and molded the persona, career, and immortality of perhaps our generation's most recognizable figure. Recently she received one of those 'Lifetime achievement awards' at the VMA's (not sure what they call it) Video Vanguard, that's it. It was given to her by Lady Gaga and a tribute of her greatest moments was performed. Love her, hate her, or simply don't care, you can't not acknowledge that she is now synonymous with pop culture. We've watched her grow from a teeny-bopper school girl, into a villainous sex-pot, watched her self-destruct, and rise from the ashes like the Phoenix that she is. If you're my age, it's hard to remember a time when Britney wasn't part of our lives, and I think all of us are surprised that she's lasted this long. Homegirl might not have the voice of Whitney Houston, the versatility of Madonna, or the creative bravado or Lady Gaga, but there's no question that she's earned her place not only in the music industry, but in iconography. This is mainly due to her music videos so let's start the countdown shall we?
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| 10. Piece of Me (2007)
At #10, we have Piece of Me.
This is perhaps her most blatant fuck-you to the media that’s haunted her for
most of her life. Every single lyric says it all. ‘I’m Mrs. She’s to thick now
she’s too thin’, ‘I’m Mrs. Oh my god that Britney’s shameless’ …’you want a
piece of me?’. The video is simple enough. It’s her barely dancing against
bright colorful flashing lights, and every once in a while cuts to her doing
something that she became notorious for doing; partying and having it show up
on a newspaper. It’s a very unapologetic message. Someone once compared her to
the female Elvis. No, she’s not as talented as him, it’s meant in the way that
no one was ever that famous and thrust into the blinding glare of the media
spotlight basically all the livelong day. I can see why she had a meltdown
eventually. And with this song she’s not saying ‘poor me, leave me alone’.
She’s saying, ‘come and get it, bitch’.
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| 9. Everytime (2004)
This is perhaps the video that I
still struggle with but I had to include it if for no better reason than that
the song is sung by a cornrowed James Franco in one of my favorite films ever; Spring Breakers. I swear every time the
song ends I hear Franco’s voice in my head whisper ‘Spring Breaaaaak’. It
literally doesn’t make any sense, but the song is very pretty. It’s one of the
few ballads that Britney’s ever done, and it’s the best one. In the video she’s
in a hospital, then she’s arguing with a boyfriend (played comically enough by
Stephen Dorff), then she’s dead, then she’s in a bathtub. I don’t get it. I
really don’t. It kind of looks like a really bad student film, but Britney
makes it come together. The imagery matches the tone and the lilting lyrics of
the song. She get’s my approval…as does James Franco. Sometimes I think I
prefer his version more.
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| 8. Criminal (2011)
Criminal is one of her most
recent efforts off of her Femme Fatal record. It’s perhaps her most unlikely
video. It’s very Madonna. She’s for once not in charge of her fate. In it, she
falls in love with…a criminal, but he’s sexy and drives a motorcycle and we
know that’s catnip for Britney. The man just happens to be her then-fiancé
Jason Trawick with whom she gets caught up in a Bonnie & Clyde kind of
scenario in England for some reason. The video ends with them making out amidst
a hail of police bullets in slow motion. Sound hoaky, I know, but it’s really
cool. And she’s naked in the shower. And she plays with guns. Bingo, I have
bingo.
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| 7. Stronger (2000)
This is the first collaboration
with director Joseph Kahn. It’s somewhat non-linear and weird, but the
choreography makes up for it. She’s in some kind of spinning room like the
restaurant at the Marriott in Times Square…then she’s driving a car over a
collapsed highway in the rain, but the best part of course is her dance with a
moving chair. That was very Gene Kelly/Fred Astaire of her, and totally blew my mind. Also, if you listen to the lyrics, it’s about a lot of
fluff obviously, but it’s very deliberately contradicting her former attitude
towards men. When in Baby…One More Time there’s the line ‘my loneliness is
killing me’ in Stronger the lyric goes ‘my loneliness ain’t killing me no
more’. Heavy right? She’s a poet.
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| 6. Womanizer (2008)
I love Womanizer. It was the
first single from Circus, and had announced to the world; Hey everyone, I’m not
batshit anymore…and I have hair again. It’s basically a Toxic Part II, but
steamier. Instead of writhing around on the floor in a nude glitter suit, she’s
again, in a sauna, completely naked narrating the story of a woman who stalks
her cheating boyfriend by (again) having three incarnations. The song is
actually brilliant when you think about it. The chorus is unique in how
repetitive and fast it is, and this video displays Britney’s confidence better
than any other. She’s playing by her own rules now people, don’t be the unlucky
one that gets in her way.
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| 5. ...Baby One More Time (1999)
Ah the video that started it all.
I know considering its significance it should probably be number 1, but as a
video it’s not as strong as some of the others; and that is exactly the essence
of Britney. When this single and the video hit, people were asking themselves;
how does a pop star possibly top that? She did. Many a time. But let’s go back.
Turns out the concept was all Britney’s idea. The director wanted some kind of
cartoonish thing, but Britney suggested that they set it in a school and donned
the now iconic schoolgirl uniform to dance to some of the most 90’s choreography
ever. Ironically, the whole wardrobe for everyone in the video was bought at
K-Mart. It appealed to that very evil thing in men where you dress like a slut
but tell people you’re a virgin. She had the little girl bangs, the falsetto
out-of-breath voice, and the goddamn pigtails and announced her arrival in a
very ballsy way.
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| 4. Circus (2008)
Circus is just a very well
directed video. Off of her album…Circus, it’s set in a…circus. It’s funny how Christina
Aguilera always seems to be on the music video heels of Britney because after
this video dropped, Christina’s Hurt premiered, and it was also set in a
circus. Not to mention that Christina’s infamous fuckfest orgy video for Dirrty hit about 2 months after I’m a Slave 4 U and even though it was
blatantly more sexual, I remember thinking; ‘Britney did it better’. Anyway,
Britney was fresh from her very public meltdown and wanted to prove that she
was still at the top of her game. She looked amazing, playing a ringmaster, and
the choreography was a break from what we’d usually seen her do. It was much
more complex and advanced, proving to everyone that this bitch can dance.
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| 3. I'm a Slave 4 U (2001)
Perhaps Britney’s sexiest video
and maybe one of the sexiest videos of all time. Britney was no longer the
school girl with a midriff that won’t quit. Donning leather low-riders and a
few pieces of bright pink fabric to cover her boobs, the video puts her in a
giant sauna of some kind. Everyone is sweaty as fuck, and just has to dance
damn it. Some costume genius decided to spray Britney with olive oil in between
takes so she always looks like she’s dripping in sweat, and what’s sexier than
that? The heavy panting probably. I remember watching it for the first time and
being ‘Woah, what happened to innocent school girl Britney?’ This was her
loudest transition into her sex-pot persona. She played this up by performing
the song at that year’s VMA’s with a live giant python wrapped around her. It’s
considered to be one of the best and most significant performances of that
show’s history.
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| 2. Oops!...I Did It Again (2000)
I’m sorry but I love this song
and the video, albeit totally weird, it is hilarious and infectiously catchy just
like the song. After ...Baby One More Time, everyone thought; well she’s cool and
of the times, but who knows if she has staying power? When Oops!…I Did it Again
dropped, coupled with a solid video, people realized Britney was here to stay.
In her red cat suit, and that ridiculous choreography she became an icon before
our very eyes. More than anything, it’s just fun, and even if you hated it, you
really loved it and rock out to it when the windows are rolled up. And admit
it, you can do the dance too.
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| 1. Toxic (2003)
Did you really not see this coming? Toxic is not only her best video
but her best song. It was the first conscious
break from the bubble-gum pop era of Britney and the first single off her 4th
album ‘In the Zone’. She teamed up with avant-garde video director Joseph Kahn again, who previously worked with the likes of Eminem, Moby, Christina Aguilera, and
TLC. It’s the first of her videos to tell a cohesive (albeit highly surreal and
hyper-visualized) story that involves an angry beauty seeking revenge on a man that
wronged her and eventually killing him. Britney has three significant
incarnations that not only make her look unbelievable, but helped disguise her in her
quest. Tyson makes a cameo as her motorcycle driver, and of course there’s that
nude suit with glitter on it barely concealing well anything in the video. The song style
borrows heavily from the music of the 70’s, particularly ABBA and was an
instant hit. The video is just as iconic, and signified that Britney was
growing up.
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Now rock out like there's no one there to judge you.
Below, that Video Vanguard thing I was talking about.
