There was a great article after 1989 came out by I think (and pray) Judith Butler or Linda Williams (there goes my academia swag card) that labeled Taylor Swift and her 'squad' a bunch of neo-nazi Barbies. I tried to find it, and if you Google Search 'Taylor Swift Nazi' you get about 2 million results; the most compelling of which is this one. It's not difficult to see why that is. I'm sorry but Taylor has been selling herself as kind of a faux Jill-of-all-trades, twerking in her 'Shake it Off' video, and most recently blatantly ripping off Beyonce's 'Formation' video with 'Look What You Made Me Do'. She's a tall Aryan-AF looking blonde who loves to play the victim; and what do white nationalists do aside from playing the victim all the time.
Taylor's go-to music video director Joseph Kahn tweeted that the 'Look What You Made Me Do' video is not in Beyonce's art space ...I beg to differ.
Perfect example: Kanye the villainous African American man is ruining the 'reputation' of a helpless young white girl. What is this, 'Birth of a Nation'? (The D.W. Griffith version). All you have to do is watch the Viceland documentary on the Charlottesville rally to see why that is. I won't go as far as to say that she's their cultural icon, but she's strange not to denounce the rumors much like Trump. However she has no trouble denouncing rumors about her flimsy and flighty love life...hm. But most of this started when the whole squad became a thing. She surrounded herself with tall blonde girls who looked just like her. It was only when she received criticism for that, that she 'allowed' Zendaya in her clique. Like the whole world is her basic Aryan high school. I think Zendaya is doing just fine without her.
Squad goals?
Cultural appropriation is just as bad as outward racism in my opinion, so let's move on to the greatest 'culture vultures' of our time; Kendall and Kylie just can't help fucking up can they? Let's get this out of the way. They are white girls. Sometimes, I like to see what idiots on social media are getting up to, and it doesn't look any better for either of them. Firstly, the unspeakable and tone-deaf Pepsi commercial that would have ruined anyone's career that Kendall miraculously survived, where some genius thought that to make her the face of the Black Lives Matter movement was a good idea. Then came the T-shirt line. If you don't know, let me catch you up. Kendall and Kylie are so obsessed with their own faces they decided to super-impose them unto T-shirts of album covers by Biggie and Tupac. Are you fucking kidding me? And because they wanted to market it for basic bitches, the gave it a vintage look and charged a hefty 125.00$ price tag for them before quickly removing them from the market.
I'm sure the Muslim community is totally fine with this.
Kendall herself is also getting quite a bit of flack because her IG is chalk full of offensive and insensitive imagery such as her dressed up in a Hijab, to a shirt with a confederate flag on it. Also, lest we forget, she tagged a photo of herself and her sisters with the caption; 'girl power ...sister power' with a fist bump emoji on it. Only problem is that the fist bump color was basically three emojis darker than white, implying she was somehow on board the brazen cultural appropriation train without actually doing anything for the community that she is stealing from. I think my fave response to that bullshit was a girl who told her straight up to stick in her emoji lane.
Tupac always wanted his legacy to be two white girls' initials over his image.
The most recent BS regarding members of Taylor Swift's Aryan squad that's popped up is with supermodel Gigi Hadid. You'd think she gets a pass because she's half Semitic; born to a Dutch mother and a Palestinian father. And yet, she got a shitload of well-deserved flack when she announced that she would be walking in the Victoria Secret fashion show that would be held in Shanghai this year. Now, don't think that because she's not full blood that she doesn't enjoy white privilege. Her entire life was spent in Malibu living with her mother and rich, white stepfather, David Foster. Perhaps you're the biggest asshole when you don't admit that yeah you enjoy the fuck out of white privilege. Anyway, someone managed to dig up an IG video of her at a Chinese restaurant with her sister Bella, who did a weird quasi and really racist Asian bow, as Gigi held up her cookie in the shape of a Buddha face and squinted. That's some ratchet shit right there.
Presented without comment.
Now yeah, these things may seem minimal, but this is how it starts. And with racial tensions at an all time high, I'd be a bit more careful if I was a cultural icon, especially one that children look up to ...for some reason. Ana Navarro? No thanks ...Kendall. They're role models whether they like it or not, and people are just not having anymore of their casual racism. You don't get away with everything just because you're pretty, ladies.
Best friend and girlfriend of Poussey finally find an appropriate tribute to their lost loved one and I cried all the way home.
It's rare in a multi-protagonist show that one person stands out. Early on, before OITNB became a thing, most of the first season was about Chapman. The writers saw that this clearly didn't work so they gave everyone a storyline, an arch, and a flashback …standard multi-protagonist rules, just watch Lost.
I was talking to a friend earlier about Mad Men, getting a little sidetracked, but that did also start out about one person; Don Draper, and then evolved with a plethora of new characters and the OG's having some serious stories, laments, and flaws. That's what makes them relatable.
Spoilers coming but you should have watched it by now; that show basically invented the binge watch culture.
Daya at the climax of Season 4. Sensing a pattern here.
A little bit on what is happening in the new season. Daya shoots the sadist CO Humps in the leg, and a riot breaks out in the prison. The riot actually lasts through out the entirety of the season and that MCC bitch Linda somehow gets mistaken for a prisoner so she's along for the ride. If you remember correctly, The girls at Litchfield are pretty eccentric to put it mildly so the riot has some wonderful and sometimes cathartic twists and turns. It's really a great season, and there's one woman that carries it through to the very end.
Taystee leads an action to throw away the 'bribes' that the governor provides in order to stop the riot because according to her, it wouldn't be justice.
If you haven't guessed, I'm talking about Tasha 'Taystee' Jefferson. Poussey's best friend. Danielle Brooks who plays her is barely old enough to rent a car, but her training at Julliard did her well, to say the least. Usually we focus on actors 'on the brink' if they bag a role like Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook at the ripe young age of like 23. When OITNB started, Brooks was actually the exact same age, and has maintained a consistency to the character and a commitment to the arch of Taystee. This season was definitely hers. I don't know of the season's past if I could assign them as belonging to someone. No, she doesn't get the most airtime, or the smartest quips, but my god, the depth of this girl was incredible.
And of course they set in on fire because they want 'to be motherfucking taken serious!' You go Taystee.
I kept having to remind myself of the youth of this actress and subsequent inexperience because you would never be able to tell, and though just like every season, a different character gets a flashback, and in the end, it's all about Piper (who is the worst), Brooks upstaged everyone in her passionate fight as Taystee struggles to deal with her grief and get justice for Poussey.
At the climax of the last episode, it was like watching a Shakespearean tragedy, just watching the performance that Brooks gave. I don't often say this, but it seemed to come from the bottom of the gut, and I cried rivers. It was a catharsis that no one was expecting, and Brooks definitely spread her acting wings.
What Brooks is able to accomplish as an actor in this scene is beyond me. She keeps you guessing the entire time, and the emotion is so palpable that it's impossible to separate yourself from it.
But what's truly important is that she is instrumental and a catalyst in every episode. As an actress, she has so much stamina, and so much of herself to give to the role I have no idea how she didn't fall down from exhaustion by the end. I've really never seem anyone so committed and playing the same character for 5 years, but her nuanced performance gives her so much staying power. It boggles the mind as to why we don't acknowledge her more. For such a tender age, you would never expect her to carry a show of over 30 main characters in its most chaotic season, but she managed, and she should be commended for it. There are a lot of brilliant actors that make up the Litchfield prisoners, and usually it is Uzo Aduba (Suzanne 'Crazy Eyes' Warren) who walks away with the Emmy's, which she definitely deserves, but I was taken aback at how well Brooks managed some really tough and complex material. Put it this way, if there was a riot at a prison I'd want to shadow Taystee, and if we were doing acting exercises at Julliard, I'd want to do them with Brooks. She is somewhat of an unsung talent that deserves way more recognition than she gets.
Prolly seen the trailer, but here it is anyway, it premiered in early June on Netflix so your binge should just about be over by now. Happy watching!
Remember the 90's? I do. I was raised in that decade. Unambitious Gen-X'rs, Presidential sex scandals, a surplus economy, and Kurt Cobain? What we who remember the 90's wouldn't do to go back to that. National Geographic called it the last great decade, and seeing where things are right now, I think they were right. Anyway here's a range of things some superficial, some cataclysmic, that influenced my adolescence. In no particular order:
The Craft.
Let's be honest, who didn't play light as a feather stiff as a board after watching this cataclysmic 90's chick flick about teenage witches? But mostly it was all about the fashion for me, and the appropriation of a lot of 70's songs. Nancy Downs was my girl, I'll fight anyone who says different.
Silverchair.
Of all the alt-rock post-grunge music that dominated the airwaves of the 90's, this band from down under definitely spoke to my soul, and perhaps not until their third album release; Neon Ballroom, but we all fell in love with Daniel Johns if we grew up in the 90's. In fact I think that's exactly when I started puberty was seeing the video for Anthem for the Year 2000.
Colin Quinn on Weekend Update.
Argue all you want. I think that he is the best person to do Weekend Update on SNL, maybe with Tina and Amy as a close second. He was brash, sarcastic, and snarky AF. He gave zero fucks, and never broke character. One of my favorite Weekend Update guests of the Colin Quinn era is Will Ferrel's frat guy...you don't even know! :)
Goth chic.
Yeah I was a bit alternative in middle school. When all the girls were wearing body glitter I was wearing dark lipsticks and fishnet stalkings and t-shirt that said 'Fuck Grunge'. I thought I was so bad ass. Whether we like it or not goth chic and general 90's fashion is coming back, for got knows what reason, but if you were really into it like me you spent most of your time at the now defunct Hot Topic.
Empire Records.
Most girls my age would probably go the Clueless route, but this film I watched at another 90's archaic behavior; a sleepover, and it was magical. Everything is dated AF such as, oh I don't know setting the whole film in a record store. But look that the principle cast, they couldn't be more 90's if they tried. Say no more mon amour.
TOW With the Prom Video.
I hope you remember oh I don't know, the BEST episode of Friends ever? Season 2, 1995...where we were introduced to perhaps the most heartbreaking and beautiful thing to happen to sitcoms. Monica and Rachel find an old video of themselves getting ready for prom just when Rachel is severely mad at Ross, but what she didn't know is that he completely embarassed himself in trying to help her. They make up and every thing was right in TV land. Nice dresses ladies.
Knee high leather Doc Martins.
The prerequisite of cool in the 90's was doc martins. Now there were many incarnations, but my personal favorite was the knee high black boots. I never left the house without them. They were clunky and heavy, and very threatening.
Hole.
As a marginalized teenager who didn't listen to top 40, Courtney Love and her band really spoke to me, perhaps even more than her legendary late husband. Nirvana was very male centric, and even though it was at times problematic, it was akin to reading Sylvia Plath. it was the first real feminist presence I remember being into. Fuck Lilith Fair.
Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding.
Even if you gave zero shits about figure skating you remember this clear as a bell. Supreme ice princess Nancy Kerrigan was whacked in the knee by what we found out later to be Tonya Harding (her arch rival) and her goons. Though they have all been charged and prosecuted, Tonya has yet to admit culpability, but honestly who cares. The media rode that wave all the way to the Olympics in Lillehammer where NEITHER of them won, and it was a Lifetime movie you couldn't have written.
Christina Aguilera's Stupid Red Streaks.
The reason I'm not juxtaposing a picture of myself with a cheap salon version of this pic is because I have dignity left, screw that, it's really because I can't find it. But I for real loved this look. Little did I know that Christina was just getting warmed up in the questionable fashion statement idiom.
Silver Body Paint.
Ever since the Red Hot Chili Peppers video for Give it Away Now premiered, I like many was intrigued. Have you ever tried it in real life? That shit hurts. But hey it was a fun conversation starter at raves, and no Rihanna did not invent it. Sorry ya'll.
Bill Clinton...duh.
Way before Obama, if you were a kid when Clinton was first released, it was amazing. We'd never had a cool President before. He wore Ray-Bans, played the saxophone on Arsenio Hall, and always had some smooth hillbilly logic to throw our way. Blow job, Shmow job, he was a hell of a president. I miss him.
Last shot of the season. Perhaps the most gut-wrenching ending ever. If you're like me, you choose to believe that Poussey's New York adventure was a beautiful limbo that she'll live forever.
Unless you've been in a cave or are pathetic human being (yeah I said it) you've binged the 4th season by now of the Netflix juggernaut Orange is the New Black. I've been waiting to write about it for a while because unlike most, I care about not spoiling shit for people. As the show usually ends on a cliffhanger, I thought people would be more careful about that, especially because this season was perhaps the most gut-wrenching and as Kate Mulgrew (Galina Reznikov) said on Good Morning America 'excruciating' season to film. And that's coming from a cast member who knew...imagine how it was for us.
Class structure and institutionalized racism take front and center seats this season, where Litchfield becomes a microcosm of the hypocrisy we live in
I'd like to talk about something I at first considered to be Easter eggs of socio-politics, but lets face it; they were front and center this season. Let's backtrack to a few of them. Some of my favorite ones that were so hilarious and painful at the same time were amazing as commentary about the world that has completely gone to shit, from the mind of Jenji Kohan. When we finally find out why Suzanne 'Crazy Eyes' Warren is serving time at Litchfield, we start with her working merrily at a Costco-type warehouse. There's a receipt she checks and it goes something like this 'mayonnaise, orange juice, ASSAULT WEAPON' ok have a nice day!'
Chapman has to suffer some serious consequences for inadvertently creating a prison gang full of white supremacists. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and in prison, they will brand a swastika on you without hesitation.
Sensitive topic? Most definitely, but poking a stick at how ridiculous it is that people can purchase assault rifles in this country is brilliant commentary, especially considering what just happened in Orlando. It's about time SOMEONE addressed it, because it's clearly being overlooked (save for the congress filibuster). Something else that sticks in your craw like an uncomfortable zit that's in the weird part of your back was when a CO mentions that she knows about 'extraction techniques'...yeah, she's a torturer, a lot of them are. The Abu Graib parallel was so apparent this season; like when a CO asks Blanca to stand on a table which she does for days. I think someone even says that its 'a bit Abu Graib' but let's face it; the new CO's are former vets with shiny faces that used to be torturers...thanks Bush Regime.
We see institutionalized racism so much during this season. The fact that a huge conglomerate of new inmates that are stuffed into Litchfield are all from the DR basically gives credence to the fact that the system has been doing that for years. For every white person locked up, there's 10 people of color. Think about that, don't want to? Ok.
CO Coates tries to explain to his rape victim that he didn't see it that way. Guess what, doesn't matter. And you have to wear that rape badge the rest of your life. And rightfully so.
Well anyway, if you're a girl especially, you followed the whole Stanford rape fiasco, where a dipshit judge gave a Stanford swim star 6 months for a violent rape where there were witnesses? 3 months with good behavior? How shitty is that sweaty turd to swallow? Rape is rape, and that's something that couldn't be clearer. Remember last season when Pennsatucky (Taryn Manning) was brutally raped by CO Coates? We didn't see it coming, in fact I'm sure some of us hopeless romantics thought that they might actually get together a la Daya and CO Bennett, and then he rapes her. Horrifying. In this season, it's made apparent that CO Coates like for real didn't understand that what he did was rape. Rape is rape bro. He's not an idiot, probably a bit on the dumb side, but I'm sorry, he's a rapist. Just as Big Boo (Lea DeLaria) said; there's no forgiving that. Pennsatucky eventually does forgives him, but to her, and to basically everyone with a pulse, he'll always be a rapist, dumb or not.
A peaceful protest is met with abhorrent violence. It doesn't just happen in the world of fiction people.
On to the next and most excruciating thing ever, of all time...not just on OINTB. When Poussey Washington (Samira Wiley), an audience favorite gets killed. What starts out as a peaceful stick-it-to-the-man protest where the entire prison population stand up on their tables in the cafeteria, Dead Poets Society style, demanding that the captain (Piscatella) resign. CO Piscatella is a misogynist, sadist, and all around monster. Instead of doing the rational thing which would be oh I don't know, anything except for what he ends up doing, he brings the close of the season to the most egregious end imaginable. He calls in the rest of the staff to forcefully take down the inmates. CO Bailey, a boyish dimwit that looks like he wouldn't hurt a fly, ends up being responsible for the worst thing to happen on that show to date. Mirroring the Black Lives Matter movement, he accidentally murders Poussey by jamming his knee into her back, effectively cutting off air to her lungs. That was a scene that stays with you like whatever scene from whatever film still makes you cry just by thinking about it. It was cataclysmic, especially because most of the cast didn't even know what was going to happen until they shot it.
Poussey's death scene. I still can't get it out of my head and probably won't for a while. It's not just that she was a 'fan favorite'; this was an indictment of every single time a person of color was murdered in cold blood and the perpetrator got away with it in the end.
Taystee (Danielle Brooks), Poussey's BFF, who works as the secretary to prison warden Caputo, overhears his statement to the public where he decides not to reprimand CO Bailey. Outraged, she launches a full on protest at Litchfield. 'They didn't even say her name!' she screams, rallying the rest of the inmates to follow her. The greatest injustice just happened, and all the higher-ups can think about is how to play it to the media. If that's not a full-on retrospect on the truth, I don't know what is. Her greatest line, which I believe sums up the gravity of the situation, is when Caputo says he's sorry for her loss, to which she retorts; 'I'm tired of people calling it my loss like it was my 100-year-old granny that croaked instead of cold-blooded murder'. There you go folks. There ain't no justice in the world, and especially now that the world is basically on fire. And as long as people in positions of power are only concerned with is how to spin it to make themselves look good in the face of a horrific injustice, innocent people will continue to die, and the disenfranchised will continue to suffer. Was that too dark? Well, it's supposed to be. Here's to Jenji and her chrome-plated balls for addressing all of it so blatantly and with such pathos that it broke all of our hearts. This is what makes Orange is the New Black more than just a fun binge-watching session on Netflix. The towering statements it makes are brilliant, and they are not crammed down the audience's throat because someone on that team studied literally devices. I have respect for a lot of what the show brings to the front, but what I respect the most is how unapologetic and brutally honest it is. Time and time again, that's the art that stands head and shoulders above the rest, that touches the heart, and doesn't care if it hurts, because it's supposed to.
Yes assholes, I have been binging The Bachelorette. It's a show full of sociopaths that I can use as leverage when my friends tell me I should 'date more'. Oh really friends? The Bachelorette, boom. Shut the fuck up. It's a house of idiots competing for the heart of a bigger idiot. It's almost like a brilliant Monty Python sketch. And hey, if Ben Rothlisberger can admit on national TV that he has viewing parties, I can admit it to the bloggerverse. Sometimes I can't get the alcohol out fast enough, and aside from making me slightly suicidal, it's beautifully ridikidonk.
Something that I haven't seen usually on primetime is someone that is so outward with their major major sociopathy that they wear it as a badge of honor...or a sash, whatever. Congratulations Chad, the 'luxury real estate agent' you're Mr. Sociopath of 2016. Here's your bouquet of poison ivy, and your sash stained with the blood of orphans.
Chad's general attitude trying to establish himself as the alpha male. More like alpha tool.
Every time, well not every time, just most of the time when a friend of mine goes through a break up, I bring up something I learned when I was going through a bad break up that a Psych major alerted me to; The Dark Triad. For those of you too lazy to use the hyperlink, it's a trifecta of sociopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism. If you don't know that last term...I'm fascinated that you've made it this far in life. Now obviously it doesn't apply to all men, it's just a nice way of saying 'hey whomever broke up with you is a piece of shit and you deserve better and blah blah blah'. It cushions the blow of a break up, even though most of them don't involve divorce, child custody battles, and go as far as 'what am I to do Vera? We brunch at the same place!'
That's something he said to the women he's competing against 25 other guys for...Urly?
Now, Chad (of course his name is Chad) is a shining example of The Dark Triad, and I've come across my share of complete psychos. He's manipulative, he threatens people, he's two faced, and controlling. And just like a sociopath he was able to pull the wool over Bachelorette Jojo's eyes long enough to stay in the house for about 4 weeks. You have to seriously fuck up as a person to be hated by all other 25 dudes in the house like with a passion.
But with Jojo, his Machiavellianism takes over and he's able to play the lost puppy with a dark past that just wants some love in his life damn it, when he's clearly baby steps away from punching a wall in front of her. Finally someone (I don't know his name, I'm not THAT into the show people) spilled the beans, and she sent him packing.
Yes, give a rose to the serial killer. I fully support this plan.
Here's the thing though, I think he's a straight up serial killer. Instead of just going back home after Jojo told him to peace out, he comes back to the house Patrick Bateman style with like a thousand yard stare knocking ominously on the windows...and then it flashes to 'to be continued' THANKS ABC, you bastards. I want to see blood spilled. You finally made the show interesting, and now you're leaving me hanging? Not cool.
I'm sure they stole contacts off the Twilight set for this.
So I went to see Maleficent (2014) last Friday with dwindling optimism. I'm one of those girls that's not a huge fan of Angelina but that's really due to resentment and jealousy more than anything else. So myself and my hetero life-mate Shannon, parked ourselves in one of the back corners and because we both get dizzy from 3-D prepared for a regular screening of Maleficent. Neither of us had seen the original Disney version since we were this side of 8 years old, but it wasn't too crowded in there and we snuck in yogurt, so how bad could it be? The answer is surprisingly, not at all. I was actually feasibly impressed, and my dead heart fluttered just a tiny bit. Don't get me wrong I rolled my eyes quite a bit and had a few choice sarcastic quips for the growing more and more annoyed person I was with, but I left that theater feeling like that was not time wasted. Shocker. Angie makes a splendid comeback to the big screen after a four-year hiatus and being publically humiliated at the Golden Globes by Ricky Gervais, and then her weird leg-dress moment at the 2012 Oscars. I mean what was that exactly? Then she reappeared to support her husband’s producing efforts last year at the Oscar and even went up to the stage when 12 Years a Slave (2013)won for Best Picture even though she had nothing to do with it besides being married to the Executive Producer, but that’s H-Wood I guess.
Let’s just admit it female community, we were never fans. She was too intimidating with her long legs, her crisp cheekbones that could cut glass, the most sensual lips ever, and long wavy locks of brunette hair. Fuck her seriously, who’s born like that? So we aren’t exactly itching to bring our boyfriends along to one of her flicks, unless we know we’re going to be prodding them the entire time with asinine questions like ‘do you think she’s prettier than me?’. Poor men, they have to lie and say ‘no not at all sweetie, I enjoy how ‘normal’ and ‘boring’ you look’… or ‘I find tattoos gauche and vulgar’…and my favorite ‘I’m not attracted to perfect-looking women’. UGHHHH!
Just admit it you would cheat on me with Angelina Jolie, and that goes for every man in America ladies, even the blind ones. Moving ooooooooon!
We all (and by we all I mean the women amongst us) remember the Disney version of Sleeping Beauty (1959) like it was yesterday. Don’t know about ya’ll but it used to terrify the everloving shit out of me.
I especially cowered at that part when Princess Aurora is hypnotized and wanders into that old forgotten room full of broken spindles with her eyeballs dilated like she just dropped 8 hits of E. I swear that would haunt my nightmares, also that's a huge hole in the story, seriously. They couldn't just burn the spindles in a giant pire, they have to hide them in a room that no one will ever get into? Really? ...really really?
But as traumatized as I was and as much as the night light company made off of me, I did not expect the re-imagining of the classic tale to be at all scary. I honestly thought it would a farce and at the very least yield a lot of snarky eye-rolls. But I got distracted by the ridiculous amount of homages or rather pastiches of Lord of the Rings, and the endless who's who parade of marginally famous actors for whom I carry a deep appreciation such as Sharlto Copley who made a huge impression on all of us with his debut film District 9. Then there's Sam Reilly who made HIS debut in the disastrous clusterfuck of a movie On the Road (2011) based on the American Opus by Jack Kerouac where he played the Kerouac-inspired character of Sal. Then there's Dakota Fanning prettier and more talented little sister Elle as Sleeping Beauty herself, with basically the entire Mike Leigh company including Lesley Manville and Imelda Staunton rounding out the cast. I mean, that's pretty effing impressive. You would expect a cast list like to read like the opening credits to a Shakespeare adaptation. But Shakespeare this is not. It was amusing, and at times campy as hell, and in the good way. Angie is definitely not taking herself too seriously which is a feat for her. But she is bringing all of her chops to this rather sparkly and ridiculous parable. She doesn't chew the scenery, and in fact holds back when she has to making her performance enigmatic, emotionally charged, and at times sarcastic. It works, what else can I say? Oh yeah, and Juno Temple is there too so what's not visual masturbation about this film. T&A from Angie, walking and talking trees a la Lord of the Rings for the geek crowd, and enough glammed out costume changes to make David Bowie jealous, it's a sensual feast for the eyes, but don't expect it to warm your heart or anything. It's completely predictable and somewhat banal, but who cares? Angelina has horns and a catsuit. What else do you need exactly, needy! It's a formulaic Disney live-action film with little depth and an actress that should reside nowhere near Disney street, but now that she's a momma to like 45 toddlers, has started to mellow out a bit. It was enjoyable. And don't even get me started on the S&M fetishies that's all over this freakin' film that went flying over the kids' heads. It's a tongue and cheek sexual interpretation of a beloved old classic which is the best kind of interpretation you can have. I mean seriously, who's more sexually explicit than Ang? It's giving a new generation of 12-year-old Disney fans something different to wank to. More power to it.
The girls of Litchfield Correctional Facility return for some serious Season 2 hijinks.
The crazily long-awaited return of Orange is the New Black came to pass
last week as we all watched our smartphones to vibrate with a message from
Netflix that the whole new season is up and running. Then we collectively
sneaked into the bathroom on our cigarette breaks to watch snippets of the
first episode on the can. Even IMDB got in on the fun posting an animated
ribbon on it’s front page with the entire main cast which is around 16 to 20
girls seemingly reacting to something gross and atrocious.
Crazy Eyes partying it up with Taystee.
Orange
is the New Black has had as much of an impact on the female TV audience as
something like True Detective had on the male audience. But unlike the latter
it doesn’t take itself so seriously that you have to google books anything on
existentialism after every episode. The unbridled ‘I don’t give a fuck’
attitude speaks volumes to girls and out of the incredibly vast and diverse
cast of the show, there is someone for everyone to relate to, and at times we
find ourselves relating to all of the characters…except for perhaps Pennsatucky
(Taryn Manning). Me? I’m a cross between
Chapman (duh), Big Boo, and Poussay…but it depends on the day. A lot of the
time I’m feeling the plight of Red the Russian mob ringer (Kate Mulgrew) ('It's fucking funny!'). But there’s an
inmate for every mood. And that’s what makes the show so endearing. The
troubles of the characters which on the surface might seem alien to us because
most of us have never done time, are at the same time universal, because we’ve
all struggled and done things we shouldn’t have, and now are striving to find
redemption.
A big part of the reason I couldn't wait for this season is to see how it works out with Daya and Bennett; hottest prison guard this side of scripted TV.
So when you think about it, the
show’s very simple in that respect, and it’s entertaining; the two main
cornerstones of TV. I don’t need to peel back all the layers of Rustin’s inner
demons on True Detective like I’m a
philosophy post-doc. If a show can make you laugh hysterically and cry like no
one’s watching within the same hour, that’s a good show. And finally there’s
something on TV that treats women more than just the whore the mother or the
wife…am I right Mad Men? I mean
seriously, it’s the 21st century and we’re still disenfranchised
playing second fiddle to middle-aged white men with problems. I know that TV is
inherently frightened about shows that cater to and center around women,
especially one with a cast of ONLY women (with the exception of Jason Biggs…and
Pornstache), but that’s folly because apparently, as Orange has proved there’s a huge niche in the market for that. I
mean, we DO make up half of the country’s populace, and you can’t play us off with
Peggy Olsen anymore.
One endearing lesson this show teaches us that whether weathering a storm or living large, in prison or in St. Tropez, ya gotta have friends.
But
aside from all the politics, what’s great about the show are the characters and
the actors who play them. Aside from resurrecting the careers of long forgotten
actors such as Natasha Lyonne, Taryn Manning, and Laura Prepon, the show is
basically a who’s who of newbies and hot young upper-and-comers. With the
resurgence of female protagonist shows like Orange,
Scandal, and even Bates Motel, we might find redemption
yet like we had in the 90’s when our estrogen fueled material also had a
presence (remember Allie McBeal or My So Called Life)? This show explicitly
states; we might be in prison but we’re not the bad guys, and we will
persevere. And that’s an admirable notion. So turn off your phone, plug into
Netflix, and join everyone else in this gargantuan estrogen fest. Happy
watching!
(L to R) Scoot McNairy, Mackenzie Davis and Lee Pace look out of their clandestine offices at IBM representatives who invade their territory with a mixture of defiance and intimidation.
So the highly anticipated series on AMC that's not Mad Men or Breaking Bad premiered this past Sunday. Halt and Catch Fire tells the almost unknown technology story of tenacious and rebellious renegades in the 'Silicon Prairie' a decade before Silicon Valley ever crystallized as the center of the technology revolution, that stole IBM's flagship product; the PC, to basically create some of the most important innovations in the field birthing the Dell computer, and without whom we'd all be staring at a black IBM screen typing in green face letters. I exaggerate, but we'd definitely not be as technologically evolved.
Speaking for myself I was so relieved to watch the premiere of a new AMC show without immediately thinking; 'well this is pretentious'. Let's face it people, AMC has a weird streak of broadcasting good material on its viewers and then letting it fall into bleakness, pretentiousness, and mediocrity...am I right Breaking Bad? But this series, promises to be new and different, exciting and incendiary, sexually charged and spy-thrillery, throughout, and yes all of that came through just in the pilot. Not to mention how refreshing it is to wax nostalgic about the 80's rather than the 60's.
I wish I could tell you there was a love story between these two characters; Joe and Cameron, but it's more of a hate-sex thing. It's much better!
Faux-rebellious protagonists who turn anti-heroes because of blind ambition like Don Draper and Walter White are out. This show focuses on desperate people with nothing to lose and an enormous thirst for power, legacy, and entitlement. The three protagonists could not be more different from one another nor from any protagonists in scripted television right now. Though they may have certain familiar quirks and characteristics, they are fundamentally unique, and we have the writers and actors playing them to thank for this.
Lee Pace as Joe MacMillan; the ring leader.
Joe MacMillan (played by Lee Pace) seems like your typical 80's yuppie. He drives a cool car, wears a sharp suit, blow dries is hair, and always has something elitist to say to his 'lessers'. But he's not everything he appears to be. Even though he's what's commonly known as a 'closer', he can't seem to catch a break. Sure his job pays well but no one really takes him seriously when his ambition gets the better of him. He might have the appearance of a staunch business man, but he wants more. And the way to get it is to do it his own way and circumvent those standing between him and ultimate power.
Scoot McNairy as Gordon Clark; the 'brain' and most of the time, the voice of reason.
Gordon Clark (played by Scoot McNairy) is basically his polar opposite. Thin and physically inferior with huge glasses and a face-masking beard, he's the 'misunderstood genius'. There was a time when he had brilliant ideas, but his dreams were crushed, along with his self-confidence when he tried to build his own computer with his wife which turned out to be a pyrotechnic disaster. No one ever took him seriously again until Joe offers him a new means of recognition; not to build a computer from the ground up but to reverse-engineer the IBM computer and make it their own. It's hilghly illegal, and yet extremely titillating. Where would we be today if innovation ideas weren't pirated and nuanced to make that particular product better?
Brilliant Canadian actress Mackenzie Davis as Cameron Howe; the rebel.
And then there's Cameron Howe (played by Mackenzie Davis). Is she ever a loose cannon, and she perfectly rounds out this trifecta of brilliant thieves. She's her own kind of rebel, outwardly and aesthetically punk, extroverted, and defiant, inwardly an enormous genius for someone her age (I'm guessing she's about 21-22 considering she admits she's a college dropout). She's beautiful and spunky and doesn't take shit from anybody. She doesn't belong within a 5 mile radius of an office building, but when called upon by Joe to work on the reverse-engineering plan, she jumps to the opportunity considering all that's on the horizon is 'repairing VCR's for 3.25 an hour'.
Two enormous egos battle for their time in the harsh glare of the tech spotlight.
The three formulate a plan to take down the biggest and only computer company in existence, but are soon met with opposition not to mention their mutual hate and resentment of each other. There's sexual tension basically everywhere, and if this show teaches us anything it's this: 1) Don't live in Dallas. 2) Be bold and do whatever the fuck you want even when everyone tells you not to, because that's how great people become great. I'm on board AMC, thank you for redeeming yourself with really enthralling material for a change. I have high hopes for this show, I can't wait for the next episode, and it's been a while since I cancelled plans for TV. This is the story never told, and the story we've suddenly become fascinated with thanks to The Social Network (2010). It has a unique point of view, and shed new light on a quiet revolution that happened behind locked doors and curtained windows. It takes a million artistic liberties but who cares? It's not on The History Channel.
Poster for Catching Fire (2013) 'More pouting Jennifer!'
I guess it all started a few years back when Keira Knightly was on every billboard dressed in little but leather straps standing next to Clive Owen who's wielding a giant sword in promo's for the awfully executed King Arthur (2004). They had the audacity to fuck with Arturian legend so much that they made Guinevere a leather-clad pouty lipped borderline porn star who shoots to kill with her rickety bow and arrow.
Basically this suggests that women when put into ancient fighting situations can't do much in terms of strength, as in they're not good with a sword, ball and chain, or any medieval weaponry but damn it are they accurate at shooting a bow and arrow, that's how them bitches defend themselves. Is this a feminist concept or is it pandering? Probably the latter, because I've taken archery courses (Jew camp, 1996) and I sucked at it, it's way harder than it looks people. But apparently all a girl's got to do is work up some estrogen courage, breath in and release (no pun intended) she'll hit her mark every time. Right in the perp's heart where the arrow belongs. Take that fake vikings.
promo still for King Arthur (2004) Look familiar?
Right now of course the huge deal is Jennifer Lawrence as the 'good at hunting' Katniss Everdeen, and driving past a billboard for Catching Fire (2013) this morning I couldn't help but notice that she's angled in almost the exact same way as Keira was, with her hair blowing in the wind, and her airbrushed face focused on whatever she's aiming at, and for some reason, even though we all know that the tributes of the hunger games wear plenty of clothes to protect themselves and keep themselves warm while they try to you know not get killed, she's barely wearing anything. Mulvey would have a field day with this. It is the utmost in visual pleasure and castration theory, for all you know boys, she could be pointing that thing right at your balls. And watch out then because Katniss never misses her mark.
Evangeline Lilly as Tauriel in the upcoming Hobbit film. She does not look awesome.
And what do we have coming up next? The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013) where a new character is introduced as a love interest for Legolas (the archer elf) who let's face it might as well be a girl. But no, it's Kate Austen I mean...Evangeline Lilly as Tauriel another goddamn archer elf. I mean, do elves do anything else? Or is it like a rule they made up in MiddleEarth; Dwarves only get axes, humans use swords, hobbits get comically tiny swords that glow in the dark, and elves get the gayest attire ever complete with a bow and arrow.
Behind the scenes of Catching Fire (2013) I do believe Jennifer's bow has gotten bigger. It's like when you're given a bigger gun to use in the sequel than you had in the original. I remember the late great Steve McQueen used to complain about that on the set of The Magnificent Seven (1960) saying that Yul Brynner's gun was bigger than his and he wanted something done about it. Nothing ever was.
Why is it that women get to defend themselves only with bows and arrows, is it because it's the ancient version of a gun which is really sexy for a woman to know how to use. But it's usually in the sense that 'awww how cute, she knows how to aim and shoot a gun...ouch!' Or have we given too many guns to women in films of late. I mean, in The Heat (2013) Sandra Bullock literally shoots a man (Taran Killam) in the dick. Did I just give the movie away, sorry about that (not). So now we need something more subdued, something sexier, and just as deadly. Nun chucks and throwing stars are clearly out because they have a nerd derivative, and women need something elegant and yet sexy, also we all know that woman have terrible arm thrust capacity so swords are out as well, but we all know women are smart and can concentrate so a bow and arrow seem perfectly logical, makes them less passive and gives them something to do, but while we're at it, let's dress them in half of what they should be wearing and give them long wavy hair. It's a new cinematic symbol, and trust me, it won't be long until Tarantino works this into one of his films, even though it's going to be completely anachronistic and thereby won't make any sense, but let's face it, what DOES make sense in a Tarantino film. If Zero Dark Thirty (2012) wasn't directed by a woman, I'm sure Jessica Chastain would have been walking the halls of the CIA with one. Ok that might be too unbelievable a conjecture, but you can't deny the fact that a bow and arrow adds to a woman's hottness factor these days. It's a recent trend but it looks like it will be around for a while. Gives totally new meaning to the term 'sex as a weapon' doesn't it?
Trailers below and some Zizek for you Film Studies buffs out there:
