What Comes After Hipsters?

If we wore these unironically, they could double as reading glasses.

Well I guess we have to start answering that question with another question, which is; what determines culture? In this technologically dependent world of the new millennium culture is dependent on the following in order of importance; television, Internet, music, film, and finally fashion.  

It didn’t always used to be that way, the order was completely diversified and whatever was the new fad would take over for a while, but television has a level of constancy which I hate to (love to) allude back to Warhol when he said; everything will go, books will go, films will go, television will stay. He also said (lest we forget) [that] ‘in the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes’. And if we look at what television has allotted us, it is exactly that. The big revolution in television is the reality juggernaut, which allows nobodies to be somebodies for 15 minutes, just for as long as they’re interesting. 

Adele is a perfect example of reversal of hipster culture and return to nostalgia for how things used to be and how things used to sound in particular.

This is key to the hipster sect because young people we call as ‘millenials’ following generation Y (my generation) have an attention span of a worker ant. Therefore, things only exist for them for no longer than 15 minutes. Bands become popular and unpopular in short spans of time, as do fashion fads, shows, etc. Just like Hipster-skewering show ‘Portlandia’ (2011 – present) parodied; ‘something something is OVER!’ 

(Still from 'Portlandia') It's all OVER!

 So if this is all to be true, then the hipsters are running out of time on their 15-minute meter, and who’s to take over? I remember a film from the 30’s, a beautiful piece of art called The Petrified Forest (1938) starring Humphrey Bogart, Bette Davis, and Leslie Howard where Leslie plays what he refers to as ‘one of a dying breed – the intellectuals’.  I do hope that this is the time for their resurrection. 

Leslie Howard plays the prophetic intellectual who stumbles across a crime set-up in The Petrified Forest (1938), desperate to leave some of his dying legacy behind, which never comes to fruition. His outfit is now worn ironically.

If you look at trends in the media, which as I earlier mentioned dictate popular culture of the moment, it seems that my predictions might be true. People have grown to be more meditative and concerned. Films like Argo (2013) and shows like 'Downton Abbey' (2010 – Present) dominate in accolades and awards, reflecting that our culture is ready for more serious reflection and thought processes. Also instituting a dreamy nostalgia indicating that we’re not exactly amused by our own times anymore. 

The enormously successful 'Downton Abbey' has become a pop-culture institution unto itself, quite unexpectedly strangely enough.

No one wants to be a culture that people look back at with cynical laughter and resentment like we do to the hippies of the ‘60’s, so let’s look forward and strive to not be dictated by pop culture but to define it.

Good god that was serious, now I have to bath in sin, excuse me.

Will Skyfall (2012) Let Us Down in the Visual Pleasure Department?

Skyfall (2012) promises to be packed with action...and not much else.

 Skyfall (2012) is well on it's way to being released and the big question on everyone's mind is just how much pussy is Blonde Bond going to get this time around, and how hot will the pussy be? Every Bond installment, aside from the initial 'what the fuck' moment we all have when we realize who the new Bond will be and how he couldn't possibly compare to the Bonds before him, the next thought to enter our minds is 'I really need to rub one out to that hot chick, whatever her name is'. And that's truly the staple of the Bond franchise; the Bond girl. And not only has she been getting more and more exotic, and more and more ridiculous in terms of her ethereal superiority aesthetically speaking, but this time, I think they dropped the ball. It's bland meets bland, and Eve Moneypenny's legacy is totally going down the crapper and fast.

My favorite contemporary Bond girl has to be Eva Green. She's a hugely unconventional choice for this, and perhaps one of the most photogenic human beings on the planet. Also her accent is hot. Winning!

In Quantum of Solace (2008), I really think they reached their zenith by casting not only Eva Green reprising her role from Casino Royale (2006) but Olga Kurylenko as well, I mean that's a hot sandwich that any guy would kill to be in the middle of.

Eva Green has perhaps the best rack this side of pretentious French actresses, and Olga Kurylenko has that Ukranian supermodel thing going for her, so as Bond girls, they are just as iconic as someone like Ursula Andress.

Naomie Harris, the newest Bond girl. Looks like she just walked off the set of Glee.

This new franchise has clearly been about the masculinity of Bond on an action level rather than a womanizing level. How much testosterone he produces is in direct correlation with how many things he blows up rather than how much pussy he gets. What was always great about Bond was that he was a brilliant confluence of the two. Even Batman had his leanings, such as he was great as saving the world from demented creatures but really shitty at long-term relationships. 

Maybe it's just me but I don't consider the new Bond girls any kind of boner worthy; they are pretty, sure, but keep in mind the insane level of aptitude they are competing with. This isn't Junior Varsity Flag Team, this is Bond Girl status. That's pretty immortal to me, and I'm just thinking, this time around, with Naomie Harris, it's going to be a little blah with a dash of whatever. But at least we'll have Adele's beatiful voice over the whole thing, ask me we could have done with her beautiful face in it too. Just because the girl's packing some junk in the trunk doesn't mean the Bond Girl title should be exclusive of her am I right? Why is it that the skinny bitch has always got to do it? Anyway, beats me.

Trailer below.

Unanswered Questions of the Grammy's 2012

Is Nicki Minaj more theatrical than Gaga? Is Bruno Mars the hottest thing alive right now? Has the music world completely forgotten about Etta James? Does Rihanna get a Grammy for Best Camel Toe? And finally, Will Adele win Grammy's every time she's nominated from now on? The answers to all of these lingering questions is of course yes. Let's address the highlights and snooze fests of the evening. Bruno Mars, the cutest pretty boy in cute pretty town brought down the house with a fabulous James Brown-Little Richard-Elvis-Prince performance of Runaway Baby and brought back spangly suits, saddle shoes, and pompadours like nobody's business. Bruno, if you would catch a grenade for me, then I would kill a small animal for you, or watch all of Conan the Barbarian with a straight face for you.

Watch his stellar performance here:

Moving on, Rihanna's red carpet dress was a bit much. It was very sexy don't get me wrong, but if you're wearing a plunging V-neck line that goes down to your bellybutton, then your dress shouldn't be backless. Don't get me wrong, Rihanna is delicious, and if I had a body like that, I'm sure I would be rocking the 1/3-of-a-dress-dress, but with her hair styled like a 1982 streetwalker from 42nd street, she wasn't as polished as we usually see her. For her performance, she put on some goth black lipstick and a pair of high-rise leather booty shorts and aside from the gratuitous camel toe, it was pretty hot. She performed with usual snooze-fest band Coldplay, and I'm sure that Chris Martin would have gotten an erection if he weren't dead below the waist (which is what having sex with Gwyneth Paltrow will do to you...just to clarify).

Everyone's performance and/or acceptance speech had a Whitney clause in it, and that's fine, she deserves it, but it seems like the whole room completely forgot about the passing of music legend Etta James, because I don't think she was mentioned more than once...and that pissed me off. 

I don't know who else noticed, but funnily enough, she wore a glittered portrait of herself on her own outfit. I thought that was ab-fab.

The big controversy was Nicki Minaj's catholic-church-exorcism-medieval-shackled-fire-levitating performance. I just included everything that her number had, so you know it's kind of all over the place. It reminded me of Gaga's performance on the VMA's of Paparazzi which I always thought was overly dumb and misguided. Remember that one where she gets stabbed, and there's blood everywhere and then she's lifted up and hanging off of a chandelier, and everyone thought it was brilliant, not knowing that something completely random had just happened in front of them. My very close friend and I who are both highly opinionated, had a pop-culture-argument (those are the best kind) about this today. I took team Minaj, and she took team Mother Monster (or whatever it is that Gaga calls herself). I know that I'm in the minority here, but I actually liked the performance, because I recognized it for what it was supposed to be: over-the-top, ridiculous, campy, and farcical. I think Minaj has a joyous sense of humor about performance and it shows that she doesn't take herself too seriously and for that, I thought the performance was great. I got a good kick out of it. I also think it was hilarious that she showed up to the red carpet looking like an extra from Twilight's New Moon (2009) and an old man she probably found on Craigslist on her arm dressed as The Pope. I think she's an artist who isn't concerned with being sexy or even appealing. She's a beautiful woman, completely gorgeous in my opinion, but doesn't try to play that up for the sake of her artistry. I think she has staying power and will be around long after Gaga's star has faded. I really do.

Now, on to the star of the evening - is it any surprise that Adele basically sweeped and got no less than 6 standing ovations? She did put out an album that is the best compilation of music in the passed 10 years, and no I am not speaking in hyperbole. Long after we're all gone and some graduate student is putting together the most important music that was ever written, it will be like Mozart's The Marriage of Figaro, the first Velvet Underground record, and Adele's 21. Adele, you're fabulous, and your music brings me to tears every goddamn day. Thank you for that. Sincerely, and without sarcasm, Vera. PS. I'm starting to think that you only own one sleevy sequin black dress. 

Enjoy this clip of Adele winning album of the year. Cheers girl.