It finally happened, 11-year-olds and crazy single moms listen up. Justin Bieber finally got arrested for being world class scum of the universe. Nope, not for harassing his girlfriend Selena Gomez, or snorting comical piles of cocaine, or just being a general douche nozzle. It was for something pretty basic in celebrity fuck up land; a DUI. And here's his goddamn mugshot to prove it.
Bra, you are not in a photo booth after a drunken night with friends in West Hollywood you are in jail and can't be released on bail until you sober up, what the fuck are you smiling about?
Not going too far back, another douchy mugshot is that of Bruno Mars when he was caught with possession of cocaine two years ago, nothing to smile about, seriously.
Remember this one peoples? At the peak of the Paris Hilton hate fatwa, skinny bitch goes down for driving with a suspended license and the look on her face says 'I dare you to put me in jail, don't you know who my father/grandfather is?' Guess what, she was put in jail, and as far as I'm concerned her sentence should have been to be eaten by wolves, just for inflicting herself on society.
Back in 1999 sex on legs/Oscar nominated actor Matthew McConaughey got arrested for literally the coolest thing ever. Police responded to a noise complaint at his house and found him nude, stoned, and playing the bongos. First of all, that's a good night, and if it ends in arrest so be it. I guess you really don't mess with Texas, if you can't even get a little high, naked, and mind your own naked bongo business. Fuck that place.
Along those same lines, 'King of Cool' and all around badass Steven McQueen got arrested for I honestly can't remember what, but whatever it was I'm sure it was fucking cool, whether it was smoking a joint in public, crashing a motorcycle or flicking off a cop, more power to you Steve. Oh and yeah, peace brother.
And back to Texas again, this almost unrecognizable stripper turned best-golddigger-on-the-planet got arrested for trying to solicit prostitution. Have you guessed who it is yet? Here's some clues. Married a corpse, inherited all his money, got her own show where she was a hot mess every day, dead by 2007. Seriously c'mon.
We all remember where we were during Hugh Grant-Gate. Picking up a hooker named Divine Brown dispelled this bumbly British guy's loveliness and genteelness. Hot of Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) with Elizabeth Hurley at home, we all had the same thought; 'What the fuck were you thinking?'
Ol' Blue Eyes got away with quite a lot but as a young Italian street tough on the unforgiving streets of New York, he was busted for carrying a concealed weapon, the mob ties thing came later.
And let's cap it off with the queen of mugshots who's been photographed more often by Los Angeles County than by any magazine out there. And yes people, it's usually vihecular related, whether the usual DUI which is small beans by this point, to crashing into a cyclist/dog/pedestrian and leaving an 'Sorry about that' note on their bleeding corpse, to driving without insurance, to breaking probation, this girl has it down, if she has anything down in life, so I guess...thumbs up?
Basically these are the two main contenders at the moment, and it's really not that hard to see why my title is accurate here. To whomever watched both, if you actually think Gravity (2013) will win top honors maybe you should go back to film school for a semester. Both actually have similar underplots; which is the story of survival against immeasurably difficult odds and circumstances. But here's where one triumphs over the other. What's that thing that's really important in a film that has to be nuanced and explored and worked on before principal photography even starts? Oh yeah, the fucking story. What's the story of Gravity? The plot? Two astronauts are stranded in space trying to get home safely. The end.
Both Alfonso Cuaron and Steve McQueen are auteurs in their own right but you have to admit that McQueen's work, though less prolific than Cuaron's is far superior. Here he's taking on a story that basically enormous in scope and emotion, it has to be dealt with delicately and with finesse, and he accomplishes that task beautifully.
Visual effects don't equal Oscar gold no matter how awesome, didn't we learn that with Avatar?
I may not be a 'big player' in the film business but I did graduate (with honors I might add) from two of the top film studies programs in the country and was taught by some of the best professors in the academic world so excuse me but I know a thing or two about these things. Also, I pride myself in knowing what wins Oscars and what doesn't. A film based mostly on gimmick and technical tricks will not win anything but technical awards. Like anyone gives a shit about those anyway. Oh Sound Editing, Sound Mixing, Visual Effects awards are coming up, time for me to freshen my drink and use the bathroom. That's where Gravity will hit home runs.
Three huge contenders for acting nods this year, (L to R) Michael Fassbender, Lupita Nyoung'o and Chiwetel Ejiofor)
On the other hand we are blessed and I truly mean blessed with a film like 12 Years a Slave (2013) which doesn't come out every so often, it will definitely be in that category of There Will Be Blood (2007), The Social Network (2010), and others that granted didn't win Best Picture honors but that was mostly due to politics, but it's a film that 50 years down the line film schools will make their students study.
It's basically the Slavery version of Schindler's List (1993), which I have to say while watching I saw so many similarities between. It was a no-holds-barred account of the story of a man through whom we saw the atrocities of what people are capable of doing to other people that actually happened in our human history. It is brutal, and yet so sincere, that's how you approach making a movie about such a delicate subject.
the brutality and visceral nature of Schinder's List made people appreciate and understand the content in ways they'd never had before, same goes for 12 Years a Slave.
Really all you have to look at is the history of the Academy Awards, yeah they're political, yeah they're just dumb show and a fashion 'meat parade' as George C. Scott famously quipped but who wins Best Picture? Perfect example is when The Hurt Locker (2009) triumphed over overblown bullshit gimmicky crap film Avatar (2009)...in 2009. Here's a few things that matter to the Academy; Scope, brevity, STORY, and pathos. Usually a film has to have all to win. Some times they miss the mark, but I think there's nothing about this film that they can use against it. It is literally perfect Best Picture material. A better film couldn't have been fitted for that category. And they LOOOOOOOVE it when a true story is brought to life. My friend and I are talking about this as we speak and she said the following about 12 Years a Slave; 'it's dark and violent and hard to watch', all good points. But that's never stopped the Academy. Sure Passion of the Christ (2004) didn't even get nominated, but that was largely due to controversy of antisemitism and a valid one at that, and also lest we forget the same director won a decade earlier basically every award for the 'dark, violent, and hard to watch' epic Braveheart (1994). And what else fell into all those categories? One of the greatest films of all time that as difficult to watch as it was we all still did and we were better people for it, that's why all awards went to Schindler's List (1993) the year prior. This film to me is basically the new version of that, it has all of those things I spoke of earlier; heart, pathos, humanity, tragedy, redemption, and it makes us FEEL rather than sit there going 'woah that was cool'. So it's no question in my opinion, and if you want to put money on it, I'm ready. 12 Years a Slave to win, Steve McQueen to win, John Ridley to win, Chiwetel Ejiofor to win, Michael Fassbender to win, Sarah Paulson to win. I'm putting all my eggs into this basket this year, and though it might not turn out as I want on some of them, the first two are a sure thing in my mind.
