Remake that Doesn't Know How to Remake

Emma Watson makes the best of a movie that doesn't know how to movie taking example from another famous Emma who just won an Academy Award for the same thing. 

There was so much ridiculous hype and over-marketing (if that's a thing) over the live-action remake of arguably the best Disney film of all time. Trying to capitalize on the success of the live action remake of The Jungle Book which actually was useful and interesting, the studio heads decided to basically make a carbon copy of the original with a few new songs to make extra off of iTunes and to stretch the run time. If you haven't seen it, watch the original...and that's exactly what this film is. It's like when Gus Van Sant did a shot-by-shot remake of Hitchcock's Psycho but that was for Avant-Garde performance art purposes so he gets a pass, not to introduce children to a totally bastardized and creepy version of what was a great film to start with. 

Good luck explaining sentient furniture to your kids now. 

So it's set in the most British part of France apparently where only Lumiere has an actual French accent. And in a cartoon world a lot of what was deemed unbelievable could be conceivable with enough suspension of disbelief. Now it raises a lot of uncomfortable questions like can Gaston really lift two heavy-set people with his hands, and do all of the sentient object in the palace actually have human souls? I mean, it's creepy as shit. 

The motion capture on Dan Stevens is basically ridiculous. He's terrifying, which kind of kills the love story which is central to the plot. 

But not as creepy as what they did to Dan Stevens, that poor son of a bitch. They could have used practical prosthetics, hair and make up to make him properly beastly looking, but they decided to CGI the fuck out of him so that he looks like he was drawn by a 12 year old on a Windows 7. Also, the sentient objects with actual speaking parts have more character and facial expression in the original, than the CGI moving objects in the old palace. I don't care how good of a French accent Ewan McGregor can do. 

As I said, with a few new songs added (because Bill Condon has a huge hard on for almost memorable songs that stretch the runtime), the songs are exactly the same, except they sound like cheap karaoke versions of the beloved originals like 'Be Our Guest'. 

They were fun, remember them?

There is a cheap half-assed attempt to fill in some plot holes like what happened to Belle's mother?  How did no one in this tiny town notice that the Beast has been beasting for like ten years? And how the hell did she get the damn Beast on the horse after being attacked by wolves. But it's so lazy, I'd rather just use my imagination. Speaking of which, I remember that as a kid, you really did fall for the Beast and understood why Belle would too, but in the live-action version he's so CGI'd to death that there's nothing remotely attractive about him. 

I'd also like to touch on the controversy surrounding La Fou as the first openly gay character in the Disney-verse. In this great article it actually surmises that La Fou is a piss poor tribute to the gay community. He basically meets the somewhat offensive and stereotypical gay tropes like an effeminate manner, and a one-sided crush on Gaston that's never really nuanced, but apart from that he's the gay comic relief that you expect in a film from the 50's that's more ignorant than anything else. He gets like one sincere moment that would make him a genuine gay character, but that's all that Disney allows him. Lest we forget that his name literally translates into 'the fool'. C'mon Disney, you had more going with Ursula or the Sherif of Nottingham. 

I guess I missed the take-acid-now instruction prior to this scene. 

Bottom line, this remake is not only useless, but it's superfluous. Apparently Disney couldn't leave well enough alone. The most iconic scene in the film; the ballroom dance scene between Belle and the Beast in that stunning yellow dress had more beautiful sprawling camera angles and lighting in the cartoon. It's like they're not even trying. If you haven't seen it, just watch the original and pretend it's in live action. 

Wallace Berman (LA-Based Experimental Filmmaker) at Home at the Anthology.

His wife was the posterchild (literally) for the Semina movement

Back in the day, when dinasaurs romaed the earth I had a gig at the Washington Square News as a staff writer. So I'm doing what I do every morning and lookin up birthdays/anniversaries and it turns out that it's one of my favorite influences' birthday; Wallace Berman, more of an artist than a filmmaker, his 'Semina' movement was quite unique. Anyway, I tried to find that article that I wrote when his films cames to The Anthology Film Archives back in 2007 and I went to review it, in the archives of the news paper, but notices that I had saved it as a word document on my computer just in case I might every need it for anything...like this. So here it is:

Berman at home with hi children.

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Berman art at home at Anthology

Vera Ryzhik

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Published: Thursday, February 8, 2007

Updated: Saturday, September 6, 2008

Ginsberg, Kerouac and Cassady - it's difficult to disregard the artistic legacy left by the Beat Generation.

Although those names are associated primarily with the New York Beats, an autonomous beat community also existed in Los Angeles: Photographer, filmmaker and poet Wallace Berman was a key figure. In conjunction with NYU's Grey Art Gallery and the exhibition "Semina Culture: Wallace Berman and His Circle,"

Anthology Film Archives is running "Semina Cinema," a series devoted to Berman and his contemporaries.

Like most films of the Anthology, the series contains rarities and treasures of the avant-garde movement that are unlikely to appear anywhere else. Works by counterculture figures such as Bruce Conner, Stan Brakhage,

Andy Warhol and Taylor Mead provide a window into the times and art of a complex bohemian movement.

Berman himself, though famous for his photography and collages, had a strong connection with the avantgarde film movement of the '50s and '60s.

Andrew Lampert, film archivist for the Anthology and programmer for this series, calls Berman a "causal link" between the different mediums utilized in the movement. The series becomes a link in itself between

Berman and his contributions to filmmaking - his only film, "Aleph," is the centerpiece of the series. It's accompanied by a collection of 28 minutes of lost footage that didn't make it into the film, brought in by his son and appropriately titled "Artifactual: Films from the Wallace Berman Collection."

Never officially released, Berman would run this footage for friends, projecting it on his refrigerator. Screening exclusively tonight for the premiere, a new negative of "Aleph" will be accompanied by a live performance from prolific jazz composer John Zorn and his band. Friday, prominent beat artist and "Warhol superstar"

Taylor Mead will introduce the companion pieces "My Home Movies," shot by Taylor, and the film "Tarzan

and Jane Regained ... Sort Of." If you're looking to try to fathom Warhol, this series is a great way to start.

Every generation needs to reflect on its predecessors. And for a generation lacking an artistic renaissance, this series should be a revelation. Berman remains one of the most important figures not only in the L.A.-based beat community, but also in the history of counterculture. Aside from his art, he founded Semina (literally

"Outsider Art"), a privately run publication he headed to generate interest in his and his contemporaries' art.

Still from one of his films called 'Her', yes there is another film by that name. And it's better. 

An artist's artist, Berman worked outside the marketplace, considering art a personal pursuit rather than a business - an ideal Lampert claims has faded in today's culture.

"He provided a social, artistic and literary space in California for these innovative and unusual people to meet each other, to mingle with experimental artists from elsewhere and to express ideas not common in America during those years," said Shelley Rice, a Tisch photography professor. In addition to his photography, Berman pioneered collaging, which became the essence of the art Warhol would later popularize. As part of Semina culture, Berman's work should fit in perfectly at the Anthology.

"It makes sense to have it here," Lampert said of Berman's place in the series. "It's about time." • Starts today and ends Sunday at Anthology Film Archives. Live musical accompaniment by John Zorn tonight at 8 p.m.; Taylor Mead introduces his films at Friday's program, also at 8 p.m.