The Hardest Game of Who Would You Rather Ever.

I made this collage all by myself. Thank you, I AM extremely talented and totally cool.

Ever since being an uber-dork became mainstream, we've all had harder questions to answer than Team Edward or Team Jacob. It's the question of who is the ultimate pasty thin British guy we want to bone for a polite amount of time? I suppose you know that since then we've as a society narrowed it down to two of the pastiest, dorkiest, skinniest, most Britishest two men in existence right now; Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston. Not since the great wars between Pepsi and Coke, or the Yankees and the Red Sox have we seen such animosity, bloodshed, and upheaval. God help you if you walk through a Cumberbatch neighborhood with a Hiddleston emblem on your shirt. Prepare for the wintery freshness of mace and hair-pulling to the nth degree because it's coming full force. Now, you are probably already on a team, or defected and switched teams because your dream reality tricked you into a sex dream about Khan that turned into one about Loki...did that happen with me? No comment. 

Hiddleston in the hottest thing since the elves in LOTR, and he's a badass so we don't have to hide how hot we find Loki.

Cumberbatch as ubervillain and arch nemesis to Captain Kirk and trekkies everywhere; Kahn. Or as the original Captain Kirk Mr. William Shatner would call him; Khaaaaaaaaaan. (I loath myself)

So that's not too hard, unless you are so indecisive that they seem similar to you so you'd go with either. Then SHAME FOR YOU! So now we've passed one hurdle, hopefully you've picked one in your head by now. I guess it really depends on your nerd preferences. Let's backtrack. Hiddleston rose to fame playing Loki, god of mischief in the Marvel Cinematic series Thor, and Thor: The Dark World, and again in the Avengers series, or perhaps you are a big Sherlock cannon nerd and love the high functioning sociopath detective brought back to life by Cumberbatch in the BBC re-imagining of it, or on that note perhaps you're a closeted Trekkie and think that Cumberbatch's Khan is way superior to Ricardo Mantalban's (in which case you'd be totally right). So whichever is your poison is probably the malevolent and yet snarky mean guy/bad guy that you'd pick to take to bed. 

Let's face it, bad guys are way more fun. Who did both Hiddleston and Cumberbatch play opposite? Chris Pine and Chris Hemsworth. And if you're the most vanilla teeny bopper that shame-eats macaroni and cheese and doesn't have a debilitating cigarette habit, you'd probably go for one of those tools, but we know better. 

Meanwhile, in photoshop hell...

Anyway! I'm throwing a monkey wrench into this whole thing. You thought I would make it easy on you wouldn't I? I like to make things as hard as I can on other people. Juxtaposed with these two cinematic villains who pull of a tailored suit at press conferences and comic cons like nobody's business I'll throw two heroes into the mix; two doctors from the famed Dr. Who franchise who are not famous for anything but; Matt Smith and David Tennant (Calm your tits, I'm aware the latter is Scottish and would effectively screw this game of most pasty skinny British person you want to bone) but let's say men from the UK? See there you go, I can be as PC as the next person. These, not unlike Hiddleston and Cumberbatch could not be more different from each other regardless of playing the exact same character. Tennant is quirky and Scottish, loud and vivacious, and perhaps the most adorkable thing that side of the pond on television. Lock that Blue police booth and put your TV on mute. Know what I'm saying? Good because I don't. I've lost the ability to make sexual innuendo, I'm too excited. Matt Smith, is much more reserved, old-word suave, and has the most pronounced five-finger forehead in history and luscious brunette locks to die for. He's that Brit stuck out of time, with a baby face, and movements like Bond that remind you of your college crush (that is if you went to an Ivy League). Hurray for sweater vests! 

Left: Matt Smith, Right: David Tennant. Both played The Doctor, both with amazing suit tie combos. Yes, I'd like one of each please. What's the cost? My soul and a close relative? No problem.

Now, me personally? I used to be queen Cumberbitch, and have no idea why I had a change of heart, I'm not going to go into it, but out of those two I'd have to go with Team Hiddleston. Out of the latter group, if you know me, you know that it's not even a question. Team Tennant. The heart wants what it wants. Now that we've narrowed it down it's Tennant vs. Hiddleston. Now it's a difficult game. The Shakespearean vet with the boarding school education, slim frame, and piercing baby bues or the goofball, pillow-lipped Scot with a 6'4 frame and snark for days? Based solely on his dance skills and we all know that's what matters in the end, gun to my head, I'm going to have to go with Team Hiddleston. I'll fight anyone who says different. Well, actually I'll fight anyone who says the same, because I don't need competition ok? He's across the pond the geography of the whole thing already makes it difficult, so back the fuck up. Anyway, feel free to take this quiz at home, and then argue your heart out a la college debate team with history, facts, and everything else you're going to chalk up to that is more than just subjective opinion, because hey, if 15 year olds can do that all the live long day about Team Jacob and Team Edward, we too should be able to forfeit our sense of cool, or any semblance of a life. Cheers mates. Hiddleston...call me. 

Below clips, including a dance off that you will want to give me a high five parade for, but no need...I do enjoy money though. 

Is It Just Me Or Has Sherlock Lost It's Flair?

Sherlock awkward at weddings? Well that's an obvious 'duh'.

Sherlock used to be the most exciting show that damn near ever aired on this or any side of the pond. It made Benedict Cumberbatch a household name, as difficult as that name was to pronounce and launched a revolution in people picking up books again (and no 'The Hunger Games', and 'The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo' don't count) I mean real books by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle who created a character that seemingly lives forever. But now, after it's third season finished, I've noticed that there's a lot different and not in the good way. Cast is still there and all, but it's no longer the Sherlock Holmes show...it's turned into some ubiquitous Dr. John Watson love-special with crime happening in the background and far too many camera tricks to compensate for lack of content. 

Paul McGuigan, the visionary behind re-appropriating Sherlock for a modern audience in a modern setting.

The two genius creators and Sherlock uber-dorks Mark Gatiss (who doubles as Sherlock's brother Mycroft on the show) and Steven Moffat still serve as writers, but now they have copycat directors all trying to be the creative genius that is Paul McGuigan who directed 4 out of 6 episodes of the first two seasons. The four best ones I might add. There was a magic to Paul. He understood that 'appropriation' doesn't have to be a bastardization...a lesson Baz Lhurmann has yet to learn and re-envisioned the cannon of Sherlock Holmes that absolutely worked for a modern audience. Under his direction, the show, as different in aesthetic as it was to the original matertial maintained a level of integrity particularly within the obtuse and superhuman character of Sherlock Holmes.

John Watson's wedding...you know, who cares? It might as well have been something spoken about between the two protagonists in the past tense to save time.

The first episode of the third season was...not bad. It was basically back tracking to the cliffhanger of the last episode of season 2 where Sherlock 'dies' but we all know he doesn't and had to sit twiddling our thumbs for a fucking year and a half waiting for them to finally explain how the FUCK he managed to trick every motherfucker on the planet...including John Watson I might add. So that was fun to watch, a string of reveals, all of them seemingly plausible at first, but then we realize how, I'm not going to give it away but obviously we know Sherlock couldn't die because they had announced the renewal of the show for two more seasons even before that episode aired, and quite honestly it wasn't that important. But from that episode I already knew, they had switched protagonists. And don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with John Watson, he's a cool dude, a bit of an uptight white guy type, but not nearly as interesting, funny, witty, sexy, etc. as Sherlock Holmes, and to be fair, the show as well as the Arthur Conan Doyle cannon are named after him, and don't even include Watson's name in the title. 

Another character that has really stepped into her own this season is Molly Hooper (Louise Brealey) She's really becoming the Peggy to Sherlock's Don Draper. She's been much more involved and more influential in his life and that's actually paid off.

The second episode is of course also based on one of the original stories, but Gatiss and Moffat already exhausted the 'Big 3' (The Woman, the Dog, and the Professor) in the second season, so all that's left is scraps, and what they lack in content they have to improvise in irrelevant stories like John Watson's marriage to Mary...and by that point it's like...whatever. Detective Inspector LeStrade (Rupert Graves) gets an 'emergency text' from Sherlock and what he finds out is that Sherlock is perturbed on how to write a best man speech for the wedding...really? That's all well and good for light comedy, but the wedding itself takes up more than half the episode. 

Here's to Season 3 not sucking as much as it appears to be.

The rest is the actual investigation, which is also a bit dull to say the least. I was not impressed. And granted, I haven't yet seen the third and final episode in the series but all in all I'm not to excited about it. I keep turning it on before I hit the hay and end up falling asleep. I have never fallen asleep on a Sherlock episode, not ever, doesn't matter if I just put in the hardest day of my life, it's usually that engrossing. So perhaps I'm going a bit hard on this series as it is now. Because I expect more from it. To me, it's been the best show not only of its genre, but of anything we've seen in a long time. It was big news when it was announced that McGuigan would not return to direct Season 3, and it shows. Maybe they can redeem themselves with season 4, but we'll have to wait a while to see about that. I really hope they rehire McGuigan and pump life into something that's seemingly dead in the water as it were.

Reviewing Cumberbatch...The Man.

You. Are. Welcome.

We're never short of reviews of Cumberbatch's performances because he's an unbelievably talented actor. He's up for two Shakespeare roles in the next few years; Hamlet and Richard III, both on the British stage, once graced by Sir Laurence Olivier in the same roles. Speaking of which he was recently compared to the late great thespian and that's a fucking feat. Everyone knows he's brilliant as modern-day re-imagined version of the Sherlock Holmes stories in Sherlock as the titular character and he can even take banal action-movie offal like Star Trek: Into Darkness (2013) and make it watchable. With a loyal following of slightly unhinged female fans known as Cumberbitches (of which I am a card carrying member), Benedict seems to be on top of the world. Last seen in the infamous Oscar selfie that Ellen Degeneres took, and rubbing shoulders with Michael Fassbender at the Vanity Fair after party. 

Sexy and they know it. 

You would think the sky's the limit for Benedict, and you'd be right, but turns out you know what? He's not very lucky in love. And he tends to self sabotage, and despite being an unconventional sex symbol he's still painfully awkward around females, and his biggest life goal he has yet to achieve, which is having children, because hey he's almost 37 and time's running out. Now, if these were traits of any regular run of the mill guy, you wouldn't even give him a second date, much less let him buy you dinner, especially when I mention the next rumor floating around the interwebs; that of the small 'baby carrot-like' penis. Seriously look it up, it's out there. If that isn't an enormous crutch (yes, I get the irony of that statement, I'm not stupid). But that's gotta sway on his confidence and perhaps attributes to the fact that he's 'awkward around the female species'. I'm not going to lie and say that the size of the boat doesn't matter at all, in fact, quite the opposite, but you know what? I wouldn't mind a stubby Cumberbatch if he was as intense of a romantic as he claims he is.

Poulet and Cumbernbatch circa 2010...yawwwwwwn.

He also has that whole 'I've slept with only one woman for 12 years' thing going on. When he was a mere student at RADA probably a little on the awkward looking side, he made a relationship out of a friendship with fellow student turned actress Olivia Poulet. She's...homely to say the least but I'm sure back then Cumberbatch wasn't exactly the catch he is today. And they were together literally for 12 years, I mean...that's crazy. 12 years and no ring? (I also get how coincidental that statement is considering Cumberbatch was in 12 Years a Slave (2013) but that's 1. Insulting to the film 2. unintentional. Moving on.

Cumberbatch with some slutty Russian model who's half his age. We all go through that phase. 

After a slew of randomized chicks and internet rumors, Cumberbatch is still more or less alone, and sans children. So seriously ladies (and gents), who's going to donate $1 for my plane ticket to London? I figure if all my readers do, I'll be able to go by next month and give him a mini-Cumberbatch by the beginning of next year. I've got a bag packed and nothing to lose. Hop to it! (Seriously, send me to my destiny).

Just for fun...

The Only Good Shows Left On TV

Let's face it. TV has taken serious hits. If I went down the list of every show that sucks out there, this might be a blog worthy of a dissertation but just to name a few; no one cares about Mad Men anymore because the nostalgia has worn off and no one wants to see Don Draper in high-rise bell bottoms when they enter the 70's, Breaking Bad has also lost a ton of momentum considering it's just gotten long and boring and at this point you've taken a knee and tried to run out the clock. In terms of vampires, True Blood has just gotten a bit too much; too much sex, too much blood. It's like Twilight was chopped up into serials...or if there was a third tier daytime soap opera but with vampires. You know my feelings on Girls so let's just save us both time and not go there. And let's not even get started on Reality TV, the juggernaut that is backfiring like crazy right now. At first it was kinda cool and interesting; delving into that curious kitty inside all of us, then it became gratuitous, and now a days, they just make shows about anything until the novelty wears off too, even The Soup isn't funny anymore...I stopped watching ages ago. And basically most of Bravo and the E! Network's shows are tired. They are just scraping the bottom of the barrel with shows that actually have a hashtag in their title (i.e. #Richkids Of Beverly Hills). And after Phil Robertson's incendiary comments on the ridiculously overblown show Duck Dynasty, we can all agree that the well of redneck TV has run dry also. As for situation comedy, there's only one show that is still standing and has the Golden Globe to prove it. So here we go... 

Parks and Recreation, NBC. Still going strong, on its 5th season. It came out of the box so poorly with the first season being basically a throw away and was this close to being cancelled, but with new writers and Amy Poehler's tenacity and comic genius and Ron Swanson as the resident breakout character, this show has plenty more seasons in its future. It never gets dull, repetitive, or boring. It's everything a sitcom should be. 

Hannibal, NBC. This is a really seriously interesting take on the crime thriller TV show genre. It focuses on a detective who has severe mental and emotional trauma and deals with his solving crime cases in a very dark, morose, and existantial way. Not to mention the biggest criminal and focus of the show is based on one of the most infamous characters in pop-culture; Hannibal Lecter, and you would think no one would be able to trump Anthony Hopkins nor should attempt it, but Madds Mikkelson is a blessing sent from the acting heavens and gives new brevity and life to this format, and creates a psychological drama so profound it's terrifying yet beautiful to experience. 

The Vampire Diaries, CW Network. Unlike it's biggest competition; True Blood, it's an actually character driven show with great writers and interesting arcs. They aren't preoccupied with shock value and really nuance every story they are telling no matter how seemingly superficial it seems. It's a winner. 

Downton Abbey, ITV. This show received so much flack for being boring and too 'British', but at the same time it caught America by the balls and hasn't yet let go. Whether it be the Dowager Countess' sarcastic comments or reliving big events we never actually got to live through from the Titanic sinking to the First World War, the characters again, are that which matter the most in this show. Julian Fellows has followed a very important rule of writing, which is consistency. And it has paid off in spades. Without it's success in America and American's fascination with the series, it probably wouldn't have lasted longer than a couple season, but it's on it's 4th and going strong. 

Sherlock, BBC. This is perhaps the best show on television right now, and definitely in the top ten of the decade, easily. Mark Gatiss and Stephen Moffat have reinvented the entire Sir Arthur Conan Doyle cannon and done so brilliantly, appropriating it for modern times. You can see just how much they love the source material considering how true they stay to it. On top of that, they made two genius decision; stretching each episode to an hour and a half so they only have to put out three episodes a season, and casting Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock. There has never been an actor more suited for the role he's playing.

Vanderpump Rules, Bravo. I know what you're thinking, but you know what? This show is exactly what it is; an unapologetic view of some of the most hideous personalities that exist on earth, and it's fascinating. No matter how little reality is actually in this reality series, it is starting to trump it's predecessor; The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, of which this is a spin off. It's low art and low blows. It's silly and addictive, fabulous and nauseating. It's not exactly a breath of fresh air, but it's sticking by the principals of Reality TV and not taking itself seriously. Perfect example: Bravo decided to link the two shows and show the same party first from the perspective of the housewives on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, then from the servers, from Vanderpump Rules, back to back I might add, and the latter was far more interesting, especially Stassi's impressions and Jax's comments. 'It was like a drunk United Nations'...priceless. 

Saturday Night Live, NBC. With the departure of Andy Samberg, Jason Sudeikis, Seth Meyers, and Kristen Wiig, you would think this show that will seemingly never die would go down the crapper and fast, but with the casting of Kate McKinnon, Cecily Strong, Taran Killam, and most newly Beck Bennett, Saturday Night Live has pumped newer and younger life into its content and is still going strong. Just because some seriously strong and valuable players have retired and Lorne has to now send out the bench warmers, they are proving they can play in the big leagues. And with the digital short concept no longer in play, the new cast members have found new and creative ways to compensate. Also with the female cast almost as close in count with the male, it's no longer the 'boy's club' and they've taken full advantage of that. Can we say 'Girlfriends Talkin' About Guys and Stuff'? 

Clips below:

Cumberbitches Unite! Occupy Costner!

'Seriously?'

If you saw the Emmy's last night, I hope you had a good nap. Everything was predictable and drab and the 'meat parade' wasn't even interesting fashion wise. So there was really one award that I gave two fucks about, and deep in my heart I knew that it would never come to pass that Benedict Cumberbatch win for Best Actor in a Mini-Series for the Sherlock episode; A Scandal in Belgravia because the Emmy's never rewards serious talent. I mean think about it, go ahead give me a cantankerous example. I'm waiting with affixed anticipation. 

Sherlock meets Irene for the first time.

Like we already didn't know that Breaking Bad would sweep and Damian Lewis and Claire Danes were going to win it for Homeland YET AGAIN. Why don't you just replay old Emmy tapes ABC, so we don't have to get all worked up over nothing every year. But this year, I thought things might be different. From across the pond we had a representative from probably the best show in the BBC cannon ever (yes, better than Downton Abbey) and for you stupid bitches out there, Downton Abbey doesn't even count because it's in the ITV cannon. Booyah! I'm talking, of course, about the brilliant conceived and masterfully written modernization of the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle classics of Sherlock Holmes, appropriately titled Sherlock and staring as its titular character, perhaps one of the most enigmatic, layered, intelligent, not to mention sexy as sex having sex with sex actor, Benedict Cumberbatch.

'This is a matter of national importance. Grow up!' - Mycroft Holmes

That's not why I'm upset. The Emmy's don't really give a shit about the Brits too much unless you're Damien Lewis or Judi Dench, but if you've ever watched Sherlock, particularly A Scandal in Belgravia, you'll feel my pain. Based on 'A Scandal in Bohemia' it is the only love story in the Conan Doyle cannon where Sherlock is threatened by someone who he is not only weakened by in his sexual attraction to her, but is also threatened by her wit and imagination. The character I'm speaking about is of course Irene Adler. Sherlock co-creator Mark Gatiss immediately decided that for their version, Irene would be a dominatrix. Why? Search me, but they made it work brilliantly. 

Sherlock is essentially an asexual character. Cumberbatch even talks about the process of losing a few stones even though he didn't have to so that Sherlock would be perceived as a man who indulges in no usual human pleasures; food, sex, Toddler's in Tiaras, etc.

Even as a child, 'A Scandal in Bohemia' was always my favorite, not because it's a love story in a cannon of horror and thriller, but it allowed me to see Sherlock as sexually vulnerable and I guess human for the first time, and the tension Conan Doyle creates between the two is enough for you to hit puberty in front of the book right there and then. 

From Irene's website which offers 'recreational scolding'

Lara Pulver plays the dominatrix Irene, who informs basically the Royal Family that she has compromising photographs of a member of the Royal Family 'a young female person' gee I wonder who could it be...(It's either Beatrice or Eugenie for you idiots out there). Therefore they snap into action, calling an old friend; Mycroft Holmes (Gatiss) who in turn calls on his talents of his younger brother Sherlock and his partner Dr. John Watson to get the photographs back. What ensues is a powerplay fit only for a dominatrix and her client and the two do fall into some kind of weird British love, that is never stated but totally understood and acknowledged, even though they seem to hate each other throughout, so if Sherlock ever had sex, I'm sure it was with words, and he got off quite a few times.

the classiest dominatrix that side of the pond. Sherlock's intellectual and problem-solving equal.

Now, on to the real bullshit sandwich I have to swallow. The Costner; the Cous-Cous; KC and the Sunshine band, whatever. He has a track record for usurping awards that clearly don't belong to him. Um do we all remember the Dances With Wolves (1990) fiasco where it beat out Goodfellas (1990) in every single category? Because I'm still healing from those wounds and I was six at the time. His show; Hatfields and McCoys is utterly boring. It's streaming on Netflix, I'm a history buff, I thought I'd give it a shot, turned it off or fell asleep within 15 minutes. I can't remember exactly which, all I know is I wanted it gone. Why the fuuuuuuuuuuuck are we still giving him awards? He has a line of Oscars in his garage so that they reflect light and he can see if a car is coming up behind him. He has enough golden calves if you know what I mean, and no I'm not getting all religious on your ass. But if there's not some kind of acknowledgment that this was a bad decision, I might get a bit religious and pray for biblical plagues to rain down on Los Angeles to set them straight. Ok I'm done for now. Please watch A Scandal in Belgravia if you haven't yet. It's free, when you do, you'll agree with me, of that I have no question. 

Below some clips: 

Let's Just Admit that Benedict Cumberbatch is the Best Thing Ever

I'm tired of pussyfooting around the issue people. It's time to let your British freak flag fly high. You all know you are seriously hot for the man with the funniest name ever and a pair of cheek bones that could slice glass. Now that he's in Start Trek: Into Darkness (2013) even American audiences are going from 'oh yeah he's cute in that British kind of way' to 'I'm going to masturbate like crazy to him later when I get home' and 'Chris Pine who?' I was always aware of him but not fully online to the insane gravitational pull of the hottness that is Cumberbatch until I watched all 6 episodes of Sherlock back to back (yes I didn't sleep for two days). At first, I was just looking to be turned on to a new show and I kinda had a thing for Martin Freeman (don't judge me!) but then out of the shadows appeared a super tall figure with a tremoring baritone voice and British accent wearing a long grey coat with the most piercing pair of green eyes I'd ever seen. Hence my formal introduction to the great Benedict Cumberbatch. After that, I had to open up a huge fantasy file. I think it's actually thicker than all the other ones (no pun intended, well maybe). 

Benedict as Sherlock Holmes in the world-wide sensational hit Sherlock (2010-present)

Lately a bunch of people have been turning on to the wonder of Cumberbatch even going as low as to call themselves by a name; the everpresent Cumberbitches, and yes I'm a card carrying member. I will watch anything and everything with him, every internet meme in which he looks like an otter, every interview in which he's impeccably dressed and being snide and British with all of his snide Britishness and I'm counting down the days until the new season of Sherlock or desperately trying to figure out how to watch Parade's End (2013), and perusing Netflix for his earlier work instead of focusing on important things like a career, a relationship, and all that crap. 

Still from Star Trek: Into Darkness (2013)

So rise up ye fellow Cumberbitches and make your presence known. Not since Ben Whishaw have we had someone so unique looking and chameleon-like in his acting, not since Paul Newman have their been a pair of eyes like that, and not since the British Invasion of the 1960's have American chicks been so fuck all in love with a Brit in show-business. But also, back the fuck off because I'm on a stalking mission and I'm usually good at those...um I mean whatever I don't know what you're talking about, but I will find a way. Where there's a will...there's a Cumberbatch in boxer briefs with a rose in his mouth waiting to ravage me...whilst remaining snide and British.

Some clips below: 

I am Sher-Locked

You can investigate all of my dirty little secrets.

Ok, I’m just going to say it; I am head over heels crazy balls want to kill myself in love with Benedict Cumberbatch. As I drift off to sleep every night in a fetal position wishing a warm British body was spooning me from the back, I turn on Sherlock (2010 - present) on Netflix and dream of Ben saving me from international spies.

I know I’ve written about him before only very hastily, and specified the following: He has the most British name ever. He looks like an otter (there’s even a meme for that) look it up. And I think that’s about it.

So late at night when I come home I’ve been turning on the Sherlock and watching away. It is just balls to the wall fantastic. First of all brilliantly directed and adapted. It’s very hard to take work as famous as that of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s and re-imagine it for the 21^st century. I mean look at every bullshit re-imagining of Shakespeare, fail, fail, and extraordinary fail. 

Sherlock (Cumberbatch) and Watson (Freeman) have a very close relationship. No sexual subtext, or is there?

But I would say that Cumberbatch’s portrayal of Sherlock happens to be one of the most captivating out of all of them, and this includes Ronald Howard and John Barrymore, and even Americans (well American) Robert Downey Jr.
I’d go as far to say that this is the best depiction of the enigmatic Holmes I’ve seen. It’s layered, intense, and puzzling…also homoerotic but we’ll skip that because it seems to be all I ever talk about. I discussed this after watching Game of Shadows (2011) (you can read it here Game of Bromance) regarding the relationship between Holmes and Watson so we can move on. I mean every film is homoerotic to me so let’s just skip that part. 

If Sherlock shows any signs of lust they come through in 'A Scandal in Belgravia' in the second season with the introduction of infamous dominatrix Irene Adler (Lara Pulver) shown above.

Besides, Cumberbatch himself said that he plays Holmes as somewhat asexual; too married to his work to concern himself with pussy. In a way he reminds me of Brian Kinney the Adonis from Queer as Folk (2000 - 2005) in that he shows no outward vulnerability or care for those around him and in fact takes pleasure in degrading them, but to those close to him that aren’t many, he shows extreme acts of kindness and protection.

He’s basically the exact specimen for the man I want to and should marry. British, mean, narcissistic, and dashing, with a pair of pale green eyes and chiseled cheekbones that could cut glass. Benedict, if you’re reading call me. I cook.