Shakespeare's Gay Pride

Granted I've never seen this play live, but this is definitely the best and most iconic version of Shylock. 

Brace yourselves, this might be controversial but since when do I shy away from that. I go home after a lone day, and I read or watch Shakespeare and try to write...because I am better than you. Tonight I rented on Demand my favorite Shakespeare play; The Merchant of Venice. Those of you who know it, good for you, and for those of you who don't...you're an asshole. But it concerns a man named Antonio (played in the film by Jeremy Irons) and the story goes that a 'close friend' Bassanio (Joseph Fiennes) desperately wants to court a woman named Portia (Lynn Collins) who lives in Belmont which I assume is a tiny island off the coast of Venice. Here's the problem. Bassanio is a do-nothing, just a pretty boy with a lot of passion. Antonio his friend is a merchant...hence the name 'Merchant of Venice'. Long story short (too late), Antonio wants to help him so much that he gives him license to borrow money from the Jew of Venice, Shylock (Al Pacino) who is a money lender because Jews back then couldn't own businesses. Shylock complies but not before reminding Antonio that he's a piece of shit and giving the condition that if he is not paid back, the forfeit will be a pound of Antonio's flesh ...literally. How's the Vera cliffs notes? They agree and the deal is made and that's as far as I'm going because for chrissake read some goddamn Shakespeare. 

Artist rendition of Portia fighting off suitors.

On to my point, aside from the fact that there are always women disguised as men and the other way around particularly in his comedies (Twelfth Night, Midsummer, this play, etc.) There is always a special and unspoken relationship between certain male characters. Ask yourself, why would Antonio agree to this insane condition on Bassanio's sake? He's always seen in the play as being so overtly kind and almost a doormat to the much younger and prettier Bassanio. He is literally willing to put his life on the line for him. It's quite similar to the relationship that Iago and Cassio have in Othello. And no, I don't think this is an Elizabethan bromance. It can be argued that Antonio's loyalty to Bassanio is stronger than Bassanio's loyalty to Portia. 

The debt to be paid. He hath laughed at my losses, mocked at my gains. 

In Shakespeare, the women who have relationships with each other are usually ones of mutual respect and friendship. Much like you would find on an episode of Sex and the City. Yet the director of this particular film likes to play up the shall we say flighty relationship between Portia the most beautiful woman in Belmont and her BFF Nerissa, to the point where it's not so subtle. 

Portia doesn't need suitors, she has Nerissa. 

There's another element, it's quite small but it's become an iconic Shakespearean line and most people that use it today don't even know that it comes from this play. Shylock has a daughter Jessica who decides to renounce her Jewish faith to marry a man called Lorenzo. She dresses in a man's disguise to escape and says; 'do not look at me for I am much ashamed of my disguise ...but love is blind'. Indeed it is. Lorenzo would love Jessica as a man or woman. Because love is blind. Ok, enough redundancy. 

In the end, everyone marries each other, save for one character; the Merchant. I would argue that the merchant faces just as bad of a fate as Shylock. He is left alone because of his identity. Shylock is a Jew, and Antonio is gay. Not giving much away, when Shylock asks for his bond to be fulfilled as the money was not paid back to him, Antonio and Bassanio have perhaps the most tender moment between two humans I've ever seen. Antonio asks for his hand to hold him through this whole cutting out a pound of flesh being removed thing, and proclaims love for him...of course this is probably a love of friendship, but still. It's Nicholas Sparks tenderness. If it were me I'd be asking everyone to hold my hand and then probably pass out. And yet, it's deeply meaningful in subtext. And for the first time you see compassion on Bassanio's face. I feel that's actually pretty important. Not even when he wins Portia's hand in marriage does he show such emotion. It reminds me a lot of how Romeo reacts at the death of Mercutio. Yes, we all know what happens in the end, but the sorrow at the loss of a ...shall we say friend, is very powerful. 

So many iconic soliloquies in this play, this is from the 'quality of mercy' speech given by Portia in drag.

Now, this is not the only play that has somewhat homosexual subtext and characters; Mercutio from Romeo and Juliet, Banquo from Macbeth, even Hamlet to a certain extent. But hey, argue with me all you want, I haven't drawn a line in the sand. I'm just finding recurring themes that I want to address (where my theater geeks at?). If people to this day are still debating whether or not Shakespeare actually wrote all of Shakespeare which you can read all about here , then I get my gay themes in Shakespeare hypothesis. Clearly I miss grad school or something. Anyway, below is the trailer. At least watch the film. Aside from the Zeffirelli 1969 version of Romeo and Juliet, this is as close to the original source material as you're likely to get in cinema. 

See below: 

Directors Who Date Actresses Way Out of Their League

With the pop-culture bombshell that is Kristen Stewart's affair with her Snow White and the Huntsman (2012) director Rupert Sanders, I've been wondering what is it about a backwards cap and a bullhorn that makes hot young actresses hiccup in their pants. But this is just one instance in a long line of strangely incongruent love affairs between filmmakers and their actresses. There's almost always huge age, height, and general hottness-factor differences, but apparently it's all an Oedipal mentor-like kind of dichotomy. In this case, it was worth giving up regular sex with Robert Pattinson, but this is a pattern in Hollywood that is seriously nothing new and is actually pretty par for the course. Here are some other examples of passionate love affairs in some cases leading to marriage between directors and actresses in their films that are way out of their league.

If you read my blog you know I hate on Kristen Stewart more than I write about Yul Brynner's junk...and that's a feat. But even I'm not above admitting she's one hot cookie. And clearly, way too hot for Rupert Sanders. She was already dating a scruffy, pseudo-hipster, brooding Brit...what the hell did she trade down for?

Yes, Orson Welles was the greatest genius of his and most lifetimes, and his voice was utterly hypnotic. But straight up, Rita Hayworth was potentially the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth...still is, I haven't found anyone to top her yet. So these two get a pass, somewhat. What's really nuts is that he ended up breaking up with her...then dying alone, miserable, unemployable, and drunk...so clearly he made the right choice.

In France, being 'attractive' is a relative term, and I'm sure in his heyday, Jean-Luc Godard was considered a fox...no I'm not, with him, it had to always have been about his originality and talent. But Anna Karina had to have the hindsight to know that it wouldn't work out. How long does it last with a pretentious and cynical French director? The answer is not very.

Milla Jovovich and Luc Besson will never ever...not ever make sense to me. He's so dull. And filmmaking-wise, he's a total one-trick pony. But we all make stupid mistakes when we're 20 right Milla? We just don't marry them.

This has to be my favorite. Otto Preminger and Dorothy Dandridge. He directed her in Carmen Jones (1954) and she fell head over heels in love with the strange, slightly creepy old fart. But turns out she was pretty mentally disturbed and had a losing streak with love so this was just another drop in the bucket.

This is slightly cheating as David O. Selznick was a producer rather than a director but he and Jennifer Jones definitely had a Svengali-like relationship and he advanced, scratch that; made her career basically. Also he ended up divorcing his wife Irene Mayer-Selznick who had basically kept him afloat while he was a young tough with no money trying to make it in Hollywood (her father was the legendary Louis B. Mayer so she was always swimming in it).

In all honesty, I would fall for Ingmar Bergman too. Have you ever seen an interview with him? No one on the planet more morose, suicidal, and death-obsessed, so clearly panty-dropping material, but if I was Liv Ullman, I'd go there. She definitely turned out the better for it. But to be fair, anyone who gets to bed Liv Ullman got the better bargain.

When Ingrid Bergman ran off with Roberto Rossellini and left her husband and young child, it was quite the incendiary story back in 1950. But any woman who can marry arguably one of the 10 best filmmakers of all time and still keep her iconic status as well as relevance in the cinema in her own right knows what she's doing.

I feel like the subtitle to this picture should be French sex-kitten marries king of all dorks Chess pro. But actually it's French sex-kitten marries French filmmaker. Roger Vadim has like the best track record for directing and then marrying hot young ladies...And I'm still not sure why! But none of which were more aesthetically pleasing than Brigitte Bardot. Bravo sir, Bravo!

Roman Polanski always had a way with the ladies...ok that's way wrong to say. Roman Polanski had a few tricks up his sleeve...nope, not that either. Basically there's no way of saying this with class, so I'll just say Roman Polanski is short, has a thick accent, and makes bizarrely haunting films that give everyone who sees them nightmares for the rest of their lives. Emmanuelle Seignier was a 20 year old 6-foot-tall French model (and as we know French models are better looking than your average run-of-the-mill human model). Alas, they have been happily married for 23 years and have two kids to show for it so more power to them. And it's nice that no one makes him stand on phone books in pictures next to her. Also I was just jesting, I love Polanski's films.

This is the classic story of young actress new to the film business auditions for big time director, young actress gets the part, young actress falls in love with big time Hollywood director and vice-versa, young actress marries big time director, takes his name, and gives up her career to be a wife to him and mother of his children. That's why most people have no idea who Christiane Kubrick is. Blink and you'll miss her in Paths of Glory (1957), but her scene is actually quite memorable. I can't imagine being married to Stanley Kubrick was any kind of cake walk, but they made it work so good for them.

Let's bookend this with another scandolous contemporary story and reverse it! Nothing has been more bizarre than the hook up and eventual marriage of filmmaker Sam Taylor-Wood and Aaron Johnson (now, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, yes he took her last name much like John 'Ono' Lennon whom he played in her film Nowhere Boy) But all creep factors aside...no I'm sorry this relationship is all creep factors to me. Not only is there a 20-year age gap, but he was 17 when they hooked up, and he's impregnated her twice in the last two years. I mean if he ever wants to sew his wild oats and actually finish up an adolecsents which she basically robbed him of, he's going to be in some serious shit because now there are kids involved. I'm sorry but I just can't get on board with those two, no matter how often both of them are screaming into any microphone that will listen that they are genuinely in love. Whatever.

Below are some clips.

Freudian Fail and Other Options.

even the spanking scenes in Method were lackluster.

For something as promising in filth, sin, and spanking, A Dangerous Method was a dull and mundane fake orgasm you share with the person you are about to break up with later in the day. From a director who is known for cultivating a cult status based on blood, sex, and surrealism, you would think he would have been the ideal choice to tackle psychoanalysis. Alas, it couldn't have been more sugar coated if it was a Busby Berkeley musical. I wanted it to be raw and dirty, deranged, shameful, degrading, and punishing. It was none of those things, though they managed to talk about all of those things ad nauseam and made it feel as if reading verbatim from Freud for Dummies. 

We open on a picturesque view from a hill in the farm lands of Switzerland where Dr. Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender) a well-educated and well-mannered gentlemen with good looks and charm runs a hospital for the criminally insane. He is seeking to cure these poor unfortunates with the new and controversial 'talking cure' that's been going around those parts. His first subject is a overly realized perception of mental instantly that filmmakers dressed in period clothes and tousled the hair of, I am speaking of course of none other than masturbation fodder for a whole generation and Wonderbra aficionado Keira Knightly who just can't stop screaming, damn it. The bitch has issues, let's put it that way, and strangely enough, they all stem from her being spanked by her pop pop when she was a little girl.Fancy that. Could she be more of a perfect candidate for psychotherapy? I venture nay. She's thus the perfect subject for Jung and his new 'experimental method' this 'psychoanalysis' that couldn't possibly work, well he'll prove all of them wrong, and he'll use her as his prototype. That means a lot of time alone together recalling all kinds of nasty shit. A few spank scenes worthy of a soft-core short later and they are completely in love, the student and the master. Fancy that!

Keira really outdid herself, and I'm not sure if I mean that in a positive way, call me crazy but I STILL have a problem with her playing serious roles. She chewed the scenery so hard it was almost comic. She did that under-bite and finger claws film cliche thing that just infuriates me, and overall really tried to make herself unappealing, when all she had to do was that nude scene where she and Fassbender are in bed together after coitus for all of us to see that she has the upper body of a per-pubescent boy. Regardless, she might have been the most redeeming quality of this film and this statement includes the Cronenberg and his underwhelming lackluster portrayal of three central figures in sexual psychology and psychoanalysis.

Basically it was all talk no action, which is an elementary no-no in cinema. Why the filmmakers felt the need to take nearly two hours to explain Freudian theory backwards and forwards to us like we're all idiots is beyond me, and it doesn't make for a dramatic narrative at all. It didn't even present it in a way that was remotely interesting or sparking the curiosity of the greenest Freud layman (no pun intended). Bottom line is anyone with half a high school education will know the basics of Freudian psychology.

Basically the filmmakers got frustrated with compressing almost half a century of scientific psychological research into a film so they decided to focus on making it aesthetically pleasing by throwing money at the costume and production design departments with one grand rule: make sure Keira's nipples are showing in every scene. 

This film was an enormous let down. If I can compare it to a sexual scenario which would be appropriate in this context, it would be like finally bedding that one person who you've lusted over since you were aware of your sex organ functions and never felt you were good enough to get, and though they were the hottest thing you'd ever had a wet dream about, they were the worst lay you've ever had, including your right hand on a wine-soaked evening. Definitely skip, you will not be missing anything.

Please do yourself a favor and watch Freud (1962) directed by John Huston and starring the incomparable Montgomery Clift as the titular character (no pun intended). Below is a clip. Get on it. Seriously. 

Also, you should watch the psychoanalysis-inspired film by Hitchcock called Spellbound (1945) if you haven't already, starring Gregory Peck and Ingrid Bergman with a cameo by Mikhail Chekhov and a dream sequence directed by Salvador Dalí. It doesn't get much better than that folks. Both films in full versions on the youtubes. 

A DANGEROUS METHOD - A DANGEROUS FILM

THERE IS A NEW TRAILER EXCLUSIVE ON ITUNES FOR THE UPCOMING CRONENBERG OPUS A DANGEROUS METHOD (2011) ABOUT THE FOREMOST NAME IN SEX, SIGMUND FREUD (VIGGO MORTENSEN) AND HIS LONG TIME COLLABORATOR, INSPIRATION, AND INFLUENCE CARL JUNG (MICHAEL FASSBENDER). IT'S CURRENTLY PLAYING AT THE VENICE FILM FESTIVAL AND WILL BE AT TORONTO NEXT MONTH. IT OPENS ON NOVEMBER 23RD OF THIS YEAR AND I FOR ONE CAN'T WAIT. WHY? IF THERE IS A CONTEMPORARY SEXUAL INFLUENCE ON THE CINEMA THAT IS SINCERE, UNINHIBITED, AND VIOLENT, IT'S CRONENBERG. I AM A HUGE HUGE FAN (THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING BUT ANYWAY) I BELIEVE THAT IF ANYONE CAN BIO PIC THE PERSONAL LIFE AND PROFESSIONAL PASSION  OF FREUD IT'S HIM. I HAVE A LOT OF FAITH IN THE TWO MALE PRINCIPLE LEADS AS WELL, YOU REALLY CAN'T GO WRONG WITH FASSBENDER AND MORTENSEN (AND CRONENBERG AND MORTENSEN GO TOGETHER LIKE PEAS AND CARROTS THESE DAYS) THE ONLY THING I HAVE TROUBLE WITH PER SE IS THE CASTING OF KEIRA KNIGHTLY AS RUSSIAN BANANA SANDWICH AND FREUD PARAMOUR SABINA SPIELREIN. THIS COULD BE A MAKE OR BREAK PERFORMANCE FOR THE FILM, AND TRUTH BE TOLD...I'M NERVOUS. I HONESTLY DON'T THINK SHE PACKS ANY APPEAL SEXUAL OR OTHERWISE AND DON'T SEE HER AS ABLE TO CARRY THE ROLE, BUT YOU KNOW...WE'LL SEE.

STILL FROM A DANGEROUS METHOD.

ARTIST RENDITION OF NEUROLOGIST AND FREUD COLLABORATOR JEAN-MARTIN CHARCOT DEMONSTRATING HYPNOSIS ON A PATIENT. 

THIS IS A FILM I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, FOR A WHILE NOW. I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS EXCITED SINCE THE FIRST TRAILER FOR THE SOCIAL NETWORK WAS RELEASED, AND I HOPE THIS WILL ALL DRIVE US BACK TO OUR BOOKSHELF TO PICK UP THAT OLD DUSTY COPY OF 'BEYOND THE PLEASURE PRINCIPLE' THAT WE HAD TO READ IN HIGH SCHOOL AND IMAGINE THE SEXUAL APPEAL OF HANDLE BAR MUSTACHES. 

CRONENBERG IS A NAME SYNONYMOUS WITH THE IDEA OF CONFRONTING DIFFICULT AND CONTROVERSIAL MATERIAL AND HE DOESN'T SHOW ANY SIGNS OF TAKING IT EASY ANY TIME SOON, IN FACT, HE'S ACCELORATING AND NOW PUSHING 70 DOES NOT SEEM TO HAVE CRESTED. HE'S NOT SLOWING DOWN NOW THAT HE'S IN HIS GOLDEN YEARS, HE'S STILL AS INNOVATIVE AND UNCENSORED AS EVER, I DON'T DOUBT THAT A DANGEROUS METHOD WILL REITERATE THAT. LETS ALL GO SEE IT AND THEN GO GET HYPNOTIZED INTO ADMITTING REPRESSED SEXUAL MEMORIES! CHEERS.
A LINK TO THE TRAILER EXCLUSIVE:
A DANGEROUS METHOD ITUNES EXCLUSIVE