Really Distasteful Halloween Costume Ideas

Yes, we are all aware that just like Sarah Palin in 2008, this year Miley's VMA outfit is going to be everywhere this Halloween. But did you ever think to dress up like Sarah Palin's child with downs? Didn't think so? Or perhaps just Miley's tongue? Here are some ideas that are sure to be not PC at all and really work as a conversation starter.

1. Amy Winehouse's Ghost. If you're into really looking terrifying for Halloween what better way to start. Amy looked like a walking corpse a long time before she kicked the bucket, so you wouldn't even have to work so much on the 'undead' look. Just pale yourself up a bit, it helps if you're seriously thin, and then do the beehive hairdo and the Cleopatra eyes. Or you can come as her date and bring a beehive wig duct taped to a broomstick. 

2. Casey Anthony. Now this is going to get even the liveliest, friendliest party all riled up. Get the big fly-eye sunglasses, a notebook, and a smug look on your face and if you want to go balls to the wall tasteless you can get a doll, cover it with death paint and scream 'not guilty' into people's faces. 

3. Melissa Gorga. For those of you not in the know, Melissa was a new edition to the Real Housewives of New Jersey clusterfuck being Teresa Guidice's sister-in-law and also the youngest and prettiest of all of them. So this one is easy, as much body glitter and fake tanning as you can find, a really skimpy outfit and try to self-autotune your voice whenever speaking. Also, it really helps if you carry around a book that you've made a hard cover of that reads 'I Advocate Marital Rape'

4. Don Draper's Conscience. This one is easy. Just wear all black, or a cape and say it's an invisibility cloak because he doesn't have one. Get it?

And I just had to leave you with this...

Just When Mad Men Gets Boring It Gets Interesting Again

Lost Bette gets some help and more from an unexpected source.

Let's admit, season 6 has been less than stellar and more than predictable. I think it's like the whole cast is starting to get sick of it all and when your party host is tired themselves and passing out on the couch it's time to leave the party. But this last episode had so many unexpected turns that I think it was a last try to get this show back to up and running status rather than dead in the water status. Adding so many new characters and neglecting the base ones was clearly not a good strategy so they decided to go back to basics. 

They must have noticed that even the most die-hard Mad Mennies were starting to despise Don Draper, and without him, there is no show, so enough with him being a totally sadistic borderline rapist romantic novel villain and just mellow him out why don't ya. Which is what they did, the episode wasn't exactly about him, all of the main characters had an interesting arc this time. Through the filter of unseen and unexpected desire, they explored many of the characters' primal vices. 

tension brews between the not so happy couple.

Maybe it was a desperate attempt to recapture the magic of the first few seasons, but it worked. Peggy and her scruffy leftist, marxist scribbler boyfriend Abe are at odds like an old married couple because basically she won't let him be a man. All of the decisions run through her, and she doesn't even let him to house renovation work. It's like working in advertising and having to compete with Don for so long has made her grown a penis. This tension comes to a shocking climax when the unsafe neighborhood that they live in (the upper west side, oh my god scariest place on earth) makes her so paranoid that she accidentally stabs him right in the stomach with I think the end of a lamp or something I don't know, I just know I hadn't had this much exhilarating fun watching a show since that poor Brit had his foot run over with a lawn mower at Sterling Cooper. 

Peggy and Abe go through some serious shit, had they stayed together afterwards, and it's not clear if they do, it would make for a great story to tell at parties.

There's also lesbian tension between Megan and her agent/costar who is clearly crushing on her, but she's brutally rebuffed, like Megan is Garbo or somebody. That other woman could get anyone she wants. Don just happens to be away getting his son Bobby ready for camp and guess who's there to surprise him, the character we all love to hate and cringe at the mere sound of her voice; Bette (forget what her current last name is). And what ends up happening? Well you guess. It has been a while since they've done nothing but fight, and she has lost all that weird weight and dyed her hair back to blonde. She looks almost exactly the same as she did when the series started and can't help being irresistible to men again. Her husband isn't there, and his wife is at home, perfect timing, and you know what? As sick as it is to think of Don and Bette in bed again I actually enjoyed it. I was glad it happened. It made us understand how lonely Don actually is because he spent his entire adult life pushing people away. Anyway, I was satisfied after watching this, and I haven't been able to say that about Mad Men in a while, so Bravo!

Grab an Old Fashioned, Old Don is Back!

Drinking buddies for life.

I don’t know about you but I found the premiere of Season 6 of one of the most dynamic and incendiary shows on TV right now to be somewhat of a snoozefest. It was all about showing us symbolically (and sometimes outright) how people had changed in the time’s passing. It’s almost 1970, and the men have grown ridiculous beards, including Pete Campbell’s new mutton chops (I mean what the fuck was that).

The most interesting transformation was that of Peggy who now seems more masculine in her new gig, as if she’s becoming the new Don Draper, she has people coming to her for advice, orders others around, hair cut more prim and proper and in total control of her emotions. Cool as a cucumber, and androgynous as fuck.

Party like it's 1969. Drop your keys in the bowl on your way in.

This was needed because guess who’s back? The OLD Don Draper. We find him wasted at Roger’s mother’s funeral and throwing up which was hilarious, and then by the end of the finally he’s got Lindsay Weir of all people (Linda Cardellini) lying on top of him. Basically, Old Don is back. There’s no longer the soul-searching, happily married, fatherly, sober, boring Don. Now the womanizer, the chain smoker, the boozer Don is back, and I couldn’t be happier. Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce was getting to be a bit drab, but now with Old Don, and Joan as silent partner (yet not so silent) I have faith that even without Layne (rest in piece on a rope), they will continue to thrive, mutton chops and all.

Trouble looming on the perfect marriage? Most definitely

The question remains is how are they going to deal with the sexual revolution impending on everyone’s heads now that the 70’s are looming and they’ve already taken acid trips and tried to see the Rolling Stones in the flesh. The only thing left is wife swapping, so getting with the times, I suppose Don is going to partake, while Roger gets involved in a really gross 70’s orgy, the kind you see in the worst of John Holmes movies, but those are questions waiting to be answered, and I for one can’t wait. Hopefully this premiere episode wasn’t an indication because I’m sick of all of the existential self-aggrandizement that Don experience mmmmmmm…every single fucking episode. I want the old Don back, and I’m glad they’ve answered my prayers.

Male Fashion Trends That Should Come Back So That Women Will Fuck You

Going off script here, It's my 200th post. So yay! I'm going to write whatever the hell I want. Fellas, listen the fuck up. Enough with the frosted tips, tribal tattoos, plastic sunglasses and skinny jeans. You look like an idiot, and I can smell the douche on you from a mile away. If your goal is to make yourself appealing to females and eventually their vaginas, you're doing it all wrong. Here are trends that I think we should bring back that make you look like more of a man and like less of a bitch.

Man-tanning. Take it from me, if you do it evenly and don't overdo it, you'll remind girls of Cary Grant, and that's always a good thing. Even in the dead of winter.

Cravats. If you want to look sharp and like you make a lot of money, which is always, always appealing to women, buy a cravat or two, it's not as obnoxious as a dickie-bow, and not as boring as a tie. It will always sharpen up your oufit.

The serious beard. Enough with the crazy facial hair experiments. Last year it was the handle-bar mustache, now it's the amish beard, it's like stop smoking so much pot and grow a dang serious beard if you're going to have any facial hair. All or nothing boys.

The sweater vest is not fundamentally dorky. You don't have to be Chandler Bing to properly rock this, and you will always look like you just stepped right off a yacht.

This might be a bit controversial, but I swear, a man in high rise bell bottoms always looked awesome to me. It makes me think their a rock star from the 70's. Also it attracts attention to your ass, so yay!

The short tie. The Mad Men revolution has been of utmost importance in fashion particularly. Enough of the skinny bitch tie. It just makes you look fat. The short tie will make you look like Don Draper. I'm talking like instantly. Try it, put one on.

The curtained hair. I always always always was attracted to longer hair, I have no idea why. I know it's like way ridiculous, but when a guy grows out his hair, he just looks hotter. I swear, it just happens. And curtained hair makes you look sensitive.

The frilly shirt. If you're ballsy enough to wear this non-ironically, I salute you sir. The frilly shirt is very Baroque, and shows that you're not afraid of taking risks. Yeah, because that fedora you think you're rocking is not a risk and it's retarded.

the cigarette holder. It looks so much cooler than just pulling out a cigarette and smoking it. You just feel fancy, and that's always fun.

Mad Men Frenches it Up. Oh Mon Dieu!

It's 7 episodes into the 5th season of Mad Men and holy dirty pubic hair, a lot of nasty shit has gone down on the show. But last night's episode took the cake for me. They don't make water hot enough for me to finally feel clean after showering in it. So basically, this was a Sally episode who after spending just one afternoon with Megan's pretentious euro-trash parents (Julia Ormond and Ronald Guttman) already speaks like Leisl Von Trapp ('Papaaa, may I try on my new dress?') and comes out looking like a girl Roman Polanski would loooove to photograph one warm night at Jack Nicholson's house...too far? It's this sparkly Nancy Sinatra get-up with go-go boots and a ton of make-up. Any father like Don would of course get nervous and run right out to buy a sawed-off shotgun, but he plays it cool, old-fashioned in hand and ciggy in mouth tells her to lose the boots and the whorey face paint. 

Daddy like? No Sally, Daddy no like. Daddy want kill himself.

Meanwhile, all of them have to deal with Megan's annoying parents, which is weird considering they are clearly French (I know because my BFF is French-Canadian and can tell the difference between the accents, so there!) and somehow Megan is French-Canadian, but whateves. As if we don't have enough racial stereotypes on the show, the most recently added is the middle-class Brooklyn-raised fast-talking nervous and neurotic Ginsberg who works as a junior copywriter at SCDP, and Layne with all of his unbridled bare-knuckle boxing Britishness, now they're going to lampoon the French by portraying them as sex intellectuals, or at times just intellectuals with an endless cannon of pretentious things to say.

'What a pleasure to meet you. You can tell I'm French by the slow and specific way in which I talk and how impeccably dressed I am, would you like a blow job in the empty lobby no one is using for some reason?

Let's cut to the chase. The episode culminates when Sally, still in hooker attire walks in on Roger 'her date for the night' because he was trying to be cute' receiving a pretty graphic BJ from Megan's mother. She's pretty disturbed, as are the rest of us. First of all, Julia doesn't look like she's simulating at all, and it was a couple camera angle's shy of being The Brown Bunny (2003). So basically what it's taught us is that no matter if you're cleaning the house in your black lacey underpants, or blowing some guy you literally met seconds earlier, if you're French, it's all good. The last scene is between Sally and world's biggest future pervert slash serial killer Glenn discuss they're budding discoveries of the sexual clusterfuck around them, him asking her 'so how's the city?' to which she replies 'dirty'. That about sums it up.

I hope that they give Peggy a scene like that because she's seeming a little sex-starved and uppity of late and I'm really starting to think it's this student-leftist 'I'm going to change the world as soon as i finish my degree in ornithology' (Charlie Hofheimer) asshole is spending too much tying arguing with her rather than making sure she get's properly effed. And you know who I think would be an ideal candidate of course is Ginsberg (Ben Feldman). Get on it Peggy.

The Office That Lays Together Stays Together (Who's Doing the Plowing on Mad Men's Sex Farm)

Ok, if you don't watch the show, then don't bother reading this post because it's going to get confusing and I'm going to go pretty fast. Here we go.

Lets start with 1/4 (used to be 1/2) of the company partners, silver fox Roger Sterling and go from there. Roger slept with and eventually married Jane, Don's secretary who lived on Jane Street and it was a cute joke. Everyone hit on her when she first got to Sterling Cooper but she gave it up to Roger and got rich. Before that he had an affair with Joan Holloway before she found a cute doctor and changed her last name to Harris. They reconnect in season 4 up against a fence. It's hot. She used to have a relationship with Paul Kinsey but it was implied that she broke it off because he talked too much about it. He's made moves on Peggy, who rejected him and things got awkward. Peggy did get it on with Pete the night of his bachelor party and then once again in the office, which knocked her up. She gave the baby up for adoption and then started an affair with Duck, yes 'Duck' last name Philips that Don hires to get more accounts into the company. Ken hits on everything that moves,  except for Sal who expresses a serious crush on him even though he's married. Harry gets drunk on the night of the Nixon/Kennedy election and has sex with his secretary Hildy in his office, and later regrets it. Things get awkward. After Don divorces his wife, he gets engaged to his new secretary Megan but continues to sleep with every girl he comes across, strangely avoiding the office and therefore being somewhat on the outskirts of the Sterling/Cooper/Draper/Pryce sex-a-thon. Lane Pryce hasn't hooked up with anyone yet because everyone thinks he's uptight and awkward. Bert Cooper had a long standing affair with his secretary Mrs. Blankenship and seemed very distraught when she dropped dead at her desk. Shit happens. Lois is annoying and no one wants to have sex with her. The end. For now.