Showing posts with label Modern Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Modern Family. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Best and Worst Dressed at the Emmy's (The Definitive List)

Not to blow my own horn or anything, but I do know quite a bit about fashion, so please trust that I know what I'm talking about here and stop listening to Kelly Osbourne. There were some serious winners and losers, and for me, there are a lot of things people got wrong. Here are my two cents. And as always, please take them as the holy gospel. 

Well start with the BEST: 

Aubrey Plaza in Marios Schwab. Yes, this is on my BEST DRESSED list, in fact it tops it. For all you haters out there, not only is Aubrey a quirky girl, but this dress is unique and mature and a huge fashion risk. I admire a risk taker, though the accessories are weird I'll give you that. It reminds me of that black and lace Alexander McQueen number Gwyneth Paltrow wore to the Oscars in 2000. Only difference is she couldn't even pull off a McQueen with the perfect body she has, but Aubrey with this pseudo-goth look is showing a grown up side of her querk. Bravo lady, I stand with you.
Sarah Hyland in Carolina Herrera. Talk about all grown up. Ironically Carolina Herrera is usually the go-to designer for Hyand's co-star on Modern Family (Sofia Vergara) but with the dark lipstick and the black lace, she's channeling a somewhat Deco darker side of the designer that Sophia would never dare to venture. Good job girlfriend.
Kerry Washington in Marchesa. Marchesa looks wonderful on everybody. She's kind of like the safety net of fashion on the red carpet. I love Scandal and I love Kerry Washington on it. I mean it's like clothes were basically sewn unto her. She usually looks fabulous in anything, and though a bit too floral, she pulls this one off. She looks radiant.
Linda Cardellini in Donna Karan. It's hard to forget Sarah Marshall in this. This fucia Donna Karan is above and beyond and yet it's subtle. It reminds me of that crazy Marchesa gown that Vera Farmiga wore to the Oscars when Up in the Air (2009) was nominated but a much more grown up, aesthetically complex and pleasing to the eye.
Taylor Schilling in Thakoon. I've personally never heard of this designer but the empire waste, high front slit, and simplicity of the gown all work very well accented by minimalist gold jewelery. I'll say it again, blondes look great in white. What more is there?
Kaley Cuoco in Vera Wang. Vera Wang usually does not do such complex numbers nor have I ever seen her do boning for a corset but this beet red gown is just so classy without being burlesque or desperate for attention, I have to give her major props. I love that she decided to minimalize the accessories as well because the dress stands perfectly on its own.
Sofia Vergara in Vera Wang. I tire of red dresses that match the red carpet and am way tired of mermaid dresses as well, not to mention I don't particularly like Sofia Vergara, but she ends up on my best dressed lists all the time...like all of them. You know why? Because she knows what looks good on her, has a body that won't quit, and makes it work bitches.
Zooey Deschanel in J. Mendel. Yay! J. Mendel made it to the red carpet! Yay! Zooey isn't wearing poofy tutu dresses anymore! Yay! She looks mature and amazing in a silvery light blue silk gown! Yay! She looks like the grown up woman that she is! Yay! The world is a better place.

Now on to the fun stuff...it's time for the hideous monstrosities that made my eyes water and my belly ache with disappointment and nausea. Yes, it's time for the WORST. 

Lena Dunham in Prada. Did you really think I would ignore this or not start there. What the fuck is this thing? It looks like a giant version of something in Zooey's closet from 5 years ago. Prada made this? Are you serious? And then they put it on slouchy Lena Dunham? Who's running the ship over there because it's about to hit some serious rocks. It looks like a table-cloth from the 50's. It's unflattering. It's beyond poorly tailored. It hurts me to even keep going on about it. So I'm stopping.
Heidi Klum in Versace. Heidi, you're a professional model, you're the executive producer of Project Runway. What the fuck are you thinking? You look like a wardrobe reject from Luc Besson's The Fifth Element (1997), This metallic, sequined, blood-red, fake-collared gown looks like it belongs in one of the Underworld sequels.
Amanda Peet in Erdem. Oh dear god what happened here? Did two dress cousins have the worst sex ever and give birth to a retarded dress that Amanda Peet totally thought was chic under the influence of ambien and vodka. There's no logic to this dress, so why try to find logic in her reason for Amanda giving herself the worst make-under I've ever seen, on purpose!
Zosia Mamet in Honor. This could be the worst thing I've ever laid eyes on. Grey and pink? Seriously? And what's with the leather mini-bra just taped on to the middle? This dress is too much of a mess for me to even know where to begin. It's a crime against humanity. But then again, so is her show.
Julianne Hough in Jenny Packham. A see-through dress that makes you look like you're wearing your granny panties on laundry day coupled with an off-the-shoulder look? Epic fail.
Claire Danes in Armani. This might be the best of the worst. It's just the wrong dress. On someone as fair-skinned as her, it looks ridiculous, also it looks bulky and it's way too low cut. I'm not to excited about the trimming either. Bad choice, but not the worst choice.
Anna Faris in Monique Lhuillier. Usually one of my favorite designers, but this dress has gone ape shit. It's far too prom night, and the mustard yellow color looks like something that glows under a black light. Coupled with retro Bettie Page bangs and a far too high of a slit, this was a disaster. My eyes hurt.
Jessica Paré in Oscar de la Renta. Oscar de la Renta is an artist among designers. He is a true innovator but this Tiffany's blue number is just not doing it for me. The shoes are all wrong, the top makes her look like she has no chest to speak of, and the front of the dress should not be higher than the back. Me no likey.
Betsey Brandt in what might have been the worst look of the night. I have no idea who designed this dress, quite frankly I'm convinced she picked it up at a Ross on the way to the awards because it is beyond hideous. The color washes her out, it's far from being age appropriate and makes her look like a stepford wife. Also, what the hell is up with the bouffant hairdo? It's just a mess all the way around.
Lena Headley in Alessandra Rich. This bitch keeps making my Worst dressed list all the time, keep at it girl, you're not getting any better. And she's an intelligent, refined woman, what is she thinking every time her stylist gives her advice? A high-slit see-through dress with nothing but what looks like black spanx to cover up your nether-regions? And white shoes? You look like you're dressing up as a dominatrix to a Halloween party thrown by Frat boys.
Also before we end this, I would just like to express my disdain that not one celebrity rocked a Zuhair Murad this season. He's the hottest designer on the planet right now, and being dressed by him is an honor. I can't believe it's been since J-Lo at last years Oscars that we've seen him on the red carpet. No fair.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The Gays Want All Your Babies

Andrew Rennells and Justin Bartha play dads-to-be in new comedy series The New Normal (2012) on NBC
 I was watching the aptly named The New Normal (2012 - ) on Hulu because I had woken up an hour and a half before I have to start getting ready for work (for the love of god why) and I was actually pleasantly surprised. Like most new comedy series, it has some big names (Ellen Barkin, Justin Bartha) and then a bunch of nobodies, building their career with television (Andrew Rannells, Georgia King). It concerns a gay couple who stumble upon a preggers lady who's kind of a quirky ditz because being at all like Zooey Deschanel is a fucking velvet goldmine these days, and decide they want the baby inside of her because they are desperately ready to be daddies...well, mommies who don't breastfeed. Hilarity ensues. Turns out the oven their using to cook their bun has got a conservative grandmother (oh snap!) who is not going to let a couple of Oscar Wilde reading, sweater-vest wearing, marathon knit-club presidents make her grandchild carrying their baby vote for Obama. When usually this is a tired comic ploy, the writers actually made it work pretty brilliantly when Jane (Ellen Barkin) accuses Bryan and David (Justin Barha and Andrew Rannells) that they don't even have any Afro-American friends, so to prove that they aren't hypocrites they have basically what can be referred to as Look-at-How-Many-African-American-Friends-We-Have party. They implore the only African-American person they know, one of their co-workers, to show up and bring her friends. She is played shockingly well by, wait for it...Nene Leaks of Real Housewives of Atlanta fame. If you're having trouble placing her, just think of some of the following catchphrases; 'I'm rich, bitch' and 'close ya legs to married men'. Got it now? But when she shows up at the party and all of her 'friends' are a bunch of white skinny bitches who probably had 'ambien sex with Tiger Woods', it creates quite an awkward situation.
film veteran Ellen Barkin and reality star Nene Leaks make surprisingly awesome additions to the cast.
This is catching unto the idea of gay couples becoming domesticated on television since Modern Family (2009 - ) began the trend a few years ago. While in th 90's it was taboo to even show a gay couple together on primetime, now television execs are taking it a step further and finally bringing us gay parents, albeit it seems like they are always male gay parents. I suppose it's assumed that gay males are naturally very maternal because of the stereotype that they're effeminate, but does that mean that if there was a show about lesbians raising a baby, there would be scenes of the child being strapped to the front of a motorcycle and trying on leather pants at the Baby Hot Topic?
Justin Bartha and Andrew Rannells do play characters somewhat similar to Mitch and Cam (Eric Stonestreet and Jesse Tyler-Ferguson) in that one is uptight and obsessive-compulsive, while the other is highly effeminate and sensitive, but the light somewhat sarcastic humor makes it work, even though they are constantly feeding into gay stereotypes like obsessions with gift-wrapping and frequent trips to the Farmer's Market.

Mitch (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cam (Eric Stonestreet) are the prototypes who paved the way for domesticated gay couples on television with Modern Family.
This is just one in the growing trend of domesticated same-sex situation comedies. Another one along somewhat similar lines is Partners (2012) with David Krumholz and Michael Urie that premiered yesterday but is not quite as interesting. If you think about it, any show that follows this trend has something regarding this in the title MODERN Family, The NEW Normal, I guarantee the next one is going to have the phrase 'now-a-days' in it. It's a niche in TV that is working very well these days, and just like Will & Grace (1998 - 2006) had done almost 15 years ago, shows like The New Normal are helping tear down the remaining few taboos about the gay community, and doing it tastefully, sweetly, and comically. It's a good thing. 

Below, a promo. 



Monday, September 24, 2012

Best and Worst Dressed Emmys 2012

Yay! I get to be a bitch! My favorite thing. Expect the Worst Dress List to be really brutal. Let's get to it.

WORST: Lena Dunham in Prada. Oh Prada must be in crisis mode right now, the least this bitch could have done was stand up straight. Would that take away from her quirk too much? She's like a fat Zooey Deschanel.
BEST: Emily Van Camp in probably my favorite look of the night in this grey J. Mendel gown. It's so simple and so perfectly tailored to her, and grey always always always looks great on blondes.

WORST: This should have an 'absolute worst' catagory unto itself. Leslie Mann in a straight off the runway Naeem Khan dress. Looks great on a 6'2 model, and it is high fashion, but not at all awesome on the red carpet, and the color is gross.
BEST: Kat Jennings in an eye-catching Scarlett O'Hara-esque J. Mendel number. J. Mendel is like award crack. Everyone is obsessed with him, and this was absolutely the right choice for Kat, it accentuated her ahem, assets, and really spoke to her personality.
BEST: Kelly Osbourne is taking the Zac Posen trend and running with it, and why not he looks great on her! That color is fantastic, and she looks incredibly hot in it. Simple and elegant.
WORST: Nicole Kidman in Antonio Berardi. This dress is really strange and more dire as a fashion crime, it's boring, it also makes her look about two sizes bigger than she actually is.
WORST: Sarah Hyland in a custom made Marchesa. And it really does look like something a teenager would put together for their fake Twilight prom. Also looks like something Miley Cyrus would wear and that's never a compliment.
BEST: Amy Poehler looks stop-doing-everything-else-and-look-at-her in this plunging Stella McCartney gown, getting perhaps the best divorce revenge ever on ex-hubby Will Arnett.
WORST: Heidi Klum in an ill-fitting Alexandre Vauthier gown. I don't like this at all, the color is awful pale pastel, and it just doesn't fit her right and the shoes look like they are right out of an 80's fancy dress party. This is how you misfire at divorce revenge.
WORST: Jessica Lange can't find whom she was wearing but it sucked. She is far too old for no sleeves. I had nightmares.
BEST: Lucy Liu in this really cool, fashion risk of a dress by Versace. I know it's the one going to get the most press and I'd just like to throw my hat into the pro pile.
WORST: I love Monique Lhuillier but I hated this dress that Gennifer Goodwin wore. The hemline is strange, and it's just messy, it doesn't look refined and it's just a little too bright. This might be up to par with that other awful Monique Lhuillier dress Sarah Michelle Gellar wore last year to the Golden Globes.
BEST: Hayden Panatierre in this straight off the runway at fashion week Marchesa dress was absolutely stunning. It was a fashion risk, it was beautifully tailored and impeccably draped, interesting color combo. Win all around.
BEST: Mad Men star Jessica Pare in my favorite designer Jason Wu. I love this dress. that's all.
WORST: Jane Levy (who?) in Pamella Roland (again, who?). One word. Snoozefest.
WORST: Ok there was a trend with chartreuse mermaid dresses last year and I said a silent prayer that it would be over after that but Julie Bowen had to bring it back with this awful Monique Lhullier...thing.
BEST: This is how you properly rock chartreuse, and also dress appropriately for your age. Are you listening Jessica Lange and Julie Bowen? Julianne Moore in a classically beautiful Christian Dior. J'adore.
WORST: Lena Headey hurts my eyes in an OMG-what-the-fuck-is-that-that's-an-Armani-Prive??
WORST: Sofia Vergara in Zuhair Murad. I love this designer, but this color is hideous and she looks like she should be flipping letters on Wheel of Fortune slash a living incarnation of the Chryster Building
BEST: Tina Fey in Vivienne Westwood, a departure from her favorite Zac Posen, but she looks fantastic. I could not pick my jaw off the floor the whole time she was talking. It fits her like a glove.
WORST: Zooey Decschanel is no stranger to the worst dressed list, and this Reem Acra number is disastrous. The bottom half looks like set dressing for a middle school play version of The Little Mermaid, and the top half is about 3 sizes too small for her tits.

WORST: And lets finish on the lowest note ever and veteran of the worst dressed list, it's their champion January Jones who has been reading too much of Fifty Shades of Grey and watching too much Black Swan (2011). And it's a Zac Posen, this makes me sad. It's fucking hideous, and I'm not crazy about the goth make up either.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Armond White Inspired TV Better-Than List (Filthier Than...)


Mad Men > Downton Abbey
Unpredictable romances and devastating results, stylized but believable that makes us truly nostalgic. substance vs. aesthetic.

(note I really like Downton Abbey, it's one of the best shows on television but Mad Men IS better folks, if we're comparing the two)

Dance Moms > Smash
Truth is stranger than fiction, a portrayal of performers that's truly devastating. Retrospective vs. Exploitation.

Cougar Town > Happy Endings
An estrogen farm that's not disingenuous. Satire vs. Sanctimonious Snark.

Portlandia > I Just Want My Pants Back
Hipster skewering manages to still be interesting and unapologetic. Comedy vs. Sarcasm.

Jersey Shore > Keeping Up With the Kardashians
The former manages to keep the most hateful types of people somehow endearing and vastly interesting.
Marketing genius vs. shameless self-promotion.

GCB > Hart of Dixie 
Although teetering on exploitive, GCB manages to remain dirty and amusing while Hart of Dixie has always sustained a monotonous fish-out-of-water immaturity. Blunt vs. Bland.

Raising Hope > Modern Family 
Chaotic and bizarre in ways that don't get cliche'd fast. Insight vs. Redundancy.

The Secret Circle > The Vampire Diaries
A show about mystical and mysterious sexualized hotties that's deliberately campy.
Ironic fabulousness vs. trying too hard.

Whitney > Are You There Chelsea 
Although completely off on it's comedy, Whitney accentuates the filth and wins in the better-dirty-jokes race.
Authenticity vs. Gimmick

(another note: everything would be better than Glee so I'm not going to compare it to anything)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

It's Official. Ty Burrell is all kinds of hot.

Modern Family (2009 - ) could be one of the best shows recently added to the boiling cauldron of pop culture lardons that is our weekly television schedule. I jumped on board pretty fast, and everyone i showed an episode to was quick to be co-captians of my Modern Family adoration ship (god that sounds lame). 
I've been watching old episodes...because i'm bored and i own them...and because i was excited that all of the ensemble received Emmy nominations this year. That's right folks 6 noms. 4 boys, 2 girls. the only people not nominated are the kids, and lets be honest, who gives a crap about them anyway (manny included). And I cannot believe into how horny i am getting for Dunphy patriarch Phil (Ty Burrell). He's somewhat deluded, very gullible, absent minded and wonderfully weird. Sounds like my perfect type. 
This is the kind of man i eventually imagine sharing my life with. One with whom i can share a vibrant and comically ridiculous sex life, two good kids and one average one (go ahead and try to figure out which one i'm talking about...Luke), and can at times control because the fact that I'm smarter and sharper than him is not so much annoying as it is endearing. There i said it. I have inappropriate thoughts about a TV dad. And you know, it looks like i'm not the only one as evidenced by this website:
Phil Dunphy Tees
Now that hasn't happened since the good old days of Danny Tanner who turned out to be a complete perv just like me, and even more perfect. 
It's always rather surreal when you begin to have elaborate dirty fantasies about a character who is a beloved character enjoyed mostly by family audiences, and only as the lovably clueless and clutzy dad. He's definitely not a hunky long-haired bare chested sweaty slice of Grade-A man meat that tears your clothes off with his teeth, but none-the-less, Phil Dunphy has a sexual side (as awkwardly misguided as it may be) particularly when he role plays with his wife on Valentine's Day as Clive Bixby a man who is in town for a trade show and 'gets things to make noise' wearing an awesomely ill-fitted turtleneck with a blazer that looks like it was stolen right out of Dean Martin's wardrobe from the Rat Pack. 
'just breath? that's what i said to you while you were in labor, and you threw my smoothie at me...PILL!'
My favorite Phil Dunphy arc is when he suddenly and without reason goes into a fit of excruciating pain which later turns out to be a kidney stone but is reluctant to call the fire department because of the reputation of the firemen of being 'really hot'. It's probably Burrell's best work in the whole season, though I could go on for a while quoting some more of Phil Dunphy's insane logic. And considering how much i relate to Julie Bowen's character of Claire Dunphy in her controlling anal-retentive 'bad-cop' demeanor, i guess Burrell personifies that man we all want who goes with us to horrible movies, makes lame puns, sprays us with a fire hose (gotta watch the show) and does dirty role-playing when we're in the mood for some excitement with atrocious consequences. 
I suppose this means I'm in limbo; meaning, i'm at that age when i look at every man i meet as a potential father to my children but also retain some of my 20's sex-crazed obsessiveness. Ty Byrrell, I hope you never stop catering to this strange paradox in my life. You've been brilliant at it so far, and good luck at the Emmy's. Oh and keep wearing those sexy dad jeans and/or pleated pants, for me they are miles sexier than skinny jeans and vintage tees. They remind me of a Phil Hartman throwback. Yes please. 

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Modern Family: Not So Modern


I have all of Modern Family Season 1 on my I-Tunes. I believe it to be a hilarious television event, much in the tradition of the comedy juggernaut, Arrested Development. Of course it’s not as funny, but nothing really could be; the former really set the bar too high for the rest of television, and yet Modern Family is still very entertaining and original. As a show that has such quality, I think it is even more imperative to discuss the big gay elephant in the room. For all of its good parts, one thing seems to eclipse the rest; the sexual part of homosexual. If this was Will & Grace, I couldn’t care less. It’s a lackluster show that relies on dated and almost offensive jokes with a laugh track. But as Modern Family is a show of quality, I feel the need to address this issue. 
The show follows three families that are all connected. There is the ‘conventional’ family of a husband, wife, and three kids. Then, there is the patriarch of the unit who’s family includes his very young and almost comically voluptuous wife and her ten year old son. The third fraction is a gay couple consisting of some of the finest comedic actors of today; Eric Stonestreet and Jesse Tyler Ferguson playing Cameron and Mitchel respectively. In the pilot they are bringing their Vietnamese adopted daughter home for the first time. 
I understand that within a comedic context, there is very little room for verite, but it still bothers me how they do address the whole sex thing. With the other two families, they talk about sex and address it pretty much all the time. And yet, with the two gay characters of the show, they always seem to sidestep the issue. The smell of hypocrisy is just a little to heavy. Why does everyone else get to get laid but not those two? They transpire as having the world’s most plutonic relationship. Both are completely de-sexualized and it’s just not fair. 
And after a while, it’s a bit difficult to believe. They have been together for over five years, adopted a baby together. They obviously have a long-term serious thing going, and yet, they never do it. There is an episode dedicated to Valentine’s Day, in which the conventional husband and wife decide to do role playing at a hotel and spend the majority of the episode talking in innuendo. What do Cameron and Mitchell do? They take out their nephew to his favorite restaurant so that he can hit on a girl he likes (and keep in mind, he’s 10). There is another episode in Season 2, called 'The Kiss', which was marketed as 'get to see the kiss we've all been waiting for', but is it finally a kiss between Cam and Mitchell, no it's Mitchell's father finally owning up to the fact that he's distant and kisses his son on the forehead. 
Maybe I’ve been spoiled on Queer as Folk, but lets face it, it seems like American audiences are ok with gay people on television as long as they fit certain gay stereotypes, and never have sex. It’s the same old hypocrisy that dictates that we’re ok with people being gay, as long as we don’t have to ‘see it’. It seems to harken back to the 1930’s in Hollywood where there used to be an actual stock character called ‘The Sissy’. It would always be a very effeminate man, flailing his arms about and being just a bit too proper. It frustrates me that even in a great show like this, with just about the best talent you can get these days, there seems to be no problem with just how hypocritical it is. It is masked by the humor, so it’s difficult to notice, I suppose. We’ve already dismantled this taboo in film, why does it still exist in television? 

Here is a link to a facebook group that exists regarding this topic: