What Silver Linings Playbook is Really About

Tiffany confronts Pat at her sister's dinner when she realizes she's in a sea of bullshit. 

Marketed as a romantic comedy, by the rogue director David O. Russell, that should be a clue right there. He's not exactly a by-the-numbers filmmaker. This is definitely his crowning achievement even though I absolutely love I Heart Huckabees. This might be a little difficult for me to explain because I can relate to a lot of it but here we go. 

Set in Philadelphia, a place not exactly known for dealing with mental illness by any other means than a stigma, and coming from LA where everyone is therapy'd out to the point of paralysis, I saw the script as exactly what it was. Two brilliant actors play the two 'romantic leads', who meet at first, hate each other and by the end of the movie they're in love. Common rom com trope yes? But that's not the point of the film. 

Woody Allen might stick his neuroses in every single film he directs, but those are sadly a bit dated when people were still on Judy Garland cocktails and everything was a bit Valley of the Dolls. It was a very black and white time. Either you were nuts, or you were sane, and if you were the former you had all the pills in the world to choose from, which usually made things worse. Perhaps the last film that accurately portrayed mental illness was One Flew Over a Cuckoo's Nest, which is literally set in the insane asylum, ironically where the protagonist (Jack Nicholson) is pretending to be crazy to do time in an asylum rather than prison. There you have the schism between the 'sane' and the 'insane'. Still a bit black and white, but so full of pathos and honesty, that it still holds up today. 

For these two, the best type of therapy is not in a doctor's office. 

Let's examine Silver Linings because its a film full of grey areas, and it's in those that we figure out what the movie is actually about. Pat (Bradley Cooper) is just getting out of the looney bin after 8 months because he assaulted the man screwing his wife. He's now obsessed with being 'sane' and finding a silver lining, and getting his life back together, which in itself are all insane notions considering that a psychotic break usually does not allow you to go back to everything just as it used to be. I had a friend like that. No names, but she thought she saw the light, and because she did her Master's degree in Social Work made it her mediocre mission to chain-smoke a pack a day, rearrange the furniture in her Hollywood apartment literally every single day (we were living together at the time) to keep herself busy so that she wouldn't think about drinking or getting back with her ex-boyfriend. She loved to analyze people and I was definitely one of her guinea pigs. I hated it. I hate being mentally dissected. It's bullshit. 

As I said before, people in LA are therapy'd out, so I was able to even prompt my shrink about what I thought was going on before he could even get it out. That's why I identify with the Jennifer Lawrence's character. Tiffany is a girl with a broken wing (I think that line is actually used verbatim in the film), who's husband just died, but that's not why she's considered crazy. On the surface she's actually probably the smarter of the two. Pat (Cooper) always loves to point out how she misbehaves or behaves in means that are not good 'social skills', and she immediately calls him on his bullshit. 'You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things' is one of her more famous lines. The most important difference between the two of them; both experienced trauma leading to a psychotic break, and Jennifer is the one who moved on, while Bradley Cooper still hasn't, and is completely obsessed with the past. Backstory: Tiffany's husband died; a cop in the line of duty. After which she got fired from her job for 'sleeping with the entire office'. Pat still judges her, because he thinks that he once was crazy and now he's absolutely fine. Tiffany sees this and says 'you think I'm crazier than you'. Perfect. Who is he to judge? 

'You're afraid to be alive! You're a hypocrite!' 

There's a cute exchange when they talk about all the pills that they are on and don't take any longer, but who isn't on some kind of shit these days; does that make us all crazy? Didn't you ever read 'Prozac Nation'?

The plot is in essence irrelevant. It's about two people realizing that they will never be perfect and never find the life that they once had, and the 2 hour run-time of quippy exchanges, completely blowouts, and epic shutdowns illustrates that crazy is a grey area. 

What gets me the most is how much Pat judges everyone (with the exception of Chris Tucker's character). He even gets on his dad (Robert De Niro) about being OCD, like most of us aren't. In Philly, where regularly going to a therapist is still considered taboo, he is very uncomfortable in his current state. Tiffany basically tells him the truth, it's one of the greatest Lear-esque monologues in film history. 'I opened up to you and you judged me, you're afraid to be alive, you're a hypocrite, you're an asshole'. All of these things true. 

What's most telling about this movie is that it's not romantic at all, though both main characters have great chemistry and are very attractive. You know they are going to end up together; you just do. The way they get there is a brilliant examination of life in a black and white world of sane and insane, the pitfalls and the highs and lows that it brings. At least Tiffany is self-aware. Pat eventually comes around, and only then can they be together. There is no such thing as normal behavior, and there is actually no such thing as normal. Sorry if that's crushing some of you right now, it's just the truth. And I guess Pat was right in trying to overcome his 'mental illness' by finding that damn silver lining he keeps referring to, while Tiffany was right to hate him for his hypocrisy. 

The actual romantic angle only manifests itself in the last 15 minutes of the film, because it's in the backseat for most of it.

The only rom-com element in this movie is when both Pat and Tiffany realize that (excuse the cliché) they are not perfect or normal, but they are perfect for each other. And the normalcy that they find is not a normal that is permanent or without its haptic disorders, but its theirs and they are better confronting their demons together. This sounds like love conquers all and that mental illness can be overcome by finding someone just as or even more fucked up than you, but it's not. For everything that happens between the two, it is never a co-dependent relationship and (again, excuse the cliché) they are only able to move on when they confront everything that has brought them to the mental state that they are currently living and allowing themselves to admit that they are not in fact normal, and perhaps that's actually the best thing that could happen to them.

Below: A making-of featurette. 

Honest (Interprative) Oscar Best Picture Noms

Schizophrenic Batman

The GOP Approves This Message

Fake Noses Win Oscars (Right Nicole Kidman?)

Wes Anderson Presents: Quirky Ralph Fiennes 

Hot and Smart Brits You Want to Bone

Varsity Blues: The Musical 

Eddie Redmayne's Eye-Acting

Selma is Amazing. Not going to be snarky here. 

I Re-Name All the Oscar Nominated Films And Set it to Their Trailers

Jared Leto and Matthew MacConaughey from Dallas Buyer's Club (2013)

-- 'Explosion at the Wig Factory' Yes...I stole that from Tina and Amy, thanks girls.

-- 'Skinny Actors with Southern Accents'

-- 'Literally Anything I Rename This Movie Could be Misconstrued as Racist'

-- 'Pretty People Get Ugly to Win Oscars'

-- 'Joaquin Talks to Himself for Two Hours'

-- 'Indictment of Catholicism'

-- 'Somali Pirates Are Hot'

-- 'I Stopped Counting the F-Bombs'

-- 'Woody Allen Presents: A Streetcar Named Desire'

-- 'Bruce Dern is Still Alive, You Guys!'

-- 'In Space...Plot is Impossible'

I Have a Recommendation...8 Years Too Late

A Bradley Cooper that's a professional chef? Where do I sign up?

I've been starved for a good show to watch, I've basically seen everything. And I'm glad Orange Is the New Black (2013 - ) has come out, but I've only watched one episode thus far so I can't blog about it yet, but that's probably the next one I'll do. Hulu just released a show that was cancelled criminally after only one season based on Anthony Bourdain's incendiary bestselling memoir 'Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly' (published in 2000) where the unapologetic bad-ass celebrity chef talks about his times working in upscale restaurants in New York and misbehaving in the most ridiculous fashion. He was basically the Keith Richards of the kitchen, snorting blow and drinking liters of vodka whilst cooking some of the best haute cuisine that city has ever seen. 

Cover of the book the show is based on.

Anthony Bourdain, doing what he does best.

Fox in all of it's wisdom (meant to be read with sarcasm) decided to make a PG version of the book with Bradley Cooper as the titular character, much like what Fellini used to do with Marcello Mastroianni playing a character aptly named Jack Bourdain who is now over a year sober and has been hired on a 'suicide mission' to revamp a Bowery hotspot named Nolita with no staff and 24 hours before opening night. 

He assembles his old mates from the good old days promising all kinds of shit that never comes to fruition, but it's his dream team, and he's the best in the business so in the words of Tim Gunn, it's time to 'make it work'. 

Butch, Sundance, and the pastry chef that wears a bandana.

Cooper is brilliant and hilarious as the enlightened and sober Bourdain (who in real life as we all know didn't remain sober, well for the most part) trying his best to serve the best and most creative dishes to his picky customers whilst dealing with a crabby waitstaff, and incompetent hostess, and every example of Murphy's Law falling on his head every morning. 

He's still the lady's man, almost to the point of being a nympho and can you blame him? He's extraordinarily hot, and the man can grill a salmon like nobody's business. That's a winning combination right there. 

The cast.

The show is called (of course) Kitchen Confidential, and ran from 2005 to 2006 before being cancelled but I was overjoyed when Hulu bought the rights to it because it definitely deserves to be seen. It features a stellar cast; Nicholas Brendon from Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame, John Francis Daly from Freaks and Geeks fame, John Cho from Star Trek (the new franchise) fame, and Bonnie Summerville from her tiny stint as Ross' girlfriend Mona from Friends (1994-2004). Also, Jamie King is there for masturbation fodder so it's a winning combination. 

It's a good ol' dirty shitshow, with the laughs to back it up and the most unseemly behavior, everyone is constantly horny and/or doing it with each other. And Jack (Cooper) is the most gung-ho about it all, just as long as his patrons and his boss (Frank Langella) are happy with his impeccable talents as a chef. 

Shit just got weird.

One of my favorite characters is Owain Yeoman as Steven Daedalus the Sous. An immigrant from jolly old England, he's a high-functioning sociopath that frequently drinks on the job, hits on anything with legs, and has some of the best one-liners I've heard in TV pretty much ever. He and Bradley Cooper make a great Butch and Sundance (which they refer to themselves as) and perk up the show just a few notches to where it's actually a pleasure to watch. 

The rest is pretty predictable for a half hour sitcom; hijinks ensues, trouble brews, tension between the floor and the kitchen reach boiling points constantly and everybody gets laid. I'd work there in a heart beat. So I'm giving this one a solid recommendation. The whole series is available online. Go for it, then go eat some seared sesame crusted tuna...you'll get the joke once you've watched the show. Is that enough of an incentive?

Are You Looking Forward to A Place Beyond the Pines? Me Neither

Hey girl...gotta light? I'm a bad boy now if you haven't already heard.

First of all, I think even Ryan Gosling is sick of Ryan Gosling. I mean, I can't look at his face anymore. He's so hot he's gotten not hot. And let's face it, this looks like Drive (2011) and Blue Valentine (2012) had a bastard child. First of all, I heard one critic mention that he thought that Blue Valentine was like a 2-hour acting exercise, and I very well have to agree with that statement, so I wasn't expecting much from this 'action thriller' with indie gritty realism and two really hot guys and a hot chick that was good in that one movie that one time.  

Fine, I'll just say it, I haven't seen it, but I do have a friend at work and we have very similar tastes so I trust him, and he told me it was garbage, and this is coming from a guy who lurves Blue Valentine. Filth wise, I feel that this film is going to be just as disingenuous and gratuitous as the latter of the director's. I found his love scenes in his first film almost grotesquely unsexy, by that I'm not talking on superficial levels. I mean, it wasn't aesthetically choreographed to where you would enjoy it, it was like watching bad porn, and nothing is worse than that experience. That takes a 3 cold shower minimum to wipe away. 

I have a feeling the only good thing about this film is Bradley Cooper because he's pretty brilliant in everything.

So if you're thinking, sophomore slump, you're both right and wrong. First of all, it can't be called a slump if your first effort was a piece of shit, second, I don't think I've heard anyone give it a good review, or at least anyone I know or respect as a bona fied film connoisseur. (I know it was generally well-received on metacritic but honestly when did any of us seriously read any of those). So, of course I am going to be a presumptuous bitch here and recommend without any further knowledge or experience that you not see it and hold out for something better, such as Upstream Color (2013) which comes out this Friday, if you're desperate to fulfill your indie hipster film quota for the month.

Politics, Not Sex Rules at This Year’s Oscars

Look at the films in this slate, pretty depressing huh? The Iranian hostage crisis, Osama Bin Laden’s manhunt, a dude surviving in the Ocean with a tiger as his first mate. Wah wah. Just kidding, I’m all for serious films especially when they’re done artfully and in a non-pretentious way, and the only one I can say that that’s true of out of the politically charged films which are Zero Dark Thirty, Argo, Lincoln, and Beasts of the Southern Wild (arguably) is Argo. So therefore I hope it wins Best Picture.

Of the risqué in the bunch the only one we can remotely put in that category is Silver Linings Playbook. Remember when Moulin Rouge (2001) was nominated? Scratch that, remember when Midnight Cowboy (1969) WON?? Has the Academy totally gotten prude over the years, the answer is a big fat sticky yes.

If we look at the history of the Oscars, it’s usually sappy love stories and wildly inaccurate bio-pics of historical figures cases involved; Gladiator, Amadeus, Titanic, The Best Years of Our Lives…and snooze. When Midnight Cowboy won, it was a battle year. 1969, perhaps one of the most vibrant years of the 20^th century; one fraught with racial tension, sexual experimentation, and general aggression against social morays and reflections of which. Therefore, the Academy picked the most controversial film that challenged everything it used to stand for as it’s top prize winner and they were right. For once, sex lead the way, and a film about a prostitute cowboy and his Puerto-Rican drug addict friend trying to make it in New York City garnered top prizes. Since then we’ve lowered the bar a bit. Raunchy films get nominated but they don’t win. I think the one that showed most boob-grabbing of late was Chicago (2002). 

Promo still for Midnight Cowboy the most controversial film to garner Best Picture honors, 1969.

This is of course ignoring the big elephant in the room which is all of Tarantino films ever which will win for other awards (Screenplay, Supporting Actor, what have you) but will never get the lord of all knick knacks especially not after what happened in Sandy Hook. Hollywood would much rather condone sex than explicitly gratuitous violence. But even then, the sex is toned down, and has to be within a context of love, which is why I keep going back to Midnight Cowboy. That was a pure sex-movie, that’s why it was rated X when it was first released. There’s little more to it, except of course the touching bromance, but it’s explicitness worked in it’s favor back then, it’s completely the opposite now. If you look at Silver Linings Playbook, the most those two ever do is kiss, though both talk about sex endlessly like they know everything about it, and yet somehow you just don’t believe either of them. In a way Silver Linings Playbook is the most unsexy romance film there is. Amour is more sexy than it, Sorry David O. 

Jennifer Lawrence tried very hard to play Femme Fatale to Bradley Cooper's troubled soul, but too young for the part, somewhat missed the boat. Though a solid effort on her part.

So in conclusion, give it to Argo please. It’s well directed (way to really fuck up by snubbing Affleck, btw), it’s mostly historically accurate, and it’s most importantly, interesting. Hollywood loves nothing more than a history lesson they don’t have to read.

Sexiest Films of 2012? (Academy Edition)

Chris Pratt and Joel Edgerton in Zero Dark Thirty (2012)

Alright rabbits, the academy award noms are soon to come in and it's going to be a nail biter to the bitter end. Just kidding, like we don't know exactly who's going to get nominated and who's not. Let's review the big five and then the wild card. Lincoln (Steven Spielberg), Les Miserables (Tom Hooper), Zero Dark Thirty (Katherine Bigelow), Silver Linings Playbook (David O. Russell) and Django Unchained (Quinten Tarantino), wild cards include Hyde Park on the Hudson (Roger Mitchell), Argo (Ben Affleck), and PT Anderson intellectual masturbation cornucopia The Master. Now, sans a few surprises and far-fetched nominations like Wes Anderson for Best Original Screenplay, we know that most of the nods are going to be for those five mainly. Now, we all know that the Oscars have no merit, are blindingly political, and as George C. Scott famously called them 'a meat parade', so let's quit with the bullshit and not get upset when the good ones get snubbed (like I'm sure Sarah Polley isn't going to get on any category list because she's been black balled by the industry even though she totally deserves at least a nomination, just saying) anyway! 

So let's just look at this meat parade just like we do every year, and examine who has the sexiest over all feel. We'll rate them on a scale based on three criteria; overall ensemble cast, sexual content and execution, and sex-appeal of the director. Now, we can just throw Lincoln right the fuck out, unless you're one of those sicko's that gets off on that kind of thing, meaning there was a time you also found Sally Field to be attractive, and well you just make me want to barf right here and now sir. Les Mis, I'm going to go ahead and discard as well, no matter how much I adore Hugh Jackman and keep fighting with myself as to whether or not he's gay which is half the fun of watching him in anything, but Anne Hathaway kills the sexy factor in any film and she does it every single time from Rachel Getting Married (2008) to The Dark Knight Rises (2012). Also, her upskirt shot was not for the sake of good old fashioned raunchy sex-for-sex-sake and made it holy undesirable and desperate for attention/nomination.

J-Law and B-Coo in Silver Linings Playbook (2012).

Silver Linings has a good chance at winning the Fuck-Oscar this year. With a cast that consists of Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence you've pretty much hit the fucking sexy as shit lottery. Also, I don't know why (of course I do, I'm kidding) but I've always found David O. to be really appealing, like I'd marry him for money and have some wicked kinky sex with him before I divorced him and took everything of value because he yelled and screamed too much and came really close to punching me...I'm getting way sidetracked. 

Dicaprio basically recycles his look from Gangs of New York (2002) for Django Unchained (2012)

So that leaves Django and Zero Dark Thirty. If you know me, you know how much unabashed love I have for Tarantino, and also can realize that that last comment was soaked in sarcasm. Even though Quinten makes any straight girl question her sexuality and consider lesbianism more seriously than she ever has before, having the coolest man in cooltown Jamie Foxx coupled with the Romeo/Jack Dawson does earn you some points. But surprise surprise, I'm giving it to Zero Dark Thirty this year. Katherine Bigelow is the hottest 60 year old this side of 60, and puts most 20-something's to shame, and Jessica Chastain is unbelievable. I mean she's seriously ridiculously beautiful, almost too much for her own good, and who doesn't have a red-head fetish? Also, let's take a look at the supporting players shall we? Chris Pratt, Mark Strong, Kyle Chandler, Joel Edgerton, not to mention my personal favorite and father of my future children I don't give a shit what you think; Edgar Ramirez. Just saying his name out loud makes my mouth fill up with saliva. I want to eat him. I would eat him, I would eat his hair, and lick his eye balls. That's what he does to me, and I know he's in the film for like 15 minutes, totally doesn't matter. 

Just for fun...Edgar!

So get up here, and accept your sex oscar Katherine, Jessica, and the rest of you. You didn't think we'd all get excited in our pants about the Bin Laden film did ya? Well, if you're perverted like me, you find it in everything. 

Cheers.

The Many Shades of Bradley Cooper

Acting student Bradley Cooper

Asshole jock Bradley Cooper

Elephant man Bradley Cooper

Damn dirty hippie Bradley Cooper

Pigtails Bradley Cooper

Fifty Shades of Cooper

Bearded and profound Bradley Cooper

Nekkid Bradley Cooper

Surfer dude Bradley Cooper

Wolverine/Ryan Reynolds Bradley Cooper

Hey Girl Bradley Cooper

Classic Cooper

I'mma kill you Bradley Cooper

Tinted aviators Bradley Cooper

Buff Bradley Cooper

Crying Bradley Cooper awwww.

#OCCUPYCOOPER

Everyone has been up in arms over the arbitrary and more-or-less useless title of People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive going to Bradley Cooper this past week.

Bradley Cooper: Sexiest Man Alive

Facebook and Twitter were inundated with #occupygosling rants and raves. And I have to admit that I was on board until I really thought about it. 

Let Bradley Cooper take the title in peace and enjoy it. No one can say that he doesn't deserve it. 

People are treating him like he's some kind of troll gremlin from a bad sci-fi movie. no fair. 

Here is a list of reasons that Bradley Cooper makes me go a little crazy in my lady parts.

1. He's been in drag, did it on SNL.
2. He has literally the bluest eyes in this whole universe. That's why he can't stand in front of a green screen.
3. He likes to stay home and cook rather than go to fancy pretentious restaurants.
4. He thinks the most beautiful woman that ever lived is Julie Christie.
5. He loves his mom.
6. Ryan Gosling is a mormon.
7. Ryan Gosling was born in the 80's, he has plenty of time to win Sexiest Man Alive and will as time goes by.
8. Did you see that scene in The Hangover when the morning after Cooper goes shirtless into a room to see if there is indeed a tiger there. He has the most beautiful back in man-back town.
9. He's funny.
10. His nipples are perkier than Gosling's.

The list goes superfluously on and on, but I don't want to bore you. (I probably already have).

Now, I'm not denying that Ryan Gosling is beautiful piece of Canadian man-meat. He has those innocent doe eyes, prominent brow, chiseled abs and blonde hair of a Michelangelo statue and plays characters that are always in some kind of romantic trauma that eases him nicely into all of our cheese-ball fantasy files. He's a few inches of hair short of being on the cover of Danielle Steel novels, and more power to him. He deserves the title as well, but I think Cooper is a better candidate honestly. I think with Cooper we get to see a lot of the personality that goes along with that pretty face, and corny as it may sound, that's important to our lady parts. With Gosling, I'm never sure there's more there than the characters he portrays, he's a romantic lead, but sometimes we need a clown, and Cooper can be both. 

I say good job People Magazine. You have all the time in the world to give it to Gosling and probably will.