This year was so polarizing I mean the list should be called the fabulous, and the ones going into the ninth circle of hell. Let's Start with WORST shall we? As always, in no particular order. 10 and 10 here we go.
Anna Chlumsky in Zac Posen. What the hell seriously? Why is this dress so ill-fitted and reminds me of a nun's habit? Anna and Zac I am disappointed.
Kaley Cuoco in Monique Lhullier. Monique is an absolute favorite of mine, her Bridal collection is to die for in fact a very lucky friend of mine just made a purchase there for her upcoming nuptials (am I jealous, of course!) Anyway! This happens to look like prom night at Coachella.
Kate Mara in J. Mendel. J. Mendel is so hard to fuck up on the red carpet. He is basically the go-to when you don't know who to wear. I can't believe Kate is this misguided. That dress is suffering from multiple personality disorder.
Katherine Heigl in John Hayles. First of all...who? Second of all. I had no idea Katherine Heigl was 62 years old. Beige satin, really???
Kerry Washington in Prada. I have tears in my eyes putting her on this list. Kerry has one of the best bodies in Hollywood, but this homage to Orange is the New Black made her look about 5 sizes bigger than she actually is, and that weird sequin booty short thing sticking out of the slit is just ridiculous. Get it together, Olivia Pope.
Louise Roe in (again) Monique Lhullier. Leave her dresses for the wedding and stop wearing them on the red carpet. Bunched-up skirts NEVER win mmmkay?
Michelle Dockery usually stuns on the red carpet with that fair skin, perfectly arched eye-brows, and a body that just won't quit, but what't his poorly-fitted, horrible color schemed, foldy Rosie Assoulin dress that washes her right out? She looks like Employee of the Month at American Airlines.
And yet another stunning British actress who needs to fire her stylist. How do you possibly fuck up dressing Natalie Dormer. Apparently when you put her in this weird duo-mermaid gown from 5 seasons ago by J. Mendel (AGAIN!) it's actually not that hard. Was it off the rack?
Mayim Bialik in i don't know the designer, but I'm assuming Laura Ashley or Lilly Pulitzer threw up all over her. She wanted to look 'hot and holy' I'm sorry to tell you Mayim, but you're neither.
And let's end the Worst list with the dress that made us all reach for a red hot poker to stick right into our eyeballs. What. The. Holy. Fuck. I just don't even have the words, and if I did, I think this blog would have to be taken down, because if I clean up what I have to say about this, it wouldn't even make sense. Just profanity, profanity, profanity and profanity. Lena Dunham I hate you, and you look horrible. When not even Giambattista Valli can help you, lay down honey, you're dead.
OOOOOF. That felt good. Ok now, for a change of pace, here are the BEST!
The girls from OITNB must really love Christian Siriano, but let's face it Samira Wiley looks great in anything, even a tan jumpsuit.
Sarah Hyland is acting extremely mature for her age in this very interesting crop top and ball-gown skirt by (again) Christian Siriano. He's definitely winning this season.
Amy Poehler in Don O'Neill. A barely heard of designer made this 42 year old mother of two beat out most 20-something's on the red carpet. Who said that funny women can't be stunning?
One of my personal favorites of the night, the stunning Lizzy Caplan in Donna Karan Atelier. This woman has fabulous taste. Another funny girl who proves she can turn serious heads wherever she goes. Masters of Sex FTW!
January Jones usually royally fucks up every red carpet she sets foot on, but she stunned in this Prabal Gurung red number. With so many reds on the red carpet, this one was definitely the no-contest winner, and Prabal Gurung, being the next it-boy in haute-couture did not disappoint.
And now for my favorite look of the night, on anyone else it would have tanked faster than the Titanic, but ol' 40-something Julie Roberts proves that she can still rock a pair of Louboutins and an Elie Saab on that show off those crazy legs of hers. You go girl.
Lucy Lui in Zac Posen. Now Zac darling makes most best and worst dressed this year, though it's hard for me to imagine dressing a woman poorly, but this one he hit out of the park. I'm loving the off-white and it's the perfect shape on someone like Lucy. But where's her 'fucking Birkin?'
Let's here it for those OITNB hotties that outside of their beige jumpsuits stun on the red carpet. But still surprised people are wearing Christian Siriano. Doesn't matter, Uzo Aduba is ridiculous, what a pleasant surprise.
Julianna Marguilies was fabulous in this Narciso Rodriguez number which I have to admit I haven't seen on the red carpet since the late 90's. Also, this is kind of a shout out to my girl Dominique who works on The Good Wife. I still can't believe Julie hasn't won an Emmy since she was on ER, again putting a bunch of 20-something's to shame.
Everyone's favorite blonde-girl inmate at Litchfield prison, Taylor Schilling doesn't have to try hard to look amaze-balls. But with a little help from my personal favorite designer, Zuhair Murad, this look goes a long way.
Let's face it. TV has taken serious hits. If I went down the list of every show that sucks out there, this might be a blog worthy of a dissertation but just to name a few; no one cares about Mad Men anymore because the nostalgia has worn off and no one wants to see Don Draper in high-rise bell bottoms when they enter the 70's, Breaking Bad has also lost a ton of momentum considering it's just gotten long and boring and at this point you've taken a knee and tried to run out the clock. In terms of vampires, True Blood has just gotten a bit too much; too much sex, too much blood. It's like Twilight was chopped up into serials...or if there was a third tier daytime soap opera but with vampires. You know my feelings on Girls so let's just save us both time and not go there. And let's not even get started on Reality TV, the juggernaut that is backfiring like crazy right now. At first it was kinda cool and interesting; delving into that curious kitty inside all of us, then it became gratuitous, and now a days, they just make shows about anything until the novelty wears off too, even The Soup isn't funny anymore...I stopped watching ages ago. And basically most of Bravo and the E! Network's shows are tired. They are just scraping the bottom of the barrel with shows that actually have a hashtag in their title (i.e. #Richkids Of Beverly Hills). And after Phil Robertson's incendiary comments on the ridiculously overblown show Duck Dynasty, we can all agree that the well of redneck TV has run dry also. As for situation comedy, there's only one show that is still standing and has the Golden Globe to prove it. So here we go...
Parks and Recreation, NBC. Still going strong, on its 5th season. It came out of the box so poorly with the first season being basically a throw away and was this close to being cancelled, but with new writers and Amy Poehler's tenacity and comic genius and Ron Swanson as the resident breakout character, this show has plenty more seasons in its future. It never gets dull, repetitive, or boring. It's everything a sitcom should be.
Hannibal, NBC. This is a really seriously interesting take on the crime thriller TV show genre. It focuses on a detective who has severe mental and emotional trauma and deals with his solving crime cases in a very dark, morose, and existantial way. Not to mention the biggest criminal and focus of the show is based on one of the most infamous characters in pop-culture; Hannibal Lecter, and you would think no one would be able to trump Anthony Hopkins nor should attempt it, but Madds Mikkelson is a blessing sent from the acting heavens and gives new brevity and life to this format, and creates a psychological drama so profound it's terrifying yet beautiful to experience.
The Vampire Diaries, CW Network. Unlike it's biggest competition; True Blood, it's an actually character driven show with great writers and interesting arcs. They aren't preoccupied with shock value and really nuance every story they are telling no matter how seemingly superficial it seems. It's a winner.
Downton Abbey, ITV. This show received so much flack for being boring and too 'British', but at the same time it caught America by the balls and hasn't yet let go. Whether it be the Dowager Countess' sarcastic comments or reliving big events we never actually got to live through from the Titanic sinking to the First World War, the characters again, are that which matter the most in this show. Julian Fellows has followed a very important rule of writing, which is consistency. And it has paid off in spades. Without it's success in America and American's fascination with the series, it probably wouldn't have lasted longer than a couple season, but it's on it's 4th and going strong.
Sherlock, BBC. This is perhaps the best show on television right now, and definitely in the top ten of the decade, easily. Mark Gatiss and Stephen Moffat have reinvented the entire Sir Arthur Conan Doyle cannon and done so brilliantly, appropriating it for modern times. You can see just how much they love the source material considering how true they stay to it. On top of that, they made two genius decision; stretching each episode to an hour and a half so they only have to put out three episodes a season, and casting Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock. There has never been an actor more suited for the role he's playing.
Vanderpump Rules, Bravo. I know what you're thinking, but you know what? This show is exactly what it is; an unapologetic view of some of the most hideous personalities that exist on earth, and it's fascinating. No matter how little reality is actually in this reality series, it is starting to trump it's predecessor; The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, of which this is a spin off. It's low art and low blows. It's silly and addictive, fabulous and nauseating. It's not exactly a breath of fresh air, but it's sticking by the principals of Reality TV and not taking itself seriously. Perfect example: Bravo decided to link the two shows and show the same party first from the perspective of the housewives on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, then from the servers, from Vanderpump Rules, back to back I might add, and the latter was far more interesting, especially Stassi's impressions and Jax's comments. 'It was like a drunk United Nations'...priceless.
Saturday Night Live, NBC. With the departure of Andy Samberg, Jason Sudeikis, Seth Meyers, and Kristen Wiig, you would think this show that will seemingly never die would go down the crapper and fast, but with the casting of Kate McKinnon, Cecily Strong, Taran Killam, and most newly Beck Bennett, Saturday Night Live has pumped newer and younger life into its content and is still going strong. Just because some seriously strong and valuable players have retired and Lorne has to now send out the bench warmers, they are proving they can play in the big leagues. And with the digital short concept no longer in play, the new cast members have found new and creative ways to compensate. Also with the female cast almost as close in count with the male, it's no longer the 'boy's club' and they've taken full advantage of that. Can we say 'Girlfriends Talkin' About Guys and Stuff'?
We finally got the long awaited premiere of Season 4 of Downton Abbey here in the states after the shocking, and I mean seriously what the hell were you thinking Julian Fellows, shocking death of Cousin Matthew Crawley (Dan Stevens). For those playing the home game you know that the reason for this was because Dan Stevens is an idiot and asked to be written out of his goldmine of a contract so that he could pursue films which are likely to flop and let's face it Downton Abbey is the biggest thing to come out of the UK since Sarah Ferguson. You don't just ask to be written out of it. That's like marrying George Clooney and then asking for a divorce because you think you can 'do better', but you fucking can't so good riddance.
The incredible disappearring Michelle Dockery returns in her role as the now widowed single mum to their baby Master George (no doubt, named after the Royal Baby) and looks pastier, and ghostlier than ever. If I saw her at the top of the stairs I'd run in the opposite direction because that is a succubus daemon about to entrap itself in my head. But hey, we all have our ways of dealing with grief, apparently Cousin Mary's is bulimia and being dead behind the eyes.
Spunky, posh, and blonde, she could easily pass for one of Prince Harry's girlfriends.
But nevermind that, there have been some new shall we say 'loose' additions to Downton Abbey, beginning with slut-in-training and general Zelda Fitzgerald wannabe, Rose MacClare (Lily James) the devil-may-care bouncy blonde who's come from the large Scottish estate we visited in the last season to live with the Granthams because her own family can't handle her anymore, and can you blame them? She's this close to having lovers crawl up to her bedroom via her long blonde locks. And there's no shortage of them, because this twenty something is always in the mood to go out and have a good time, she actually sounds like someone I'd latch unto if I was at Downton because she could save me from the constant and unwavering want to shoot myself in the foot just so I can see some color boredom.
Lady Edith kisses her love in public. We must alert the church elders.
Another lady coming out of her shell this season, might I add, dull, predictable, whiny shell is Lady Edith (Laura Carmichael) surprisingly enough. Without the other two sisters to steal her thunder, she's taken the reigns of the feminine respite in Downton and is continuing to date her (still married) publisher in London, going with him to 'smart restaurants' and finally 'putting some effort' into how she dresses, and you know what peeps? She cleans up nice. I mean I'd hit that now that she's wearing lipstick and strapless gowns. But she soon might follow her love to Germany where he can get a legal divorce considering his current wife is in an asylum, long story...but you know what that means, she's not going to be very comfortable in the next decade.
Edna Braithwaite, the new O'Brien. I smell trouble...and lemonface.
Another addition to the slut squad is Edna Braithwaite (MyAnna Buring) who as you recall was fired from Downton in the last season for hitting on the still grieving Branson....classy. This time she circumvented Mrs. Hughes AND Carson (not an easy feat) and went straight through to Lady Grantham (Elizabeth McGovern) who was in a frantic state to replace her lady's maid when O'Brien up and left suddenly (good riddance, did she ask to be written out of her contract too? Good luck, lemonface). Anyway, now she's back and there's nothing they can do about it downstairs, because she's lady's maid to the lady of the house. She's kind of above everyone, and she's made an important alliance with Thomas (Rob-James Collier) because let's face it, without O'Brien he's just not evil enough anymore. And who knows who she's got her squinty eyes on this time, I bet you she's going to try it on with Lord Grantham (Hugh Bonneville) who you know has a tendency to wander especially among his maid staff.
On a side note, James the model/footman (Ed Speleers) keeps hitting on Ivy the plain Jane kitchen maid (Clara Theobold) and it's unclear whether its for sport or because he loves to see her doting around him and gets her blind drunk one night. Times are a changin' all over the place, and I can only hope that this season of Downton Abbey is saucier than every, I mean we are in the Roaring Twenties after all. Spice things up a bit Julian!
I
don’t know how serious or how filthy this blog is going to be or if I’m going
to make it pure filth but bear with me. I just feel like talking about one of
my favorite events in film. Events I call it because it is a series of British
films started in 1964 following a group of children from age 7 to the age they
are now. By 2012, they are 56, and the BBC just released the new installment of
the Up Series; 56 Up (2012).
There
were a few that bowed out but most stuck with it, so to make it superficial
let’s go down the list really quick (because there’s quite a few of them
featured) and define them based on their sexual prowess or lack thereof…they
are British after all.
The
program usually starts with Tony, an East-Ender with a cockney accent who
married young, cheated on his wife by 42
Up and works as a London cabbie because he couldn’t make it as a jockey
(his childhood dream). Aside from the fact that he’s rather vulgar, he’s about
5’2. So I never found him particularly attractive in any way. Also, by 56 Up we realize he’s somewhat of a
racist so if that’s not a red flag I don’t know what is.
Tony (the troublemaker, at 21)
Then
there’s a trifecta of girls that went to I guess what we call ‘normal’ school,
where University plans were not in the future, and lower middle class was as good
as it got. Sue, Lynn, and Jackie, Jackie by far being the most obnoxious and
fugly out of all of them, now left with three children to raise on her own, and
not much else. I honestly never liked her because it seemed all she ever wanted
to do was argue with the filmmakers. Sue got married because according to her
she wanted to have a child and the two went hand in hand. She’s the most well
adjusted out of all of them and works now as some kind of administrator living
with her much younger coulda-been-in-Trainspotting
looking boyfriend and West Highland terrier. I like her. Moving on. Lynn always
wanted to help children and was adorbs up until about 21 Up, when she was
already married (dang they marry early over there) but there’s not much to say
about her except that she’s pretty awesome because her life mission has been to
educate disadvantaged youths.
(L to R) Jackie, Lynn, and Sue at 56 holding up pictures of themselves from the previous films.
There
was another trifecta of boys who went to a preparatory boarding school, John,
Andrew, and Charles, the latter of which dropped out after 28 Up. They were all from the very upper crust of England, carried
themselves as if they just walked off the Downton
Abbey set and all talked like Rex Harrison. John and Andrew basically
remind me of how Seth MacFarlane views British people; with hideous teeth and a
roguish pompous way about them. They both became solicitors (go figure) and I
only imagine they have sex with all of their clothes on and the lights off,
even then, I’d rather not imagine it.
L to R - John, Andrew, and Charles talking about which Universities they will attend and what newspapers they read at 7. No seriously.
Another
one worth mentioning is Suzy, she came from a privaledged background as well
with a house in the country, and a totally I’m-better-than-you tude until she
got married and got way domestic. She’s a Helen Mirren type, get’s better with
age.
Then
there’s the one that moved to America to be a scientist and now is married to
some kind of human/giraffe hybrid. He was by far the best looking and most
appealing out of all of them (dorky scientist thing aside) Nicholas, who grew
up literally with no one around him in the Yorkshire Dales. He was hot, moving
on.
Nicholas at 49, visits the Dales again.
The
last one I’m going to mention is Neil, because he’s the most interesting I can
think of. He’s Cray Cray with a capital C and spent most of his life homeless
even though he started out as like the cutest 7 year old later. He talks fast,
has huge bags under his eyes and at times makes no sense whatsoever. He
admitted in 49 Up that he hopes not to have children in his lifetime because he
doesn’t want them to inherit his crazy. Probably a good move on his part. I
have to admit probably in my early 20’s I’d be all over that, you know, oh poor
troubled skinny British boy, I’ll mother you kind of thing, but now I’m like
stay away for the love of god, I carry mace.
Neil...what happened?
There
are other children, but those are the ones that stand out to me. I’ve watched
all of the films of course, a few more than once, and as Roger Ebert said the
series is ‘Brilliant. It’s on my top ten films of all times list’. It’s
definitely on mine. What all of it on Netflix, take a weekend and get all
existential why don’t ya. You won’t regret it, believe me.
The whole gang gathers around for a photo op at 21.
If we wore these unironically, they could double as reading glasses.
Well
I guess we have to start answering that question with another question, which
is; what determines culture? In this technologically dependent world of the new
millennium culture is dependent on the following in order of importance;
television, Internet, music, film, and finally fashion.
It
didn’t always used to be that way, the order was completely diversified and
whatever was the new fad would take over for a while, but television has a
level of constancy which I hate to (love to) allude back to Warhol when he
said; everything will go, books will go, films will go, television will stay.
He also said (lest we forget) [that] ‘in the future, everyone will be famous
for 15 minutes’. And if we look at what television has allotted us, it is
exactly that. The big revolution in television is the reality juggernaut, which
allows nobodies to be somebodies for 15 minutes, just for as long as they’re
interesting.
Adele is a perfect example of reversal of hipster culture and return to nostalgia for how things used to be and how things used to sound in particular.
This
is key to the hipster sect because young people we call as ‘millenials’
following generation Y (my generation) have an attention span of a worker ant.
Therefore, things only exist for them for no longer than 15 minutes. Bands
become popular and unpopular in short spans of time, as do fashion fads, shows,
etc. Just like Hipster-skewering show ‘Portlandia’ (2011 – present) parodied;
‘something something is OVER!’
(Still from 'Portlandia') It's all OVER!
So
if this is all to be true, then the hipsters are running out of time on their
15-minute meter, and who’s to take over? I remember a film from the 30’s, a
beautiful piece of art called The
Petrified Forest (1938) starring Humphrey Bogart, Bette Davis, and Leslie
Howard where Leslie plays what he refers to as ‘one of a dying breed
– the intellectuals’.I do hope
that this is the time for their resurrection.
Leslie Howard plays the prophetic intellectual who stumbles across a crime set-up in The Petrified Forest (1938), desperate to leave some of his dying legacy behind, which never comes to fruition. His outfit is now worn ironically.
If
you look at trends in the media, which as I earlier mentioned dictate popular
culture of the moment, it seems that my predictions might be true. People have
grown to be more meditative and concerned. Films like Argo (2013) and shows like 'Downton
Abbey' (2010 – Present) dominate in accolades and awards, reflecting that
our culture is ready for more serious reflection and thought processes. Also
instituting a dreamy nostalgia indicating that we’re not exactly amused by our
own times anymore.
The enormously successful 'Downton Abbey' has become a pop-culture institution unto itself, quite unexpectedly strangely enough.
No
one wants to be a culture that people look back at with cynical laughter and
resentment like we do to the hippies of the ‘60’s, so let’s look forward and
strive to not be dictated by pop culture but to define it.
Good
god that was serious, now I have to bath in sin, excuse me.
First lesson I learned from Downton Abbey. Don't fuck a hot stranger visiting your family because he'll probably die in your bed and then your mom is going to help you carry his corpse across the house.
I’m
starting to get it now. For everything that Downton Abbey is supposed to
satirize; stuffy British society, social morays, hypocrisies of class culture
etc., it is actually following all of those guidelines, particularly the sexual
connotations of the time. Basically I’m saying that Downton Abbey is a giant
metaphor for abstinence. Hang in there baby birds, let me explain.
Everyone
that engages in any kind of devious behavior, especially that which is not
acceptable at that time under those circumstances gets severely punished in
life, usually it’s death. So let’s start. Just look at poor Sybil. Poor
pants-wearing, feminist, slightly communist, way-to-hot for Crawley house
Sybil. Not only did she run away with someone way below her class, a goddamn
commoner chauffer, who’s Irish at that…wait, who’s Catholic at that! I’m
surprised the church elders weren’t called in. And what happens to her? She
dies in childbirth. And if you haven’t heard this news maybe it’s time to crawl
out of the hole you’ve been living in, ya freak.
Lesson #2: Never wear any fucking pants because you'll eventually die at childbirth.
Let’s
look at other characters. Ethel Parks the horny maid from Season 2 bangs an
Army Colonel on the floor of the kitchen and ends up knocked up and forced into
prostitution, and though she’s somewhat rebuilt her life, no one in Downton
will give her a fair shake. Apparently you just have to be completely sexually
repressed until you turn into a giant wad of farts like Carson the butler or
dying-for-her-first-orgasm housekeeper, Elsie.
Thomas
Barrow is another example. I mean can’t a guy just hit on another guy even
though that other guy is probably not gay anymore? He is the most unlucky in
love ever, and it’s basically because he’s hypersexualized. The man he nursed
after the war ended up killing himself. Way in the beginning of the series, he
was having an affair with some Duke and that went to shit faster than Barrow’s
wandering hands.
Basically
anyone who acts on his or her feelings, which has always been a huge British
taboo is reprimanded for it. When Lord Grantham basically threw himself on one
of the housemaids, she decided she should basically fire herself for leading
him on. For chrissake. Can’t anyone get it in at Abbey Shore?
And whatever you do, don't get pregnant in an age before birth control because you'll eventually have to prostitute yourself to support your child and then give him away despite all of the sacrifices you've made to keep him.
The
people who are doing the most well are those who haven’t had the dust knocked
off their private parts since the mid-1800’s, case and point The Dowager
(Maggie Smith) who looks like she’s going to continue living forever even
though she died 10 years ago, and always have smart ass things to say that put
her on top of everyone else.
Also,
let’s face it but Edith. Who is clearly still a virgin and likely to stay that
way. And we just know she’s going to be turning into the Dowager soon enough,
or the slightly insane old maid sister, perhaps that’s a better path for her.
Lady Edith Blanche Dubois. I like the sound of that don’t you?
So I thought the Downton Abbey bug had long since its nesting rolled over and died and left my body and mind (i.e. the host) in peace, but nooooooo. Itunes sucked me back in and like totally forced me to purchase all new episodes of the third season available on this side of the pond so far. Granted 3 glasses of box Chardonnay might have had something to do with that as well, but it goes without saying that I am once again 'infected'. So let me get you up to speed. SPOILER ALERTS AHEAD!
Matthew (Dan Stevens) and Mary (Michelle Dockery) (the cousins) are married and arguing like a whole lot. And when they decide to make up one of them says 'kiss me before I get cross', I'm not kidding, that line is repeated and repeated by either character, it's hilarious. And here's some bigger news...ALL THE MONEY IS FUCKING GONE! What? No! How the? I mean seriously! With a great depression looming and the nation just out of a world war, how could they NOT be raking in the dough what with all of their fancy dress parties and tea luncheons? Huge huge huge shocker. But wait, Downton needn't go to ruin just yet. Apparently Lavinia's father has left all of his money to Matthew. Remember Lavinia? The plain dead girl from Season 2? Yay! Downton still stands and the Crawleys are still in it, as Shirley MacClaine proclaims. Oh that's another thing, Shirley MacClaine is now on the show as the Countess of Grantham's obnoxiously American-Jewish mother, Martha Levinson who freaks everybody out with all of her American-Jewishness. But back to the money, it's a huge shock to us all when Matthew decides not to claim it out of guilt for not loving said dead girl enough. Good for you Matt, at least you'll have your pride to keep you warm.
You know you're the family embarrassment when they cast Fred Armisen to play you.
In other news, a heavily preggers Sybil (Jessica Brown-Findlay) shows up with her Occupy Wall Street self-righteous snot boyfriend/husbandbaby-daddy Branson (Allen Leech). Also, Edith (Laura Carmichael) pursues her unwavering passion for the most Milquetoast man in England (which is quite the feat) Sir Anthony Strallan, who's 20 years too old and one working arm short. As Lord Grantham put it 'he's at least my age and dull as paint'. But to be fair, Edith is the plain one, that other one, the fugly one if you will so...beggars can't be choosers. Also, she's a bit of a nag and totally stuck up.
She cleans up nicely, no?
And what ends up happening to her? He leaves her at the alter. Yes you heard right kittens, mister 2 strikes in life left a perfectly normal healthy young lady at the alter and saved himself a couple more good years of sex. She tears off her veil and runs upstairs to her room locking herself in her room...presumably to kill herself. But no, she's going to be lame yet again and just cry in bed being jealous of her hot sisters. Will this old spinster ever find love? Probably not, but on the bright side she can look forward to being the new Maggie Smith!
