There was a great article after 1989 came out by I think (and pray) Judith Butler or Linda Williams (there goes my academia swag card) that labeled Taylor Swift and her 'squad' a bunch of neo-nazi Barbies. I tried to find it, and if you Google Search 'Taylor Swift Nazi' you get about 2 million results; the most compelling of which is this one. It's not difficult to see why that is. I'm sorry but Taylor has been selling herself as kind of a faux Jill-of-all-trades, twerking in her 'Shake it Off' video, and most recently blatantly ripping off Beyonce's 'Formation' video with 'Look What You Made Me Do'. She's a tall Aryan-AF looking blonde who loves to play the victim; and what do white nationalists do aside from playing the victim all the time.
Taylor's go-to music video director Joseph Kahn tweeted that the 'Look What You Made Me Do' video is not in Beyonce's art space ...I beg to differ.
Perfect example: Kanye the villainous African American man is ruining the 'reputation' of a helpless young white girl. What is this, 'Birth of a Nation'? (The D.W. Griffith version). All you have to do is watch the Viceland documentary on the Charlottesville rally to see why that is. I won't go as far as to say that she's their cultural icon, but she's strange not to denounce the rumors much like Trump. However she has no trouble denouncing rumors about her flimsy and flighty love life...hm. But most of this started when the whole squad became a thing. She surrounded herself with tall blonde girls who looked just like her. It was only when she received criticism for that, that she 'allowed' Zendaya in her clique. Like the whole world is her basic Aryan high school. I think Zendaya is doing just fine without her.
Squad goals?
Cultural appropriation is just as bad as outward racism in my opinion, so let's move on to the greatest 'culture vultures' of our time; Kendall and Kylie just can't help fucking up can they? Let's get this out of the way. They are white girls. Sometimes, I like to see what idiots on social media are getting up to, and it doesn't look any better for either of them. Firstly, the unspeakable and tone-deaf Pepsi commercial that would have ruined anyone's career that Kendall miraculously survived, where some genius thought that to make her the face of the Black Lives Matter movement was a good idea. Then came the T-shirt line. If you don't know, let me catch you up. Kendall and Kylie are so obsessed with their own faces they decided to super-impose them unto T-shirts of album covers by Biggie and Tupac. Are you fucking kidding me? And because they wanted to market it for basic bitches, the gave it a vintage look and charged a hefty 125.00$ price tag for them before quickly removing them from the market.
I'm sure the Muslim community is totally fine with this.
Kendall herself is also getting quite a bit of flack because her IG is chalk full of offensive and insensitive imagery such as her dressed up in a Hijab, to a shirt with a confederate flag on it. Also, lest we forget, she tagged a photo of herself and her sisters with the caption; 'girl power ...sister power' with a fist bump emoji on it. Only problem is that the fist bump color was basically three emojis darker than white, implying she was somehow on board the brazen cultural appropriation train without actually doing anything for the community that she is stealing from. I think my fave response to that bullshit was a girl who told her straight up to stick in her emoji lane.
Tupac always wanted his legacy to be two white girls' initials over his image.
The most recent BS regarding members of Taylor Swift's Aryan squad that's popped up is with supermodel Gigi Hadid. You'd think she gets a pass because she's half Semitic; born to a Dutch mother and a Palestinian father. And yet, she got a shitload of well-deserved flack when she announced that she would be walking in the Victoria Secret fashion show that would be held in Shanghai this year. Now, don't think that because she's not full blood that she doesn't enjoy white privilege. Her entire life was spent in Malibu living with her mother and rich, white stepfather, David Foster. Perhaps you're the biggest asshole when you don't admit that yeah you enjoy the fuck out of white privilege. Anyway, someone managed to dig up an IG video of her at a Chinese restaurant with her sister Bella, who did a weird quasi and really racist Asian bow, as Gigi held up her cookie in the shape of a Buddha face and squinted. That's some ratchet shit right there.
Presented without comment.
Now yeah, these things may seem minimal, but this is how it starts. And with racial tensions at an all time high, I'd be a bit more careful if I was a cultural icon, especially one that children look up to ...for some reason. Ana Navarro? No thanks ...Kendall. They're role models whether they like it or not, and people are just not having anymore of their casual racism. You don't get away with everything just because you're pretty, ladies.
With the giant clusterfucks of the current administration's agenda against women of constant shit and malice hitting us in the face like a curve balls at …I don't know what constitutes fast in baseball, whatever. I wanted to bring this subject up because among all of the Trump news to which I have almost become immune, almost (I mean, its great material for my non-existent comedy career). Alas, we've all recently heard among the Trump babble that the jury is in a deadlock about the verdict against Bill Cosby. A deadlock is not the best use of that word but at least they didn't call it a hung jury …Am I right? Ok! Enough puns.
If you're not up to date because you've made a nice home for yourself under a rock, let me enlighten you. After a woman's accusation came out that Cosby had sexually assaulted and raped her, it was about 10 or so years old. Now, in the state of California that is still within the statute of limitations so he can still be prosecuted for it. After this very courageous woman finally spoke up, it seemed like every other woman in the greater Los Angeles area came out all with the same disturbing story. 50 to be exact. I mean, it boggles the mind. 50 women are accusing Cosby, and what really sticks in my craw is that these women will never be vindicated. They will never see justice. He's not going to stand trail for those 50 as he should considering none of them had the courage to speak up, which is totally understandable. What's the word of a lowly ingenue against one of the biggest celebrities of that era? If this teaches us anything, and knowing about rape statistics, the most important and best thing a woman can do if she is victimized is speak up. You would think that a comic as successful as Cosby doesn't have to drug and rape girls. Who knows, was it titillating? Was it amusing? At least we know that to a sane person it's sick and wrong, and according to the police an egregious violation on too many women to even wrap your mind around.
Now, I'd like to talk about a paradox of conscience that I've dealt with for a while. It's interesting that no one has yet compared this scandal to the Polanski scandal of the 1970's. Here's some backstory on that; Roman Polanski was and is a brilliant filmmaker from Poland who lost both parents in the Holocaust as a kid. He made a name for himself as an auteur in Europe, moved to Hollywood and after Rosemary's Baby, he was THE Roman Polanski. He was married to the beautiful and wonderful Sharon Tate for a little less than a year until she and others at her house were brutally murdered by the Manson family while Roman was in London. His life changed forever, I mean of course it would. It should be added she was 8 1/2 months pregnant with their child at the time.
A few years later, when he decided not to give into grief but to survive and to keep going as an artist he made arguably his best film; Chinatown. Around this time, he started dating very young girls. He's European, they were European, I'm sure there was some legality there. Then, one night at Jack Nicholson's house, he was taking photographs of a 13 year old girl named Samantha Gailey, and according to public record, he proceeded to give her champagne and quaaludes to knock her out (sound familiar?), then sodomized and raped her.
Because of a really long story about what happened to the system of justice in this particular case, even though he had admitted culpability and guilt, he fled to France. To this day he is not allowed in the United States. The crisis comes from the fact that as a film lover, I without any pretense, faux intellect, or politics, really admire and respect him as a filmmaker. He is actually one of my favorites, and given what he had survived in his life, is it time to forgive him? Should we have forgiven him before? Surprisingly most people did. Except the police. I will never in my life advocate what he did. I have had to separate the person from the crime like a family member would.
Cosby at the height of his success
However, there's a sense of betrayal with Cosby that I cannot come to terms with. I grew up on The Cosby Show, and he really was America's dad. Not only that, he was so wholesome, and so iconic, realizing what he had done was such a blow to me that I don't think I have any forgiveness for him. As a woman, it makes my skin crawl. What I think bothers me the most is that he thought he could go on and on and get away with it, but now he's learning that no one is above the law. I just have no mercy for him. Why his case is different to me than the Polanski case is a total mystery. I do not think of Polanski as a victim. Although the European press would argue that. There is a very interesting documentary that I will link that expresses how he became two different people to two different sets of press; The European press saw him as this wholly tragic figure who survived the gassing of his mother, the murder of his wife, and maintained his voice against the Hollywood machine, while the American press saw him as this malignant twisted dwarf who dabbled in Satanism (untrue btw), was highly controversial, and just the perfect villain.
13-year-old Samantha Gailey, Polanski's victim.
And yet, Cosby would be the last person to understand as a villain. So many of us, particularly women, have difficulty coming to terms with that. He brought happiness to so many homes on TV night, broke race barriers in comedy, did a great deal for Civil Rights as well. And yet, his epic downfall is what his legacy will be, it is not tainted. It is forever tarnished.
I think the moment where I truly felt guttural hate for this man is when someone not exactly known for being of sound mind or for telling the truth; Janice Dickinson was interviewed about her experience with him as a young model. She said her piece, but the camera man failed at his job and forgot to turn off the tape. You can see that she started weeping in a way I never want to see a woman weep. Sexual assault is no joke, and having to hold it in because of intimidation from Cosby is even more disturbing and disgusting.
Back to Polanski, I would blanket statement this whole thing and say that of course circumstances aside it is never ok, and we all know this. What is it about a person that you can eventually forgive and one that is unforgivable. When Polanski received his Best Director Oscar for The Pianist in 2002, every single member in the Dolby Theater stood up and clapped their asses off. Is it time? I doubt it. It's ironic that a man like Polanski who made films that were really amazing and that's about it, is more forgivable than Cosby who brought us so much joy when we were children. But perhaps that's why we hate him more. And you know what? We should. There will always be an asterisk next to both of their names, and actually perhaps Cosby's name will be erased from TV history so that there isn't a giant splotch on their repertoire.
How the world will now remember Cosby. 'Shame' should be written on his lapel like a scarlet letter.
Ironically for Cosby, Hollywood is a very forgiving city. Hugh Grant, Mel Gibson, fucking Tara Reid, I mean c'mon. But in this age where women feel that their rights are being peeled apart like an orange, he is not a martyr. He is the shining example of what happens when power in Hollywood goes unchecked. We've talked about what's most infuriating and for lack of a better word defiling about this whole case is that it took one woman to speak up to make a whole army of them who felt so little next to the great and powerful Cosby to speak up and lived in silence for YEARS. I really do hope he gets his comeuppance. If not in court, the certainly in the court of public opinion. Why? Because I'm a woman. We will always be intimidated by figures like that who have more power, more money, more everything to fear people into speaking up. But since Obama had put sexual violence on the map, and really made it a forthright issue, its time to say I don't give a fuck who you are. You're a monster, and that's all I see.
Below is the trailer for the film I had mentioned earlier. It's called Wanted and Desired. Don't bother with Netflix the full thing is on Youtube, it is a must-see.
Unless you've been living under a rock, you probably have heard the term 'basic' or it's more prevalent incarnation; 'basic bitch' applied to someone, usually someone you're not a big fan of. I think 'basic' stretches to much more than pumpkin spiced latte's and Cosmo tips. Sadly, it probably applies to most if not all millenials. As someone born in 1984 (there I said it), I was born kind of on the cusp, and don't really know where to place myself. The generation before me was awesome; Gen-X? Everything Portlandia is nostalgic about? Yeah great. Grunge music, clown college, contentment at being unambitious, sleeping until 11...ok now I'm just playing the theme song in my head. Then came us...people born in the early-mid 80's. I think they called us Gen-Y because there was no term for us, and we really didn't have a place in this world. On that logic, I would say millenials are anyone born in 1990 and up. The reasoning for this being, those of us that came into this world in the decade preceding it remember a lot of shit that seems totally foreign to let's say...Kendall Jenner (ps, if you follow her on Instagram, you're basic). Ask her to dial a rotary phone. I bet you it would be hilarious.
Mean Girls ...porn for Basic Bitches
The millenial generation is one of entitlement. It's very much the me-me-me generation. Selfies were born from technology made for millenials, and as much as Mark Zuckerberg himself is not a millenial, Facebook is definitely a product for them; those starved for attention and a need to broadcast almost everything.
I remember newspapers, I remember internet cafés, phone books, caller ID, etc. That doesn't mean I'm not basic. I don't follow Kendall, but I do follow Gigi Hadid, and yes I use Instagram for selfies. Crucify me. I think basic stretches beyond going to Coachella rather than the Met Opera House, reading Cosmo instead of The New York Times, and pumpkin everything.
Going back to my generation, if I could label it ANYTHING, it would be the Fucked Generation. We really were. By the time most of us graduated college, the economy was lodged in the toilet, and a year later it had been flushed down along with many hopes and dreams. We overpaid for our overpriced education so we could have a degree from an elite school that no one deems anything more than 'fancy degrees', and no amount of Instagram selfies, viral videos, or followers on Pinterest were going to save us. Tuition was at an all time high, and employment was at an all time low. A lot of us took jobs that we were way too good for with hardly any salary, but I digress.
I think this excludes us from being basic because we have more important shit right now, and a lot of us (myself excluded because fuck it) are raising families and have no time to think of the perfect hashtag...I remember when that was just called a pound sign yeesh.
Entitlement is not in our blood because we had to scrap for everything in adult life. We thereby have some sense of dignity. Living in the epicenter of the tech capital, Silicon Valley I'm subject to a lot of basic. It's more of a generational thing than a lifestyle thing. And by the way, if you're a hipster who brews their own beer, and only drinks PBR because you think you know what 'bourgeoise' means...guess what you're BASIC. And stop throwing around the term 'artisanal' like you give a shit. Who cares if the coffee comes from a ridiculous contraption at a corner store in Brooklyn hand pressed for 3 hours by some tattoo'd 40-year-old who loves being a professional barista or from a Bodega on Crenshaw, just drink it.
An artisanal basic bitch hipster, who dresses like a hobo but has a trust fund and spends all of his money on anachronistic Sherlock Holmes pipes. And those mom jeans? 400$.
I am aware I'm coming off like I'm saying that I did things before they were cool, which is the ultimate hipster battle cry, but in my various interactions, I'm lucky not to have choked on too much basic. Once in a while, I stumble upon a basic bitch who tells me that she went to Coachella because she got to dress up all 'bohemian and stuff'. And it hurts my heart.
Side note: I especially hate how Taylor Swift who's latest album breaks records every day (or used to) called it 1989 even though she spent 5 days in 1989. As if to escape from her basicness. That's an insult to everyone who was actually born in the 80's. 1989? Really? Did ya see the Berlin Wall come down? Didn't think so. Stop trying to resurrect an era you know nothing about. And your music videos are basic AF, just so you know.
Yes, I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when this happened. Do you? Or did you watch it on The People vs. OJ Simpson?
So before you go on how you 'can't even', remember that there were people whom you call 'old' who are in their 30's now who remember a time when they had so much student debt that they couldn't even, and that was an actual struggle. I'm reminded of the Louis CK joke about how people in their 20's stand around thinking if they just stand around and hate their job someone will appear and be like 'well let's make you a director then, that's how that works'. And no I don't want to go wine tasting with you. I know you make more money than I do, but I've been to Italy, and to France, and to Napa, and I know the difference between a Bordeaux and a Burgundy. Unless you're paying. So if you're reading this, and you're basic, get your butt back on Pinterest. Those weddings to your imaginary boyfriend yet aren't going to plan themselves. Oooof, that was a lot of shade but I do feel better.
Well ladies and gents. I've reached 400. My god what have I done with my life? I started his blog in 2010, and have finally gotten to 400. I consider that a feat, I don't care. I'm very proud of my blog and can't believe it's been 5 years and 400 posts. I've written probably about 7 pieces on Marilyn Monroe, about as many on Edie Sedgwick, Orson Welles, Spring Breakers, Downton Abbey...and then it came to me. Ask yourself...who whether you like it or not is a living icon that our generation grew up on? Who is perhaps the most photographed person right now? And who is instantly recognizable in their work, look, or sound? Let's spare anymore suspense....It's Britney, bitch.
For my 400th I thought the best thing to do was to give you the ultimate countdown of her best music videos. She's had quite a lot of them, and not all made the cut. But every single one is special in its own way and molded the persona, career, and immortality of perhaps our generation's most recognizable figure. Recently she received one of those 'Lifetime achievement awards' at the VMA's (not sure what they call it) Video Vanguard, that's it. It was given to her by Lady Gaga and a tribute of her greatest moments was performed. Love her, hate her, or simply don't care, you can't not acknowledge that she is now synonymous with pop culture. We've watched her grow from a teeny-bopper school girl, into a villainous sex-pot, watched her self-destruct, and rise from the ashes like the Phoenix that she is. If you're my age, it's hard to remember a time when Britney wasn't part of our lives, and I think all of us are surprised that she's lasted this long. Homegirl might not have the voice of Whitney Houston, the versatility of Madonna, or the creative bravado or Lady Gaga, but there's no question that she's earned her place not only in the music industry, but in iconography. This is mainly due to her music videos so let's start the countdown shall we?
10. Piece of Me (2007)
At #10, we have Piece of Me.
This is perhaps her most blatant fuck-you to the media that’s haunted her for
most of her life. Every single lyric says it all. ‘I’m Mrs. She’s to thick now
she’s too thin’, ‘I’m Mrs. Oh my god that Britney’s shameless’ …’you want a
piece of me?’. The video is simple enough. It’s her barely dancing against
bright colorful flashing lights, and every once in a while cuts to her doing
something that she became notorious for doing; partying and having it show up
on a newspaper. It’s a very unapologetic message. Someone once compared her to
the female Elvis. No, she’s not as talented as him, it’s meant in the way that
no one was ever that famous and thrust into the blinding glare of the media
spotlight basically all the livelong day. I can see why she had a meltdown
eventually. And with this song she’s not saying ‘poor me, leave me alone’.
She’s saying, ‘come and get it, bitch’.
9. Everytime (2004)
This is perhaps the video that I
still struggle with but I had to include it if for no better reason than that
the song is sung by a cornrowed James Franco in one of my favorite films ever; Spring Breakers. I swear every time the
song ends I hear Franco’s voice in my head whisper ‘Spring Breaaaaak’. It
literally doesn’t make any sense, but the song is very pretty. It’s one of the
few ballads that Britney’s ever done, and it’s the best one. In the video she’s
in a hospital, then she’s arguing with a boyfriend (played comically enough by
Stephen Dorff), then she’s dead, then she’s in a bathtub. I don’t get it. I
really don’t. It kind of looks like a really bad student film, but Britney
makes it come together. The imagery matches the tone and the lilting lyrics of
the song. She get’s my approval…as does James Franco. Sometimes I think I
prefer his version more.
8. Criminal (2011)
Criminal is one of her most
recent efforts off of her Femme Fatal record. It’s perhaps her most unlikely
video. It’s very Madonna. She’s for once not in charge of her fate. In it, she
falls in love with…a criminal, but he’s sexy and drives a motorcycle and we
know that’s catnip for Britney. The man just happens to be her then-fiancé
Jason Trawick with whom she gets caught up in a Bonnie & Clyde kind of
scenario in England for some reason. The video ends with them making out amidst
a hail of police bullets in slow motion. Sound hoaky, I know, but it’s really
cool. And she’s naked in the shower. And she plays with guns. Bingo, I have
bingo.
7. Stronger (2000)
This is the first collaboration
with director Joseph Kahn. It’s somewhat non-linear and weird, but the
choreography makes up for it. She’s in some kind of spinning room like the
restaurant at the Marriott in Times Square…then she’s driving a car over a
collapsed highway in the rain, but the best part of course is her dance with a
moving chair. That was very Gene Kelly/Fred Astaire of her, and totally blew my mind. Also, if you listen to the lyrics, it’s about a lot of
fluff obviously, but it’s very deliberately contradicting her former attitude
towards men. When in Baby…One More Time there’s the line ‘my loneliness is
killing me’ in Stronger the lyric goes ‘my loneliness ain’t killing me no
more’. Heavy right? She’s a poet.
6. Womanizer (2008)
I love Womanizer. It was the
first single from Circus, and had announced to the world; Hey everyone, I’m not
batshit anymore…and I have hair again. It’s basically a Toxic Part II, but
steamier. Instead of writhing around on the floor in a nude glitter suit, she’s
again, in a sauna, completely naked narrating the story of a woman who stalks
her cheating boyfriend by (again) having three incarnations. The song is
actually brilliant when you think about it. The chorus is unique in how
repetitive and fast it is, and this video displays Britney’s confidence better
than any other. She’s playing by her own rules now people, don’t be the unlucky
one that gets in her way.
5. ...Baby One More Time (1999)
Ah the video that started it all.
I know considering its significance it should probably be number 1, but as a
video it’s not as strong as some of the others; and that is exactly the essence
of Britney. When this single and the video hit, people were asking themselves;
how does a pop star possibly top that? She did. Many a time. But let’s go back.
Turns out the concept was all Britney’s idea. The director wanted some kind of
cartoonish thing, but Britney suggested that they set it in a school and donned
the now iconic schoolgirl uniform to dance to some of the most 90’s choreography
ever. Ironically, the whole wardrobe for everyone in the video was bought at
K-Mart. It appealed to that very evil thing in men where you dress like a slut
but tell people you’re a virgin. She had the little girl bangs, the falsetto
out-of-breath voice, and the goddamn pigtails and announced her arrival in a
very ballsy way.
4. Circus (2008)
Circus is just a very well
directed video. Off of her album…Circus, it’s set in a…circus. It’s funny how Christina
Aguilera always seems to be on the music video heels of Britney because after
this video dropped, Christina’s Hurt premiered, and it was also set in a
circus. Not to mention that Christina’s infamous fuckfest orgy video for Dirrty hit about 2 months after I’m a Slave 4 U and even though it was
blatantly more sexual, I remember thinking; ‘Britney did it better’. Anyway,
Britney was fresh from her very public meltdown and wanted to prove that she
was still at the top of her game. She looked amazing, playing a ringmaster, and
the choreography was a break from what we’d usually seen her do. It was much
more complex and advanced, proving to everyone that this bitch can dance.
3. I'm a Slave 4 U (2001)
Perhaps Britney’s sexiest video
and maybe one of the sexiest videos of all time. Britney was no longer the
school girl with a midriff that won’t quit. Donning leather low-riders and a
few pieces of bright pink fabric to cover her boobs, the video puts her in a
giant sauna of some kind. Everyone is sweaty as fuck, and just has to dance
damn it. Some costume genius decided to spray Britney with olive oil in between
takes so she always looks like she’s dripping in sweat, and what’s sexier than
that? The heavy panting probably. I remember watching it for the first time and
being ‘Woah, what happened to innocent school girl Britney?’ This was her
loudest transition into her sex-pot persona. She played this up by performing
the song at that year’s VMA’s with a live giant python wrapped around her. It’s
considered to be one of the best and most significant performances of that
show’s history.
2. Oops!...I Did It Again (2000)
I’m sorry but I love this song
and the video, albeit totally weird, it is hilarious and infectiously catchy just
like the song. After ...Baby One More Time, everyone thought; well she’s cool and
of the times, but who knows if she has staying power? When Oops!…I Did it Again
dropped, coupled with a solid video, people realized Britney was here to stay.
In her red cat suit, and that ridiculous choreography she became an icon before
our very eyes. More than anything, it’s just fun, and even if you hated it, you
really loved it and rock out to it when the windows are rolled up. And admit
it, you can do the dance too.
1. Toxic (2003)
Did you really not see this coming? Toxic is not only her best video
but her best song. It was the first conscious
break from the bubble-gum pop era of Britney and the first single off her 4th
album ‘In the Zone’. She teamed up with avant-garde video director Joseph Kahn again, who previously worked with the likes of Eminem, Moby, Christina Aguilera, and
TLC. It’s the first of her videos to tell a cohesive (albeit highly surreal and
hyper-visualized) story that involves an angry beauty seeking revenge on a man that
wronged her and eventually killing him. Britney has three significant
incarnations that not only make her look unbelievable, but helped disguise her in her
quest. Tyson makes a cameo as her motorcycle driver, and of course there’s that
nude suit with glitter on it barely concealing well anything in the video. The song style
borrows heavily from the music of the 70’s, particularly ABBA and was an
instant hit. The video is just as iconic, and signified that Britney was
growing up.
Now rock out like there's no one there to judge you.
Below, that Video Vanguard thing I was talking about.
Last week, I went to see the much talked about documentary on the recently departed Amy Winehouse, simply titled AMY. Directed by esteemed documentarian Asif Kapadia, I was really hesitant and also extremely excited. To tell a story like Amy's is something usually reserved for a VH1 Behind the Music special. But with docs taking center stage of late and Kurt Cobain: A Montage of Heck being hailed as one of the best retrospectives on the icon ever, I was optimistic that it would be more than just the rise and fall of a shooting star that gave us so much and left us too soon.
I didn't want the cheap force-crying tricks that come with documenting a story of a troubled yet vastly talented public figure whom we uncover as having a self-destructive streak peppered with personal demons blah blah blah...blah. No, it's not that at all. Kapadia painted a portrait of Amy as something more than just a girl gifted from the universe with one of the most unique voices and a self-destructive streak that rivals Cobain's. This was a new breed of documentary. It was simply put, the story of one's life, it just so happens that it was tragic story, and the life was that of a public figure. I don't remember the last time I cried at a movie much less cried throughout, and I'm not exaggerating. Every time Amy sang in archival footage I was bawling to the point where people around me were side-eyeing me to death. I didn't care. I was hit right in the gut with this one.
Younger and healthier Amy, always writing, always making music.
There are two ways to tell Amy's story; both of them cop outs. Amy the singer or Amy the addict. This was neither of these. Of course you can't have a documentary without either of those elements, but more than anything else, this was Amy the girl. And though it was told through many people close to her; her manager, her father (the scumbag), her ex-husband (the even bigger scumbag), her best friend, and others as well as through her own words, the most powerful way her story is told is through her songs. We all bought 'Back to Black' upon release in 2007, but hearing those very familiar songs again in this context was a flooring experience. I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to the album the same way again.
Amy with then-husband Blake Fielder-Civil, whom many blame for Amy's rapid deterioration. I don't disagree, there were a lot of people that were not only bad influences but were leeches basically in her life, and he was definitely predominantly the worst one.
I did some research (well, barely the minimum on Google) but turns out, just a month into the film's release, it's already one of the most successful documentaries ever released, it's almost hit the mark that An Inconvenient Truth is at, and it's no surprise. Here's the thing, and this is why I keep comparing her to Cobain (who also recently had a doc that came out about him). She was incredibly public. Her ups and downs (mostly downs) were splattered across front pages like we've never seen. Second to Britney Spears she was probably followed, chased, and photographed more than anyone else. We saw her with her eye make up smeared all over her face, with blood on her neck, with torn up shoes, we even saw her with drugs in her hands, and we always saw her drink. This was someone not trying to conceal anything, and yet this was someone who (as the documentary says) was trying to disappear. And we wouldn't let her.
It's one of those 'we all know what happens in the end' films, but who cares? Like anything else, we still crave answers as to why, and the beauty of this documentary is that it doesn't give you answers. It gives you the circumstances and lets you figure it out for your damn self, because it treats you like a smart person who can put shit together on their own.
Beautiful portrait of Amy utilized for marketing of the documentary.
We all knew where we were July 23rd, 2011 (I was in an Apple store getting my phone screen fixed jebus), and it's not like the world would never be the same after that. We kind of all expected it. Amy was a time-bomb. It wasn't a crushing blow like the death of Robin Williams, or even Whitney Houston. We don't want to admit it but during her life, we all kind of thought; well someone that is THAT self-destructive is not going to last long and she didn't publicly show any signs of getting better, in fact her condition deteriorated. I'd like to think she was more like Edie Sedgwick than any rock god in the '27 club'. She's a person we were and still are absolutely fascinated with, and we all wanted a piece of her. She died quietly when her demons finally got the better of her, and who knows what she would have been capable of later in life had it not been cut off so abruptly. I think her idol; Tony Bennett put it best in the doc when he said; 'If I could, I would tell her 'slow down, you are too important'. I couldn't even write that without welling up (full disclosure). When you hopefully go in to watch the film after reading this blog post, know that it's not the story of someone's personal or professional life, although that's part of the content. It's about the music she gifted us with, and the soul from whence it came (god that sounds pretentious). Amy herself put it best; 'I'm not a girl trying to be a star...I'm just a girl who sings'. Playing now, please see it. And please have a good cry.
Dude what's wrong with you? Are you suffering from buyer's remorse or something?
Can you believe that it's been 20 whole years since knee-high socks, plait skirts, and a cannon of pop culture phrases that are so timeless that we still use them in conversation were the basis for how we functioned as human beings? Your 'as ifs' your 'whatevers' your 'I totally paused' par example.
Don't you feel ancient? I do. Let's travel back in time. It's 1995. I'm an awkward overweight 5th grader with greasy hair and I come to school one day and everyone is dressed up exactly like Cher in the opening scene. Well, we all kind of had to because we went to a Jewish private school and we already had plait skirts, that's right Clueless, we did it first. I also noticed a lot of those topless range rovers driving around the campus by the cooler older sisters, even though that thing would fling like a sling shot over a speed bump and violent crumble like a piece of aluminum foil, it looked fly. Another archaic term from the mind of Amy Heckerling. The girls in my class basically turned themselves into little mini-Cher's because let's face it, who wanted to be Tai. We all used pagers and flip phones, bulleted to the galleria after school was out, and started to believe we could argue our way from a C+ to an A- if we told our teachers that an evil male broke our hearts. Seriously I can quote that film from beginning to end verbatim so for all of our sakes, I'll try to keep it at a minimum.
Those outfits, ladies. Those outfits were so amazing that they were a character in the film unto themselves. We collectively thought. Wait, we can dress like that? No one told me!
Based surprisingly enough on Jane Austen's 'Emma', the film tells the story of a loaded Beverly Hills blondie who has a rotating closet, a mansion in the 90210, and silky blonde hair, and absolutely no clue. It's laden with more 90's nostalgia than the front page of Buzzfeed, and oozing with snarky and quippy one-liners. It's literally the perfect teen movie, and I just feel so sorry for the generation following us that nad nothing better than Twilight to cling to. Mean Girls came close, but c'mon, there can only be one. And Clueless is the undisputed gold medalist.
Here's the thing, it's not just dumb funny the likes of which we see with the frat pack, where fart and pot jokes are front and center. Yes, it's a film for the ladies, but for how much it glorifies being a bit hair-brained, and CLUELESS, superficial and dense, it's a smart satire with such amazing writing that only a woman's sensibility could have brought to it. Amy Heckerling is like the Nora Ephron that doesn't take herself too seriously, and she's damn talented. Female filmmakers to this day like Tamara Jenkins, Nicole Holofcener, and Sofia Coppola takes major queues from her. As they should. She was a trailblazer in her own right, and the film is still relevant today, despite being a fluffy comedy, despite being totally dated, and despite having little substance.
Pillow lipped, gorgeous, and quirky, Alicia created a character that we couldn't help but love and aspire to be.
Why is it most of us can still quote from it, name at least 3 actors that were in it, and dress like Cher at the Valley party? It's not just teenage fodder. Perhaps unintentionally, Heckerling made a landmark film that through its carefree whimsy became a solid piece of pop culture history.
All of us Gen-Y'ers are starting to procreate (well most anyway), and I'm sure the first thing we sit our kids down to watch when they're about 8 or so is going to be Clueless. You know why? It's very simple. It's fucking fun. It's not Citizen Kane, and it doesn't have to be. It's entertainment in it's purest form, salted and peppered with a great wardrobe, and some of the most memorable spoken lines ever, this film changed our entire cultural landscape. For those of us who remember, we went from wearing Nirvana T's and coming to school with unwashed hair, to pulling up those knee-high socks, charging our giant flip phones, and giving everyone in our path some kind of make-over. Yeah we might not have grown up loaded in a giant mansion in Beverly, nor fallen in love with our step brother (lest we forget, that was also our introduction to Paul Rudd). but we could all relate to Cher's plight. In fact, she is in a very strange way Charles Foster Kane. She's a girl that has literally everything, but in the end realizes she needs to 'make-over' her soul. If only Kane had come to the same conclusions. (I realize film buffs reading this are very close to shooting me right now) I honestly don't care.
Still rollin' with the homies.
Clueless is a timeless genius piece of filmmaking, and what's great about it is that it doesn't make you think, and it doesn't make you cry. It makes you laugh and it makes you happy. And, escapism is a very important cog in the filmmaking institution. Also, talk about roles people were born to play. Had anyone been cast as Cher aside from Alicia Silverstone, I think the film would definitely have been forgotten damn fast. Her faces alone are unforgettable. The 'oops my bad' big eyes, or the 'anything you can do to attract attention to your mouth is good' dreamy stare, and of course the 'She's a total Monet' side-eye. She was our perky, blonde, Gloria Steinem. So bless you Heckerling, bless you Alicia...now if you'll excuse me I left my Cranberries CD in the quad I have to get it before someone snags it.
And I couldn't resist so here's my favorite list of quotes:
'He's a disco dancing, Oscar Wilde reading, Streisand ticket holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm sayin'?' - Murray
'At least I didn't skin a collie to make my backpack' - Dionne
'What was that about?' - Cher
'Lucy's from El Salvador' - Josh
'So?' - Cher
'It's a whole different country' - Josh
'What does that matter?' - Cher
'You get upset if people think you live below Sunset' - Josh
'You're a virgin who can't drive' - Tai
'My foot hurts, can I go to the nurse?' - Elton
'Duh, it's like a famous quote...from cliff's notes' - Cher
'And I think I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did' - Cher
'I'm not offering I'm asking you IF you drink, you think I give alcohol to teenage drivers taking out my daughter?' - Mel Horowitz
'Girly, as far as you're concerned I'm the Messiah of the DMV' - DMV instructor
'Isn't my house a classic? The column date back allt he way to 1972' - Cher
'You like Billie Holiday?' - Christian
'I love him' - Cher
'That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential' - Cher
'You look confused' - Josh
'Well, I thought they declared peace in the Middle East' - Cher
'It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day' - Cher
'Do you see the distinction?' - Dionne
'Cher get in here' - Mel Horowitz
'Yes daddy?' - Cher
'What the hell is that?' - Mel Horowitz
'A dress' - Cher
'Says who?' -Mel Horowitz
'Calvin Klien' - Cher
Ok I'll stop now. Add your own. You know you have some.
