It’s Been a Year Since Spring Breakers and What Have We Learned?

Ok I jest it’s actually been a year and a few months, but still, since the cataclysmic world-altering event that was James Franco’s grillz first hit American theaters and mainstream America finally knew who Harmony Korine was. But has the earth appropriately shattered? And with the talks of a Spring Breakers 2 already abuzz on the internet, will our perception of the best thing that ever happened to the 21^st century be ruined?

Anyway, back to life lessons.
Point #1: Now everyone not just Silicon Valley hipsters know who Megan Ellison is, as more than just the eccentric daughter of Larry Ellison. Suck it, Silicon Valley?

Point #2: The Disney channel is not just one giant black hole of mind-numbing content and jail-bait and can actually produce genuine talent. I know, I was shocked too when I found myself saying the following; Selena Gomez can act, ya’ll.

Point #3: St. Petersburg, Florida is a toilet.

Point #4: Where did Gucci Mane’s ridiculous face tattoo disappear to? Was it ever there in the first place?

Point #5: Rachel Korine is married to Harmony Korine, you guys

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And finally, let’s wrap things up with the man that encompasses the most important life-lessons of all, Mr. James Edward Franco of the Palo Alto Franco’s is a Renaissance man.
Let's face it folks, and fellow Columbia students who saw him walking the circumference of Dodge Hall smoking two cigarettes in his mouth, fiddling with his smart phone and then falling asleep in class. Maybe he had just shut off that part of the brain that actually does stuff so he could meditate on further projects...Like perhaps reading the script of Spring Breakers in that labyrinthine craziness that is his mind. Anyway, no one would give you any kind of argument if you say that James Franco completely stole Spring Breakers for himself, so much so, that he could stand head and shoulders next to his directors like they both contributed equally to the outcome. Most of Alien's dialogue, mannerism, and general debauchery was ad-libbed and conceived by Franco himself (case and point the sucking a gun like a dick scene as well as the infamous 'Look at my shyyyit' speech). Alien is truly one of the greatest anti-heroes in contemporary cinema.

But lets please give credit where credit is due. This film is the brainchild, and the labor of love of longtime contraversial director Harmony Korine. But let me back up. There are two kinds of iconoclasts in the film world, ones who do it in the face of art to break rules in order to make their own artistic artistic statement which almost always comes of preachy and pretentious, and then you have a real iconoclast like Korine; 

He breaks the rules because it's in his bloody nature. It is completely impossible for him to make a film that is not completely his, and just his aesthetic and talent are so out of bounds of anything, they force him through his art and process to not only break the so-called rules, but not to give a shit when they are. He's a real whistle-blower, devoid of pretension and personal gain or loss. He just wants to make a film damn it, it's really that simple. And when he does, it's pandemonium. Critics are ripping their hair out deciding whether to like it or pan it knowing that when a Korine film comes out, you better be en pointe considering no one likes to be the unpopular voice in that cannon, not even Armond White. But the one thing that's sure is that whether achieving any kind of indie box office success, the film culminates with instant cult status, and films haven't done that since the 70's...or Verhoeven. The wild success of Spring Breakers (2013) is just proof of how multi-faceted Korine has always been. Not only can he make a quirky bizarre indie cult hit a la Vincent Gallo, but he can make it a huge commercial success considering its modest budget and also make it the film du-jour of not only snooty New York intellectuals but right down to your average, run of the mill, dumb it down teenagers. He had us all saying 'Look at my Shyiit!' He has impacted not only as a film industry but society as a whole with his free wheelin', devil-may-care attitude and proletariat filmmaking approach that shakes us, provokes us, and ultimately makes us deeply admire his spirit, and an aesthetic that danes not to take itself seriously at all and yet still maintain a serious impact with its precedence. I smell honorary Oscar.

Fun stuff below

Turn It Up! Trailer Music Takes a Front Seat

Adèle Exarchopoulos and Léa Seydoux in Blue is the Warmest Color.

Music enjoyed quite the spotlight in not just its idiom with the barely there videos for Blurred Lines and Wrecking Ball, but also in cinema as well. Just in trailers, filmmakers and their editing team showed us they're still hipsters at heart and though the film itself might have an original score, they are going to draw you in with some hip indie shit so you'll watch their hip indie film. 

August: Osage County (2013) even got on the bandwagon, where I'm sure some idiot was thinking ok, a film about domestic dispute and general tension within a family, where have we seen that before? The Lumineers! They're not annoying the shit out of the whole population yet (yes they are) get them on the phone...worked for Silver Linings Playbook (2012), so what if it's 2 years later and no one cares nor ever wants to hear another song by The Lumineers ever again (can you say overexposed?) let's stick that in the trailer. I'm sure Meryl draped against the background of a light-hearted Lumineers ditty will convince people that this is actually a pretty dark story about a family falling apart with a biting comic edge. They'll think it's a fun flick for the whole family to enjoy. I'll take morons for 300 Alex.

I could literally hear every song Sleigh Bells ever wrote over this image.

But everyone else seemed to have the right idea, even people that do nothing but accentuate the soundtrack, never bothering to hire someone to write an original score so that the whole world is force fed their exceptional knowledge of music in general. I'm talking to you Sofia Copolla. Every single goddamn film of hers is saturated with indie hits and long forgotten tunes from eras we no longer care about just so that people can leave the film going 'wow, that was a really long music video we just sat through', but even I was on board after watching both the teaser and the trailer for The Bling Ring (2013) against which the punishing beats of Sleigh Bells were 'ringing'. I was like fuck it, I'll watch the damn thing; I mean it really was the perfect track for a film about spoiled LA trust fund babies going on a robbing spree in the Hollywood Hills, I was even watching the film mouthing the words 'set set that crown on the ground...bitches' I ad libbed that last part. 

Blue is the Warmest Color (2013) didn't disappoint either, it's a dark Euro film filled with heightened emotion, lots of shakey steady-cam, and lady-tears, don't get me wrong, I loved it, and they did choose the best artist to sing in the background of all of this draaaama in the trailer; miss Lykke Li. The new Bjork as it were. She's Euro, she's emotional, she's saturated in feminist lyricism, and haunting grooves, she's perfect, and her song 'I Follow Rivers' which was used in the trailer was pitch perfect to describe the film to me in a matter of two minutes.

Not only does Harmony Korine give us a glimpse into Alien's headspace, but his ipod shuffle too.

But as ever, the winner this year is (surprise, surprise) Harmony Korine, I'm sorry I know you know by now my feelings about Spring Breakers (2013), but I'm going to sing it's praises once again. Perhaps the best use of music this whole year, combining a chilling and ominous score with some iconic pop ballads and new hits from edgy artists like Skrillex and Gucci Mane (one of the actors in the film btdubs) was bloody brilliant. In the trailer, it begins with the girls just talking about making it to Spring Break, and getting 'the fucking money' to get there, and once they do, crank up the Gucci Mane as they twerk up on each other and ride scooters like champions into St. Pete's. Gangsta's fo life. Once James Franco shows up, they change it up to a dark remix by Skrillex, which jumps with the clips from the film; from the surreally magical to the deeply horrific. It worked on me immediately. It's perhaps the trailer of the year. (Although I was a big fan of Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013)) TRAILER-WISE. 

Here's a film that really fucked up on their trailer...Inside Llewyn Davis (2013), excellent film, what the fuck, trailer? Instead of using original music from the film (which one would argue was smart as it would give too much away and lord knows that the Coen Brothers are awesome with music considering O Brother, Where Art Though? (2003) made more on the soundtrack than the film did itself) but instead they went for a little known Bob Dylan ballad called 'Farewell' and considering the topic of the film, in Eisenstenian theory (calm down bleeding heart film students), one would assume this is some kind of 'based on actual events' retelling of Bob Dylan's life a la I'm Not There (2007) not a totally original piece about a folk singer living in New York with a ginger cat trying to make it by during the neo-bohemian scene and resurgence of folk music in the West Village. I would still elect to use original music from the film, or at least part of the score, just nothing as recognizable like Dylan because that's going to confuse people, so fail there Coen Brothers, but not to worry the film still kicked major ass. Well...that's about it for me, I mean the trailer for Gravity (2013) was smart in using classical music, a lesson learned from Lars Von Trier I'm sure, considering there's I believe little to no music in the film at all, and classical music always heightens up the drama, I mean I think I've heard Mozart's requiem used over 20 times in trailers from the past 2 years alone. So anyway enjoy your new iTunes purchases and I'll leave you with the trailers and maybe some music videos. Cheers! 

Why Spring Breakers is the Best Film of The Year and Deserves an Oscar

Let's get shit straight. I've seen almost all of the big contenders for this year's Oscars, and I know that Spring Breakers (2013) is so goddamn controversial it won't even be nominated for the bullshit MTV Movie Awards, but you know what? In 1969 Midnight Cowboy won Best Picture, and it was Rated X, back when they had a 'Rated X' title and not a bullcrap NC-17 title. 

Remember a time when a film about a man-whore and a drug dealer won Best Picture? Me neither.

Yes, 12 Years a Slave (2013) is a masterpiece and if you read my blog you know I sing its praises, but for crap's sake people, if you look back on what defined our culture of the past year, Spring Breakers has got to be in there. It basically encapsulated not only our sad state as idiots in limbo in an unforgiving world in the midst of a financial crisis, war, and recession, but also basically touched on what that has reduced us to as human beings. And it does it in such a profound and unapolagetic bite-your-tongue and slap-your-cheek way that it's impossible to overlook it's relevance. 

All of the 'against-type casting was genius, we all knew Franco would jump on the bandwagon, but it was surprising to see Disney moguls like Hudgens and Gomez partake, I guess they're smarter than we thought.

Yes, 12 Years a Slave is a history peice full to the brim of great performances so it will probably take home the top honors, and Spring Breakers won't even be looked at seriously because it's cynical, full of transgression, nudity, and hedonism, (all of which the Academy frowns upon) but mostly I believe that it will be ignored because it's a blatant spit in the face/middle finger to society and all of the 'social norms' that we accept in order to convince ourselves that we are good people when we are soooooo not. There is no redemption, ascention, or even any kind of forgiveness to this movie. It's brutal, farcical, and violent as fuck. At least with 12 Years, while being violent as fuck as well, it portrays the violence as if to say; hey remember white people, this is something that actually happened. In Spring Breakers, the violence comes from a totally unnecessary and non-sensical place. It's violence for the sake of violence, and that is something that we as a society can't understand, so why should we expect the Academy to? 

My favorite contemporary filmmaking genius, yes above Aronofksy, Fincher, Cuaron, Bigelow etc. An auteur among pretenders. 

But here's the thing, it fucking happens all the time, and it's incomparably painful. Harmony Korine in all of his genius is utilizing every aspect that defines our stupid contemporary culture to bring it to it's massive decaying zenith and throwing it back into your face as if to say 'this is all that's left of you, pathetic morons' and he does it so effortlessly and subliminally that yes, he deserves not only an Oscar but a fucking parade in his honor. Why? Because he's the only one brave to do so. His films never end on a high note, they always end with people walking out going '...why' and then having a few shots and reflecting on it thinking 'fuck, we really ARE that horrible as a species'. 

He doesn't give you any answers...much like Spike Lee always refused to, and do you know why? Because some times in life there are no fucking answers ok people? Sometimes we all do stupid shit and get into trouble for the bad choices we make, and no one is responsible for it but ourselves. Some times we don't win, and some times we don't triumph, and sometimes life is shit until the bitter end. But the genius of Korine reminds us that until we get to that bitter end there are some absolutely fucking amazing moments that though irrational, we know we all have in ourselves to act upon and that's what's so goddamn scary. And...that's exactly why the Academy won't give him shit this year. They will never admit that they are not the classy, robustly moral, paragons of this brave new world, when we all know that of course they are not, and neither are we. So all I can really say is; Thank you, Harmony, don't ever stop pushing our hypocrisies right back into our stupid bloated faces until we choke on it like we deserve to. Thank you sir.

Trailer below.

Dear James Franco: Stop Everything! Sincerely, The World.

A picture worth a thousand words.

I don’t even understand the appeal here. He’s not even fun to look at, he might have been in the beginning when he was on that whole matinee idol next River Pheonix skew back in the early 00’s, but then he decided to go the pretentious artist route and become a full-fledged laughable academic all at once. And I do mean laughable. He started doing two masters degrees at the same time one at NYU and one at Columbia. And if you’ve ever done 1 Masters (ahem) you know how grueling and time consuming it is, so he was basically trying to show off, and didn’t do a half decent job of it. My cohorts and I would see him around Dodge Hall (School of the Arts in Columbia University, what what!) droning around staring at his blackberry and a cigarette dangling out of his mouth like he was the reincarnation of James Dean, too cool for school; as it turns out he was just too stupid for it. And when he got into Yale, and I didn’t for a PhD program, I had realized people had seriously lost their effing minds...not that I deserved to get into Yale, but he sure didn't! I mean seriouslaaaay. 

Finally realizing that he’s a total joke in academic circles, he decided to go the pretentious artist route and scathed by with a whole series of garbage films, both acting and directing them, the newest of which, a bastardization of the William Faulkner novel ‘As I Lay Dying’ which is unbelievably going to open in Un Certain Regard at Cannes this year, and putting in a piss poor performance in perhaps one of the most interesting films of the year; Harmony Korine’s Springbreakers (2012), James Franco should get a universal 'F' for failing in life. 

Pretentious ass. Franco in a still from his new film in which he stars and directs (of course) As I Lay Dying (2013)

He once said the reason he’s so ‘productive’ or as I like to call it scattered in a clusterfuck is because his mind is so active, which I translate into ‘I’m on Adderall all the time’ which is basically what it seems like. I remember in 2008, he took over for Gus Van Sant’s absence when we screened Milk (2008) at Columbia for the film program and a subtle sighs of ‘awwwww’s’ echoed through the audience. He seemed totally stoned (of course) and couldn’t tell us anything interesting. Not about the film, not about his career, not about anything in particular because he was so mentally befuddled, like words were confusing him and hitting him at the face and grabbing at his brain. 

Franco in Milk (2008) probably the only good thing he's ever done.

And now it’s just getting ridiculous, you are not a renaissance man, James Franco, you will never be the next Kerouac, Orson Welles, or Dostoevsky, stick to what you know how to do best; rolling fatties and making teenage girls squirm in their panties. Just stop, for the love of god, stop everything. Now. Much love, Vera.

The Most UnSexy Bio-Pic Portrayls and Who Should Have Been Cast Instead

I'm sorry, I'm still not over Lilo being cast as Elizabeth Taylor and now that I have to stomach driving past a mile-high billboard of her as Liz in down sunset and try to make breakfast from coming up, I'm going to give you some more examples of shitty casting in Hollywood obviously by idiots who have never seen a movie made with the subject of their respective bio-pic therefore resort to stunt casting in order to make desperate dollars off an unassuming public. Someone please start getting it right, it's getting ridiculous. There are only a few examples here, there are so many but I don't want to go too far back or spew my resentment all over the place, so I'm just leaving you with 6.

Scarlett Johansson as Janet Leigh in the upcoming bio-pic Hitchcock (2012). Dear Scarlett is not nearly as 'pointy' as Janet Leigh, and her voice is far too low. This is a good example of being-cast-for-your-rack-casting, I think this is an enormous misfire. No one is going to envision Janet Leigh with someone like Scar-Jo who shouldn't be doing ANY bio-pics.

Who Should Have Been Cast: Emma Stone. Not only does she look like Janet Leigh, I'm under the firm impression that Emma Stone can do anything.

 

Ben Affleck as George Reeves. This was just a hot mess in every direction. Hollywoodland (2006) was an awful film, mainly because Adrien Brody was in it, but Ben Affleck as the very first superman really crawled under my skin and planted a cancer in it.

If you could recast this today, this is basically an obvious choice, that is to hired Armie Hammer who is not only versatile and interesting, he also basically looks a lot like George Reeves, and he's reminiscent of 50's movie stardom much more than Ben Affleck who sadly is stagnant to his own time.

James Franco as James Dean. This was a misfire and a half. Rather than get to the iconic hypersexualized states of Dean, Franco (of course) sought out to bring about the intellectual 'serious actor' side of Dean, and lets face it, none of us were interested in that. The movie flopped, predictably. 

Who should be recast today? Aaron Taylor Johnson. I know that no one is interested in any more takes on James Dean, but I think this would be an interesting choice. They are about the same age, and let's face it, Aaron knows how to brood.

Sienna Miller as Edie Sedgwick. This never made sense to me and no one is a bigger Edie fan than I am. Aside from the film being poorly written and constructed, Miller was all wrong for the part. She was older, British, she didn't look anything like her or sound anything like her. You can only put pantyhose and thick black eye-liner on someone so much but it still looks like a cheap Halloween costume.

Ellen Page would have been perfect, she's definitely got that bulnerability factor, she's petite, and she looks a lot like Edie if you just tweek the hair and make up a bit. I think this would have been a far superior choice.

Just for shits and giggles lets do Sienna again in her role as Tippi Hedren in her performance in the new HBO film The Girl (2013) opposite Toby Jones as Alfred Hitchcock. Oy Vey. Again, what is the appeal here exactly, and has anyone ever seen Tippi Hedren? Seriously.

I think something as troubling as this HBO movie which is clearly riding the coattails of that other Hitchcock film I was telling you about would be vastly improved by the casting of Maggie Grace (you might remember her as that whiny bitch Shannon from the TV juggernaut Lost (2004-2010). But she could definitely encapsulate that icy-blonde persona of Tippi and really bring it full circle.

And let's cap this off with the casting decision that deeply affected all of us for the rest of our lives. The studio executives were clearly smoking something when they decided casting Lindsay Lohen, la trainwreck terrible as cinematic icon Elizabeth Taylor, and judging by the promo photos that have been coming out and that new ridiculous trailer for Liz and Dick (2012) it seems like it will indeed be a barf fest.

Who should have been cast instead? Isn't it obvious? Not only does Lilly Collins look almost identical to a young Elizabeth Taylor, she's right about the correct age. I mean Lindsay is the right age too but because of all the cocaine and drinking binges she looks about 45. Lilly aesthetically appeals as Elizabeth Taylor way more than anyone else, forget Lindsay for the moment, I mean she should be at the tippy top of the list. Hollywood execs seriously need to stop smoking crack. Period.

Below some trailers regarding this bullshit.

Netflix Review: Freaks and Geeks

The freaks. L to R - Daniel Desario (James Franco) Kim Kelly (Busy Phillips), Ken Miller (Seth Rogen), Lindsay Weir (Linda Cardellini), and Nick Andopolis (Jason Segel)

Only airing 14 episodes, but a true cultural landmark that launched the careers of Jason Segel, James Franco, Seth Rogen, and Judd Apatow, Freaks and Geeks (1999 - 2000) is a pleasure to be savored. Paul Feig wrote the whole series while driving cross-country trying to sell his new film at that point...you know the one called...something or other. Oh how funny life can be because his scribblings soon became a television landmark with a loyal underground following.
It is the first show to utilize high school aged actors playing high schoolers, and also perhaps the first show to reflect the ideology of hat later became the slacker generation, starting way back in 1980. In 1980, disco sucked, 8-track tapes were in every house, and Mark Zuckerberg was 4 years from being born. It was a very different time, and seems further away from our generation than say the 50's. Perhaps that's why the show had such an unimaginably short run, because it was so authentic to its time and atmosphere that it was completely irrelevant to us, the idiots.

The Geeks on Halloween. L - R: Neal Schweiber (Samm Levine), Harris  Stephen Lea Sheppard (Harris Trinsky), Sam Weir (John Francis Daley) and Bill Haverchuck (Martin Starr) as the bionic woman.

But let's talk about the almost all-male cast...and Linda Cardellini who hasn't been relevant since (poor girl). It's hard to feel sorry for someone who was the the real life Sarah Marshall; Jason Segel really got ahead on that whole public opinion front, but she was a feisty, sarcastic, plain-ish girl next door. But I never really found her any kind of interesting so, moving on.
John Francis Daley, the pre-pubescent androgynous actor who now has now carved out a nice little niche for himself writing successfully crude comedies like Horrible Bosses (2011) is the most adorable thing in the world and has grown up to be the hottest man this side of too-hot-to-be-straight-shire. He plays Linda Cardellini's brother, Sam Weir (she plays Lindsay Weir btdubs).
The Freaks of the show are composed of James Franco, Seth Rogen, and Jason Segel, but don't worry they're not freaks in the sense that we see them; as Oxycontin-addicted pseudo-gothic motherfuckers who drive 20-year-old Dodge Darts, and speak in iambic pentameter. They're just some Sabbath-obsessed burnouts who have never gotten an A on anything. They are Lindsay's friends slash love-interests...for the most part. And quite honestly it's hard to cast a 21 year old James Franco in anything where he's not a love interest...I don't care if it's opposite a sofa, that's the part he's going to play.

awkward...

The Geeks are Sam's friends. All freshmen, they painfully make their way through this waking nightmare we call high school in the 80's, or high school in general, as it really hasn't changed much. Neal Schweiber (Samm Levine) and Bill Haverchuck (Martin Starr) are the ridiculously geeky individuals that are in everyone's high school. There's the Jewish, too-hairy-for-his-age, over-achieving, chubber who doesn't really understand social norms in an almost autistic way, and then there's the point-of-no-return geek who's always been too tall even as a baby, wears thick rimmed glasses that take up his whole face, and doesn't speak except to express his disdain with any given situation.

Mr. Rosso the guidance counselor, who even though looked exactly like Edgar Winter, you still kind of crushed on.

 It's basically a perfect show, with something or someone everyone can relate to, and what's most devastating about it is it's honestly which is at times both hilarious and cruel. And it's totally original. It's my favorite show of that whole era. Watch the whole first season without stopping, it's kind of hard not to. Also, Both the Freaks and the Geeks remind me of guys that I dated while I was in high school. Every single one of them...Even Stephen Lea Sheppard...yup I went there. And Dave 'Gruber' Allen as Mr. Rosso...yep went there too....no I didn't.

Below, the intro.

Below, the infamous dodgeball scene.

Below, a hilarious scene from the non-alcoholic party episode. It's my favorite.