A picture worth a thousand words. |
I
don’t even understand the appeal here. He’s not even fun to look at, he might
have been in the beginning when he was on that whole matinee idol next River Pheonix skew back in the early 00’s, but then he decided to go the pretentious
artist route and become a full-fledged laughable academic all at once. And I do mean
laughable. He started doing two masters degrees at the same time one at NYU and
one at Columbia. And if you’ve ever done 1 Masters (ahem) you know how grueling
and time consuming it is, so he was basically trying to show off, and didn’t do
a half decent job of it. My cohorts and I would see him around Dodge Hall
(School of the Arts in Columbia University, what what!) droning around staring at his
blackberry and a cigarette dangling out of his mouth like he was the
reincarnation of James Dean, too cool for school; as it turns out he was just too stupid for it. And when he got into Yale,
and I didn’t for a PhD program, I had realized people had seriously lost their
effing minds...not that I deserved to get into Yale, but he sure didn't! I mean seriouslaaaay.
Finally
realizing that he’s a total joke in academic circles, he decided to go the pretentious
artist route and scathed by with a whole series of garbage films, both acting
and directing them, the newest of which, a bastardization of the William
Faulkner novel ‘As I Lay Dying’ which is unbelievably going to open in Un
Certain Regard at Cannes this year, and putting in a piss poor performance in
perhaps one of the most interesting films of the year; Harmony Korine’s Springbreakers (2012), James Franco
should get a universal 'F' for failing in life.
Pretentious ass. Franco in a still from his new film in which he stars and directs (of course) As I Lay Dying (2013) |
He
once said the reason he’s so ‘productive’ or as I like to call it scattered in
a clusterfuck is because his mind is so active, which I translate into ‘I’m on
Adderall all the time’ which is basically what it seems like. I remember in
2008, he took over for Gus Van Sant’s absence when we screened Milk (2008) at Columbia for
the film program and a subtle sighs of ‘awwwww’s’ echoed through the audience.
He seemed totally stoned (of course) and couldn’t tell us anything interesting.
Not about the film, not about his career, not about anything in particular
because he was so mentally befuddled, like words were confusing him and hitting
him at the face and grabbing at his brain.
Franco in Milk (2008) probably the only good thing he's ever done. |
And
now it’s just getting ridiculous, you are not a renaissance man, James Franco,
you will never be the next Kerouac, Orson Welles, or Dostoevsky, stick to what
you know how to do best; rolling fatties and making teenage girls squirm in
their panties. Just stop, for the love of god, stop everything. Now. Much love,
Vera.
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