Nymphomaniac: Art That You Can Wank To

Shia and Stacey as Jerome and young Joe. Already an iconic image. 

In approaching a Von Trier film, there is a ritual. You cannot be hung over, just have had a meal, or be with anyone else. Literally anyone. The shock value alone will leave you open for public mockery. So it's saturday, it's too cold for the beach. I don't want to get out of my newly bough plush bathrobe from Restoration Hardware that my mom so generously got for me last weekend (thanks mom!) so there was nothing better to do than order Nymphomaniac Parts I and II and binge watch them until my mind was mush and I had lost all feeling in my lady parts and decided to never have sex again as long as I live. But that's typical Von Trier. His as most would say 'misogynistic' treatment of his female characters is a hallmark of most of his films, scratch that, all of his films, even though artfully and masterfully executed. I am not one to label Von Trier a chauvinist. I'd label him a Nazi but that's a whole different story (we all remember what happened at Cannes). Why is he not misogynistic in my opinion? Because throughout the film and afterwards you are very much in an empathetic and completely kindred state with the female protagonist. His films do not show women as victims, though throughout they are subjected to all sorts of abuse, mental, physical, verbal, you name it. His protagonists stand in defiance of said abuse and are always women that know exactly what it is they want and know how to ascertain it. In the same breath I would say that James Cameron par example is a misogynistic director, and if I have to explain why, you might as well stop readying right now. Von Trier even gives Skarsgård a monologue about the vicious double standard that women have to deal with in terms of being aware and in pursuit of sexual pleasure. 

Stacey Martin as young Joe, later played by Charlotte Gainsbourg. I really hope I don't have to explain what's going on in this picture. A character who's 'coming of age' was considerably different from most. 

Anyway on to Nymphomaniac, with the hooplah surrounding the film and the almost laughable marketing campaign that has been lampooned by basically every major film critic, it was a highly anticipated cinematic romp, no pun intended. Ok puns are going to be unavoidable here so just bear with me. 

The film concerns a woman named Joe who has been found beaten in an alley way by Stellan Skarsgård, an intellectual asexual who nurses her back to health while she tells him all about her sordid background as a nymphomaniac. The only difference is that she was a nymphomaniac out of lust not out of need. You see? She wants sex because she fucking wants it bitches, not because it's something she can't control. It's like saying you're an alcoholic because you're thirsty. 

Although this looks like a still from your regular run-of-the-mill porn, it's actually one of the more funny scenes in the film, if not one of the most sexually explicit. Hard to combine the two.

Basically, though Von Trier muse Charlotte Gainsbourg is first billed and in every advert for the film, most of the film concerns her in her younger state, played brilliantly and fearlessly in her debut performance by Stacey Martin. The biggest novelty in this film is the endless parade of surprising supporting players, mainly those of Shia Lebeouf and Jamie Bell. This is where Von Trier really shines as a director because he basically takes a chance on seemingly banal and wasteful actors and transforms them into unbelievably vivid performers. It's also probably Uma Thurman's best role since she was Mia Wallace even though she's on screen for less than 10 minutes. He also does a little tribute to one of his own films Antichrist (2009) shhhhh! I think it's supposed to be a secret. 

Sexually speaking it's actually one of the more easy films to digest aesthetically. I'd much rather watch Shia and Stacey have un-simulated animalistic intercourse than watch some Nicholas Sparks inspired bullshit where Ryan Gosling kisses the back of some girl's neck behind some curtains with a violin playing in the distance, and the rest we are meant to imagine for ourselves. I think Von Trier touches on a very important aspect of sex that we try to ignore as movie-goers. We always want to imagine it as beautiful, electric, and magical; an act that fulfills us, always with love. 

This is Shia's epic apology for well...everything that preceded this film. He's actually a damn good actor. I'm going to burn in hell for saying that. Film buff hell. Where they only show Michael Bay films and demons screeching Tarantino's praises constantly taunt you. 

Because we as the movie-goer and as actual human beings all lack that basically. The universal truth about sex is that it's AWKWARD. It's strange, painful, (not in the way that you think, you perv), unfulfilling, and most of the time lacking what is constantly referred in the film as 'the secret ingredient'; love. Sex is a constant state of learning. Learning what we like, what others like, what we absolutely need and what we absolutely won't ever do. It's a self-discovery more cerebral than we think, and Von Trier manages to capture this by equating it to almost a Zizekian philosophical study in this film, not to say that it's pretentious in the least. There's a beautiful scene where Skarsgård explains the beauty of Bach's compositions by three elements, which Joe (Gainsbourg) equates to three types of lovers that when combined create a 'beautiful tune'. Speaking of which, the use of music is absolutely brilliant in this film. Instead of a prolonged Wagner score (again, ahem...Nazi), that he usually uses, it's a total mix up of some of the most iconic classical music pieces out there. My favorite is when (spoiler alert) Joe is forced to go into sexual-addiction rehab, she has to get rid of anything that reminds her of sex or anything that turns her on. In the background is playing the first movement of Mozart's requiem, as if she's preparing for death, or that a piece of her is dying. It's not exactly subtle, but it's tongue in cheek. (Another pun!). 

Gainsbourg must either really really love working with Von Trier or has some kind of debt that has yet to be repaid because I don't know of any other actress who is able and willing to put herself through as much as she has, and not just in this one film. 

Now, I'm of the belief that Von Trier has probably had sex maybe three times in his life, and perhaps that is why he needed to make Nymphomaniac. It reminds me of a review that I read from Roger Ebert talking about the Peter Greenway film; 8 1/2 Women (2001) where a father and son create a private harem being inspired by the Fellini film, 8 1/2 (1963). He begged the question; how many directors make films about their unspoken sexual fantasies, and the answer is...all of them. Von Trier just took it a step further...as he tends to. And the ending is I mean, absolutely brilliant, and the best exhaltation of a woman's plight I've ever seen. I can't give away more than that, but it's brilliantly perfect. Anyway, I liked it. I recommend it, but again. Approach with caution.

Trailer below:

Cumberbitches Unite! Occupy Costner!

'Seriously?'

If you saw the Emmy's last night, I hope you had a good nap. Everything was predictable and drab and the 'meat parade' wasn't even interesting fashion wise. So there was really one award that I gave two fucks about, and deep in my heart I knew that it would never come to pass that Benedict Cumberbatch win for Best Actor in a Mini-Series for the Sherlock episode; A Scandal in Belgravia because the Emmy's never rewards serious talent. I mean think about it, go ahead give me a cantankerous example. I'm waiting with affixed anticipation. 

Sherlock meets Irene for the first time.

Like we already didn't know that Breaking Bad would sweep and Damian Lewis and Claire Danes were going to win it for Homeland YET AGAIN. Why don't you just replay old Emmy tapes ABC, so we don't have to get all worked up over nothing every year. But this year, I thought things might be different. From across the pond we had a representative from probably the best show in the BBC cannon ever (yes, better than Downton Abbey) and for you stupid bitches out there, Downton Abbey doesn't even count because it's in the ITV cannon. Booyah! I'm talking, of course, about the brilliant conceived and masterfully written modernization of the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle classics of Sherlock Holmes, appropriately titled Sherlock and staring as its titular character, perhaps one of the most enigmatic, layered, intelligent, not to mention sexy as sex having sex with sex actor, Benedict Cumberbatch.

'This is a matter of national importance. Grow up!' - Mycroft Holmes

That's not why I'm upset. The Emmy's don't really give a shit about the Brits too much unless you're Damien Lewis or Judi Dench, but if you've ever watched Sherlock, particularly A Scandal in Belgravia, you'll feel my pain. Based on 'A Scandal in Bohemia' it is the only love story in the Conan Doyle cannon where Sherlock is threatened by someone who he is not only weakened by in his sexual attraction to her, but is also threatened by her wit and imagination. The character I'm speaking about is of course Irene Adler. Sherlock co-creator Mark Gatiss immediately decided that for their version, Irene would be a dominatrix. Why? Search me, but they made it work brilliantly. 

Sherlock is essentially an asexual character. Cumberbatch even talks about the process of losing a few stones even though he didn't have to so that Sherlock would be perceived as a man who indulges in no usual human pleasures; food, sex, Toddler's in Tiaras, etc.

Even as a child, 'A Scandal in Bohemia' was always my favorite, not because it's a love story in a cannon of horror and thriller, but it allowed me to see Sherlock as sexually vulnerable and I guess human for the first time, and the tension Conan Doyle creates between the two is enough for you to hit puberty in front of the book right there and then. 

From Irene's website which offers 'recreational scolding'

Lara Pulver plays the dominatrix Irene, who informs basically the Royal Family that she has compromising photographs of a member of the Royal Family 'a young female person' gee I wonder who could it be...(It's either Beatrice or Eugenie for you idiots out there). Therefore they snap into action, calling an old friend; Mycroft Holmes (Gatiss) who in turn calls on his talents of his younger brother Sherlock and his partner Dr. John Watson to get the photographs back. What ensues is a powerplay fit only for a dominatrix and her client and the two do fall into some kind of weird British love, that is never stated but totally understood and acknowledged, even though they seem to hate each other throughout, so if Sherlock ever had sex, I'm sure it was with words, and he got off quite a few times.

the classiest dominatrix that side of the pond. Sherlock's intellectual and problem-solving equal.

Now, on to the real bullshit sandwich I have to swallow. The Costner; the Cous-Cous; KC and the Sunshine band, whatever. He has a track record for usurping awards that clearly don't belong to him. Um do we all remember the Dances With Wolves (1990) fiasco where it beat out Goodfellas (1990) in every single category? Because I'm still healing from those wounds and I was six at the time. His show; Hatfields and McCoys is utterly boring. It's streaming on Netflix, I'm a history buff, I thought I'd give it a shot, turned it off or fell asleep within 15 minutes. I can't remember exactly which, all I know is I wanted it gone. Why the fuuuuuuuuuuuck are we still giving him awards? He has a line of Oscars in his garage so that they reflect light and he can see if a car is coming up behind him. He has enough golden calves if you know what I mean, and no I'm not getting all religious on your ass. But if there's not some kind of acknowledgment that this was a bad decision, I might get a bit religious and pray for biblical plagues to rain down on Los Angeles to set them straight. Ok I'm done for now. Please watch A Scandal in Belgravia if you haven't yet. It's free, when you do, you'll agree with me, of that I have no question. 

Below some clips: 

Future Sex Pots to Watch Out For

As Vanity Fair usually does, I've made a really short list of up and comers (no pun intended) that are sure to make both men and women swoon pretty damn soon, if they haven't already. Move over Skinny-legs McGee (Kristen Stewart) and Jockface Thick-neck (Channing Tatum), it's time for a new crop of sexy bitches to waltz over the silver screen and prove they've got the goods in more ways than one.

Claire Julien (age 19). She's already made a name for herself as a supporting player in both The Bling Ring (2013) and The Dark Knight Rises (2013) whilst continuing a very successful modeling career. She looks like a healthy version of Kate Moss heroin chic from the 90's, and now she's proven she has acting chops. I'm excited to see what she does next.

Xavier Samuel (age 29). This Aussie hunk of man-meat has actually been in the game for a while, but mostly in Australia, ornly garnering notice since he appeared in one of the Twilight films, and if I tell you which one you would lose respect for me for knowing so I'm not gonna. So far he's been called the best thing about the upcoming film Adore (2013), and when your co-stars are Naomi Watts and Robin Wright that's quite the feat. He'll also be starring in Catherine Hardwicke's new film opposite Emily Browning called Plush (2013).

Marine Vacth (age 23). This stunning French exotic beauty is already making good choices by making her first starring role in a Francois Ozon film where she plays an underage prostitute. The film, her, and her filmmaker all won praise for their efforts at Cannes, and she looks like she could be taking Eva Green's place as reigning hot bitch of France pretty soon. I smell Bond Girl all over her.

Dane DeHaan (age 27). With that junkie charm, and a real talent for sensual expression, he's making waves in what's bound to be the definitive indie film of this year; Kill Your Darlings (2013) where he plays Allen Ginsberg's (Daniel Radcliff) lover, Lucien Carr, while also getting notice for his role in A Place Beyond the Pines (2013). He has that Pete Doherty/River Pheonix dangerous element to him, with talent to boot. Bad boys are always sexy.

Below some trailers: 

Compliance: The Most Contraversial Film of this New Decade

Dreama Walker reduced to sitting naked in the backroom with nothing but an apron to cover herself up with, not even knowing how much worse it's about to get for her.

If you thought the torture scenes in Zero Dark Thirty (2012) were rough to swallow, once you turn on compliance make sure you have an air sickness bag nearby. Here are a few reasons why, and they may be double standards, but those exist for a reason too. 1, the torture occurring in this dark indie sleeper hit are occurring in your very own back yard and not in a black sight somewhere not on a map in the middle east. 2. They are occurring to a woman, basically a girl barely out of her teens rather than some nameless affiliate of the Taliban. Here's the plot and I'll try to avoid spoiler alerts when I can. 

In the beginning of the film Becky (Dreama Walker) was just another 19 year old girl working a part time job at a fast food restaurant.

based on more actual occurrences we would like to admit, the film takes place mostly in a low-level fast food restaurant where a mysterious caller phones in telling the easily manipulated manager that he's with the police and a woman who matches the description for a young thin blonde, which of course could be anybody was caught on surveillance stealing money from a customer. She is then subjected to increasingly degrading and dehumanizing tasks, most of which involve forced sexual activity on another. After the mysterious caller is realized to be a prankster, basically the manager who has forced this poor employee to such horrors is beside herself and can't ever recover for how she was manipulated into doing something like that to an innocent person.

Anne Dowd, the Fast food restaurant manager being asked not only to perform a strip search without a supervising witness but to comply with things much worse.

his film cuts immediately to the bone. It tugs at our most vulnerable heart strings, as do most things when we see innocent people punished and dehumanized in such cruel ways, and what's more difficult to believe is that this happens basically all the time all over rural America where people don't even think twice to ask proof of law enforcement such as a badge or a search and seizure warrant. It's cinema verite style makes it even more difficult to take in, but that much more relevant and important. Not only is Dreama Walker brilliant as the innocent victim in all of this, but the star is Anne Dowd, who is actually perhaps the bigger victim as she gets blindly conned into subjecting one of her employees to such horrors. This is a vital film for everyone to see, not only because of the daring exposé on something that has been rather glamorized in our culture, case and point 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. Sometimes it's good to take a deep breath and look at the darker side of sadomasochism, and this is just the film to do that. 

Trailer below: 

Fifty Shades of Fourth Wave Feminism

I haven't blogged in a while and I thought I'd return to my analytical deductive reasoning routes, but don't worry not too much so it won't be boring I swear. Ironically I feel comfortable in that arena considering how much I hated it with a passion. What is fourth wave feminism? There isn't such a thing, not on paper and in textbooks anyway, but it's definitely rearing it's head in our culture. To examine it, let's firstly quickly and efficiently define the first three waves. 

First Wave Feminism - dates back to before the turn of the century in what we call as the 'suffrage movement' when women campaigned among other things, primarily for the right to vote, and the right for equal pay, the right to wear pants, basically think of Lady Sybil from Downton Abbey (2011 - ) If you honestly didn't pay attention at all in high school.

A poster from 1911 from the Suffrage movement.

Second Wave Feminism - names like Gloria Steinhem and Simone de Beauvoir come to mind. It grew out of the counter culture movement of the 1960's particularly in the United States, when though there was dramatic apheaval against the status quo, government, and the powers that be, the opposition itself still functioned under 'men first' principles, so the women's movement grew out of that, demanding equal treatment in these cases, leading to the most profound advanced in women's rights which was the legalization of birth control, a campaign that had actually been fought for since the 1900's by anarchist Emma Goldman. But by Roe v. Wade, it had finally become a reality. 

Joan Baez and her sisters on an anti-draft poster from 1968.

Third Wave Feminism - primarily took place around the 1980's and died out just as quickly. It was by fart the most cantankerous, shocking, and militant movement out of the three which celebrated not only women being equal to men but women being superior and men being biologically unnecessary. This was of course the most radical view of the movement championed by Warhol hanger-on and general psychotic Valerie Solanas and her book the SCUM Manifesto (SCUM standing for Society for Cutting Up Men) which stated that men were a biological mistake that should be eradicated...so you get the idea. It was also centered around the idea of sexual politics and what became known as 'gender violence', explored in a lot of art during that time in particular 'The Vagina Monologues'; basically projecting that not only is a woman just as good as a man, but biologically and scientifically speaking, she was absolutely integral to the functionality of society. 

Valerie Solanas on the cover of her infamous book, first distributed underground then republished and now available at selected bookstores. BTW she was the one who shot Warhol.

Which brings me to Fourth Wave Feminism, even though it hasn't exactly been put on paper, there is movement creaking into pop-culture that could be defined as a new type of feminism. Though we believe all rights for women to be essentially won to us (ironically now they are being slowly and slowly taken away by the powers that want to be) but in terms of attitude we are averting the creative outlets significantly and turning them into powerful socio-political statements. In the media, this is becoming more and more transparent, particularly in television. Whereas there were shows that were about women that were written by men, now we have shows skewing the male gaze by writing about still successful women by women, and not just on Lifetime. Park and Recreation (2009 - ) is a perfect example. And let's just skip right on to what everyone expects me to talk about Fifty Shades of Grey, spawned from the wildly popular Twlight series, also written by a woman. With the addition of these two literary phenomenons to the scope of literature, we can consider both to be game changer, as poorly written as both were. Particularly with the latter, we can explore why we deem to call it 'feminist' at all considering the female character is the submissive in the relationship she's in and is forced into degrading and punishing situations every single day. If this book was released during the 80's at the height of the third wave it would be burned in effigy and considered deviant slander. These days, it's empowering. 

Women reading Fifty Shades of Grey in public, in a Walmart in fact.

Thousands of women are going on television saying that it saved their marriage, taught them how to be more assertive, and regain their libidos which had been lost in a sea of boring missionary sex and sub par orgasms. We can see Fifty Shades of Grey as being an empowerment manifesto for women not only to openly enjoy sex but to take control of what they want in the bed room, if it be handcuffs and chains so be it. It is the female equivalent of a man watching an old DVD out of his porn collection in the middle of the night in his basement, only it is empowering women to do it out on the open, devil-may-care. Thereby, it funnels the sexual power from the male to the female when it is read, though the story plays out in the opposite manner. As silly as it may be, Fifty Shades of Grey is a sexual game changer, and I don't mean just in the BDSM dichotomy, but in that of where the gender power and sexual prowess reaches a congruency, and for now, it seems as though women are on top...no pun intended. The book dictates that not only should women enjoy their orgasms but take pride in them. They should not be afraid to express their most unbridled desires and force their husbands into submission to them rather than the other way around. It's a shift in power that begins with popular culture and mimics itself in the art and media idioms. What's most important and vital to it's relevance is that it's controversial. While the third-wave feminists discouraged pleasure in sex in that it gave men the power in giving them pleasure, fourth wave dictates that pleasure should be embraced and harnessed (again no pun intended) by the woman. Once the movement loses it's cache, things will even out again as they always do, in fact there will probably be some kind of conservative backlash, as there usually is, that's why feminism always comes in waves.

Some clips below, basically for some comic relief.

How I Would Cast Fifty Shades of Grey

Recently published composite of the ideal Christian Grey. Looks like a meat-head to me.

That's right people, my second post on 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and it's not even a film and/or Lifetime special yet. As I said before, and I wasn't wrong. 'Fifty Shades of Grey' is a literary phenomenon on par with sensations like 'Gone with the Wind', and 'Harry Potter'. In fact, a new survey shows that dolar for dollar, Fifty Shades recently surpassed Harry Potter in sales, and that's all of the Harry Potter books put together.

Hollywood is currently shitting itself in anticipation of buying the rights to retell this, even though anything slapped with any less than an NC-17 would be outright atrocious.

The number one frontrunner currently in the coveted race to play sadist, chauvinist woman-abuser that women are obsessed with for some reason is ridiculously hot nice-guy Canadian and saver of British women's lives Ryan Gosling. But I think that's a tad obvi. 

The story is based on the characters from the Twilight series so Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson our out because that's of course tired and who gives a shit about those two anymore? 

Here's what I'm thinking, and this might be obvi too but it just seems so perfect. Michael Fassbender as Christian Grey. It's perfect in-it? He's already a serious contender, and fingers crossed And he's no stranger to full-frontal and hardcore almost-porn, and the man is fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. That's an industry term. He seems like he'd tie you up, smack you around, and leave you asking 'Thank you sir, may I have another?'

Two words. 'um...yes.'

Now, casting the naive college student who galls head over heels in love with Christian and with being tied up, Anastasia Steele, is going to be more difficult, it has to be someone who's a fresh-face, but is totally not against doing demeaning nudity and being ball-gagged for the majority of the film. I think Ellen Page is just a bit too annoyingly dignified for that. Once you get an Oscar nomination you all of a sudden see yourself as far too good for kitschy mommy porn. So I'm going to go ahead and nominate Lilly Collins or perhaps Fassbender's former co-star Sarah Gadon, or even Lady Sybil herself, Jessica Brown Findlay. Of course Sarah Gadon would have to put on a stone or two and dye her hair, but she's my favorite in this race, especially considering she's ballsy enough to work with Cronenberg twice already and she's not even 24 yet.

Now, what's really important is who's going to direct it. 

Sarah Gadon just has one of those great faces that screams 'please corrupt me, I'm impressionable and also a virgin' so she's perfect in my opinion.

Off the top of my head, three names that instantly come to mind are Sally Potter, David Cronenberg, and Paul Verhoeven. How amazing would any of those be, but Hollywood being Hollywood they'll probably hire some guy who does second unit on Jersey Shore or turn it over to Tom Hooper who'll make it some cheesy, weepy, clap-trap melodrama about sexual depravity and take all of the filth out of it. Please grow some balls Hollywood and listen to me. I'm praying for a wildly farcical, seriously graphic, campy shit-show, just like it was originally written.

Below, an article on the casting of Christian Grey that has housewives everywhere queefing in their granny-panties.

'Fifty Shades of Grey's' Christian Grey Composite Photo Uses Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, David Beckham (Poll)

Spotlight On: Fifty Shades of Grey

Every once in a while I make an exception around here and talk about politics, or music, or in this case, the greatest American novel since 'The Grapes of Wrath'. Of course I'm talking about the book that has taken this nation by storm in a sweep of controversy that was originally based on Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series called 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. Two volumes have followed, the last installment of which was just published in January of this year and just a few weeks ago topped, that's right, topped the New York Times Bestseller List. 

Collectively we as a nation kind of went 'oh yeah, books, you mean we can read these? words that make pictures in your head? will it fit on my iphone?' and then we got wind of what it was about and everyone was in faux shock and awe. Like we've never knew that such things as erotic S&M novels even existed much less become the viral juggernaut of erotic fan fiction.  

I've been writing erotic fan fiction for years, what's so new around here? Granted, I never based it off 'Twilight', it was more like 'Lord of the Rings'. Merry and Pippin were secret lovers, Merry was pushed into an arranged hobbit marriage with some frumpy jolly girl and would engage in kinky rendezvous with Pippin underneath the moonlight behind the hobbit bridge...did I just share too much? 

I think what the general public has the biggest problem with is that the author is female. Like women don't fantasize about BDSM activity in the extremities and get off on it, wake up America. 

In this day and age, it still had major publishing restrictions, but thanks to the internet has become a viral sensation due to blog word-of-mouth, and it's virtually unstoppable. Focus Features just optioned the rights on the 26th, and casting is in the works. 

It is a no-holds-barred sexual fantasy about a college student and a stubborn billionaire who fall in love and engage in anal bead and handcuff play...among other things. This girl E.L. James is no Mark Twain, but it's an amazing read. Something you do with the door closed and the phone off with the roommate out for the night. Boys, it's not really for you, I hope this makes everyone realize that what we as women perceive as erotica and are aroused by is rudimentarily different. It's rather empowering actually. It's taking the BDSM subtext of 'Twilight' and making it ecstatically blatant. Put down 'The Hunger Games' and indulge yourself. You know you want it.

For some reason, I can't post this video directly to my blog, so check it out here: It's everything you need to know.

Fifty Shades of Grey on CBS - March 26, 2012

Still from The Story of O (1975) based on the iconic BDSM novel of the same name originally published in 1954.

For more guilty and subversive pleasure Netflix is streaming The Story of O, a 1975 film based on the seminal (perhaps bad choice of words) erotic BDSM novel about a Parisian fashion photographer who signs a contract to be a mysterious millionaire's submissive and gets thrusted (again wrong choice of words) into an elite club of sorts of rich gentlemen who keep her and others as their consensual sex slaves. It's a very '70's' movie I'll just tell you that right now, where the actors' lower body doesn't move, but they convulse they're heads around like they're in the middle of a major seizure. It's very glossy, surreal, and over-the-top. It's fantastic. It's kind of like that high-class British porn that people make fun of, ironically the film is French with English dubs. 


Or, you can be old-school and read the works of The Marqius de Sade, particularly 'Justine' which is my favorite. 

Bob Flanagan Needs to Be Spanked.

Bob with his wife Sheree, the dominant.

Kirby Dick is an incredible documentarian. The first film of his I saw was "This Film is Not Yet Rated" when it screened at the IFC Center. Netflix, in all of its wisdom has decided to post his most infamous and arguably best documentary; "Sick: The Life and Death of Bob Flanagan: Supermasochist (1996). I didn't walk out of it, but I have to admit I had a hard time finishing it. It was absolutely mesmerizing, and yet probably the grossest thing I've ever seen. Up until that point good old "Antichrist" (2009) held that gold medal record. But this one trumps it without effort. And yet this film is absolutely amazing. 

It catalogues, exactly as it says in the title; the life and death of Bob Flanagan. Our friend Bobby was a performance artist/poet in the 80's up until the mid-90's until his death from cystic fibrosis in 1996. He was known perhaps being the first to openly and rather graphically talk about his sex life which was predominantly one of S&M, wherein he was the submissive and his wife was the dominant. This wasn't the usual, lets tie each other up, spank each other and then share a pizza because it's late kinda deal. Flanagan truly gives meaning to the pseudo-term 'supermasochist'. 

He is only aroused through masochism and spends his day-to-day relationship with his wife acting as such. He is more or less her slave, and the more she abuses him (physically or mentally) the more his desire for her grows. 

This is a film that definitely plays with the borders between pornography as document and document as narrative. There is enough pornographic content to take as unused footage and recut as a porn-montage. But that would be sacrilege. This film is a poignant homage to one of the most creative and innovative performance artists of the post-modern era. Therein I believe lies the purpose of the film, where Flanagan pushed the boundaries of performance art, Kirby Dick used documents it in order to push the boundaries of film narrative. It is performance art when it exists between the artist, the audience and the space between, and completely reiterated as part of film art when it includes the camera as the third eye.

And in his most extreme peice of performance art, Flanagan dies, violently and brutally from drowning from the phlegm in his lungs, his wife by his side. Yes the film concerns itself with the 'supermasochist' part of Bob Flanagan, but it mostly focuses on the first part of the title; 'The Life and Death Of...'. As his father put it, Bob was so angry with his body because of how it had betrayed him all his life, that he used masochism as his own personally way of telling nature to go fuck herself. 

He used masochism in many more ways than just for sexual thrills, and in much more extreme ways than any of us have yet to imagine. It was as much part of his identity as his name. He used it as artistic expression and means of resisting his inevitable death in a weakened and feeble state. Flanagan had the balls (excuse the pun) to subject himself to pain that would always test his limits of control in order to prove to himself that his body was not weakened by cystic fibrosis. 

Is it porn? No. Pornography is measured by its affect on the viewer; i.e. if it gets you off, it's porn. Now, I'm not into S&M per se, and for those who are, I still wouldn't recommend it if their intention is to get excited. That's not the purpose of 'Sick'. If you think about it, all pornography is essentially documentary, it is in it's nature to be a document of a sexual act rather than an embellishment. Instead of using the act of sex as a narrative tool, for exposition, or for filler (again, excuse the pun), documentary serves the purpose of serving the viewer. It has one purpose and that is to its audience rather than to the film as a whole.
This is a documentary in the tradition of the Maysles Bros. It is expository and deeply moving, letting the material simply speak for itself. As Flanagan himself put it early on in the film 'two things I do on a regular basis anymore is cough and come'. After you're done watching, you'll probably say one of two things; 1. 'I didn't know you could do that with binder clips' or 2. 'This Flanagan seems very interesting, I'm going to check him on wikipedia for more'. 

--'Sick: The Life and Death of Bob Flanagan: Supermasochist' is available on Netflix Instant. 

--Also, the infamous music video released in 1992 by Nine Inch Nails for the song 'Happiness in Slavery' which was almost universally banned is now available on youtube.com, featuring Bob Flanagan. 'Happiness in Slavery' Video 

I'll leave you with one of Flanagan's poems written towards the end of his life...

Why - poem by bob flanagan

Because it feels good;

because it gives me an erection;

because it makes me come;

because I'm sick;

because there was so much sickness;

because I say FUCK THE SICKNESS;

because I like the attention;

because I was alone a lot;

because I was different;

because kids beat me up on the way to school;

because I was humiliated by nuns;

because of Christ and the Crucifixion;

because of Porky Pig in bondage, force-fed by some sinister creep in a black cape;

because of stories of children hung by their wrists,

burned on the stove, scalded in tubs;

because of Mutiny on the Bounty;

because of cowboys and Indians;

because of Houdini;

because of my cousin Cliff;

because of the forts we built and the things we did inside them;

because of what's inside me;

because of my genes;

because of my parents;

because of doctors and nurses;

because they tied me to the crib so I wouldn't hurt myself;

because I had time to think;

because I had time to hold my penis;

because I had awful stomachaches and holding my penis made it feel better;

because I felt like I was going to die;

because it makes me feel invincible;

because it makes me feel triumphant;

because I'm a Catholic;

because I still love Lent, and I still love my penis, and in spite of it all I have no guilt;

because my parents said BE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE, and this is what I want to be;

because I'm nothing but a big baby and I want to stay that way, and I want a mommy forever, even a mean one, especially a mean one;

because of all the fairy tale witches, and the wicked stepmother, and the stepsisters, and how sexy Cinderella was, smudged with soot, doomed to a life of servitude;

because of Hansel, locked in the witch's cage until he was fat enough to eat;

because of "O" and how desperately I wanted to be her;

because of my dreams;

because of the games we played;

because I've got an active imagination;

because my mother bought me Tinker Toys;

because hardware stores give me hard-ons;

because of hammers, nails, clothespins, wood, padlocks, pullies, eyebolts, thumbtacks, staple-guns, sewing needles, wooden spoons, fishing tackle, chains, metal rulers, rubber tubing, spatulas, rope, twine, C-clamps, S-hooks, razor blades, scissors, tweezers, knives, pushpins, two-by-fours, Ping-Pong paddles, alligator clips, duct tape, broomsticks, barbecue skewers, bungie cords, sawhorses, soldering irons;

because of tool sheds;

because of garages;

because of basements;

because of dungeons;

because of The Pit and the Pendulum;

because of the Tower of London;

because of the Inquisition;

because of the rack;

because of the cross;

because of the Addams Family playroom;

because of Morticia Addams and her black dress with its octopus legs;

because of motherhood;

because of Amazons;

because of the Goddess;

because of the moon;

because it's in my nature;

because it's against nature;

because it's nasty;

because it's fun;

because it flies in the face of all that's normal (whatever that is); because I'm not normal;

because I used to think that I was part of some vast experiment and that there was this implant in my penis that made me do these things and that allowed THEM (whoever THEY were) to monitor my activities;

because I had to take my clothes off and lie inside this plastic bag so the doctors could collect my sweat;

because once upon a time I had such a high fever that my parents had to strip me naked and wrap me in wet sheets to stop the convulsions;

because my parents loved me even more when I was suffering;

because surrender is sweet;

because I was born into a world of suffering;

because I'm attracted to it;

because I'm addicted to it;

because endorphins in the brain are like a natural kind of heroin;

because I learned to take my medicine;

because I was a big boy for taking it;

because I can take it like a man;

because, as somebody once said, HE'S GOT MORE BALLS THAN I DO;

because it is an act of courage;

because it does take guts;

because I'm proud of it;

because I can't climb mountains;

because I'm terrible at sports;

because NO PAIN, NO GAIN;

because SPARE THE ROD AND SPOIL THE CHILD;

because YOU ALWAYS HURT THE ONE YOU LOVE.

'Boxing Helena': Fetishism Goes to New Lows...Or Highs?

The other day I watched 'Boxing Helena'. I thought it would be the perfect film to keep on in the background as I was cooking dinner, but that night I ended up eating honey wheat pretzels and chocolate ice cream, as I had to cancel dinner after not too long. This film was David Lynch's daughter's (Jennifer Lynch) directorial debut. First thing that probably comes to mind is what it was like growing up with David Lynch as pops. Surprisingly, her childhood and upbringing was pretty much normal, not too different from the Kyle Maclachlan's world in 'Blue Velvet', but his influence on her cinema is pretty prevalent, and get ready for this, she is actually more perverted than her old man.

Rumors say that she wrote the script for 'Boxing Helena' when she was 19. That's a pretty early start, and for all the shit that this movie gets, I believe critics are missing the point. It was pretty much universally panned when it was first released in 1993, with everyone calling it everything from immature to tawdry, using the term 'amputee fetish' a little too liberally. The point being missed here is of course the allegory.

The film involves an unrequited love story between surgeon Nick Cavanaugh (Julian Sands) and Helena (Sherylin Fenn) probably one of the most gorgeous women ever on film. She rejects him because he's neurotic, nerdy, and bad in bed, but tables turn when Helena is the victim of a brutal hit-and-run accident that breaks both of her legs. Rather than seeing that she get proper treatment, Nick kidnaps her and amputates both of her limbs in his house. It then becomes somewhat of a 'Misery' scenario, where the captive is without the use of their legs, literally unable to run away. She keeps trying to assure him that this will never make her need or want him, but he persists, eventually amputating both of her healthy arms, making just a torso with a head. He continues to dress her up and builds her a shrine, which is more like a box of containment. Now, completely helpless, it appears she has no choice but to allow for herself to open up to him.

The allegory is of course very obvious and not something that is particularly sexual. It would appear that it is every man's fantasy to trap a woman into a state in which she will need him, therefore making him feel more of a man, and that his love for her will be equalized by her need for him. Nick takes this dynamic to a much more literal interpretation, past the whole 'if i can't have her, no one else will', as killing her would destroy everything that he had been working on in order to acquire her.

So therefore, all men want to be needed. They want to not be at the service of someone, but they do want to be useful. Cavanaugh symbolizes not so much an amputee perversion, but of a perversion of obsession. He needs Helena to be helpless, that is when he finds her at her utmost beautiful.

This film is a cross between cheesy romance novels (soft focus, candlelight, and fake breezes and everything) and the absolutely surreal. There is no attention given to the medical procedure of amputation, nor how it would be living as a quadriplegic, it is throughout its entirety and absurdity, a love story through and through. In the end, both Helena and Nick proclaim love towards each other, and then there is the classic 'it was all a dream' twist ending, because it's hard for us to accept that this beautiful woman has to live as a helpless rectangle for the rest of her life, and this douche Cavanaugh gets away with it.

Jennifer Lynch's influences from her father are pretty noticeable. I was totally into it. It did run the gambit between the absurd and the romantic. It's all very surreal. On the one hand it seems absolutely ridiculous, but I completely bought it. There is a sense of heart and sincerity amongst all of the sexual depravity that makes it a tender love story set against surrealist circumstance. I'd definitely watch it again, if for no other reason than seeing Bill Paxton in leather pants and a mesh sleeveless shirt with a mullet (i'm not kidding)...other than that I think critics really need to consider films like 'Boxing Helena' within the context in which it was created. Of course it's depraved, disgusting, and on many levels sick...that's what we love about it. Fetishization has always been a taboo topic, and no one has really addressed it as head on (no pun intended) before. It's very literal, and yet very allegorical. It is literal in exploring the apex of sexual perversion, but allegorical in how it uses this exploration to comment on the needs of a man that turn out to be more perverse than its actual depiction. It is not really sick to consider Cavanaugh being so aroused by Helena in her boxed state, but it is sick to think that Cavanaugh needed to do this to her, in order to feel himself as more of a man.

The entire time watching it, I was wondering how would Jenni's dear father have made this film? But I got the feeling that he was definitely sitting next to her director's chair whispering tips into her ear, as it is very reminiscent of deviance that he himself has explored, in his trademark dreamlike atmospheres of 'Blue Velvet' and others. Just because it considers itself with the most depraved of sexual obsessions, doesn't mean one shouldn't consider the metaphors involved. It's a must see in my book, but if you know my tastes, you might want to second guess it for your own good. I'd love to hear feedback if anyone decides to watch it.