I’m
starting to get it now. For everything that Downton Abbey is supposed to
satirize; stuffy British society, social morays, hypocrisies of class culture
etc., it is actually following all of those guidelines, particularly the sexual
connotations of the time. Basically I’m saying that Downton Abbey is a giant
metaphor for abstinence. Hang in there baby birds, let me explain.
Everyone
that engages in any kind of devious behavior, especially that which is not
acceptable at that time under those circumstances gets severely punished in
life, usually it’s death. So let’s start. Just look at poor Sybil. Poor
pants-wearing, feminist, slightly communist, way-to-hot for Crawley house
Sybil. Not only did she run away with someone way below her class, a goddamn
commoner chauffer, who’s Irish at that…wait, who’s Catholic at that! I’m
surprised the church elders weren’t called in. And what happens to her? She
dies in childbirth. And if you haven’t heard this news maybe it’s time to crawl
out of the hole you’ve been living in, ya freak.
Lesson #2: Never wear any fucking pants because you'll eventually die at childbirth. |
Let’s
look at other characters. Ethel Parks the horny maid from Season 2 bangs an
Army Colonel on the floor of the kitchen and ends up knocked up and forced into
prostitution, and though she’s somewhat rebuilt her life, no one in Downton
will give her a fair shake. Apparently you just have to be completely sexually
repressed until you turn into a giant wad of farts like Carson the butler or
dying-for-her-first-orgasm housekeeper, Elsie.
Thomas
Barrow is another example. I mean can’t a guy just hit on another guy even
though that other guy is probably not gay anymore? He is the most unlucky in
love ever, and it’s basically because he’s hypersexualized. The man he nursed
after the war ended up killing himself. Way in the beginning of the series, he
was having an affair with some Duke and that went to shit faster than Barrow’s
wandering hands.
Basically
anyone who acts on his or her feelings, which has always been a huge British
taboo is reprimanded for it. When Lord Grantham basically threw himself on one
of the housemaids, she decided she should basically fire herself for leading
him on. For chrissake. Can’t anyone get it in at Abbey Shore?
The
people who are doing the most well are those who haven’t had the dust knocked
off their private parts since the mid-1800’s, case and point The Dowager
(Maggie Smith) who looks like she’s going to continue living forever even
though she died 10 years ago, and always have smart ass things to say that put
her on top of everyone else.
Also,
let’s face it but Edith. Who is clearly still a virgin and likely to stay that
way. And we just know she’s going to be turning into the Dowager soon enough,
or the slightly insane old maid sister, perhaps that’s a better path for her.
Lady Edith Blanche Dubois. I like the sound of that don’t you?
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