Checking In Please. The Premiere of American Horror Story: Hotel

Reservation is under the name 'Gaga'

I fucked up. I decided to go to the gym rather than watch the premiere of American Horror Story: Hotel. What the hell was I thinking? Well partially I didn't want everyone on facebook giving away spoilers (i'm looking at you, new yorkers) I live on the Pacific timezone ergo I'm the last to get anything on TV...except for Hawaii. Anyway! American Horror Story is more than my favorite show, it's an unhealthy obsession. And once something becomes an unhealthy obsession in my life, there's no going back. The show can be problematic and in desperation for ratings go from the imaginative to the laughably insane, as seen in last season's Freakshow, but I'm so happy they found their footing again. 

Lady Gaga in a promo still from Entertainment Weekly as The Countess. The owner of the Hotel Cortez.

If you live in a cave you don't know that the series switches times and settings every season, but keeps the principal cast. It's a very cool concept. The last season was set in the 50's in a place called Jupiter Florida, but now we're back to Los Angeles in modern times, where the series initially began with Murder House. Two boho sluts from Sweden check in to a mysterious hotel all excited about seeing the most annoying places in LA like Universal Studios. Also, I'm not saying that Swedes are sluts, just these two girls happen to be. They immediately take a disliking to the retro and dank feel of the Hotel Cortez. It's not hip enough for them. It's not the Standard on Sunset Blvd. which is probably where they should have gone considering they would have seen a lot of weirder shit there. Kathy Bates appears and is immediately crass and dismissive to them, and I'm thinking, well yeah fuck these bitches. As you can tell, I'm typing this while I watch it. Thank god for DVR. Now that's about as much of the plot as I'm going to give you, because unlike Facebook and twitter trolls I actually care about spoilers. For the most part.

Spoiler alert! Sex and murder are mutually exclusive.

The only person from all previous seasons that does not appear in Hotel is Jessica Lange, and a role probably originally written for her was given as we well know to Lady Gaga. She's the mistress of the Hotel Cortez, and seriously if we ever needed proof that she could act, we got it last night. I miss Jessica, but Gaga was born for this role. Ryan Murphy probably had the biggest creative hard on watching her deliver lines. Lest we forget, the show also has the holy trifecta of the hottest men in Hollywood ever. Wes Bentley, Matt Bomer, and Cheyenne Jackson round out the principal cast as newcomers to people we have grown to associate with the show like Sarah Paulson, Kathy Bates, Evan Peters, Chloe Sevigny etc. 

Now, let's talk about the Hotel. you could see that Falchuk and Murphy were getting really strapped for a horror setting that can keep going for 14 episodes. They got creative with it. The first was very predictable. A family moves into a haunted house. Whoopdy do. Crazy shit is going to happen. After which, they had to get more outlandish and ask themselves where can we put a bunch of random and endless but somehow connected horror stories...in an asylum, a coven, and a freakshow apparently. But there's something about Hotel that tells me it's going to be the best season yet. 

Huge girl crush on Sarah Paulson. The meaner she gets on AHS, the more I love her. 

Think about how creepy a hotel is, especially an antiquated one in LA. I know that you guys think The Roosevelt is so awesome and hip. But I used to live literally down the street and always got a creeped out feeling while buying my 15$ martini. Perhaps it was because it was the epicenter for sugar daddies on the hunt, but back to the damn show! What is the quintessential horror film. If you say anything other than The Shining, then I feel so bad for you. Where does it take place? Do you see where I'm going with this? How many times have you checked into a hotel and wondered what goes on behind all of those doors with basically a house full of strangers and paper thin walls? I'm not talking about the Marriott or anything, but those really old LA hotels with that pre-war architecture, decaying carpet, and a wealth of stories scary or not. They even ripped off the shag carpeting (metaphorically) from The Shining, seriously that was a nice homage. And I know a lot of NY snobs will think well if it's about a mysterious hotel why in LA and not in NY home of the Chelsea. In my opinion, LA horror stories especially those akin to buildings, and they are never ending are much more interesting. LA is a city full of secrets, broken dreams, despair, murder, and a lot of things that can translate themselves into romantic but gory horror stories and tall tales. It's about time Murphy and Falchuk capitalized on it. The premiere was right on. Excellent. Can't wait for the second episode, still upset that I can't marathon it. If any one wants to do an AHS night every week hit me up. I'll be dressed like Sarah Paulson. 

Below, intro and trailer