No no no no no no no no...no!

Michelle Williams will be the next Sally Bowles. I may never be the same again.

It's bad enough that Michelle Williams and all of her quiet courageous talent or as I like to call it under-acting had to take down one of my favorite screen and pop culture icons with the sweaty piece of turd that was My Week with Marilyn (2011), but now, she's gone too far people. I am THIS close to rioting. What that would entail is me printing out a very large flag with Liza Minnelli's face on it, putting on a t-shirt that says 'no one fucks with Bob Fosse' and screaming through the LA streets like a deranged lunatic and I very well might. A very good friend of mine (though I seriously considered strangling her were we on the same side of the country) sent me news that Michelle Williams will be playing the iconic role of Sally Bowles. I. Want. To. Vomit. Murder. Punch Something. In that order. Here's the damned article Michelle Williams to Make Broadway Debut in ‘Cabaret’

When I'm through, then I'm through...and I'm through...tootdle-oo.

Yes, she's not doing a remake of the film (if that were the case, I would be in the paper tomorrow with blood on my hands) but still. And yes there have been many Sally Bowles on stage, but none match the brilliance with which Liza was able to execute it. It's the role she was born to play, and it's the role we (at least most of us) all tend to associate with her, except if you're a hardcore Arrested Development fan. There is ONE Sally Bowles, just like there's one fucking King of Siam and that's Yul Brynner, therefore the former is Liza. As a proud gay man I will say that without reserve. And there was never a greater pairing between Liza Minnelli and Bob Fosse (discounting Liza Minnelli and Roy Halston). Fosse directed her to her Academy Award, won one himself for Best Director (a huge feat considering his biggest competition that year was F. F. Coppolla for The Godfather). I am seriously beside myself. I've read the Isherwood story 'I Am a Camera' which was adapted by Kander and Ebb (NYU alums what, what) into the musical 'Cabaret', which under the brilliant direction and choreography of Bob Fosse cemented its status as one of the most innovative and unique plays that ever danced across the Broadway stage. When the film adaptation premiered in 1971, lines to get into the theaters in New York were 6 blocks long. The work was so highly original and brilliantly executed, and everyone was basically born for the job they did. 

The dream team; Liza and Bob Fosse take a break between takes.

And again, coming back to the apex of this whole thing. Liza was born to play Sally Bowles. No other person before or since has done it remotely better or should even be considered...or remembered. I've never seen such a fusion of actor and character. It's as if they were the same person, which they kind of were when you think about it. 

Liza Minnelli and Joel Grey proudly hold up their Oscars in triumph especially considering Joel Grey beat out the entire supporting cast of The Godfather (1971)

And dear Liza, you in your black silk strap-on pantyhose, bowler hat, and under-lashes will always remain in my memory. Michelle go fuck yourself with something hard and sand-papery. Stop taking on roles that are clearly too big for your bland personality. Stick to shit like Blue Valentine (2009) where you just sulk for 2 hours straight. You're a great sulker. You don't fuck with a masterpiece. And if the next news I hear is that she's in a remake of Eyes Wide Shut (1999) opposite Liam Hemsworth, I'm definitely shooting the messenger that time.

Memories of how it used to be below: