The latest episode of television's greatest guilty pleasure Jersey Shore was titled 'Meatball Mashup' when it should have been called 'Vagina Overload'. Out of all of the difficult to watch episodes, it was indeed the most cringe-worthy.
First of all, Team Meatballs is a self-coined terms by Deena Cortese and Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi because they're Italian, short, and juicy (i'm guessing). And if you don't by now know what DTF stands for then you should get off of your penny-farthing bicycle, wax off your handle-bar mustache, and start paying attention. If glorified senior citizen Cloris Leachman uses it, there's no excuse.
Anyway, in the latest greasy bronzed adventure for the Shore crew, they head off to the scenic beaches of Riccioni in the Rimini province of Italy to find people to rub up against, and when they can't, they opt for each other, and not for underwear. Let me put it this way, when bona fide sexpot cast member J-Woww is playing mom, then you know the situation (no pun intended) is not a good one.
Deena and Snooki decided to get shit-faced and drink enough shots to put down a small farm animal (situation normal) but then the scene turns really ugly (and graphic) when the two of them against their roommates' advice decided to take their sloshed sloppy asses sans underwear to the club for a blurry fuck-it-all night out.
They somehow stumble home in time to get changed for the evening's festivities and show up at the club ready to scare everyone there into a vow of celibacy. It's a wonder how the two are even standing but manage to gyrate up against a glass wall (and seriously Riccioni, if you know the meatballs are coming to town take down all glass walls) and press their lady parts against it. At this point all of us are thanking god for MTV's little Jersey Shore logos that pop up in front of the girls when they accidentally flash their naughty bits, which was literally every few seconds this episode. Now, I thought this was all pretty hilarious at first a couple years ago, but now it's getting old, and just a little too gross. I can't handle all that vagina. It reminded me of that time during 2007 when nipple slips were out and crotch shots were in. Everyone from Lindsey Lohan to Britney Spears to crotch shot aficionado Paris Hilton were plastering their vag's all over the pages of The Inquirer and Star Magazine. I again find myself thinking what I did 4 years back; 'I did not sign up to be a gynecologist', and seriously ladies, enough is enough. Underwear will always be chic. There are so many options, lace, satin, silk, thongs, bikini cuts, flowers, pink cotton, anything and everything under the sun. It's a beautiful thing.
To sum up, in the immortal and wise words of J-Woww on that fateful night: 'dude, your vagina is out. you're giving everyone a free show, put it away'. Very simple.
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