Tuesday, July 7, 2015

That Reason Why We're Watching OITNB Part 3

Androgyny is back and her name is Ruby.
Not only does Cindy give the best speech about wanting to convert to Judaism and as a card carrying member of the tribe, it was refreshing to see my people shown in such an interesting light, which all stemmed from wanting to get Kosher meals in prison which is better than the gruel the are being served, and then she has a magical Mikvah (that's when  you dunk the person in water fully submerged kinda like an adult baptism to let them into the tribe, as in fully absorbed), and it was beautifully shot and executed, we all know where I'm going. Her name is Ruby Rose, her character's name is Stella; she australian and covered in tattoos and Piper's (who is the worst) rebound from Alex. 

Instagram queen, and yea she's straight up in Bieber garb but like you wouldn't still hit that. Be honest.
If your'e screaming spoiler alert at the computer get a life, kill it, and stay home and marathon OITNB on Netflix. Anyway, as Alex Vause would put it, Stella is a Justin Bieber look alike, but do we actually give a shit, she's great at panty vag sweat (yeah that's content of the show), makes her own tattoo needles, and talks back to correction officers, I mean bitch is a badass, and I'm secure enough in my sexuality to say that. I know that Facebook, Twitter and Instagram has been exploding with how much they love Ruby, but I would marry this person. Like right now. Former MTV VJ, turned Maybelline model, turned bona fide actress is slaying it right now.

In the spirit of being true to the atmosphere, yeah women shower together, and our dear Stella doesn't use towels. Could she be more badass? Piper is visibly impressed. 
Even though she betrays Piper in the end, who honestly gives a shit with that short asymmetrical haircut, those piercing blue eyes, and that really interesting barely there Aussie accent. There is a scene where she is completely naked because she loves to 'air dry' and it's good to know we have that in common. By the way, she can tattoo 'trust no bitch' on me anywhere, anytime. 
I know it's very silly when you say 'oh I'm huge in Australia', but now she's universal, and I wouldn't be surprised if an Emmy nomination for Best Guest Star is coming up for her. If you follow her on Instagram...which I do, she seriously has the best selfies this side of Gigi Hadid. She was a breath of fresh air, because people started going off the deep end. Thank god for Cindy, Crazy Eyes, Gloria, Lorna and Taystee...and to some extent Soso for keeping the show together not that it was coming apart, but the 'main' character, Piper is slowly becoming just the WOOOOORST (sorry there's no better way for me to say it) even Pennsatucky is having a huge character change due to her new friendship with Big Boo (also a big love of mine (Power to Lea!). But Ruby Rose, you have the sexiest name on the planet, you are one big bad ass with a body built for sin, and a stare that is so piercing I just want to have the most intense prison sex experience with you in the worst way, and then you can tattoo me, and not an infinity symbol. If you don't watch the show you don't get that reference and I feel sorry for you. 

Trailers below: 

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