Monday, February 25, 2013

Oscar Recap: Seth MacFarlane is a Huge Mysoginist, Les Mis is Delusional in How Good It Thinks It Is, and Jennifer Lawrence is Adorbs

And everyone say 'most awkward photo-op ever!'
Let's face it people, this Oscar ceremony was off. And if I didn't have a few beers in me, I would have noticed that better, but now in hindsight, I've become aware that yeah, not the best by a long shot. First of all, predictable as fuck! Was there any upset I mean seriouslaaaaay. Except for maybe Ang Lee, everything else was like 'called it!'.
But let's get to the bizarre bullcrap. What was with that tribute to movie musicals over the past 10 years...all 3 of them, starting with Chicago (2002) the producers of which coincidentally produced you guessed it, this years' Oscars. Fancy that! And John Travolta introducing that? Who let him into the party. And if he's the person we associate most with musicals, then I feel sorry for us. I mean Elizabeth Berkeley has more jazz hands cred than him. 
Thanks for reminding us that Russell Crowe sings sometimes.
 Now, let's get to the woman we all love to hate, no not Kristen Stewart who hobbled her sorry dishevled ass around the stage like a confused mental patient on her first day out, but weepy faux-emotional professional it-girl Anne Hathaway who whispered 'it came true' to her Oscar like she had done a voodoo ceremony on it earlier and it paid off. Then she went on some tangent about all the Fantine's in the world and some other such bullshit, like those are serious problems, or are problems that even exist. Take your stupid satin pink prom dress and get the fuck off the stage horseface. 
Moving on. Seth MacFarlane was 'toned down' but still managed to come off as kind of a prick. Not only did the boobs song stank of rampant misogyny, but he made many quips throughout his hosting gig that hinted at the fact that women aren't exactly his favorite species. And bringing out Ted? seriously? I mean can't we all just peacefully forget that that happened? Why ya gotta rub our noses into it's stinky crotch? 
One of the few sketches I actually enjoyed. The other was the recreation of Flight (2012) with sock puppets.
The in-memorium segment though accented by BABS was somewhat underwhelming, I mean usually my eyes are welling up as I look up at the TV and think; 'I don't know any of these fucking people'. And then somewhat Media obsessed First Lady (um, wha?) shows up to present Best Picture honors to Ben Affleck. I'm sorry, but doesn't Michelle Obama have other shit to do aside from broadcasting from the Oval Office to a bunch of pretentious douche-bags and doing mom dances with Jimmy Fallon? 
Just the best thing ever, embarrassing? sure, memorable? as hell! Either way who gives a shit, you won an Oscar!
Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is it was just weird. It was like that awkward sex that you only realize is awkward in the middle of it, but you're so close to coming you just keep at it, and try to imagine you're in your happy place picking daisies with the Dixie Chicks in a meadow full of baby deer. The one glorious moment was J-Law's fall. I mean that was a serious fall, she didn't even go down gracefully it was basically eating curb for her, and she was just so adorbs about the whole thing, that we are all head over heels in love with her right now. SNL performance forgiven J-Law, you rule.

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