Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Oh Poor Edith!

Young...ish love. Sigh.
So I thought the Downton Abbey bug had long since its nesting rolled over and died and left my body and mind (i.e. the host) in peace, but nooooooo. Itunes sucked me back in and like totally forced me to purchase all new episodes of the third season available on this side of the pond so far. Granted 3 glasses of box Chardonnay might have had something to do with that as well, but it goes without saying that I am once again 'infected'. So let me get you up to speed. SPOILER ALERTS AHEAD! 
Matthew (Dan Stevens) and Mary (Michelle Dockery) (the cousins) are married and arguing like a whole lot. And when they decide to make up one of them says 'kiss me before I get cross', I'm not kidding, that line is repeated and repeated by either character, it's hilarious. And here's some bigger news...ALL THE MONEY IS FUCKING GONE! What? No! How the? I mean seriously! With a great depression looming and the nation just out of a world war, how could they NOT be raking in the dough what with all of their fancy dress parties and tea luncheons? Huge huge huge shocker. But wait, Downton needn't go to ruin just yet. Apparently Lavinia's father has left all of his money to Matthew. Remember Lavinia? The plain dead girl from Season 2? Yay! Downton still stands and the Crawleys are still in it, as Shirley MacClaine proclaims. Oh that's another thing, Shirley MacClaine is now on the show as the Countess of Grantham's obnoxiously American-Jewish mother, Martha Levinson who freaks everybody out with all of her American-Jewishness. But back to the money, it's a huge shock to us all when Matthew decides not to claim it out of guilt for not loving said dead girl enough. Good for you Matt, at least you'll have your pride to keep you warm.
You know you're the family embarrassment when they cast Fred Armisen to play you.
In other news, a heavily preggers Sybil (Jessica Brown-Findlay) shows up with her Occupy Wall Street self-righteous snot boyfriend/husbandbaby-daddy Branson (Allen Leech). Also, Edith (Laura Carmichael) pursues her unwavering passion for the most Milquetoast man in England (which is quite the feat) Sir Anthony Strallan, who's 20 years too old and one working arm short. As Lord Grantham put it 'he's at least my age and dull as paint'. But to be fair, Edith is the plain one, that other one, the fugly one if you will so...beggars can't be choosers. Also, she's a bit of a nag and totally stuck up.
She cleans up nicely, no?
And what ends up happening to her? He leaves her at the alter. Yes you heard right kittens, mister 2 strikes in life left a perfectly normal healthy young lady at the alter and saved himself a couple more good years of sex. She tears off her veil and runs upstairs to her room locking herself in her room...presumably to kill herself. But no, she's going to be lame yet again and just cry in bed being jealous of her hot sisters. Will this old spinster ever find love? Probably not, but on the bright side she can look forward to being the new Maggie Smith!

Below, some parodies. 

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