Saturday, July 21, 2012

Male Fashion Trends That Should Come Back So That Women Will Fuck You

Going off script here, It's my 200th post. So yay! I'm going to write whatever the hell I want. Fellas, listen the fuck up. Enough with the frosted tips, tribal tattoos, plastic sunglasses and skinny jeans. You look like an idiot, and I can smell the douche on you from a mile away. If your goal is to make yourself appealing to females and eventually their vaginas, you're doing it all wrong. Here are trends that I think we should bring back that make you look like more of a man and like less of a bitch.

Man-tanning. Take it from me, if you do it evenly and don't overdo it, you'll remind girls of Cary Grant, and that's always a good thing. Even in the dead of winter.
Cravats. If you want to look sharp and like you make a lot of money, which is always, always appealing to women, buy a cravat or two, it's not as obnoxious as a dickie-bow, and not as boring as a tie. It will always sharpen up your oufit.
The serious beard. Enough with the crazy facial hair experiments. Last year it was the handle-bar mustache, now it's the amish beard, it's like stop smoking so much pot and grow a dang serious beard if you're going to have any facial hair. All or nothing boys.
The sweater vest is not fundamentally dorky. You don't have to be Chandler Bing to properly rock this, and you will always look like you just stepped right off a yacht.
This might be a bit controversial, but I swear, a man in high rise bell bottoms always looked awesome to me. It makes me think their a rock star from the 70's. Also it attracts attention to your ass, so yay!
The short tie. The Mad Men revolution has been of utmost importance in fashion particularly. Enough of the skinny bitch tie. It just makes you look fat. The short tie will make you look like Don Draper. I'm talking like instantly. Try it, put one on.
The curtained hair. I always always always was attracted to longer hair, I have no idea why. I know it's like way ridiculous, but when a guy grows out his hair, he just looks hotter. I swear, it just happens. And curtained hair makes you look sensitive.
The frilly shirt. If you're ballsy enough to wear this non-ironically, I salute you sir. The frilly shirt is very Baroque, and shows that you're not afraid of taking risks. Yeah, because that fedora you think you're rocking is not a risk and it's retarded.
the cigarette holder. It looks so much cooler than just pulling out a cigarette and smoking it. You just feel fancy, and that's always fun.

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