Saturday, July 21, 2012

I'm With The Band - A Comprehensive List of The Sexiest Rock Stars Of All Time

Rock stars are rock stars. They're gorgeous, they're worshiped, they're iconic, they're golden gods. I don't care who you are, you were in love with a rock star once upon a time in your life, and you seriously considered quitting grad school to be a groupie, or you know, try to build a time-machine so you could go back to 1971 and throw yourself at Roger Taylor. Which never happened...yes it did. Now, I'm not talking about rock stars in the sense that they have to play rock. A rock star is someone who through their music, whatever it may be, their look, and their fuck-all attitude created a certain level of iconography not only musically but aesthetically. There are of course sins of omission on this list. For example, I'm a huge fan of Johnny Cash and Bryan Ferry but they are not on the list because I've never pictured fucking them. I'm basing this list on a few criteria - style, persona, iconography, and sex-appeal. If the shoe fits, have sex with it. Also, this is in order leading up to the sexiest, most magnificent rock star of all my opinion of course, but I have a feeling it's a lot of other people's opinions as well. Here we go. 

#50 - Shannon Hoon of Blind Melon
#49 - Brian May of Queen and being extremely British
#48 - Shirley Manson of Garbage
#47 - Josh Todd of Buckcherry
#46 - Liz Phair
#45 - Sebastian Bach of Skid Row, all he's missing is some earrings and lipstick
#44 - Grace Slick of Jefferson Airplane and drinking binges
#43 - Susanna Hoffs of The Bangles
#42 - Joe Perry of Aerosmith, where else?
#41 - Layne Staley of Alice in Chains
#40 - Roger Taylor of Queen
#39 - Dave Davies of The Kinks
#38 - Amy Lee of Evanescence
#37 - Shaun Cassidy, take that Justin Beiber
#36 - Jimi Hendrix of his giant penis
#35 - David Coverdale of White Snake
#34 - Johnny Rotten of The Sex Pistols
#33 - Dave Navarro of Jane's Addiction
#32 - Eagle-Eye Cherry
#31 - Art Garfunkel of Simon and Garfunkel and then solo projects
#30 - Regina Spektor
#29 - Scott Weiland of first Stone Temple Pilots then Velvet Revolver then being generally fucked up
#28 - Iggy Pop of the Stooges and fucking Iggy Pop
#27 - Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam and sensitive-guy rock
#26 - John Taylor of Duran Duran
#25 - Lenny Kravitz of being shirtless almost all the time
#24 - Janelle Monae
#23 - Kurt Cobain of The Spice Girls
#22 - Bob Marley of dreadlocks
#21 - Henry Rollins of Black Flag and general badassism
#20 - Ian Gillan of Deep Purple
#19 - Slash of Guns N Roses, Velvet Revolver, VH1 commentary shows, and top hats
#18 - Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac and later Stevie Nicks
#17 - Tina Turner of Ike and Tina Turner and then of telling Ike to go fuck himself and just being Tina Turner
#16 - Joan Baez
#15 - Ben Harper of being Mr. Laura Dern and then getting a good look at her face
#14 - George Harrison of being the least obnoxious and most musically talented Beatle
#13 - Prince
#12 - Marc Bolan of T. Rex
#11 - David Gilmour of Pink to the Floyd
#10 - Michelle Phillips of The Mamas and the Papas
#9 - Debbie Harry of Blondie awesomeness
#8 - Marvin Gaye of getting it on
#7 - Nico of The Velvet Underground & Nico
#6 - David Bowie of David Fucking Bowie
#5 - Freddie Mercury of Queen and being the best rock & roll frontman that ever lived
#4 - Elvis Presley of um...duh
#3 Roger Daltrey of The Who and wash port abs
#2 - Mick...Jagger
#1 - Had to see this one coming. Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin and being the original and only Golden God. Phew!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

this is shit where is jimmy page he is fucking hot