Masterpieces in Camp

Do I really have to explain with Camp is, I don't really feel like it, read Susan Sontag's 'Notes on Camp', I'll just really quickly note that according to Michael Musto (renowned raconteur, gay icon, and Village Voice critic for like a million years and counting) classifies Camp as something that is so ridiculous that you can't possibly believe it's meant to be taken seriously. Usually, Camp is applied to Queer Cinema, trash  films, and Kenneth Anger. The Drag Queen is the perfect example of a Camp entity. The exaggerated make up, hair, and clothing give credence to the idea that Camp is an exercise in the abnormal. It is trying to stretch aesthetic the furthest from the serious and the real as possible. Thus the confluence of this is usually cult comedies and trash films from the likes of John Waters (arguably the most recognizable Camp filmmaker). Camp is an absolute favorite of mine, I learned a long time ago not to take anything too seriously, particularly film. I used to be a Hitchcock/Welles/Renoir junky until I discovered that Paul Verhoeven, Jack Smith, John Waters, and Andy Warhol were creating a certain subjective attitude that reflected itself in films as pure gaudy, filthy, and amazingly fun nonsense. I want to pay homage not only to those filmmakers (which I will exempt from this post considering they are all pretty obvious) but to some of those films that have been called everything from irredeemably filth to disgusting trash. To me, these are in fact positive critiques. Who says that every film has to be a calculated meticulous opus of life, love, and death? And who says that those subjects aren't fair game for satire, glitter, and fun? I am leaving the following a few this list because I've either blogged about them in the past, or are the work of John Waters who's entire body of work is purely Camp. I know I need more examples, this is what I have so far, i'm pretty busy right now. More to come (no pun intended, or maybe intended). 

Valley of the Dolls (Mark Robson, 1967). Based on the seminal camp novel by Jacqueline Susann and her experience in show business, her obsession with Judy Garland, and her penchant for pill popping, this film was an amazingly accurate adaptation. It details the lives of three women all struggling in their own way to find their niche in what they are passionate about. Neely O'Hara (Patty Duke) is the star of the film. She symbolizes every actress from old Hollywood that was horribly misguided and destroyed by fame, in a most outlandish and comic manner. She opens her bottle of dolls (pills) and chugs it like a Gatorade saying that she's expected to 'Sparkle Neeley, Sparkle!'. 

FAVORITE QUOTES: 

Helen Lawson: They drummed you out of Hollywood, so you come crawling back to Broadway. But Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope. Now get out of my way, I've got a man waiting for me.  


Anne Welles: Neely, you know it's bad to take liquor with those pills. 
Neely O'Hara: They work faster. 


Anne Welles: You've got to climb Mount Everest to reach the Valley of the Dolls. 

Velvet Goldmine (Todd Haynes, 1998). Most of the dialogue in this film are taken directly from the writings of Oscar Wilde. This film was almost universally shunned, and wrongfully so, because closed-minded critics couldn't see the proverbial tragicomedy forrest for the trees. Loosely based on the life of David Bowie and to a lesser extent T. Rex's Marc Bolan, this flashy and ironic musical is Camp while being tragic. It follows the life of Brian Slade who later reinvents himself Maxwell Deamon, a seminal force in Glam Rock and bisexuality who's own ego is the foundation for his own destruction. This is Citizen Kane bedazzled. The narrative is the same as Kane, where a journalist must discover the mystery behind his idol's identity and disappearance and subsequently travels back in time to when platform shoes, orgies, and glam rock were all the rage, pumping life back into dreary and cloudy London. 

FAVORITE QUOTES: 


Reporter: Tell us, Brian, are the rumors true when they say you and Curt Wild have some sort of plans up your sleeve? 

Brian Slade: Oh yes. Quite soon we actually plan to take over the world! 

Brian Slade: Ha! Nothing makes one so vain as being told one is a sinner!  


Cecil: According to legend, when Curt was 13 he was discovered in the family loo at the service of his older brother, and was promptly sent off for eighteen months of electric shock treatment. It was guaranteed the treatment would fry the fairy clean out of him, but all it did was make him go bonkers whenever he heard an electric guitar.  


Curt Wild: Excuse me, fellas, while I raise my glass to the loveliest man in Europe. 
Brian Slade: And they tell you it's not natural.  

Showgirls (Paul Verhoeven) 1995. What has often been accurately described as All About Eve in a thong has evolved into a cult juggernaut. Talk about being universally panned. If we're comparing stuff, we could just as easily say that Black Swan (2010) is All About Eve in a tutu. Only this film is so much more than just a stripper version of the Bette Davis classic from 1950. Elizabeth Berkeley known as the neurotic goody-two-shoes Jesse Spano on the pseudo-crappy show Saved by the Bell, totally surprised everyone appearing on screen 80 percent of the time naked in this Paul Verhoeven classic. And yes, it is at this point just as bona fide a classic as All About Eve. Verhoeven isn't necessarily a camp filmmaker, but his exquisite wit and sarcasm transpires into films of every genre that make fun of not only themselves but of films that we think of as 'definitive' of their respective genres like his awesome Sci-Fi extravaganza complete with comically large cockroaches called Starship Troopers. Back to Showgirls though, it pretty much spells out all of our secret guilty pleasures as cinema spectators. All we really want is T&A, choreography, and cat fights, and this film covers all bases brilliantly, sprinkles them with gold glitter, and shoves them down our pretentious serious throats. I defy anyone to say that they see nothing redeeming in Showgirls or that you've never watched it. We all have, and it's better to just admit that it's amazing and throw an ironic Showgirls themed party where everyone dresses up as different costumes of Nomi Malone. My favorite is the bright pink fringe number, and of course the black and sleek 'Versayse'. 

FAVORITE QUOTES: 

Tony Moss: Can you MGM backwards? I bet you can't. 
Spelling Dancer: MGM 
Tony Moss: I'm impressed!  

Nomi Malone: Don't they have brown rice and vegetables? 
Cristal Connors: Do you like brown rice and vegetables? 
Nomi Malone: Yeah. 
Cristal Connors: You do? 
Nomi Malone: Sort of. 
Cristal Connors: Really? 
Nomi Malone: It's worse than dog food.
Nomi Malone: It is! 
Cristal Connors: I've had dog food. 
Nomi Malone: You have? 
Cristal Connors: Mmm-hmmm. Long time ago. Doggy Chow. I used to love Doggy Chow.
Nomi Malone: I used to love Doggy Chow, too! 

Zack Carey: Are you afraid? Don't be. 
Nomi Malone: I'm not. I liked it when you came. I liked your eyes.  

Men with Pipes: Symbolic Organs.

It's pretty simple. The title is self-explanatory. I thought about who I was sexually attracted to when I first started having film crushes, and unlike the requisite DiCaprio-Pine-Pattinson hysteria, I was always the weird one who rented VHS copies of films from the 30's so I could fantasize about English sophisticated types donning cravats, 6-piece suits, pinky rings, and smoking pipes with a curiously flirty look on their faces. They spoke politely and with rhythmic intelligence, smirking sarcastically as they took a sip of their champagne and pumped on their pipe some more. They always looked ridiculously put together, walking around so composed and yet giving the sense that once they got you into the bedroom, they would tear your clothes off with violent and feral efficiency then throw you on the bed with brut force and have their way with you. I'd like to look at a few examples. The best one I can think of is Leslie Howard who couldn't look more British if he tried, even when playing Southern gentleman Ashley Wilkes in Gone With The Wind (1939). He was raised in London, born into an affluent and well-to-do Jewish family. After serving in the Army during WWI he developed PTSD that he treated with acting lessons. By 1931 he was in Hollywood playing weak, snarky, and intellectual types opposite the likes of Bette Davis, Clark Gable, and Humphrey Bogart. He always seemed like the feeble romantic who talks more than he acts, and is completely emasculated by any actor around him (male or female) who in contrast is opinionated, fierce, and dominant. His British-ness came to a climax when he played the definitive British man; Henry Higgins in Pygmalion (1939). 

He was the sarcastic, sexually ambiguous professor of linguistics who huffs at an ever-present pipe and wears comically round glasses as to accentuate his intellectual superiority. Actors like Howard were typecast as the 'proper' straight-man to everyone else's shenanigans and unpredictability. When the world is going to hell, there's bullets flying, and Atlanta is burning, you'll always find Leslie in the corner quietly smoking his pipe, checking his chain watch, and muttering a snide comment about the ridiculousness of the world. 

Another one who uses his pipe as an indelible symbol of his manhood is gentle British soul Basil Rathbone known primarily for his work as Sherlock Holmes. Of course in this case, the pipe is part of the deal, you can't see Sherlock Holmes on the screen without his pipe, it's one of his most recognizable characteristics. He has a very sexual face. His eyes kind of droop in a stoic manner, and his facial hair just barely touches his supple lips when he speaks. He's got an amazingly arousing tone and even when talking about broken vases, curious dirt marks, and cracked tea cups is somehow still making love to the camera. 

He could read the numbers of Pi to me over and over again, it would still sound like pillow talk. Trevor Howard is another perfect example of a pipe-smoking cynic who though is not the 'strong-man' of the plot, is still able to draw sexual desire from the audience. I absolutely fell in love with him in The Third Man (1949), and next to Joseph Cotton in his prime, that's saying a lot. The way he spoke, held himself, and used his body to connote his powerful stature got immediately under my skin. Men who are emasculated in a film plot require a device that gives them their manhood back, sometimes rather literally, and none is more obvious than a swanky looking pipe that not only serves as a surrogate for their penis, but also draws attention to their mouths and how they use them to delicately and slowly puff smoke into their bodies between lines. It's a subconscious sex invite, subtle but unequivocal. Unfortunately, you have to be British to have a pipe, if you're American, you better stick to an old hand rolled cigarette a filmic ploy to illustrate a character's working class status. I just thought I'd salute a few of those who don't normally get female adoration and obsession and uneasily hover between 'character actor' and 'matinee idol'. 

This is a type that definitely does it for me, and hits on all sensual cylinders. They show actors don't have to be ripped and jacked, having their chests sprayed with olive oil between every take, and their hair tossled to give the impression of aggressiveness. Desire can come in a neat, tailored, and sarcastic package, that's both proper and animalistic, always complete with a nice shiny pipe. 

Top Ten: Sexy (Ugly) Beasts

While most of the film and tv viewing public would like to put the following selection into the 'character actor' category which is just a nice way of saying, their talented but totally gross, I have strange tastes and imagine some of you will agree with me for picking certain actors who may not be pretty boys or Cary Grant clones (George Clooney, Chris Pine, Matt Damon etc.) and have a strange fondness and sexual attraction to those that are how shall I put this delicately...unconventional. Pretty boys are pretty boring. Too symmetrical, and usually totally aware of their all of their perfections making them annoyingly arrogant. Argue with me all you want, but I think it clearly translates into their films on a subconscious level. They don't usually ask their director if they can do a shirtless scene (unless its Matthew Mcconaughey) but they do walk around the frame like they're 10 feet tall with a 12 inch dick. So here's a salute to those who make us cry, make us laugh, win Oscars without having to have a make-under, and make us question our sexual inclinations. They might not win the cover of People's Sexiest Man Alive, but c'mon, who really wants to? So that they can join the ranks of Mel Gibson, Johnny Depp, and Tom Cruise? Jew-hating wife-beater, king of the douche-bags, and certifiably cuckoo brains? No thanks. 

Stanley Tucci (Age 50)
This has to be my favorite one. In fact, I don't think he's ugly at all, and he was just so devastatingly charming opposite Meryl Streep in Julie & Julia (2009) that I told my mom I wanted a man just like that. He's very versatile, and can play both villains and romantics with subtle perfection. Perhaps it doesn't matter that he never gets or will get a romantic lead. If you're someone that can be Oscar nominated as a child-molesting murderer in The Lovely Bones (2008) and a year later play the loving supportive husband to Julia Child, you are winning sir. 

John Hawkes (Age 51)
If nothing else I hope this generates more google searches for John Hawkes. He was nominated last year for his heartbreaking and unforgiving performance in Winter's Bone (2010). He's also made a few appearances in the flawed last season of Lost, looking so much like John Lennon that his character's name was actually billed as 'Lennon'. He cleans up nice for the Oscars, believe me.

Alfred Molina (Age 57)
Ok, we need someone to play perhaps the ugliest artist of the 20th century besides Warhol, opposite devistatingly hot Salma Hayek in Frida (2002). They chose Alfred Molina who didn't look anything like Diego Rivera, except for putting on a considerable few pounds. I've always had a soft spot for this very talented method actor. Since I saw him in Species (1995) as a hopeless romantic who gets an alien's tongue through the back of his head. Poor guy. 

Paul Giamatti (Age 43)
Talk about a guy who made his career playing the annoyed, cynical, and sarcastic observer who never gets the girl, culminating in his performance as underground comic book icon Harvey Pekar in American Splendor (2003). He totally reinvented himself by shaving that scruff (as well as his head) practicing a British Accent and taking the titular role in the HBO mini-series, John Adams (2008). I saw him on the subway once. He looked exactly like he does in every film he's been in, casually distracted, with a despondent look on his face. It took all of my self control not to go over and talk to him because I find him very attractive. I like cynics. 

Steve Buscemi (Age 53)
He is perhaps the pièce de résistance of this whole list. Everyone I know has at one time or another acknowledged that they carry a hard on for Steve Buscemi whether it's from awkward Seymour the record collector in Ghost World (2001) or as he is now as the womanizing (operative word) powerful, and self absorbed Nucky Thompson in HBO's Boardwalk Empire. Someone thought that he could pass as a person upon whom women were throwing themselves. They thought right. 

Jared Harris (Age 49)
I love Jared Harris. Not only has he reinvented himself in not one but two successful television shows (Mad Men and Fringe) he is the spawn of ridiculously handsome and Kirk Douglas doppleganger, actor Richard Harris. As sexually frustrated and demure Layne Pryce on Mad Men, there is even an instance when the other executives at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce joke about how ugly he is. Maybe for American closed-minded alcoholic upper-crust CEO's in the 60's, but not for me. And he's played Warhol. Awesome. 

Philip Seymour Hoffman (Age 43)
Here's another favorite. I met him as well (well not met, i gazed tipsily at his magnificent self while he was chain-smoking drunk outside the National Board of Review Awards that I went to in 2005) Sorry, I know I'm kind of showing off here. My bad. He is perhaps the biggest chameleon in the bunch. He's played romantic, but never a lead, always the hopeless romantic. My personal favorite was when he played tortured and disaffected playwright rather comically in David Mamet's State and Main (2000). Lest we forget his incomparable interpretation of Truman Capote for which he won an Oscar. Much deserved. 

Tommy Flanagan (Age 45)
Go ahead, look this one up. This Scotch actor has appeared as well, a Scot in most films until he was cast as Chibs in the highly acclaimed TV drama series Sons of Anarchy. His face adorns the infamous Glasgow Smile scars since he was accosted in Glasgow in his 20's. He used this 'handicap' to his benefit, and I don't think it takes away from his appeal at all, if anything I think it adds to it. 

David Cross (Age 47)
For you who are awesome, you know this hilarious actor and comic from the best show that has ever been on television (Arrested Development) as Dr. Tobias Funke, analrapist, actor, and never-nude. But get this, he's dating 20-something sex kitten Amber Tamblyn. He is very appealing, not only because he's ridiculously funny, but because he is able to somehow 'connect'. I have always loved this somewhat quirky and eccentric actor, especially after his spread in the infamous 'I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur' PETA campaign. 

Willen Dafoe (Age 55)
Wow, I just realize that's i've seen a lot of these guys in New York (again,  i'm sorry) Me and my mom treated ourselves to a ridiculously expensive coffee and desert at a posh West Village patisserie when he walked right by me. Like most actors you ever see on the streets or subway in New York, he's a lot shorter than I expected. The first film I saw him in was Shadow of the Vampire (2000), a highly imaginative and surreal recreation of the making of F. W. Murnau's Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror in 1922. Now, the actor Max Shreck who plays the original Nosferatu the Vampire was actually a very serious actor whom you wouldn't have recognized without his vampire make-up. Dafoe plays the character as though he was actually a vampire and appears to always look like a blood-sucking, undead, deamon, with pale white skin, chisel sharp teeth, and gaping empty eyes. Only he could do this. And yet we can still consider him sexually appealing and rather handsome, weird face aside, or perhaps because of. 

Pretend 'Factory Girl' Never Happened: Alternative Casting for Edie Sedgwick

I wrote an article for the Washington Square News back in 2006 for this travesty of a film directed by now kaput director George Hickenlooper and starring Sienna Miller in the role of Edie Sedgwick, Guy Peace as Andy Warhol (which was actually pretty impressive) and (gulp) Hayden Christensen as the ambiguous Bob Dylan composite character billed only as 'the folk singer' the reason for this being Bob Dylan was so shocked by the inaccuracy and blatant disrespect for the history that he threatened to sue if they decided to bring his name into it. He is among many who decided not to be associated with this film and publicly denounced it, among them David Bowie, Richie Berlin, superstars Viva and Ultra, as well as Warhol's second in command Gerard Malanga. So you're warned before you even turn it on just out of sheer curiosity that this is going to bite the big one. And it does. The biggest problem I have among the many, is the casting of British sex kitten Sienna Miller as the incomparable and tragic Edie Sedgwick. Her amazing story is ripe for dramatic interpretation, and it killed me that the first try was so cosmetic, superficial, and cliche. Miller barely scratches the surface of the mystery that is the 22 year old heartbreakingly beautiful heiress who was exhaled and subsequently destroyed by her association with Warhol and died terribly at 28, leaving an unforgettable imprint on not only underground film but pop-culture and perhaps most importantly, Warhol himself. Back in my writing days, I immediately tried to adapt it, just for fun, started writing some character sketches and scenes right after I first saw her in Beauty No. 2. It's a Warhol sound film in which she and superstar Gino Piserchio lie half naked on a bed, discussing art, philosophy, and sex while getting increasingly drunk. Edie's friend from Cambridge Chuck Wein assaults her off camera with increasingly personal and hostile questions. After which, I have seen almost all of the films she made with Warhol at the Warhol retrospective at BAM cinematek. And realized after screening Factory Girl that none of that material came close to being relayed in a bio-pic narrative, and were greatly misunderstood by both Sienna and Hickenlooper. So here is my hypothetical list of who I think both in aesthetic and spirit would have much better chops for adapting Edie correctly to a contemporary audience that is probably not aware of her at all. Every time a writer sits down to create a narrative, the first thing he should consider is telling the story to a person who hypothetically has never heard it or of the people and situations in it before. And epic fail on everyone's part. Hopefully someone like Julian Schnabel, Todd Haynes, or Van Sant decides to adapt it again with one of the following actresses.

Anna Torv (top) from Fringe fame. This stunning and statuesque Aussie actress proves she can play both strong and yet vulnerable, both requisites of Edie. The pic below is from a photo shoot Edie did for Vogue in the early 60's in which she was also named America's new 'It Girl' 

Ellen Page (above). This smart and versatile actress has the essence of Edie in that she is universally beautiful and appealing. She is charming and devastating. The pic below is of Edie towards the end of her time with Warhol, probably passed out because of a heroin trip, at her lowest point. The bandage on her hand is from when she was so doped that she didn't realize her apartment had caught fire. She crawled to the door and upon touching the brass door knob severely burned her hand. She was rescued, but her reputation never recovered. 

Natalie Portman (above). Natalie i think resembles Edie better than anyone. She's very elegant, petite, and poised. Aside from the obvious physical similarities, this is perhaps my favorite hypothetical. She's proven she has immense range as an actress from pixie rom-coms to her oscar-winning shocking and unique performance in The Black Swan. And her ballet training must come in handy considering Edie was a prolific dancer doing ballet, jazz, and modern, in fact her 'look' of the black tights and a shirt or leotard over them was because she was so busy with her dance classes that she just wore her uniform around all the time. Below is a still from footage shot of Edie for the 4-years-in-the-making opus she starred in as herself called Ciao Manhattan completed after she had long left New York and Warhol. 

Rose Byrne (above). This could be a stretch because Byrne is already well into her 30's, but something about her seems right. She is a very interesting performer and has a completely unique way of emoting. I think this would be a real challenge for her. One of those unorthodox casting choices which delights the audience when we see them actually pull it off rather well. Also, the British thing is a problem for me. It just is. Edie is such an American institution to where I feel it should be an American actress, but hey this is all hypothetical. The picture below is of Edie at a happening at the Ansonia hotel (the most beautiful in New York on Broadway and 72nd.) It was a pool party that turned into a completely insane amphetamine-fueled sex romp. The staff later stated that when they drained the pool they found dozens of cyringes at the bottom. 

Rooney Mara (above). This stunning actress you may remember as the love interest of Jesse Eisenberg's Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network, soon to collaborate with director David Fincher again in the American remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Go ahead and hate, but I for one am excited to see what Fincher brings to it. She has really unique features and probably resembles Edie the least comparatively to the previous actresses chosen, but she has a powerful disposition and is a total original. She is able to captivate just like Edie did. In Network, she has maybe 12 lines, but completely steals the show when she's on. A very important quality to have when reinterpreting Edie. Below is Edie's first screen test that Warhol shot. Amy Taubin, a factory girl and film critic said of this screen test, that no one looked more beautiful than when Warhol shot them. 'Tis true. 

Here is my article from WSN on Factory Girl back in 2007.

The real 'Factory Girl' as seen by Warhol's camera

And here's a real treat. This is lost footage from Ciao Manhattan, Edie's last film in which she plays herself essentially. This film took 4 years to shoot and portrays Edie after breast implants and extensive shock therapy and heroin addiction, thereby is rather wobbly, and not all together lucid or coherent. She looks back on her 'heyday' in New York for which footage was shot while she was still with Warhol. It's rather cryptic that the directors (David Weisman and John Palmer) foresaw the inevitability of Edie and her tragic end enough to start shooting in advance. This clip comes with awesome directors' commentary considering the directors themselves were at times just as doped as Edie and her fellow superstars. Where else are you going to get commentary like 'this was during my samurai phase'? Please check it out. 

Rihanna via Warhol

Interesting remix of 'S&M' to the films of Warhol and Kenneth Anger. I can't believe this wasn't thought of earlier. Featured in this remix are 'Blow Job', 'My Hustler', 'Kiss', 'Mario Eats a Banana', 'Scorpio Rising', 'Lucifer Rising', 'Inauguration of the Pleasure Dome'... you get the idea. This is pretty awesome. I like. For those of you not in the know, Kenneth Angers films are the ones in color, and Warhol's films are the ones in B&W. The man dancing very strangely with a length of chain is poet and Warhol's right hand, Gerard Malanga. The man eating the banana in 'Mario Eats a Banana' (the only color Warhol film in this collage) is seminal and famed drag performer Mario Montez, who went on to be one of the most influential presences and an icon in avant-garde and underground cinema. Edie Sedgwick can be seen to Malanga's left sitting and smoking. And just to be clear, the pixelations are of course not of the original films, but have been put in for youtubes sake, which I consider close to sacrilege.
\ 

Meet the Cast of Showtime's Gigolos.

Let's get this straight. I'm not here to judge. Some of these high-priced male escorts run the gambit between the charmingly handsome to the ridiculously sleazy. But whatever else they may be, they are very interesting and always entertaining. Showtime's new show about the cream of the crop gigolos that are part of the Cowboys 4 Angels escort service in Las Vegas is all kinds of things: gross, hilarious, filthy, delicious, graphic, kinky, depraved, awesome, and completely original. This isn't your momma's prostitution retrospective with Diane Sawyer empathetically interviewing street walkers and following them on their daily rounds in the gloomy industrial streets of small town USA. This is Vegas baby, complete with bling, limo's, lip gloss, tanning beds, and everything else it takes to make a bonafied 1000$ per hour gigolo. It's been three episodes into the series, with the latest premiering on April 22nd, 2011, and already we've seen cock cages, 4-ways, teacher clients, lots of unmentionable tattoos. Not to mention that the clientele is just as interesting and curious as the gigolos themselves .Now meet the 5 ladykillers that make up the show. 

Nick Hawk

27, 6'1 with hazel eyes, this guy though pretty is probably the densest in the bunch. And can't help exhibiting early signs of ultimate douche-baggery. His short time goals include breaking a sweat six days a week.very ambitious.

Jimmy Dior

My personal favorite. Also 27, and no nothing has been photoshopped here, he is actually this gorgeous. Usually I don't go for the pretty boy type, but he's also sweet and a hell of a professional. I want.

Vin Armani

I really don't get what it is with these guys and picking last names after designers that just don't fit their first names, but I guess creativity is not their strong suite. He's the newest addition to the Cowboys4Angels family, and the tallest at 6'4. By the second episode he had full-on earned his keep. So to speak. 

Steven Gannt

This one is another fave. A gentle soul who is whoring to support his 5 year old son. Sounds cliche I know. But he's a sweetheart. He's cried already twice on the show. And for me that's somehow endearing.

Brace (No Last Name)

Ugh. I don't even know really what to say here. Easily past 45, this bleach blonde, fake tanned, ed hardy wearing man-child is an example of everything not to order when picking up the phone and dialing Cowboys4Angels, unless you want to be covered in spray tan residue. He's currently working on an anti-aging supplement line so he can mercifully retire from the business. Well good luck with that.

Spotlight On: Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)

'One day, in the late mid 80's, i was in my early late 20's, i had just been dismissed from university after delivering a brilliant lecture on the aggressive influence of German philosophy on rock and roll entitled: You, Kant. Always Get What You Want. At 26, my academic career was over, I had never kissed a boy, and I was still sleeping with mom...'

I was completely in love with this film since I saw it when i was 16-ish when it first came out, to now, and think I'll always be. Unlike most films I was obsessed with at 16 and have since developed a more intellectual taste (Aronofsky, Tarantino, the wrong Scorsese) this film has always been in my file of absolute adoration (as trite as that sounds). Director John Cameron Mitchell first made this musical opus into a rock-opera that appeared in tiny off off off-broadway theaters that started with an audience of about 40 or so people and grew to be a bionafied cult hit in New York City. This gave him confidence to adapt his unique vision into a film. Sure, rock operas had gasped their last breath early in the 80's after the fiasco that was the film adaptation of Hair (1980) and as Rob Marshall expressed fear about  the following year, that no one was buying the idea of people randomly breaking into song, when he tackled the adaptation of Chicago (2002) for the screen, but this did not deter the petite, soft-spoken genius from San Antonio, Texas.

He created the character of Hedwig Schmidt, which he played himself, from spending nights assimilating himself into the vibrant gay scene in Manhattan's West Village (Christopher St. to be exact). He envisioned a character from East Berlin who's love for rock and roll propels him to write American music, and his love for a man gets him to the states, the only catch being he had to submit to a back-alley sex change operation which left him with neither man nor lady parts, but a small piece of flesh about an angry inch long. He forms a band and travels mid-level themed restaurants and cafe's performing his adversity-inspired songs, bitter about the break up between him and his one time muse Tommy Gnosis (Michael Pitt), who not only broke his heart, but stole his material, subsequently becoming immensely successful because of it.

Hedwig sees himself as female even though he has neither identification biologically. His snide sarcasm and witty cynicism drives the comedic art in this tragicomedy-musical-rock opera-bio-opus. There is little plot, but instead a visionary look into the tribulations of a beautiful and poignant story of a person who is very much an original, accented by primitive yet lyrical illustrations.

an illustration during the 'Origin of Love' number reminds the idea Plato wrote about regarding all of us being two halves of a whole searching tirelessly all of our lives for the other half to complete us. 

John Cameron Mitchell's arc as a filmmaker is sadly overshadowed by other independents who are wrongly percieved as 'visionary' and 'genius' because his work is largely cult. Hedwig was for a time performed Rocky Horror Picture Show style with a shadow cast at midnight on Saturday's at the IFC Center on 6th Avenue (quick shout out to my SVA comrade Ian who was in one of the shadow casts back when I saw it in 2005).

The aesthetic look of Hedwig is very original in its own right as to not fall into that trap of 'drag films' that were popularized by Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, TransAmerica, and Too Wong Foo...It is a film with universal themes, and represents them through music. Hedwig Schmidt is not just a film that we see so that we can marvel at how well actors we know as men perform as women, that would dictate farce. Hedwig is not this in the least. Humorous and tragic, it is a masterpiece among a veritable sea of farcical mediocrity.

Perhaps it is because it was made by a gay man rather than a straight man doing research on gay men. And for all it's sincerity, it might be the most heartbreaking account of sexual ineptitude caused by a botched surgery in an effort to please his lover and subsequent loss of self that leads to a redemption in discovering owns complete uniqueness.

JC-M's follow-up to Hedwig was the un-simulated sex fatwa titled Shortbus (2006) which explored these themes in a much more literal sense, and somehow mastered integrating the graphic with the romantic for film. The idea that people categorize his films are 'cult' or 'gay' is incorrect, because his particular style of storytelling functions on universal narrative and visual principles which work as visionary interpretations of sexuality, humanity, and struggle. I made everyone I know watch it when it first came out, and now I'm telling those of you who haven't seen it, please do. If nothing else, you'll fall absolutely in love with the music. The soundtrack (all original and written by John Cameron Mitchell) is incredible and holds its own with those of the genre's greats like Andrew Lloyd Webber and Stephen Sondheim. I felt the number 'Wig in a Box' about half way through the film was speaking directly to me (again, i apologize for being trite) but in the case of this film, I can't help it. When JC-M came to introduce the film at the IFC, my excited 21-year-old self almost hyperventilated from knowing i was in the presence of a real cinema genius.

This is one of my favorite numbers from the film. the poignant and tragic 'Origin of Love'.

Totally Innaporpriate Pics of Disney Princes

You. Are. Welcome. You remember your strange crush on a particular Disney Prince that didn't manage to go away as you got older? That's why some nights you dream in animation about Captain Phoebus or Prince Adam/The Beast (my personal favorite). No it's not wrong, Disney Princes are stupid hot, and every year, the animation seems to get more and more raunchy particular in the hair and chest area. I mean Tarzan had some power pecks on him, and the shortest loin cloth i've ever seen. It's like Disney is pandering to all of us older sisters who had to take our younger sibling to the movies. They come for the musical numbers and talking animals, we go for the man meat. And no it doesn't make you a pervert...well a little bit, but hey you're not alone. And now for the treat. I found this amazing website with photos that i'm going to now pass on to you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to watching Pocahontas.

Prince Adam/The Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Ultimate in 'Adonis DNA' (Thanks Sheen!) nice bulge by the way. was that part of the curse?

Aladdin. Whole new world indeed.

Captain Phoebes from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. For some reason his soul patch seems pervy in this picture.

Emperor Kuzco, never thought I'd be attracted to that. I was wrong.

Captain John Smith. Pocahontas is one big sex farm. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Nice raccoon tail by the way, very appropriate. RIP Miko the raccoon.

My personal fave from Pocahontas, timid (not so much anymore) Thomas.

Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid. Perhaps the quintessential Disney Prince. Long wavy hair, bright blue eyes. Calm down Vera, he's just a cartoon.

Shang from Mulan. I fell like a ton of bricks for him.

Tarzan. Am I crazy or did he already look kind of douchy. I'm still into it.

Kocoum. Pocahontas really scored in the eye candy. I was always more of a Kocoum kind of girl, Pocahontas' decision made no sense to me.

Evan Rachel Wood: Working Her Way Up the Cult Ladder.

Because I just blogged regarding beautiful Evan Rachel Wood, and have had a few glasses of wine deciding to watch Marilyn Manson videos from the mid-90's, I thought why not blog about it.

We all remember 'Thirteen', the brilliantly directed film by Catherine Hardwicke, who went on to make the first and only acceptable version of Twilight. After this, ERW starred in the absolutely fucked in all ways rendition of the worst Beatles songs known as Across The Universe. She played a down and out beatnik searching for the meaning of life (how original) and eventually transformed into a quasi flower child born from the mind of increasingly random Julie Taymor, whilst making the worst possible covers of classic Beatles' fair and awkwardly french kissing Jim Sturgess like its two middle school students trying it for the first time.

She started out very bohemian looking with long hair and innocent eyes, until her beau Marilyn Manson started transforming her into a younger thinner version of his ex-wife, burlesque performer Dita Von Teese, and in my opinion, it's just not working. The camp style, gaudy make-up and cabaret background only works on seasoned veterans like Dita, not high-school drop out bohemian Marie Claire fodder that is ERW. But to give her some credit, she is working on it. If you look at pictures of her currently, you would not be able to tell its the same person from Across the Universe but in all fairness, all actors involved in it should disassociate themselves from that travesty. Only time and wonder bra's will tell if ERW can truly be reformed from mediocre hippie-ish teen queen to bonafied camp princess complete with oxygen-constricting corsets, and silk eye-lashes, but I'm rooting for ya boo. 

I'm not sure if this is a good or bad influence on her progression but she currently keeps a relentlessly on-again, off-again relationship with cult icon Marilyn Manson, who aside from not being at all relevant anymore, is working on his career as...as a movie star. Whateves.  Who cares...
But he should consider himself lucky because he gets to go home every night and bed a young, beautiful, and seemingly fiesty 23 year old in his probably lavish and pimped out boudoir .
Though it does seem like he's pulling a Donald Trump here, where his wife just gets a tad past her expiration date, and he gets a new one, and immediately begins to transform her into a younger, perkier image of his old wife. In my opinion, without her soon to be hubby full-on Svengaling her (he IS 20 years older, so i'm sure there's an oedipal influence in that relationship somewhere), she could come up with a pretty rad sexual identity; something that is not tiredly 'brave' nudie shots in Mildred Pierce, to the awkwardly simulated sex scenes between her and Manson in his video for Heart-Shaped Glasses when they are both covered in blood, reaching some kind of feral orgasm...nuff said. Poor girl needs a proper mentor. Someone like Tim Gunn, Simon Doonan, or the ghost of Tennessee Williams would do wonders, but I see lots of potential, if she didn't currently annoy me as much.