Milk Milk Lemonade: The Church of Schumer

Schumer is god.

Ms. Schumer is a breath of fresh air. In a society that has become overloaded with young girls well late 20's - early 30's that take themselves wayyyy too seriously (talking to you, Gerwig and Dunham), it's refreshing to see a woman on TV who is totally blunt, completely unapologetic and viciously fearless. Her medium of choice is comedy and currently rules the landscape. The shooting in in Lafayette during her film Trainwreck showed us a very serious side of the comedy icon, when she allied with her uncle, Senator Chuck Schumer to take a stand against gun violence and the second amendment which just goes to show how incredible of a person that she is. 

But I'd like to talk about Schumer the comic if I may. We were first introduced to her as the sweet-looking, baby-doll dress wearing comic on every deus at a Comedy Central Roast who shocked everyone considering she looked so sweet, but what subsequently would come out of her mouth was the best foul comedy we've heard in years. During her meteoric rise, she has shut down critics and haters, saying 'I'm 160 pounds and I can catch a dick whenever I want', and acknowledging that yes it's hard for female comics, I mean duhhhh. It's a man's world, but she has machete'd the status quo with her brazen material to show that she's just as good if not better in her outrageousness. She's almost like the female Chris Farley. She came out of the box with the whole 'I own this' attitude, and not afraid of anything or any body.

Never afraid to say what we're all thinking.

What I particularly love about her is that she's not one-note. Usually people that do sketch  comedy aren't great at stand up, or the other way around. She's been able to nail both with her show Inside Amy Schumer (great pun bdtubs) as well as her stand-up special 'Cutting'. She's not afraid to be self-effacing either. This is usually a cop-out, but it works brilliantly for her; 'you'd sleep with me, but you wouldn't blog about it'. Bless her. She is also tackling some serious issues that women face today. Her 'Girl You Don't Need Make Up' song sketch is a brilliant satire of the whole 'you're beautiful just the way you are...as long as you're still conventionally beautiful' sentiment that seems so popular right now. When you're watching comedy and your first thought is 'I can't believe they're showing this on television' that's always a good sign. There are no limits with her. The whole 'you can't say that on television' has dissipated. I still remember when Jimmy Fallon asked her; 'what is your opinion on teeth?' and her response without even thinking about it was; 'I've been told to use less' The world would never be the same. She's brought her male comic counterparts to tears, showing that she's in fact not only just as good but superior.

From one of her funniest sketches about feminism.

In a society where women are really extreme in either being overly glamorized like Miley Cyrus to completely anti-glamour protest like Lena Dunham, Schumer has bulldozed those ideals and leveled the playing field. She comes out in heels and a designer dress and makes fun of the fact that we have to wear 'stilts' as she calls them and 'string in between our butt cheeks' to catch the attention of the opposite sex. She honestly doesn't give a shit, and that's very refreshing. Not only that, she's just really very funny. Genuinely so, because she does what she wants, on her own terms, and has turned the comedy cannon on its head. It's no longer the boy's club. She's proven that women can be just as provocative, incendiary, and shocking without getting on a soap box about it. 

Not afraid to make fun of her vices.

Her rise has been based on her ability to be classy while acting ridiculously, and being crass but smart. She's a highly intelligent individual who has honed her particular comedic ability into brilliance. She's created her own comedy cannon, and shows no signs of calming down any time soon. She doesn't show any signs of slowing down or calming down any time soon and her career is blossoming. She has become a mouth piece for all of us girls who have things that they are too afraid to say out loud, in all respects, and that takes some serious balls. For that, and for everything else, I bow down at the alter of Schumer. 

Below, some of my favorite Schumer moments and sketches. 

'This is what you think is hot?'

'These are just metaphors girl, but they are about your face'

Is Schumer a feminist? Absolutely. She points out the hypocrisies on both sides 

Amy on Jon Stewart. 

Body-image issues are something she tackles brilliantly in her comedy.

We Only Said Goodbye With Words

Amy in her element, beautiful and in charge. 

Last week, I went to see the much talked about documentary on the recently departed Amy Winehouse, simply titled AMY. Directed by esteemed documentarian Asif Kapadia, I was really hesitant and also extremely excited. To tell a story like Amy's is something usually reserved for a VH1 Behind the Music special. But with docs taking center stage of late and Kurt Cobain: A Montage of Heck being hailed as one of the best retrospectives on the icon ever, I was optimistic that it would be more than just the rise and fall of a shooting star that gave us so much and left us too soon. 

I didn't want the cheap force-crying tricks that come with documenting a story of a troubled yet vastly talented public figure whom we uncover as having a self-destructive streak peppered with personal demons blah blah blah...blah. No, it's not that at all. Kapadia painted a portrait of Amy as something more than just a girl gifted from the universe with one of the most unique voices and a self-destructive streak that rivals Cobain's. This was a new breed of documentary. It was simply put, the story of one's life, it just so happens that it was tragic story, and the life was that of a public figure. I don't remember the last time I cried at a movie much less cried throughout, and I'm not exaggerating. Every time Amy sang in archival footage I was bawling to the point where people around me were side-eyeing me to death. I didn't care. I was hit right in the gut with this one. 

Younger and healthier Amy, always writing, always making music. 

There are two ways to tell Amy's story; both of them cop outs. Amy the singer or Amy the addict. This was neither of these. Of course you can't have a documentary without either of those elements, but more than anything else, this was Amy the girl. And though it was told through many people close to her; her manager, her father (the scumbag), her ex-husband (the even bigger scumbag), her best friend, and others as well as through her own words, the most powerful way her story is told is through her songs. We all bought 'Back to Black' upon release in 2007, but hearing those very familiar songs again in this context was a flooring experience. I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to the album the same way again. 

Amy with then-husband Blake Fielder-Civil, whom many blame for Amy's rapid deterioration. I don't disagree, there were a lot of people that were not only bad influences but were leeches basically in her life, and he was definitely predominantly the worst one.  

I did some research (well, barely the minimum on Google) but turns out, just a month into the film's release, it's already one of the most successful documentaries ever released, it's almost hit the mark that An Inconvenient Truth is at, and it's no surprise. Here's the thing, and this is why I keep comparing her to Cobain (who also recently had a doc that came out about him). She was incredibly public. Her ups and downs (mostly downs) were splattered across front pages like we've never seen. Second to Britney Spears she was probably followed, chased, and photographed more than anyone else. We saw her with her eye make up smeared all over her face, with blood on her neck, with torn up shoes, we even saw her with drugs in her hands, and we always saw her drink. This was someone not trying to conceal anything, and yet this was someone who (as the documentary says) was trying to disappear. And we wouldn't let her. 

It's one of those 'we all know what happens in the end' films, but who cares? Like anything else, we still crave answers as to why, and the beauty of this documentary is that it doesn't give you answers. It gives you the circumstances and lets you figure it out for your damn self, because it treats you like a smart person who can put shit together on their own. 

Beautiful portrait of Amy utilized for marketing of the documentary.

We all knew where we were July 23rd, 2011 (I was in an Apple store getting my phone screen fixed jebus), and it's not like the world would never be the same after that. We kind of all expected it. Amy was a time-bomb. It wasn't a crushing blow like the death of Robin Williams, or even Whitney Houston. We don't want to admit it but during her life, we all kind of thought; well someone that is THAT self-destructive is not going to last long and she didn't publicly show any signs of getting better, in fact her condition deteriorated. I'd like to think she was more like Edie Sedgwick than any rock god in the '27 club'. She's a person we were and still are absolutely fascinated with, and we all wanted a piece of her. She died quietly when her demons finally got the better of her, and who knows what she would have been capable of later in life had it not been cut off so abruptly. I think her idol; Tony Bennett put it best in the doc when he said; 'If I could, I would tell her 'slow down, you are too important'. I couldn't even write that without welling up (full disclosure). When you hopefully go in to watch the film after reading this blog post, know that it's not the story of someone's personal or professional life, although that's part of the content. It's about the music she gifted us with, and the soul from whence it came (god that sounds pretentious). Amy herself put it best; 'I'm not a girl trying to be a star...I'm just a girl who sings'. Playing now, please see it. And please have a good cry. 

Below, trailer, and some clips of her. 

Women's Fashion Through the Years and Through the Movies

Marlene Dietrich in her iconic tux.

Once we lost the bone corset and the hoop skirt made out of wire (basically sounds like articles that belong in a torture chamber rather than on a woman's body) fashion changed quite drastically. After the suffrage movement, there was a big need for women to behave, look, and mimic men. The 20's era of women's fashion wasn't the most feminine, but it was quite unique. It was a time where a dress that goes above the ankle was still scandalous. The dresses were ones that hung like oversized burlap sacks over the feminine physique because they also lost the need to wear girdles or bras. They decorated them with fringe, rhinestones, and feathers, cut their hair short like men so it would be less to handle. It was a way of becoming more masculine while still showing off the beauty of womanhood. The make up of the times also changed drastically, considering at the turn of the century, there was barely any make up being worn by women, except for in high society circles. To touch on the opposite side of the spectrum, dark lipstick and eye-liner took over, where women started to look like burlesque performers and/or clowns. One woman in particular took that sentiment to a very literal level; Marlene Dietrich wore a tuxedo in Morocco and subsequently many times in real life. She later said that she never dressed for a man's attention, but for 'the look'.

Joan Crawford in a gown by Adrian who was the foremost designer for celebrity dresses in the 1930's, making all of his women more feminine, beautiful, and chic.

By the thirties, things had settled, the right to vote was ours and we as a species had calmed down. The dresses became flowy and long with empty backs and were made out of silk and satin. They were curve hugging and striking, very much accentuating the female anatomy. Now that most women had started to work; mostly as shop girls and stenographers, while in the office they would don pencil skirts and fitted suits adorned with fur. Katherine Hepburn was one of the few brave souls of that era to always wear pants. It was a risky move that eventually became her trademark. Later in life, she was asked if she even owned a skirt by Barbara Walters and she quipped 'I have one, I'll wear it to your funeral'. 

Grace Kelly encapsulated demure but still eye-catching fashion of the 1950's, of course barely anyone looked like her or had a body that carried clothes better.

Let's skip on over to the 50's and early 60's. Tiny wastes were in, as were shoulder pads, and demure button-downed dresses. The woman had moved back to the kitchen, was prescribed dexedrine and spent her day doing laundry and vacuuming. Just think of Betty Draper in the first two seasons of Mad Men. This is why vamps like Marilyn Monroe with her low cut dresses that she was basically sewn into was such a scandal. With a body built for sin, she had no reservations about hiding it, especially because in the start, it was her bread and butter. 

Marilyn Monroe in her infamous 'Happy Birthday Mr. President' dress made of nude-colored fabric and beads that barely hid anything and definitely made a statement. It was the pinnacle of her penchant for shocking fashion statements.

By the late 60's, with the second wave of feminism being a prominent force in American dissent, pants were now just as common on women as they were on men. It was a questionable time for fashion. Low-riders (I don't care how flat your stomach is) are not flattering, neither are elephant flares and knits. But by the Summer of Love, we were lucky people were wearing ANYTHING. The hair got long and unkempt, and basically it was a free-for-all, I suppose the biggest fashion icons of that time were Ali McGraw and Barbara Streisand, who each in their own way, made the questionable fashion choices of that era chic. 

Dustin Hoffman pulled off the horrible fashion statements of the 80's much better than any woman on celluloid that I can remember. 

The 80's...why don't we skip that. We can sum it up in very few words; shoulder pads, flacid bows, and Laura Ashley. It was perhaps the most unflattering time for women's fashion. Someone once said that the shoulder pad problem was so bad that women clearly wanted to look like a bunch of line backers. Perhaps the female fashion icon of the 80's is Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie. 

Believe it or not, my mother dressed me like this for the majority of my adolescence still when I started dressing myself in Birkenstocks, electric blue eye-shadow, and micro-mini's, I have to say she had the right idea. 

Now, on to the era that I really love...and also hate to a degree, the icons of which were Courtney Love in her baby doll dress and lace up pleather boots, Kate Moss and her androgynous skinny jeans and oversized t-shirts, and of course Jennifer Aniston as Rachel Green with that hair cut we all remember, and down-to-earth casual 90's style. It was a time to get back to basics. But for some reason I was always dressed in embellished Blossom-esque hats, velvet overalls, and fake suspenders (I'm serious). The 90's were definitely two eras of fashion. The early ones were all about women dressing very earthy like they are standing in line for Lilith Fair tickets, and the second part was filled with body glitter, cargo pants, and plum lipstick. Thanks for that Gwen Stefani. 

Walking art. Nicole Kidman was the only one in my opinion that could pull off a designer gown better than the model on the runway.

And what are we up to now? Thank god the first decade of the 00's is over and we no longer wear Juicy Couture, trucker hats, and midriff tops (it was such a dark time). One fashion icon that has held her own for close to two decades now and still doesn't miss a beat and always ends up on everyone's Best Dressed list is Nicole Kidman. With the body of a porcelain doll that eats a rice cake a year, she can wear sweat pants from Walgreens or Valentino couture and make it look gorgeous. Not that she'd ever be caught dead in sweat pants. Taylor Swift also has her whole renewed image going. Starting from a country bumpkin look with her long blonde curly hair, and cowboy boots to a closet full of Louboutins and sailor shorts (also, since when did the cat become an accessory, much better than Paris Hilton's ferret, am I right?). My current favorite has to be a cross between Emma Watson and Tilda Swinton who both got back on the androgyny train and still manage to make it look sexy, feminine and incredibly chic. Whether on the red carpet wearing Balenciaga couture or grocery shopping, they are on fleek (can't believe I just said that). It's important to mix the feminine sensuality with sophistication and they've both done so brilliantly while being about 20 years apart in age. Oh and by the way, wearing a lot of designer high-end clothing does NOT make you chic. Every red carpet Kristen Stewart attends she's draped in Zuhair Murad (one of the most innovative designers right now) and she can't even stand up straight? It's a crime to fashion...and to women. Now if we could just lose the skinny jeans, the ironic vintage T's, and the raccoon eye-make up we'd actually have a good era going on right now. Let's get at it. 

Below, clips to illustrate my point.