Glee: New Directions, Same Old Shit.

Oh Glee, where to begin really? I could start off by saying its a redundant show with now real plot lines, arcs, or character development, and is little more than glorified karaoke, but this is a blog about dirty and perverted things. Is Glee this? Actually, I would argue that it is. It is quite filthy in the best way (the campy way) hidden behind a seemingly innocent high school context filled with teenage humor and harmless sex jokes. The context of Glee allows it to get away with a TV14 rating. Nothing is really explicit, and compared to shows like 'Hung', 'Breaking Bad', and 'Skins', it is more or less harmless. 

Controversy has planted its flag firmly in the show after the Britney/Brittany episode wherein the main characters perform an a capella version of Britney Spears' 'Toxic' and one of the biggest nerds at the assembly goes crazy from sexual frustration and inadvertently well, shoots a load in a pants. 

More controversy followed after Lea Michelle, Corey Monteith, and Diana Argon appeared on the cover of GQ dressed like contemporary versions of high school lolitas with Monteith's hands grabbing their bums, with a douche bag grin on his face. They very appropriately resembled that ever so infamous cover of Rolling Stone from 1999 where Britney was photographed in her underwear and shiny purple bra, holding a teletubbie. I know what you're thinking, Roman Polanski was the first to buy a copy...too soon?
Is this little more than glorified kiddie porn? Is that true of the show as well? Even though most of the cast are in their mid-twenties playing 16-year-olds, is it appropriate? Probably not, but that's the best part about it, and that's the only thing that makes Glee tolerable for me.  

The infamous GQ cover from last year. 

Britney's historic Rolling Stone cover after the release of her first album, 1999. 

The backstage antics of the leads have also made headlines from gossip mongers desperate to cash in the sex dough that has been stagnant since Lindsay Lohan went to rehab. Seemingly nice-guy Matthew Morrison (Will Sheuster), apparently has an assistant who's only job is to trip his chest hair. While Mark Salling (Puck) and Corey Monteith (Finn) have a contest as to who can bang the most extras. Honestly, the hottest person on the show is the incomparable Jane Lynch. She has definitely become a sexual icon in her own right. After the Madonna episode, where she did a shot by shot remake of the video for 'Vogue', she became the sexual tour-de-force of the show that is overflowing with hot 20 somethings. 

If I could put my two cents in, Glee should stop focusing on recreating (somewhat badly) musical theater versions of classic rock songs, and milk that sex angle for all its worth. It doesn't have to be superficially; addressing the burgeoning need for teenagers to mate, and loss of virginity, or dedicating 'the very special episode' to it, but to implement clever innuendo, musical if must be, in order to transform this somewhat too fluffy show into something really provocative. 

The pregnancy arc was the most sugar-coated 'very special episode' that I've seen in a long time. C'mon Glee, it's been years since Beverly Hills 90210 and Brenda's little problem. Not to mention it was the most awkward birthing scene in the history of birthing scene (this includes those horrid videos we had to watch in health class). The character of Britney always articulates that she's a mega-slut and has slept with nearly everyone at the school discounting the faculty, but why not play that up a bit? There seems to be constant sex-talk among the members of glee, or singing about it for that matter, but seldom any actual doing. Why not show more and tell less? I think it would work wonders. Dirty up Glee. It's about time you did. 

A Tribute to Pretty Scots (Inspired by Braveheart)

Mel Gibson does nothing for me, and yes, he's not even a Scot, but even when prancing around in a skirt with the NFL make-up on his face, with his hair quaffed like a lion's main, I still didn't buy it. But there were some others in there that I took notice of and are going in a new fantasy file that i'm labeling: 'Scots', never thought i'd go there, but apparently I have, so here's a list I've compiled of other famous scots that are a good peice of man meat eye-candy, or reputable serious actors whatever...

Just to be clear, I am not objectifying men, ok so I am...thought i'd make a small tribute to the country I now live in. Cheers. 

Henry Ian Cusick 

Desmond from Lost, and a fine mix of Scottish and Peruvian heritage, and a gorgeous head of wavy hair. Hopefully I'll see YOU in another life brother. Oh god that was so corny.

Tommy Flanagan

My current obsession, first seen by me in 'Gladiator' as Russell Crow's faithful servant Cicero. Flanagan currently resides on Sons of Anarchy street, and after the initial burning loins for Charlie Hunnam I have now turned my undivided tv attention to his fine self.

Ewan McGregor

Well, you had to see this one coming, aside from Sean Connery, there is only one other person most people think of when people use the phrase 'hot scottish actor'...what people you ask? well, aside from me, i'm not sure. If for no other reason he's up here because he's done full frontal in more than 3 films. look it up, it's a fact.

Gerard Butler

Well, yeah. unlike most of you freaks that are all about '300', I fell in love with him after watching 'Law Abiding Citizen' yeah! how about them apples! I'm so much cooler. And yes, there was a time that I netflixed everything that came up in his filmography. And yes, most of them were gawd-awful. And yes, that's a word.

Agnus MacFadyen

Numero dos from the Braveheart clan that makes it to this list, to be fair, most of those actors were actually not Scottish, i think tommy and agnus are the only two. He also makes a pretty good Orson Welles. 'Cradle Will Rock', see it, actually don't, it's horrible.

Kevin McKidd

God I love him, and I don't even watch 'Grey's Anatomy', but if you think really hard, you'll find a vague memory of him as Tommy from 'Trainspotting', and if you're awesome, you'll also remember him from 'Topsy-Turvy'. In this picture he kind of resembles Gordon Ramsay, but younger and less annoying.

Spotlight On: Brief Encounter (1945)

I know what you're thinking. Stuffy middle-aged British people having an affair? Sing. Me. Up. While Trevor Howard (the male lead) is attractive to people like me, he definitely wouldn't find his way to the cover of People Magazine had it existed in the 40's. The female lead, Celia Johnson is even less appealing. She's a very mousy type, and has little if any sex appeal, in the classical sense. Although her presence is ideal for the plot at hand. It's not supposed to be an easy love affair. This film is about those difficult people that usually don't give their own love lives more thought than they're errands for the day. He's a doctor, and she's a bored miserable housewife who is just begging for a good bang.
Here's the thing. It's probably the quintessential delay-fuck movie of all time.
They meet, he wipes grit from her eye, they have tea, they fall in love. Do they get it on? Nope.
Billy Wilder was said to come up with the idea for his film 'The Apartment' (1960) from this film, particularly when Trevor Howard's character invites (or rather begs) Celia Johnson to spend the night with him at his friend's flat. She instinctively says no, but then changes her mind and runs back to the flat. They have a bit less than 1 minute to embrace and appear as they are about to gnaw each other's clothes off violently before they are of course interrupted!
Now, I don't usually watch my David Lean for arousal, but c'mon!!
I own and regularly watch 'Gone with the Wind', which has got to be the greatest example of delayed fuck of all time, but at least they redeemed themselves when Rhett hoists Scarlett over his burly shoulders and carries her upstairs to do things with her, that at first she might have been against, but the next shot is a close up of her face waking up and smiling ear to ear. At least the delay-fuck was dealt with there.
Can I say the same for 'Brief Encounter'? I wish.
But hey, it's not about that. It's about these two stuffy people who are not attractive at all out of this context, (except for me but i'm a weirdo) finding each other serendipitously and falling madly in love, thereby feeling extreme guilt over their already existent respective families.
It truly boggles the mind why I find myself attracted to both parties of the film. Neither of them have character, stamina, or any sort of endearing qualities. Laura (Celia Johnson) is a boring smarmy whiny little bitch, while Alec is a stuffy mundane general practitioner with the world's most awkward tendencies. I guess they are perfect for each other.
But we are all just waiting for that point in the film that (due to the strict censorship code of Hollywood) the two of them at least implied that they bumped uglies. But there is no such thing. There is not even any kind of kissing. No handholding, no smelling of the back of Laura's neck. Nada!
I know that certain love stories are supposed to be subtle and whimsical, but this film is so visceral that it is difficult to stomach the fact that sex was not even implied.
There is that scene that reaches above and beyond the tired montages of them sharing lunch, laughing over a bad movie, and almost falling over in a boat, which is when the anonymous friend of Alec's comes home early and connects the dots after he finds Laura's scarf on his couch even though she ran off very innocently down the back stairs.
I'm sure what everyone is thinking is; it's 1945, Hollywood, influenced by the self censorship Haze code, as well as the Catholic Legion of Decency. Do I really have an argument here?

Alec beckons Laura to stay with him at his friend's flat. Though he really does look like all he wants to do with her is play a long game of Scategories and drink a glass of warm milk, we know better. And we all wish that it had worked out the way he planned that night. 

The answer is yes. And here's why. 'Double Indemnity' (1944) has a scene almost identical to that 'come to my friend's flat' thing of 'Brief Encounter'. By which I mean that it involves two people on the verge of complete and total sexual overtake of their morals, responsibilities, and ideals. In Wilder's film, what happens is Barbara Stanwyck and Fred MacMurray swap a few clever phrases and then embrace each other in a loss of inhibition. It fades out. When the camera fades back, Stanwyck is adjusting her top as if putting it back on after having it torn off her body in the heat of passion. MacMurray lights a cigarette. It might as well have been spelled out for the viewer that the two had just finished doing it.
And yet, here lies my problem; the sexual tension between Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson is almost ridiculous. It's difficult to watch the two together without realizing that your toes and fingers are slowly curling for no reason. Separately, they couldn't be more opposing to 'sensual passion' ( i use this term because 'Brief Encounter' flirts with the lines between melodrama and cheesy romance). Together, they are almost electric. Usually, the process of voyeuristic pleasure derives from physical attraction to one or both of the characters, and in this case, neither are particularly attractive...or interesting for that matter. But all of those moments in the film when they almost kiss but don't, makes you wish they would all the more. It's torture, but delicious torture. It's the quintessential delayed-fuck film. If they actually fucked, or if it was implied, it would have ruined the whole story.