Thursday, May 19, 2016

The Teflon Don (ald Trump)

Don't point that phallic thing at me, sir. 
For you millennials out there, the title harkens to 'The Teflon Don' which was mob boss of the Gambino crime family John Gotti's nickname. Get it? Because nothing would stick to him. It seems that way with the Republican heir apparent these days don't it? Even the New York Times Article about how Trump treats women, like we needed any proof, seems to be doing nothing to deflect the bold trajectory of this all-consuming comet headed towards the earth with one goal; to destroy it. 
I promised myself from the get-go that I would not get myself involved on Social Media, or otherwise regarding this particular circus of an election. I watch the debate, read the twitter feeds, think 'huh that's funny' and go to bed. For someone loaded with very important opinions (eye roll emoji) it was hard, probably because I like most people did not take any of it seriously. Circus side show, oh look it's the clown with chainsaws for tits (Trump) how amusing...ok bedtime. 
And now, I don't particularly feel any differently. I haven't hash-tagged anything with 'I'm with her' but I'll just let you know right now that I'm Hillary all the way to the bitter end. Sorry Bernie bleeding hearts. But at this point, I've changed sides all together, I'm not voting in this mockery of American democracy. I mean we might as well be in the Soviet Union as far as I'm concerned, where we have only one candidate although we do have the vote, and everyone gets fucked and not in the good way. 
I don't need to read you Trump's wrap sheet, you probably already know it; misogynist, neophyte, xenophobe, homophobe, racist...sounds like the line up for Politically Incorrect.  Alas, it's one person. 

Donald Trump vs. Megyn Kelly, who wins? Who cares, we win. 
But you know what? At least it's not boring. He speaks in sound bites, and everything he says is so ridiculous we can't help but pay attention. In this country we prefer the most abhorrent person to a boring person. Look at Mitt Romney. Snooze. We like to be aroused, angered, and incensed. Not bored out of our minds. And Trump is riding that wave, as far as he can take it before it crests...wait I can come up with a better metaphor: He's riding that psychotic horse to its burning stable. 
Even the tough as nails ice queen Megyn Kelly has somehow drank the Trump kool aid. She's the one that Trump said was bleeding out of her eyes and ...other places remember that? She used to be a bona fide resident bitch of Fox News and she was awesome at it. She was the queen of epic shut downs and was a personal hero of mine, even though I'm a democrat. Now she's all chummy with Trump because he's gone more 'presidential' and won't make fun of her lady mensies. 

I am curious as to how much money Trump paid Lorne Michaels to host SNL, I'm thinking its in the millions. Or as Trump calls it 'walking around money'.
I have a different plan. If Trump gets elected (he won't), I've already started stockpiling water and gasoline for the apocalypse after which we'll have to live a Mad Max, Road Warrior type life. I plan to be ready. It's not enough that Trump reminds me almost exactly of Immortan Joe, and I for one do not plan to be one of his Real Housewives of the Citadel. Give me a robot arm, shave my head and let me piss on his legacy. I'd do that right now, if I wasn't in fear of one of Trump's handler's strong arming me to the ground...remember that? Again, nothing sticks. 
I really do have a lot to say, but there's no point in saying it. It all sounds like complaining and disbelief. Even the egg heads at CNN are scratching their heads. How could this happen? I don't know man. A member of the 1% who freely steps over dead bodies to build his ridiculous towers on, hit women, and thinks that every Muslim is in ISIS is now the front runner to be the ruler of the free world? least it's not boring. How can I stay so calm you ask? Think of Justine from Lars von Trier's Melancholia. A 'rogue planet' is coming to destroy earth and she's all 'this might as well happen, adult life is already so goddamn weird'. One part of me is waiting to do the 'told ya so' dance to those people who don't think Hillary can beat Trump, but there's no point in fretting about it now. Have a mojito and enjoy yourself, it may be the last one you get. Oh what a day! What a lovely day!

Below some're gonna need it. 

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