Monday, March 3, 2014

The List Of Things I Learned From the Oscars


1. J-Law is either milking the awkward klutz thing for all it's worth or she's constantly drunk.
2. Benedict Cumberbatch is the shiznit because he had the balls to photobomb U2.
3. Amy Adams didn't go to college what a dumb bitch.
4. Liza Minelli put blue in her hair.
5. I. Love. Jared. Leto.
6. I've become attracted to him again.
7. He loves his mom and that turns me on.
8. I don't care if he didn't bother to brush his hair.
9. Damn it, I have to start listening to his crappy band now
10. Ellen Degeneres is boring
11. She had to resort to taking selfies and ordering pizza to keep the show from flopping
12. Leonardo DiCaprio REALLY hates losing.
13. John Travolta can't pronounce shit.
14. wait...there was a theme to the Oscars?
15. Jared Leto!!!!
16. Pharrell can get ANYONE to dance.
17. Woody Allen rumors ain't true.
18. Jennifer Lawrence is the new Kristen Stewart...she must be destroyed.
19. Bradley Cooper parades around his pedophilia like it's something to be proud of.
20. Christian Bale don't dance.
21. They stopped playing off long and boring acceptance speeches. They need to start doing that again.
22. If anyone ever says 'thank you for teaching me to dream' ever again I'm done with this show
23. They really skimped on the production design this year.
24. The Great Gatsby won 2 awards....da fuuuhhh?
25. White tuxedos have become acceptable to wear.
26. Kevin Spacey is sooooooo gay.
27. Benedict Cumberbatch kissed Angelina Jolie when 12 Years a Slave won. What a bitch.
28. Cate Blanchett deserves a standing O....always. Hashtag suck it.

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