Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Will Skyfall (2012) Let Us Down in the Visual Pleasure Department?

Skyfall (2012) promises to be packed with action...and not much else.
 Skyfall (2012) is well on it's way to being released and the big question on everyone's mind is just how much pussy is Blonde Bond going to get this time around, and how hot will the pussy be? Every Bond installment, aside from the initial 'what the fuck' moment we all have when we realize who the new Bond will be and how he couldn't possibly compare to the Bonds before him, the next thought to enter our minds is 'I really need to rub one out to that hot chick, whatever her name is'. And that's truly the staple of the Bond franchise; the Bond girl. And not only has she been getting more and more exotic, and more and more ridiculous in terms of her ethereal superiority aesthetically speaking, but this time, I think they dropped the ball. It's bland meets bland, and Eve Moneypenny's legacy is totally going down the crapper and fast.
My favorite contemporary Bond girl has to be Eva Green. She's a hugely unconventional choice for this, and perhaps one of the most photogenic human beings on the planet. Also her accent is hot. Winning!
In Quantum of Solace (2008), I really think they reached their zenith by casting not only Eva Green reprising her role from Casino Royale (2006) but Olga Kurylenko as well, I mean that's a hot sandwich that any guy would kill to be in the middle of.
Eva Green has perhaps the best rack this side of pretentious French actresses, and Olga Kurylenko has that Ukranian supermodel thing going for her, so as Bond girls, they are just as iconic as someone like Ursula Andress.
Naomie Harris, the newest Bond girl. Looks like she just walked off the set of Glee.
This new franchise has clearly been about the masculinity of Bond on an action level rather than a womanizing level. How much testosterone he produces is in direct correlation with how many things he blows up rather than how much pussy he gets. What was always great about Bond was that he was a brilliant confluence of the two. Even Batman had his leanings, such as he was great as saving the world from demented creatures but really shitty at long-term relationships. 

Maybe it's just me but I don't consider the new Bond girls any kind of boner worthy; they are pretty, sure, but keep in mind the insane level of aptitude they are competing with. This isn't Junior Varsity Flag Team, this is Bond Girl status. That's pretty immortal to me, and I'm just thinking, this time around, with Naomie Harris, it's going to be a little blah with a dash of whatever. But at least we'll have Adele's beatiful voice over the whole thing, ask me we could have done with her beautiful face in it too. Just because the girl's packing some junk in the trunk doesn't mean the Bond Girl title should be exclusive of her am I right? Why is it that the skinny bitch has always got to do it? Anyway, beats me.

Trailer below.

1 comment:

Davyde said...

It didn't!

And the Gay Camp scene with Bardem was definitely "Not Gay OK Guys?"