Sunday, October 14, 2012

The Most UnSexy Bio-Pic Portrayls and Who Should Have Been Cast Instead

I'm sorry, I'm still not over Lilo being cast as Elizabeth Taylor and now that I have to stomach driving past a mile-high billboard of her as Liz in down sunset and try to make breakfast from coming up, I'm going to give you some more examples of shitty casting in Hollywood obviously by idiots who have never seen a movie made with the subject of their respective bio-pic therefore resort to stunt casting in order to make desperate dollars off an unassuming public. Someone please start getting it right, it's getting ridiculous. There are only a few examples here, there are so many but I don't want to go too far back or spew my resentment all over the place, so I'm just leaving you with 6.

Scarlett Johansson as Janet Leigh in the upcoming bio-pic Hitchcock (2012). Dear Scarlett is not nearly as 'pointy' as Janet Leigh, and her voice is far too low. This is a good example of being-cast-for-your-rack-casting, I think this is an enormous misfire. No one is going to envision Janet Leigh with someone like Scar-Jo who shouldn't be doing ANY bio-pics.

Who Should Have Been Cast: Emma Stone. Not only does she look like Janet Leigh, I'm under the firm impression that Emma Stone can do anything.
Ben Affleck as George Reeves. This was just a hot mess in every direction. Hollywoodland (2006) was an awful film, mainly because Adrien Brody was in it, but Ben Affleck as the very first superman really crawled under my skin and planted a cancer in it.
If you could recast this today, this is basically an obvious choice, that is to hired Armie Hammer who is not only versatile and interesting, he also basically looks a lot like George Reeves, and he's reminiscent of 50's movie stardom much more than Ben Affleck who sadly is stagnant to his own time.

James Franco as James Dean. This was a misfire and a half. Rather than get to the iconic hypersexualized states of Dean, Franco (of course) sought out to bring about the intellectual 'serious actor' side of Dean, and lets face it, none of us were interested in that. The movie flopped, predictably. 
Who should be recast today? Aaron Taylor Johnson. I know that no one is interested in any more takes on James Dean, but I think this would be an interesting choice. They are about the same age, and let's face it, Aaron knows how to brood.
Sienna Miller as Edie Sedgwick. This never made sense to me and no one is a bigger Edie fan than I am. Aside from the film being poorly written and constructed, Miller was all wrong for the part. She was older, British, she didn't look anything like her or sound anything like her. You can only put pantyhose and thick black eye-liner on someone so much but it still looks like a cheap Halloween costume.
Ellen Page would have been perfect, she's definitely got that bulnerability factor, she's petite, and she looks a lot like Edie if you just tweek the hair and make up a bit. I think this would have been a far superior choice.
Just for shits and giggles lets do Sienna again in her role as Tippi Hedren in her performance in the new HBO film The Girl (2013) opposite Toby Jones as Alfred Hitchcock. Oy Vey. Again, what is the appeal here exactly, and has anyone ever seen Tippi Hedren? Seriously.
I think something as troubling as this HBO movie which is clearly riding the coattails of that other Hitchcock film I was telling you about would be vastly improved by the casting of Maggie Grace (you might remember her as that whiny bitch Shannon from the TV juggernaut Lost (2004-2010). But she could definitely encapsulate that icy-blonde persona of Tippi and really bring it full circle.
And let's cap this off with the casting decision that deeply affected all of us for the rest of our lives. The studio executives were clearly smoking something when they decided casting Lindsay Lohen, la trainwreck terrible as cinematic icon Elizabeth Taylor, and judging by the promo photos that have been coming out and that new ridiculous trailer for Liz and Dick (2012) it seems like it will indeed be a barf fest.
Who should have been cast instead? Isn't it obvious? Not only does Lilly Collins look almost identical to a young Elizabeth Taylor, she's right about the correct age. I mean Lindsay is the right age too but because of all the cocaine and drinking binges she looks about 45. Lilly aesthetically appeals as Elizabeth Taylor way more than anyone else, forget Lindsay for the moment, I mean she should be at the tippy top of the list. Hollywood execs seriously need to stop smoking crack. Period.
Below some trailers regarding this bullshit.

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