Sunday, June 10, 2012

Who's Hotter? Garfield or Fassbender?

You can chuck this up to comparing apples to oranges considering how different the two really are, but I honestly don't care. My mind has been going wild since I went to see Prometheus and they showed a new cut of The Amazing Spiderman trailer in 3D. And yes, I believe that if I really want it, I will end up with on of them one day, the question is who? 
It was inevitable that Fassy and Garfy would eventually be compared to each other considering they are both the starring in two of the biggest 3D films of the year. That's what I'm calling them by the way. Now, let's look at the disparities and see if we can figure things out. 
Garfy is British, mild-mannered, slightly dorky, and Jewish. Fassy is as aryan looking as they come, German-Irish, dominant, and somewhat aggressive. Both are insanely charming and attractive in their own unique ways, and now that they put Garfy in a skin tight rubber suit, I'm starting to loose my mind a little bit. 
From doing gritty independent dramas like Hunger (2008) and Fish Tank (2009), Fassy has blossomed into box office gold with films like X-Men: First Class (2011) and Prometheus (2012) but I don't necessarily think he's the wet dream of all screaming young girls in the theater. Garfy, on the other hand is androgynous and harmless looking enough for teenagers with budding sexualities to have a party in their lady parts. 
Fassy does amazingly hot sex scenes, just watch Shame (2011), that's all you have to do. You'll have your porn fix for the year. Garfy, on the other hand, has not yet done a sex scene quite as graphic, but then again no one has, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have the potential. I foresee plenty of weird graphic sweaty nipply sex scenes in his future. All  has to do is ask Cronenberg. 
This leads me to believe that Garfy is actually better at sex than Fassy, he seems like he would be more giving and less into himself during which is a vibe I tend to get while watching Fassy bump and grind with whomever. (Why not me, god?)
Fassy as David the robot, who is engineered to be the resembling the perfect human specimen. Sounds about accurate. 

But here's the thing, Garfy has that nerd appeal thing that is hotter than hot right now. He goes from playing Eduardo Saverin to the king of all nerds, Peter Parker. So he's the kind of guy you want to deflower. Slowly take off those thick-rimmed glasses, frazzle that hair a little bit and throw him on the bed after ripping his expensive American Eagle faded salmon colored polo shirt right off his nubile body. Ok, that's all going into my cheesy romance novel. Back on track, this also means he's the guy you want to bring to mom. I mean try explaining the plot of Shame to her and watch her have a mild cardiac infarction right before your very eyes when it's followed with 'oh and by the way, we're dating'.
Now, who's got the hotter accent? Since both of them are forced to adapt an American accent for many of their roles, it's really hard to tell, but Fassy's is very strange its a hybrid of Irish, British and German, and he talks very fast when he's off-script. The only time I think I've ever seen Garfy speak in his normal voice is when he made a cameo on SNL when Emma Stone was hosting for the second time.  and I'm going to have to give the edge to him on that one. 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure Garfy will soon catch up to Fassy in the hot sex-scene category. 
I'm also going to go ahead and give him best eyes, and best mouth. Disagree all you want, but I like supple full lips. I think we all do. And because I like harmless, nice, guys, which I of course don't know for sure if that's what Garfy's like, I'm goingt to have to give my whole vote to Garfy and really start working on that, first thing's first - figure out where he lives, second item on the agenda, night-vision goggles. But that does not mean that when i'm in the mood I'm not going to go to my instant queue and scroll down to Fish Tank and watch it because the sex in that film (only two scenes) is hotter than any porn I've seen of late. 

Got you guys some trailers. Put on 3D glasses now. 


Dark Iris said...

OK, so you take Garfield, and I'll take Fassbender. Yep. That seems like a fair deal. Fassy is amazing in Fish Tank, even though he plays a skeez. I first discovered him in the BBC Series HEX...he plays a fallen angel. He looks a little shaggy in that, but he runs around glowering in a greatcoat and has some hot sex with a witch. Also, I managed to spot him in that sea of CGI abs, 300. Must be those amazing, piercing eyes. Seeing Prometheus tomorrow. Any hot robot sex??

Vera Ryzhik said...

no hot robot sex. that's really what was missing from the film if you ask me. not enough sex with Fassbender.

Anonymous said...

I prefer Fassbender. Garfield is cute but Fassbender is hot and has loads of charisma.