Sunday, June 17, 2012

Finally, a Film About Vibrators

Still from Hysteria (2011) It opened Toronto last year. 
This is not hyperbolic at all, in essence, the entire film Hysteria (2011) is about the greatest scientific advancement since penicillin. Yes ladies, before the little blue pill, there were doctors out there who cared about OUR orgasms, and in the late 1880's they designed something that would eventually become the amazingly miraculous thing it is today. 
The title refers to a diagnosis known as 'female hysteria' which since then has been eradicated and we just call it 'horny' these days. Pleasing the missus wasn't exactly priority number 1 for the average man in 1880, with a handle-bar mustache, who was too busy polishing his monocle, dusting his snuff box collection, and oiling up his penny-farthing bicycle. So a handful of genius doctors to whom we as women owe a tremendous amount to, along with whomever invented high heels and the flat-iron, invented a new device to help women 'handle' their hysteria better. And the world changed forever.
a prototype...thank god.

No longer did we have to deal with living, breathing, men who talk back, smell, and generally don't know what they're doing down there flopping on top of us. Now we could lock the doors, close the windows, turn on some Enya and go nuts, all we needed was a couple of double AA batteries. 
But be aware, obviously the first prototypes if this miraculous invention was a far cry from the modern rabbit. It was actually quite frightening, resembling something used to torture people during the inquisition when put to 'the question'. Before a vibrating device was implanted into the thing, they served the same purpose as the common dildo. They were made of wood (ouch, think of all of the splinters), stone (ouch, think of the cold) and other unspeakable materials you wouldn't want to put anywhere near your sensitive lady parts, but science came a long way, and eventually doctors had realized that a very effective way of 'curing' the 'hysteria' was to stimulate the body with a strong vibration, and guess what. They were right.
It sure is.
This film starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and Hugh Dancy explores that unique period in our history when were just fine with giving women some more sexual freedom. Of course it would be a good 80 years more before the pill even came out, but still just imagine how different the world would be without the vibrator. It's such a simple concept, but I see it as a post-apocalytpic type of scenario when women have banned together to destroy all men due to never-ending anger and frustration that accumulated through years of gender inequality. Because we all have vibrators now, and yes guy, even your girlfriend has one. Every single woman on this earth has a vibrator, and we name them too. Mine's called Cecil. He's British. This is a means to distract us and lull us into a state of bliss so that we don't need to focus on the fact that we'll always be #2. 

I'm very excited to see it. Here's the trailer - 

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