Sunday, April 15, 2012

Plant or Daltrey?

Part of this blog post was because I can't mercifully shake that performance of One Direction on SNL last week out of my head no matter how hard I try, and it's crap that this is what we consider 'sex symbols' in music today. First of all, they are children, second of all, their music is just dogshit, third of all, I usually don't have a problem with skinny jeans but come on! 
Excuse me for getting all old school but I'm watching one of those awful arbitrary countdown on VH1 which they clearly just raffled rather than judged based on actual merit because The Sex Pistols were higher up than Queen and Miley Cyrus was on the list of 100 Greatest Artist of All Time. Anyway, it's at #3 right now and that spot went to Led Zeppelin, which I consider a fabulous band don't get me wrong, but I wouldn't put it above The Who or The Stones...or The Stooges for that matter. 
And then I remembered how when I was younger and listening to 70's rock because it was cool back in the 90's when there was that whole neo-hippie movement, remember that? Woodstock '94, black lights, and ecstasy? Good times. Anyway! To me, it wasn't really about the music, it was who looked better in those crazy low-rider bell-bottoms, who had the bigger white-guy fro, and who wore those fringe vests just the right way. Was it Robert Plant the squealing sexual institution that had an orgasm every time he sang 'Whole Lotta Love'? Or was it wash-port abs, curly angelic locks, and pale baby blue eyes otherwise known as Roger Daltrey. The ultimate battle between British rock band frontmen golden gods. 
I would say that the who wore their pants tighter and lower clearly goes to Plant. I mean, I did not have to read 'I'm With the Band' to realize he wasn't circumcised and just exactly how big his dong was (10 inches by the way). As to who has the better chest/midsection, no contest, the abs of steel on Roger Daltry take the gold medal. Now, who has better androgynous Rapunzel locks is a tie, because sometimes you want the perfectly quaffed blonde bush of cherubic curls that Daltrey sported, but sometimes you want that crazy-messy sex-hair of Robert Plant, though it looks like it would smell like pubes and could have used some Head 'N Shoulders. 
Ironically I don't think either of the men were crazed sex pots with an endless stream of teenage groupies waltzing around naked in their dressing rooms lighting their joints and taking care of their morning boners, just kidding. This question has bothered me literally since adolescents; who was better in bed. I'd love to call it a draw but for my taste, I'm going to say that Plant wins this round as well...hypothetically of course. He seems like the more unbridled one. And I mean the less British one, you know, not as inhibited. Daltry for all of his rockstar glory still seems like he does it with the lights off. But who's to know for sure? So I guess what I'm saying is; Plant and Daltrey, if you are reading this, please feel free to prove me wrong by showing me. For the love of god. 

Watch the videos below and come to your own consensus. 

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