Wednesday, April 25, 2012

James Deen: A Consummate Professional

The gym was closed today, so I had a couple of hours of free time before I made myself an Ambien smoothy and called it a night. I was in a crabby mood (no pun intended) so I came home, and put on the Redtube. Even porn has been depressing me of late, but there's always someone I can rely on. And the body attached to it's name is James Deen. Oh you've never heard of him? first of all, bull. Second of all, let me enlighten you. No relation to Paula Deen (thank the lord), Deen is a nice-Jewish-boy-who-could-be-a-doctor, precious-faced, 20-something with an innocent disposition who just happens to fuck like an alpha gorilla on steroids. 
He's been in everything you can imagine, and...everyone for that matter. 20/20 just did a segment on him that's how huge he is, and I swear I'm going to stop using double entendres You could say he's the James Dean of porn, but that would be wrong, considering his craft is so versatile and nuanced you would actually have to say he's the Peter O'Toole of porn, which is ironic considering 'Peter O'Toole' is a better porn name than 'James Deen', anyway, I'm getting off track. He can fuck it gently, or he can mess your shit the eff up, either way, you're going to leave with a smile for the camera, and not the kind you get from the occasional genius joke on Modern Family. 
Hey girl, when I suggest role-playing I'm not talkin' about drama club rehearsal.
Though he's far from 13 inches, he's got that good ol' stamina and charisma of John Holmes that first made porn so gosh darn fantastic back in the 70's, and has since lost it's way. We all watched Boogie Nights (1997), we know the story. He's a real character actor, in fact if you're listening Hollywood, he might be your ideal cock for the coveted role of sadist Christian Grey, you know he's got the 'credentials'. 
And no, I'm not posting any links though it would be perfectly legal and free and probably doing you a big service, go find it yourself, I am not your porn fairy...or am I? 

1 comment:

JDFC said...

I laughed so hard at the "Peter O'Toole" part. It never occurred to me before but you are so right! Maybe an up-and-comer will take the moniker. (Or should that be up-and-cumer? Man, no words are safe in this context!)