Unanswered Questions of the Grammy's 2012

Is Nicki Minaj more theatrical than Gaga? Is Bruno Mars the hottest thing alive right now? Has the music world completely forgotten about Etta James? Does Rihanna get a Grammy for Best Camel Toe? And finally, Will Adele win Grammy's every time she's nominated from now on? The answers to all of these lingering questions is of course yes. Let's address the highlights and snooze fests of the evening. Bruno Mars, the cutest pretty boy in cute pretty town brought down the house with a fabulous James Brown-Little Richard-Elvis-Prince performance of Runaway Baby and brought back spangly suits, saddle shoes, and pompadours like nobody's business. Bruno, if you would catch a grenade for me, then I would kill a small animal for you, or watch all of Conan the Barbarian with a straight face for you.

Watch his stellar performance here:

Moving on, Rihanna's red carpet dress was a bit much. It was very sexy don't get me wrong, but if you're wearing a plunging V-neck line that goes down to your bellybutton, then your dress shouldn't be backless. Don't get me wrong, Rihanna is delicious, and if I had a body like that, I'm sure I would be rocking the 1/3-of-a-dress-dress, but with her hair styled like a 1982 streetwalker from 42nd street, she wasn't as polished as we usually see her. For her performance, she put on some goth black lipstick and a pair of high-rise leather booty shorts and aside from the gratuitous camel toe, it was pretty hot. She performed with usual snooze-fest band Coldplay, and I'm sure that Chris Martin would have gotten an erection if he weren't dead below the waist (which is what having sex with Gwyneth Paltrow will do to you...just to clarify).

Everyone's performance and/or acceptance speech had a Whitney clause in it, and that's fine, she deserves it, but it seems like the whole room completely forgot about the passing of music legend Etta James, because I don't think she was mentioned more than once...and that pissed me off. 

I don't know who else noticed, but funnily enough, she wore a glittered portrait of herself on her own outfit. I thought that was ab-fab.

The big controversy was Nicki Minaj's catholic-church-exorcism-medieval-shackled-fire-levitating performance. I just included everything that her number had, so you know it's kind of all over the place. It reminded me of Gaga's performance on the VMA's of Paparazzi which I always thought was overly dumb and misguided. Remember that one where she gets stabbed, and there's blood everywhere and then she's lifted up and hanging off of a chandelier, and everyone thought it was brilliant, not knowing that something completely random had just happened in front of them. My very close friend and I who are both highly opinionated, had a pop-culture-argument (those are the best kind) about this today. I took team Minaj, and she took team Mother Monster (or whatever it is that Gaga calls herself). I know that I'm in the minority here, but I actually liked the performance, because I recognized it for what it was supposed to be: over-the-top, ridiculous, campy, and farcical. I think Minaj has a joyous sense of humor about performance and it shows that she doesn't take herself too seriously and for that, I thought the performance was great. I got a good kick out of it. I also think it was hilarious that she showed up to the red carpet looking like an extra from Twilight's New Moon (2009) and an old man she probably found on Craigslist on her arm dressed as The Pope. I think she's an artist who isn't concerned with being sexy or even appealing. She's a beautiful woman, completely gorgeous in my opinion, but doesn't try to play that up for the sake of her artistry. I think she has staying power and will be around long after Gaga's star has faded. I really do.

Now, on to the star of the evening - is it any surprise that Adele basically sweeped and got no less than 6 standing ovations? She did put out an album that is the best compilation of music in the passed 10 years, and no I am not speaking in hyperbole. Long after we're all gone and some graduate student is putting together the most important music that was ever written, it will be like Mozart's The Marriage of Figaro, the first Velvet Underground record, and Adele's 21. Adele, you're fabulous, and your music brings me to tears every goddamn day. Thank you for that. Sincerely, and without sarcasm, Vera. PS. I'm starting to think that you only own one sleevy sequin black dress. 

Enjoy this clip of Adele winning album of the year. Cheers girl.