Sunday, December 11, 2011

Stefon: The Filthiest Correspondent on Weekend Update

Hader cracking up (as per usual) during his Stefon monologue. This results from co-creator John Mulaney's penchant for changing the script seconds before airtime. 
In all the years of Weekend Update, from Chevy to Norm, from Tina and Amy to now Seth, there hasn't been quite an inspired character as Stefon gracing the stage next to the correspondent every Saturday night in front of a live audience to make them cackle in hysterics and fill them with glee, and find his way to SNL greatness and immortality. Just like Bill Hader (the actor behind Stefon) probably practiced his best Bill Murray or John Belushi, some kid that's going to join the Saturday Night Live cast as a repertory player in 2032 is going to site practicing Bill Hader characters in front of his mirror as a child. 
The incomparable Stefon was born from the minds of SNL staff writer 27-year-old boy-wonder John Mulaney from Best Week Ever fame, and Hader himself when they combined two characters they had each separately encountered on their every day trek around New York. For those of you who have never watched a full season of the show and are missing out big time because of it, Stefon is this 'city correspondent' whom Seth Meyers asks on the show frequently to give 'salt of the earth' type of people good tips on what to do in the city; regular things like the Magnolia Bakery, Guggenheim Museum, and ice skating in Rockefeller Center. The comedy stems from the fact that Stefon never seems to understand this and goes into monologues about things to that sound like as Seth Meyers puts it; 'nightmares of a crystal meth addict' among other things. 
There are few characters that take off the way that Stefon has and gain such a loyal and profound a following. After this weeks episode last night featuring Katy Perry as host (yes, as host not musical guest) Twitter erupted with Stefon hash tags, the general sentiment being that even in a lack luster episode, one appearance from Stefon can save the overall merit of the show, and it's true. As a writer, Stefon is a character who I've always dreamed of being able to create and kick myself for not being half as brilliant as it takes to come up with someone like him. But overall, I'm so grateful he exists and makes my life wonderful every once in a while. 
This is how Stefon is described on Wikipedia: 
Stefon is a flamboyantly gay character who appears to be always nervous, as indicated by how he can never keep his hands still and constantly rubs them together. He always touches his face and hair, and it seems like he has frequent anxiety attacks. A possible explanation for this is Stefon's excessive consumption of recreational drugs.[2] He is very knowledgeable and has the inside scoop on nightclubs featuring very bizarre themes and characters. This is where he constantly recommends tourists to go visit, much to Seth Meyers' frustration.
According to the May 7th episode of Saturday Night Live, his mother is named Ms. Stefon, and his father is David Bowie.
Stefon wears Ed Hardy shirts and multiple rings. He has an asymmetrical haircut that is highlighted, and has a very loud style of dress...
Hader himself tends to break character and crack up pretty much in every sketch that Stefon appears, which makes the audience loose their minds. But it's completely understandable considering the incendiary comedy contents of his speech. Stefon usually starts his monologues with 'New York's hottest club is __________' and follows it with many increasingly bizarre and implausible attributes commonly containing very clever puns on famous names. The hilarity of it growing exponentially with every descriptive phrase. 
But to truly understand Stefon, you have to hear it from his own mouth. So i've painstakingly compiled an anthology of all of his monologues since his first appearance on Update in November of 2008. At first, the show didn't have the character back on for almost a year, but after his second appearance everyone knew he was here to stay. I think it's time I let Stefon speak for himself: Here are excerpts from some of his best spots on Weekend Update
You're welcome. 
New york’s hottest club is Gush. Club owner Gay Dunaway has built a fantasy world that answers the question, “Nooow?” This place has everything: geeks, sherpas, a Jamaican nurse wearing a shower cap, room after room of broken mirrors, and look over there in the corner – is that Mick Jagger? No. It’s a fat kid on a slip ‘n slide. His knees look like biscuits and he’s ready to party.

New York’s hottest club is TRASH. After you step through the stainless steel door to this meat-packing hot spot, you’ll be greeted by none other than Pierre, the Muslim Elvis impersonator. This club has everything- clones, freaks, sneezing, a Russian man on a prepaid cell phone, and anyone can get in- there’s no password. At the door just do the Cosby face.” 

New York’s hottest new club is Slash. This place has everything; glass, steam, bear-traps, and just when you think the fun is over, knock knock, who’s there? it’s black George Washington. All of that in a party room filled with human bath mats. Drag superstar promoter Coochie Crumbles is back. And this time, she has gone curazee! With a party that answers the question, “Whaaat?!”It has everything: ghetto blasters, condom balloons, reverse fist fights, 200-pound middle-aged women in glittered leotards, a kiddie pool full of Chinese contortionists, gummi bear kisses…"
"Wait, what are gummi bear kisses?"
"You know when one person starts chewing on a gummi bear and the stranger next to them finishes it…"

"New York's hottest club is Taste. Nightlife designer Tranny Griffith is back with the all new club that answers the question, “HUHHH? Don’t look for a bouncer, there isn’t one. Instead, the door is guarded by ten jacked homeless guys in old fashioned bathing suits. And inside is just sick, ice sculpture, winos, Gurmfs...German Smurfs, a teddy ruxpin wearing mascara, an old lady with Kid 'n Play hair, and none other than DJ Baby Bok Choy… He’s a giant 300 lbs Chinese baby who wears tinted aviator glasses and he spins records with his little ravioli hands."

"New York’s hottest club is Kress. Club promoter Tranny Oakly, has gone all out. Inside is just everything. Lights, pyschos, ferbies, screaming babies in mozart wigs, sunburn drifters with soap sud beards. You know it’s that thing, when a hobo becomes a rich man so they take the big bubble bath."

"New York’s hottest club is Wesh. Nine year old, Tokyo pimp Hitchy Yakogoru 
is back with an all new hot spot that answers the question: What?! This place has everything. Trants, stilts, throw-up music, an albino that looks like Susan Powder, teddy graham know it’s that thing of like when a guy has the stumpy arms but with the belly."

"New York’s hottest club is Twice. Don’t be thrown off when you’re greeted at the door by a rabbi that looks Joaquin Phoenix. You’re in the right place. Club owner, Robert Blake has thought of everything. Gosps, carnival barkers, groups of guys with afros in graduation caps, human fire hydrants. You know it’s that thing when high-waisted midgets, with like, the red pants."

Here is Stefon's appearance from last night (12/10/11) 

And here is my favorite Stefon appearance on Weekend Update. 

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