Sunday, July 17, 2011

It's Official. Ty Burrell is all kinds of hot.

Modern Family (2009 - ) could be one of the best shows recently added to the boiling cauldron of pop culture lardons that is our weekly television schedule. I jumped on board pretty fast, and everyone i showed an episode to was quick to be co-captians of my Modern Family adoration ship (god that sounds lame). 
I've been watching old episodes...because i'm bored and i own them...and because i was excited that all of the ensemble received Emmy nominations this year. That's right folks 6 noms. 4 boys, 2 girls. the only people not nominated are the kids, and lets be honest, who gives a crap about them anyway (manny included). And I cannot believe into how horny i am getting for Dunphy patriarch Phil (Ty Burrell). He's somewhat deluded, very gullible, absent minded and wonderfully weird. Sounds like my perfect type. 
This is the kind of man i eventually imagine sharing my life with. One with whom i can share a vibrant and comically ridiculous sex life, two good kids and one average one (go ahead and try to figure out which one i'm talking about...Luke), and can at times control because the fact that I'm smarter and sharper than him is not so much annoying as it is endearing. There i said it. I have inappropriate thoughts about a TV dad. And you know, it looks like i'm not the only one as evidenced by this website:
Phil Dunphy Tees
Now that hasn't happened since the good old days of Danny Tanner who turned out to be a complete perv just like me, and even more perfect. 
It's always rather surreal when you begin to have elaborate dirty fantasies about a character who is a beloved character enjoyed mostly by family audiences, and only as the lovably clueless and clutzy dad. He's definitely not a hunky long-haired bare chested sweaty slice of Grade-A man meat that tears your clothes off with his teeth, but none-the-less, Phil Dunphy has a sexual side (as awkwardly misguided as it may be) particularly when he role plays with his wife on Valentine's Day as Clive Bixby a man who is in town for a trade show and 'gets things to make noise' wearing an awesomely ill-fitted turtleneck with a blazer that looks like it was stolen right out of Dean Martin's wardrobe from the Rat Pack. 
'just breath? that's what i said to you while you were in labor, and you threw my smoothie at me...PILL!'
My favorite Phil Dunphy arc is when he suddenly and without reason goes into a fit of excruciating pain which later turns out to be a kidney stone but is reluctant to call the fire department because of the reputation of the firemen of being 'really hot'. It's probably Burrell's best work in the whole season, though I could go on for a while quoting some more of Phil Dunphy's insane logic. And considering how much i relate to Julie Bowen's character of Claire Dunphy in her controlling anal-retentive 'bad-cop' demeanor, i guess Burrell personifies that man we all want who goes with us to horrible movies, makes lame puns, sprays us with a fire hose (gotta watch the show) and does dirty role-playing when we're in the mood for some excitement with atrocious consequences. 
I suppose this means I'm in limbo; meaning, i'm at that age when i look at every man i meet as a potential father to my children but also retain some of my 20's sex-crazed obsessiveness. Ty Byrrell, I hope you never stop catering to this strange paradox in my life. You've been brilliant at it so far, and good luck at the Emmy's. Oh and keep wearing those sexy dad jeans and/or pleated pants, for me they are miles sexier than skinny jeans and vintage tees. They remind me of a Phil Hartman throwback. Yes please. 


Prerna Subramanian said...


A. said...

I think Phil Dunphy is totally hot :) I watch actually 2nd season, so I have many to see... I was looking for people (women:)) who think, Phil is their ideal partner and I am surprised, there are not many womens like us :) But I read your text with pleasure, greetins from Poland and sorry for my not perfect english.