Monday, March 7, 2011

Skinny Guys; Skinny Ties.

My mom recently told me that I'm attracted to men of the 'malnourished variety' (her exact words), and though I would love to disagree with her, given my track record, i think she's more or less right. Did you know there is a psychological study that states that women are attracted to men that are rather slim, sallow, terminal-looking, for lack of better terms. And lately, all of the biggest hitters in the film and television biz have been displaying aspects of the male version of 90's heroin chic. And if you ask me, it's very welcome. I'm tired of beefy, blonde, pretty boys greasing up my computer screen. Out also is the whole long wavy haired, unclean, bespectacled look. That guy looks like he wants to read you his poetry and then cry into your cat's fur for an hour. In the place of it, is a clean shaven version of the quintessential 'tortured artist' look, complete with an ancient pair of converse, patchy scruff (optional) and the pièce de résistance for geek chic wear; the skinny tie. This guy looks like he's into jazz, cooks, and writes comedy for a living, and that's the guy women really want. 
Do you remember a small movie written and directed by David Mamet called State & Main (2000)? If you're cool you do. There is a character of a doctor who has a lesson for Philip Seymour Hoffman's character that is probably one of the best lessons in cinema i've ever heard and it goes something like this (and i'm paraphrasing here). 'A man wears a tie to accentuate his penis, why would you take advice from a man who wears a bow-tie that accentuates his ears?' 
'Tis true, the tie is perhaps the most obvious phallic symbol that a man can wear on his body without actually taking his business out. And the skinny tie has dominated the male fashion world, lately being coupled with an old pair of jeans as if to say, 'i'm sophisticated, but i don't care'. 
Think of it, have you lately seen a beefy man in a skinny tie? the answer is probably going to be 'no', for some reason that would look ridiculous, like a blonde woman wearing white, it's just offensive to the eyes. The skinny tie should be reserved for those quietly confident and mysterious males who seem to ever presently hover between a whimsical boy-hood charm and raw animal masculinity, and are almost always under 150 pounds. 
The psychological study i referred to earlier, states that women are drawn to skinnier men because it ignites their maternal instincts, so that they have an intrinsic need to take care of them. And say it with me now; if it's on the internet, then it must be true! And given the big jewey jew that i am, that instinct is magnified by like a million percent. Go figure. 
So here are a few examples of men of the thinner variety who so wonderfully sport the skinny tie. The combination of the two is irresistible. 

New to the game, but making a very good impression is SNL's Paul Brittain, seen here sporting a loose fitting skinny tie which is even better than just regularly tying it. He's been making a great impression on the dirty screen, particularly with his Sex Ed Vincent character. Haven't seen it yet? well then i pity you. His ridiculously bright blue eyes don't need much to make them pop, and the hair is winning. 
Jeremy Davies has been in the skinny boy hall of fame for about a decade now, but he's reached his peak in the past few years getting messy on an island and never losing that now trademark tie of his as Dr. Daniel Faraday on Lost.
We have all been asking how did we not see this coming? He was such a sweet nerd in 3rd Rock From the Sun, and we all thought he'd reached his peak in 10 Things I Hate About You, but JG-Lev is surprising all of us, and found his way into our spank bank as soon as 500 Days of Summer hit the theaters, or Inception take your pick. He likes to couple the skinny tie with a vesty pants-suit, no complaints. 
Even though he works the hoodie sweatshirt and the 'fuck you flip-flops' very well in The Social Network, It's difficult not to take notice at award season when this curly haired ragamuffin started getting all dork-sexy on us and sporting smart suits and solid colored skinny ties. Win.  
If you watch Breaking Bad, the thinness of Aaron Paul is almost enough to drop your jaw. It's almost pre-pubescent. But he makes it work even in his character wardrobe which is usually baggy pants and hoodie sweatshirts, but when he steps out on the town, or on stage to get his Emmy (Bravo Aaron!) he cleans up very nicely. The tie is just the icing on the cake.  
Out of every beautiful face cast in The Social Network, no one expected Andrew Garfield and Jesse Eisenberg to trump the likes of Justin Timberlake and Armie Hammer. This British import is stupid hot, complete with a thick head of hair, large brown eyes, and a tall gangly physique. Whether dressed in wet spandex for his Spiderman shoot, or doing a Warhol-esque photo as the one above, he kills it with the camera...and a skinny tie.  

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