Friday, October 29, 2010

Film Survey! (that i attempted to dirty up)

Thanks to Noodle In a Haystack for this survey! Let's get started.

1. What is your favorite movie starring William Powell and Myrna Loy, excluding all ofThe Thin Man films?
Honestly? Don't care. :p

2. Name a screen team that appeared in only one film together but are still noteworthy for how well they complimented each other.

Deborah Kerr and Yul Brynner.
That's a match made in a Hollywood crack den. But admit it, you really wished they had hooked up. 
3. Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers' best film together?
Roberta (1935)
4. Your favorite actor named "Robert"?
Robert Mitchum. He'd take you roughly in the barn. 
5. An actor/actress who, when you see one of their movies, you always wish that someone else was in his/her role?
Burt Lancaster. All those teeth and muscles couldn't hide his ridiculously stiff acting.
6. An actor/actress that someone close to you really loves that you can't stand or vice versa? 
Donna Reed. The poor man's Ingrid Bergman. Yawn. 
7. An actor/actress that you both agree on completely?
My Mary. 
8. Complete this sentence: Virginia O'Brien is to Ethel Merman as...
Whatever. 

9. What is your favorite film starring Ray Milland?


The Lost Weekend (1945). Drunks are hot. And loose. 
10. You had to have seen this one coming: what is your favorite movie of the 1960s? 
Valley. Of. The. Freakin. Dolls! (1967) Nuff said. 

11. An actor/actress that you would take out of one film and put into a different movie that was released the same year?
Skip, too long. 

12. Who was your favorite of Robert Montgomery's leading ladies?
Skip. 


13. You think it would have been a disaster if what movie starred the actor/actress who was originally asked to star in it?


If the role of Daphne/Jerry in Some Like it Hot (1959) was played by Frank Sinatra as originally intended. 


14. An actor/actress who you will watch in any or almost any movie?
Montgomery Clift. I have nothing more to add without sounding like a big pervert. 
15. Your favorite Leslie Howard film and role?
Ok don't judge me, but I'm going to have to go with Gone With The Wind (1939), everyone fell for Rhett, I immediately fell for Ashley, for reasons still unknown to me. 
16. You have been asked to host a marathon of three Barbara Stanwyck films. Which ones do you choose?
Every man's wet dream and worst nightmare. Boobs and brains. Does it get better than Stanwyck? If we're talking deviant undertones I'm going to have to go with her earlier work. 




17. What is, in your mind, the nearest to perfect comedy you have ever seen? Why?
Trouble in Paradise (1936). Lubitch on sex, that's why.
18. You will brook no criticism of what film?
The Heiress (William Wyler) 1949
If this film wasn't already perfectly constructed, if you have a problem with Monty Clift with a mustache, tails and a top hat, you go to hell, you go to hell and you die. 
19. Who is your favorite Irish actress?
Maureen O'Hara (duh). 
20. Your favorite 1940s movie starring Ginger Rogers?
Meh. 

21. Do you enjoy silent movies?
Yes. 

22. What is your favorite Bette Davis film?
Of Human Bondage (1933). Who doesn't love cockney sluts?
23. Your favorite onscreen Hollywood couple?
Joan Crawford and her eyebrows. 
24. This one is for the girls, but, of course, the guys are welcome to answer, too: who is your favorite Hollywood costume designer?
Adrian. 
"It was because of Garbo that I left M-G-M. In her last picture they wanted to make her a sweater girl, a real American type. I said, 'When the glamour ends for Garbo, it also ends for me. She has created a type. If you destroy that illusion, you destroy her.' When Garbo walked out of the studio, glamour went with her, and so did I."

25. To even things out a bit, here's something the boys will enjoy: what is your favorite tough action film?
The Magnificent Seven (1960). Hot men in tight pants. Done and done. 




26. You are currently gaining a greater appreciation for which actor(s)/actress(es)?
Judy Garland. Better late than never right?
27. Franchot Tone: yes or no?

Oh dear god yes, yes! YESSSSSS!
28. Which actors and/or actresses do you think are underrated?
Camp queen and occasional fatty, my personal hero, Shelley Winters.  
29. Which actors and/or actresses do you think are overrated?
Clark Gable. Am I the only one who wouldn't hit that?  
30. Favorite actor?
Montgomery Clift. My life can be divided into two parts; before Monty and after Monty. 
31. Favorite actress?
The legendary Vivien Leigh. The most beautiful woman ever to walk the face of the earth, and one bat shit crazy bitch. 


32. Of those listed, who is the coolest: Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Steve McQueen, or Patrick Stewart?
Steve McQueen. When I first saw him in 'The Magnificent Seven' it was like the second coming. He still has a very thick file in the fantasy section of my dreams. 
33. What is your favorite Hitchock movie? 
I Confess (1953). I have a priest fetish. I am ashamed of myself. 

Monday, October 25, 2010

The Naughty Boardwalk

What new show has had a more hyped premiere than 'Boardwalk Empire'? It was directed by Scorsese, it was starring Steve Buscemi, it was about the 20's and bootlegging, etc. HBO really advertised the fact that this was the time of going back to quality programming. The show's relevance is rather questionable, and though interesting to me and a few other History Channel nerds out there, it's main point is to revive interest in perhaps the most significant decade for the United States (no, it wasn't the 1960's. Sorry hippies). There was much in this decade that would were catalysts for profound changes not only on a sociopolitical level, but on that of sexuality as well.
Paz de la Huerta playes Lucy, Nucky's sassy and dimwitted mistress. In this scene doing the quintessential 20's thing right after the Charteston; popping out of a birthday cake. 

When I say 'sexuality', i am not simply referring to the act of sex, I am referring to attitudes, dress codes, and general notions regarding the 'rules'; flirtation, proposition, rate of exchange etc. 
I'm sure among the many things that people forgot about those golden years, one of them must have been just how much sex has changed since. The first show that harkened back to sexual politics of a different area that seem completely alien in this day and age was 'Mad Men' (2008). Not only did it show us the undertones and taboos of sex in the work place, but also the attitudes between the sexes that are influenced by everything from clothes to suggestive gestures. 
Now, 'Boardwalk Empire' deems to take us even further, to where it's not so much a history lesson at the end of which, we are thinking; 'oh that's how that thing started', but serves as a retrospective on the history of gender relation and sensuality coupled with the intense changing of the times. We can see this transpire in the dichotomy between the upper and lower classes. The former is symbolized by Enoch 'Nucky' Thompson (Buscemi), a corrupt politician. The former represented by one of his workers, Jimmy (Michael Pitt) who just came back from WWI to settle back into family life with his wife and kid, as well as get his hands dirty in the booming business of bootlegging. More so, its personified in the women that serve as their better halves (and I am using this term liberally). Nucky has some 20-something, pretty in a high class escort kind of way, dimwitted broad with a voice like Jean Crain in 'Singin' in the Rain' (1952). She's loose, beautiful, and not too smart. The perfect composite of a 1920's flapper. Jimmy's wife is homely, pale, skinny, and mousey. You get the feeling that had she had the opportunity to be born into wealth, and met the right men like Nucky, she could very much end up like Lucy (Paz De La Huerta). She has the legs for it. Instead, she gets stuck in domestic purgatory taking care of a brat who's father is away at the front in France and doesn't write.
Add a very awkward Oedipal relationship between Michael Pitt and Gretchen Mol (who get this, plays HIS MOTHER), and you've got yourself a controversial hit. What separates 'Boardwalk Empire' from mostly everything else on TV (with the exception of Mad Men) is that it is not exploiting the content for shock value which always always equals ratings. It's taking all the wonderful sex and violence of the 1920's and building a story around it. There might be a bit of an areola overload in it lately. But I for one can't wait to see what new debauchery these crazy cats get into. And if you are successfully managing to sell Steve Buscemi as a sex symbol, then you get major kudos. 

Monday, October 4, 2010

I Need To Wash The Jersey Shore Off Me...And It's Sticky...


the class act cast of the Jersey Shore
I know that my blog is primarily on cinema, but I would like to branch out into television as well, as it is just becoming a bit too interesting not to address.
In the last few years, there has been a revolution in how we watch television, as well as the content itself. And I am not talking about the obvious juggernaut of reality TV that has evolved from schadenfreudeian opus 'Survivor' (2000), to scraping the back of Flavor Flav's gold teeth. I guess one could refer to it as devolution rather than evolution. This is most notable with the show that continues to live in delightful infamy, premiered last September on MTV, 'The Jersey Shore'.
It is formatted after the wildly successful 'The Real World', which originally premiered in 1992 and believe it or not is still running, despite its dwindling relevance. MTV decided to one up itself in what it will stoop to, and search far and wide for the next big fatwa of outrageousness. It finally settled on Jersey, the armpit of the United States and the turd seeping from Pennsylvania's asshole. Brave executives at MTV got together with a bunch of their CUNY dropout interns and laborously discussed what aspect of pop culture they wanted to exploit next.
I can imagine an early 20's something douchebag with dirt under his fingernails, an Ed Hardy t-shirt, and plastic sunglasses adorning his unkempt hair coming up with a way to economize the franchise by focusing on just one state and the culture within rather than tirelessly searching the country day night 'Broken Flowers' style in order to find a bunch of impressionable shmucks to fit roles of; 'the mormon', the 'jerk', the 'artist', the 'drunk ho', and the 'player' (there are probably more variants to it, but those are the ones I remember best).
They bravely decided to look to the future, and that future was spray tans, stripper heels, blow outs, fist pumping, and Valtrex.
One would expect that this show was one that even the likes of VH1 turned down for being 'too trashy'. Remember, VH1 aired the ultimate in classless sleaze including but not limited to 'Rock of Love Bus' (2009), 'I Love New York' (2007, 2008), and 'Megan Wants a Millionaire'(2007). MTV would have to fight the brave fight alone, and convince all of us that this is something worth our attention. And you know what? It was.
Aside from being an obvious ironic commentary on the depravity of our culture, it really is just so much fun to watch, if you can sustain your gag reflex for long enough. Instead of the usual stock characters that change with every new season and location of 'The Real World', 'Jersey Shore' focused on choosing people they knew would be consistently annoying, and consistently fabulous.
From most tan to least tan, there's Snooki, J-Woww, Paulie, The Situation (Mike), Sammi, Ronni, Angelina (who was gone for most of the 1st season), and Vinnie.
There are your classic cat fights, douchebaggery, and drunken rages that invoke that delicious guilt within all of us that makes us feel better that whatever we are, at least we are not at that level. But what's so deliciously gross about The Shore is how they changed sexual behaviors and attitudes for the rest of us. After a while I feel like I'm watching a Nova special, where I felt like I was observing a new and rare species in their first heat. And soon enough, I found myself using a lot of their slang...proudly. I even asked a friend if she thought i was a grenade the other day.
And if you thought the 'shore house' was nasty during Season 1, if you were to take an infrared light to it a la 'Dateline', it's probably nothing compared to the shmorgasbord of bodily fluids that lay siege to their Miami house of Season 2.
It is a den of vice that rivals the Roman harems of Bob Guccioni's 'Caligula' (1972). Eloquently nicknamed 'the smash room' by the roommies, I don't even want to imagine the shenanigans that goes on in there.
And amidst how nasty each of them appear to be (with the exception of Vinnie, he can stay) and how increasingly ridiculous the stuff that comes out of their mouths is, and how much we all want to despise sweaty, greasy, spray tanned nimrods, they turned out to be one of the most interesting and original presences on television.
Right now, they all seem to be DTF (that means 'down to fuck' in shore speak) with each other more than outsiders. Letting all of that spray tan, eye-liner, and pit stain run a greasy streak through network prime time. Yes, there's the prerequisite of drama, crying, and alcoholism, but what we really watch it for is for its unmistakable sleaze factor.
The Situation (normally known as Mike) has been recycled through the reality TV reusing flush system to be one of the 'stars' on Dancing with the Stars this season.  (Shown here 'practicing' with Karina Smirnoff)

It feels safe to watch sleaze from a distance and not have to worry about disinfecting anything after the fact. But lately, it's almost been oozing out of my TV screen and making me really want a good shower. I am starting to wonder if it is possible to push the sleaze boundaries to the point where its no longer funny, and I can no longer appreciate it. The Shore is really only bearable for a season or two, even if you're someone like me, who lives for this kind of stuff and the chance to ironically embrace it. I think I need Jersey Shore rehab, and ween myself off of it with something slightly less gross but just as ridiculous like...Real Housewives of D.C. (no offense D.C.) But who knows, perhaps this Thursday I'll tune right back in to see what The Situation scrapes out from the bottom of the barrel this time and brings back to the shore house to fish-mouth kiss and rub bronzer on. And maybe our Shnooks will fall down a bit more and finally hit that comically larged head on something, but we all know that her poof will protect her from that scenario.
But I admit, all I'm really hoping for is more catch phrases for me to later use ironically, and more reasons for me to thank my lucky stars that I don't have to live in Jersey, even though secretly wishing I could be a cameraman at that house. I'll admit it, I love you 'Jersey Shore', but in small doses. And I just don't think it's working out. It's not you, it's me. And shame on me. I know I keep getting a bit self-righteous, and in these circumstances, it's hard not to, but I truly believe that this show is one of the most genius undertakings of reality television, much in the tradition of Andy Warhol and even John Waters, where everyone behind it (including the cast) understands the immanent sleaze factor and acknowledges it. It's lack of pretension is very much appreciated.
It really is the 'Melrose Place' (1992) of our generation. You don't want to admit that you watched it, but it was your absolute favorite. You knew all of the characters by their full names, their backstory, and their sex lives. Once a week you sat down with a bowl of Chex Mix and fuzzy blanket and had the time of your life. You might have even cancelled a few nights out with friends because you couldn't miss 'Melrose Place'. You made fun of it constantly, and then were caught in talking about the characters knowing almost everything about them, and your friends never looked at you the same way again. 'Jersey Shore' is what we had all dreaded happening since the birth of reality television, and now that it has finally manifested itself, we all want to hate it with vengeance. Lest we forget, there was a show aired just a few years ago about women getting plastic surgery to look socially acceptable and then competing with each other afterwards for who is the most changed (The Swan, 2004). I feel if we're going to put our moral corruptibility on anyone, it should be that horrendous miscalculation rather than the brilliant combination of sleaze and comedy that is 'Jersey Shore'. So why don't we all put on some LMFAO, take a shot of Smirnoff, and fist pump our weekly stress away. I've done my part, so I'll abstain, eat some Milano's and watch Golden Girls, but everyone else please go ahead. 

Please take a minute to watch this nugget. It's half of the cast parodying themselves, and though not SNL material (like that's saying much), it's actually pretty hilarious.

Marilyn Monroe: Nude Pool Scene from The Unfinished 'Something's Gotta Give'


I'm watching a TV-documentary called 'Marilyn Monroe: The Final Days' (2001). It is primarily about the debacle of shooting the now infamous and unfinished film titled 'Something's Gotta Give' (1962), co-starring Dean Martin and Cyd Charisse. It was later retitled 'Move Over, Lover' and recast with Doris Day and James Garner. Due to Marilyn's constant tardiness and absence, the film went ghastly over budget. And considering other problems they were dealing regarding the money vacuum with Elizabeth Taylor at the same time (Cleopatra), Monroe was fired, after which Dean Martin promptly quit. She was found dead in her home in Brentwood about 2 months later.
The over 9 hours of footage that was shot but never completed during 1962 lay dormant in an old studio lot until a group of archivists and editors dug it up for this documentary. They took whatever George Cukor had managed to shoot, and eventually pieced it together (much like was done with Dryer's 'Passion of Joan of Arc'). What remains is a pretty dull film; the only spice of which being this infamous nude pool scene that Marilyn shot over 3 days on the soundstage. The entire crew was ready to forgive Monroe pretty much all of the delays, pay cuts, and headaches she caused them because they got to hold an omni for hours while she swam naked in a pool. It is some of the most rare footage that exists of her. Enjoy!

Friday, October 1, 2010

Joan Crawford; Camp, Androgyny, and Teeth.


Nicholas Ray should be noted for being just as iconic of old hollywood as Cecil B. Demille, Billy Wilder, and King Vidor. He was in my opinion, the most significant in his bridging of genres as well as cinematic bylines of production. One such film that I believe is the best example of Ray's uncanny disdain and disregard and simultaneous satirization of the material is in the Western "Johnny Guitar" (1954), starring Sterling Hayden, Joan Crawford, and Mercedes McCambridge.
Crawford, at 49 was cast as the protagonist Vienna, a hardened, mannish, volatile sort of woman with too much common sense, and contempt for those without it.
Since she did take a long break after her 'come back' with Warner Bros in "Mildred Pierce" in 1945 (for which she won an Oscar), there were certain changes not only physically but mentally that could not be denied. Joan had somehow made herself into this hardened character, and thus, made herself even more camp than she already had been. It would appear that most of camp culture that takes influence from this particular era of hollywood focuses primarily on Joan Crawford as a beacon of style, rhetoric, and mode. 
One such example would be Crawford's infamous lips, which had been an inside joke in Hollywood since her Letty Lynton incarnation back in the mid 1930's. 
When we look at the 'Crawford Face', it is one that has changed the most significantly in film history. When she started out as a chorus dancer back in 1921 when she was 19, she as little more than a floosy, whom you wouldn't be able to pick out of a line up. 
In her silent film days, she acted opposite many cinema greats, and yet, she really wasn't too recognizable. 
Crawford is in the middle. 

In the 1930's Louis B. Mayer was grooming stars to fit a certain image, and what was in fashion was McDonald's type eye-brow arches, thick bright lips, and petite, boy-ish frames. Joan adapted quickly. 
The reason that she is one of the most significant gay icons is because of her many collaborations with gay men in her early years that shaped the look that later paved the way for camp culture, the most significant of which was with MGM costume designer; Adrien (no last name required). Picture a younger, more arrogant Tim Gunn. He not only designed most of her gowns in almost every film she did in the 1930's, but also designed the make-up that would later become her trademark. Before Edith Head's designs made Grace Kelly an icon of fashion, there was the marriage between Adrien and Crawford. 
Crawford in her Letty Lynton dress, designed by Adrien. One of the most significant outfits that influenced that era

As she aged, and was fired from MGM for being 'box office poison', worked for Warner Bros. for a while, and eventually became a free agent, her look became more and more severe. 
This is most evident in 'Johnny Guitar' (1954). 
She had her teeth recapped, cropped her hair very short, and started wearing pants (gasp!). It was as if she was building a 'warrior' concept. It was quite frightening. 
It was not attractive at all, but perhaps that was the purpose. Her character in the film is a woman who owns a saloon, wields a gun, and certainly takes no bullshit. 
In this film, she is the ultimate Mulvey wet dream. A woman who not just by looks, but by attitude threatens everyone else's masculinity. 
'Down here, you get whiskey and cards...up here, all you'll get is two bullets from my gun' she quips to an ornery crowd of angry men that try to invade her territory. 
In the tradition of Katherine Hepburn, Crawford strives to maintain control not just by smart dialogue, but by physical attributes. 
At this point, she is not really someone you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck with her. 
Nicholas Ray was an aesthetic genius. He understood iconography in ways that were instantly noticeable. He took all of the emotional strength of Crawford circa 1935 as a headstrong shopgirl, and coupled it with Crawford as Mildred Pierce, adding a masculinity, arrogance, and intimidation to the equation; all of them being characteristics that Crawford already had in spades. 
In a way, he just gave her a platform to expose all of the contradictions of gentile feminism that she possessed, but didn't articulate in her film roles. 
This ain't your mother's independent woman, and it ain't Elinor Dashwood. This is Lady Macbeth on crack. 
This is Crawford finally expressing herself without Thalberg, Mayer, or Warner breathing down her neck. 
Yes, it is a bit too obvious in the Mulveyian 'threatening woman' complex, but it is profoundly significant. Crawford's greatest antagonist is not Johnny Guitar (Sterling Hayden), to whom she can't help but yield. It is macho, closet lesbian, androgynous (but not in a sexy way) Emma, played by Mercedes McCambridge. 
The best exchange between the two, which is also the simplest goes: 
Emma: I'm going to kill you. 
Vienna: Maybe...not if I kill you first. 
Awesome. 
Crawford in 'Johnny Guitar' How the times had changed.

It's like John Wayne vs. James Cagney in a dick measuring contest but with chicks. 
At a time where the Western genre was in limbo between John Ford and Sergio Leone (The classic vs. the 'spaghetti western'), there was a very awkward atmosphere of unknowing and becoming. 
The John Wayne era had passed, and the genre was slowly becoming a novelty, devoid of significance. Nicholas Ray decided to transform the genre from being all about the men, to being all about the women...who acted like men. 
It is really one of those pivotal and overlooked films, which exists within that lost period in which a genre is either disappearing or transforming. And yet, it manages to be loyal to every aesthetic; theme, structure, and ideology. 
What is so unique about 'Johnny Guitar', is that it is not actually about Johnny Guitar. It's very much Vienna's movie; her needs, her plots, and her actions. I would say it is the precursor to 'Bonnie and Clyde' (1967). There are two main characters, but as is tradition since the latter, it is the woman's picture. 'Bonnie and Clyde' is a no brainer. It is of course Bonnie's film, and should be re-titled, 'Bonnie and Some Other Guy'. 
What is so significant in the casting of Joan Crawford to represent this shift in the genre's essence, is that she formats herself into the quintessential male role of the Western while maintaining her presence as a woman.  
This is why, one could say that Vienna in 'Johnny Guitar' is a huge deviant. She doesn't wash dishes, try on dresses, or comb her hair. She's an angry broad with ideas. And she'll put a bullet in your head if you dare to disagree with her. She is one to be genuinely frightened of. Usually in the Western, that was personified by a giant mass of flesh, with thick chaps, a big horse, and a ridiculous hat. 
The only thing Vienna sports is a funny looking turquoise ribbon that ties tightly around her neck. 
Before Adrien Brody lost 40 pounds for 'The Pianist' (2002), or Tom Cruise went gray in 'Collateral' (2004), our Joan was willing to take her appearance to the utmost of androgynous and displeasing extremes. 
Perhaps I'm wrong about this, and she actually thought this was a good look for her, but that's irrelevant. She embodies not so much a feminine power that threatens not only the masculinity within the film, but also the masculine sensibility of the audience, but a complete transformation of acceptable feminine culture. I think that in 'Johnny Guitar', she is both man and woman; a hybrid, unrecognizable, and completely unique. 
She managed to make the 6'3 butch Sterling Hayden look like a carnival monkey. Clad in high fastening pants, leather boots, and a tight jehovah's witness-type button up, she made everyone feel simultaneously aroused and frightened. It is a performance as well as a statement. It doesn't seem to make sense, and yet it does. 

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Tony Curtis: In Memoriam.





I've compiled my favorite quotes from what was and always will be the greatest gift to film comedy of all time; "Some Like it Hot" (1960), directed by Billy Wilder. With the help of IMDB.com and me watching this film over again today, there are just too many gold phrases. I was strapped to pick just the best and beautiful few. 
I would always have to give my vote to Tony Curtis rather than Jack Lemmon in the 'who-played-a-better-woman' category. He once stated famously, that Jack Lemmon came out in costume looking like a '2-cent tart', so Tony decided to come out like a mix between Grace Kelly and his mother. But that's not all we will remember him for. It's not just the lip-pursing Josephine that is hilarious, but his Cary Grant impression as Shell Oil Junior that is one of the most memorable, hilarious, and brilliant in film history. Apparently, when Cary Grant watched the film, he said; 'I don't talk like that!', when of course he did. 
When I try to do my best Cary Grant impersonation, I always harken to Tony Curtis in 'Some Like it Hot'.  
Personal story: I was about 11 or so. My mother was out, and it was just me and my dad. They had just received a package of old films which included 'Singin' In The Rain', 'West Side Story', and 'Some Like it Hot'. My father called me over to the living room, saying that we were going to bake a pizza and watch an old film. I was very much against it. As a typical 11-year-old, I was not intrigued by a film from the 1950's, especially if it was in black and white. Had he said; 'we are going to watch 'The Sound of Music', i might have been more compliant. But my father was not someone to compromise with, (thank god). He made me sit down and watch 'Some Like it Hot' from start to finish. 
Within about 15 minutes of the film, I was completely sold. 
To this day, people ask me (and by people, I mean my mother's friends), what is my favorite film? A question which is increasingly annoying. But here's what I have realized. I would always love to recommend Ingmar Bergman or John Cassavetes to people, but I wasn't at that time aware of my audience. 
'Some Like It Hot' will always be a film that can be enjoyed no matter what kind of audience one has to approach. 
When I was a child watching it, I missed a lot of the subtle jokes, but it didn't matter. There are subtle jokes, there is good humor, there are prat falls, and the blueprints for the makings of every single romantic comedy that are still relevant today. 
Bottom line...'Some Like It Hot' is the best comedy on film. Period. 
This was the film that was the catalyst in my development as, if nothing more, a Film Geek. 
I can quote every single line from this film, and every time I watch it, I always think the same thing; 
'How will I or anyone ever top this kind of writing?'. 
Back to Tony Curtis. 
He was just another paper boy raised in The Bronx, originally named Bernard Schwartz. A real Lifetime Movie kinda guy. Raised to be a butcher a la 'Fiddler on the Roof', with his banal future all mapped out for him, he decided to rent a room in the Theater District in New York City, while waiting tables in Times Square just so he could take classes with Lee Strasberg. 
To be fair, the man was never that smart, and made a few statements that were and still are pretty offensive; the most notorious of which was when he was asked what it was like to kiss Marilyn Monroe, and he said it was 'like kissing Hitler'. 
Also, he mixed up her character's name, calling her Sugar Kowalski, (as in Stanley Kowalski from 'A Streetcar Named Desire), instead of her actual character's name which was; Sugar Koawlczyk. But who cares? I guess we all get confused in our old age. 
The second most significant performance of his that I must note is in Stanley Kubrick's 'Spartacus'; most of which was cut by the censors, but Criterion (bless them) has restored it. It is an infamous scene between him and Laurence Olivier. He plays a slave who is a singer of songs. Olivier takes him on as his 'body servant'. 
The scene that was just too provocative for the scensors was one in which Curtis bathes Olivier in  one of those beautiful, large Roman pools with some kind of loofa. Olivier gives that infamous speech where he asks Curtis if he prefers snails to oysters. 
While Curtis is completely naked, tanned, and oiled, he is asked whether he prefers the taste of snails to oysters. 
As much as Kubrick tried to hide the obvious allegory, the censors caught up. 


Marcus Licinius Crassus: Do you eat oysters? 
Antoninus: When I have them, master. 
Marcus Licinius Crassus: Do you eat snails?
 Antoninus: No, master. 
Marcus Licinius Crassus: Do you consider the eating of oysters to be moral and the eating of snails to be immoral? 
Antoninus: No, master. 
Marcus Licinius Crassus: Of course not. It is all a matter of taste, isn't it? 
Antoninus: Yes, master. 
Marcus Licinius Crassus: And taste is not the same as appetite, and therefore not a question of morals. 
Antoninus: It could be argued so, master. 
Marcus Licinius Crassus: My robe, Antoninus. My taste includes both snails and oysters. 
Snails or Oysters? 


Yes, he went a bit 'John McCain' towards the end, where the elevator wasn't running to the top floor anymore, and he was getting Burt Lancaster mixed up with Eva Marie Saint. I'll forgive him all of it. The reason being that in 'Some Like It Hot', he completely revived the stock character of 'man-pretending-to-be-a-woman', that dates back to Shakespeare. And yes, it is kind of funny watching behind-the-scenes commentary with a some venerable film scholar who admires the film greatly, talking with 1/3 of Tony Curtis' brain. 
The roles played by him and Jack Lemmon were initially intended for Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra respectively. Jack Lemmon is the big comedy catalyst of the film, but Tony Curtis is the icon of subtlety and Drag. 
He will be missed. 

Here are some of my favorite quotes from one of, if not the best, comedies of cinema: 


'What are you afraid of? No-one's asking you to have a baby!'  

Jerry: Have I got things to tell you! 
Joe: What happened? 
Jerry: I'm engaged. 
Joe: Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl? 
Jerry: I am! 

Will you look at that! Look how she moves! It's like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex! 

Joe: But, you're *not* a girl! You're a *guy*, and, why would a guy wanna marry a guy? 
Jerry: Security! 

Osgood: [to the elevator operator] All right, driver, once around the park, slowly, and keep your eyes on the road. 

Osgood: I am Osgood Fielding the third. 
Daphne: I'm Cinderella the second. 

Daphne: [after meeting the all-girl band they'll be traveling with] How about that talent, huh? It's like falling into a tub of butter. 
Joe: Watch it, Daphne! 
Daphne: When I was a kid, Joe, I used to have a dream. I was locked up overnight in a pastry shop, and there was goodies all around. There was jelly rolls, and mocha eclairs, and sponge cake and Boston cream pie... 
Joe: Look, Stop... 
Daphne: and cherry tart... 
Joe: Stop, listen to me! No butter, no pastry. We're on a diet! 

Sugar: I come from this musical family. My mother is a piano teacher and my father was a conductor. 
Joe: Where did he conduct? 
Sugar: On the Baltimore and Ohio.  

Sugar: [on marrying well] I don't care how rich he is, as long as he has a yacht, his own private railroad car, and his own toothpaste. 

Sugar: [admiring a large fish trophy] What is it? 
Junior: It's a member of the herring family. 
Sugar: A herring? Isn't it amazing how they get those big fish into those little glass jars? 
Junior: They shrink when they're marinated. 

Jerry: He's not only got a yacht, he's got a bicycle!  

To end it with the greatest joke of cinema at that time: 

Jerry: Oh no you don't! Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all. 
Osgood: Why not? 
Jerry: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde. 
Osgood: Doesn't matter. 
Jerry: I smoke! I smoke all the time! 
Osgood: I don't care. 
Jerry: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player. 
Osgood: I forgive you. 
Jerry: [Tragically] I can never have children! 
Osgood: We can adopt some. 
Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood! 
[Pulls off his wig] 
Jerry: I'm a man! 
Osgood: Well, nobody's perfect!