Checking In Please. The Premiere of American Horror Story: Hotel

Reservation is under the name 'Gaga'

I fucked up. I decided to go to the gym rather than watch the premiere of American Horror Story: Hotel. What the hell was I thinking? Well partially I didn't want everyone on facebook giving away spoilers (i'm looking at you, new yorkers) I live on the Pacific timezone ergo I'm the last to get anything on TV...except for Hawaii. Anyway! American Horror Story is more than my favorite show, it's an unhealthy obsession. And once something becomes an unhealthy obsession in my life, there's no going back. The show can be problematic and in desperation for ratings go from the imaginative to the laughably insane, as seen in last season's Freakshow, but I'm so happy they found their footing again. 

Lady Gaga in a promo still from Entertainment Weekly as The Countess. The owner of the Hotel Cortez.

If you live in a cave you don't know that the series switches times and settings every season, but keeps the principal cast. It's a very cool concept. The last season was set in the 50's in a place called Jupiter Florida, but now we're back to Los Angeles in modern times, where the series initially began with Murder House. Two boho sluts from Sweden check in to a mysterious hotel all excited about seeing the most annoying places in LA like Universal Studios. Also, I'm not saying that Swedes are sluts, just these two girls happen to be. They immediately take a disliking to the retro and dank feel of the Hotel Cortez. It's not hip enough for them. It's not the Standard on Sunset Blvd. which is probably where they should have gone considering they would have seen a lot of weirder shit there. Kathy Bates appears and is immediately crass and dismissive to them, and I'm thinking, well yeah fuck these bitches. As you can tell, I'm typing this while I watch it. Thank god for DVR. Now that's about as much of the plot as I'm going to give you, because unlike Facebook and twitter trolls I actually care about spoilers. For the most part.

Spoiler alert! Sex and murder are mutually exclusive.

The only person from all previous seasons that does not appear in Hotel is Jessica Lange, and a role probably originally written for her was given as we well know to Lady Gaga. She's the mistress of the Hotel Cortez, and seriously if we ever needed proof that she could act, we got it last night. I miss Jessica, but Gaga was born for this role. Ryan Murphy probably had the biggest creative hard on watching her deliver lines. Lest we forget, the show also has the holy trifecta of the hottest men in Hollywood ever. Wes Bentley, Matt Bomer, and Cheyenne Jackson round out the principal cast as newcomers to people we have grown to associate with the show like Sarah Paulson, Kathy Bates, Evan Peters, Chloe Sevigny etc. 

Now, let's talk about the Hotel. you could see that Falchuk and Murphy were getting really strapped for a horror setting that can keep going for 14 episodes. They got creative with it. The first was very predictable. A family moves into a haunted house. Whoopdy do. Crazy shit is going to happen. After which, they had to get more outlandish and ask themselves where can we put a bunch of random and endless but somehow connected horror stories...in an asylum, a coven, and a freakshow apparently. But there's something about Hotel that tells me it's going to be the best season yet. 

Huge girl crush on Sarah Paulson. The meaner she gets on AHS, the more I love her. 

Think about how creepy a hotel is, especially an antiquated one in LA. I know that you guys think The Roosevelt is so awesome and hip. But I used to live literally down the street and always got a creeped out feeling while buying my 15$ martini. Perhaps it was because it was the epicenter for sugar daddies on the hunt, but back to the damn show! What is the quintessential horror film. If you say anything other than The Shining, then I feel so bad for you. Where does it take place? Do you see where I'm going with this? How many times have you checked into a hotel and wondered what goes on behind all of those doors with basically a house full of strangers and paper thin walls? I'm not talking about the Marriott or anything, but those really old LA hotels with that pre-war architecture, decaying carpet, and a wealth of stories scary or not. They even ripped off the shag carpeting (metaphorically) from The Shining, seriously that was a nice homage. And I know a lot of NY snobs will think well if it's about a mysterious hotel why in LA and not in NY home of the Chelsea. In my opinion, LA horror stories especially those akin to buildings, and they are never ending are much more interesting. LA is a city full of secrets, broken dreams, despair, murder, and a lot of things that can translate themselves into romantic but gory horror stories and tall tales. It's about time Murphy and Falchuk capitalized on it. The premiere was right on. Excellent. Can't wait for the second episode, still upset that I can't marathon it. If any one wants to do an AHS night every week hit me up. I'll be dressed like Sarah Paulson. 

Below, intro and trailer 

5 Film Characters I Relate Too

Of course they are all going to be female, and I could really only pick 5 before it became redundant. I know that one of them is a TV movie character, but still. Also, 2 are based on actual people but honestly I don't give a shit. Also I had to choose from contemporary films because it's just a bit weird to say that I relate to Liv Ullman from Persona or Gena Rowlands from Woman Under the Influence (which I do, but both of those concepts are dated and I wanted something that would also be relatable to my readers. You're welcome :) 

Julie Powell (played by Amy Adams) in Julie and Julia (2008). On the cusp of 30 and terrified about it, working as a mid-level nobody in a cubicle with nothing to show for her last 29 years except a tiny kitchen apartment in Queens and a loving orange cat, this New Yorker at a crossroads who was such an admired writer in college only no more, decides to change her life by cooking her way through Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking, not devoid of regular meltdowns and panic attacks. In the end, changing her life. As she says in the film 'I was drowning and Julia pulled me out of the ocean.' To which her husband quips; 'Don't get carried away.' Yet another problem I have. Also the obvious parallel that we're both bloggers, if you missed that you're really thick. 

Susannah Kaysen (played by Winona Ryder) in Girl, Interrupted (1999). The chain smoking, sarcastic before sarcasm was a thing, Susannah just doesn't seem like she belongs anywhere or cares about anything, but it's actually the opposite. She probably cares too much and her heart is too big for normal people, all the while her biggest life goal is 'not to end up like her mother' (no offense mom). She sees life as a giant version of the myth of Sisyphus and herself as the one cursed to roll a boulder up a hill only to see it fall down again and repeat for all eternity, and no where else does life feel like that than in LA. Another writer too. 

Harper Pitt (played by Mary-Louise Parker) in Angels in America (2003). The borderline insane wife of a closeted law clerk, Harper constantly seeks life elsewhere...in her mind with the help of copious amounts of valium in 'wee fistfulls'. Not to say I'm a pill popper, but I am a notorious day dreamer, where my fantasy life is far more interesting than my life at hand. I don't have a 'Mr. Lies' (played by Jeffrey Wright) to fly me around to Antarctica, but I'm in constant limbo between the banality of my ordinary life, and the spectacularity of my fantasty life. 

Jasmine (played by Cate Blanchett) in Blue Jasmine (2013). Who didn't relate to Jasmine? I mean that's why she won the Oscar isn't it. We all have a bit of Jasmine in us, in that we may snap at any moment because we as women are delicate beings and if one doesn't handle with care, we can self destruct if all we've done is put our faith in others rather than ourselves to take care of us. Jasmine is devastatingly flawed. The only thing being more devastating is that she doesn't lose hope until the very very end, and even then perhaps not, that she can reinvent herself and change her life for the better despite the cards she's been dealt. The ending shows you that continuing to have hope even in the face of the most hopeless of circumstances is the craziest thing a woman could do. 

Kirsten Dunst as Justine in Melancholia (2011). It's very simple really, though Justine doesn't say much, her actions explain everything about what kind of woman she is, whether it is bathing nude in the blinding light of melancholia or laying motionless face up in a river, Justine is a rare breed of human. She is uncomfortable in fact traumatized by otherwise happy events like her own wedding, and can't stand being near anyone who seems to antagonize her. But in the face of a literal apocalypse she is able to be the source of comfort and unwavering strength to anyone who needs her. In an actual disaster, she would be the bastion of strength because she's aware that there's nothing left but that to do.

Trailers below:

Wallace Berman (LA-Based Experimental Filmmaker) at Home at the Anthology.

His wife was the posterchild (literally) for the Semina movement

Back in the day, when dinasaurs romaed the earth I had a gig at the Washington Square News as a staff writer. So I'm doing what I do every morning and lookin up birthdays/anniversaries and it turns out that it's one of my favorite influences' birthday; Wallace Berman, more of an artist than a filmmaker, his 'Semina' movement was quite unique. Anyway, I tried to find that article that I wrote when his films cames to The Anthology Film Archives back in 2007 and I went to review it, in the archives of the news paper, but notices that I had saved it as a word document on my computer just in case I might every need it for anything...like this. So here it is:

Berman at home with hi children.

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Berman art at home at Anthology

Vera Ryzhik

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Published: Thursday, February 8, 2007

Updated: Saturday, September 6, 2008

Ginsberg, Kerouac and Cassady - it's difficult to disregard the artistic legacy left by the Beat Generation.

Although those names are associated primarily with the New York Beats, an autonomous beat community also existed in Los Angeles: Photographer, filmmaker and poet Wallace Berman was a key figure. In conjunction with NYU's Grey Art Gallery and the exhibition "Semina Culture: Wallace Berman and His Circle,"

Anthology Film Archives is running "Semina Cinema," a series devoted to Berman and his contemporaries.

Like most films of the Anthology, the series contains rarities and treasures of the avant-garde movement that are unlikely to appear anywhere else. Works by counterculture figures such as Bruce Conner, Stan Brakhage,

Andy Warhol and Taylor Mead provide a window into the times and art of a complex bohemian movement.

Berman himself, though famous for his photography and collages, had a strong connection with the avantgarde film movement of the '50s and '60s.

Andrew Lampert, film archivist for the Anthology and programmer for this series, calls Berman a "causal link" between the different mediums utilized in the movement. The series becomes a link in itself between

Berman and his contributions to filmmaking - his only film, "Aleph," is the centerpiece of the series. It's accompanied by a collection of 28 minutes of lost footage that didn't make it into the film, brought in by his son and appropriately titled "Artifactual: Films from the Wallace Berman Collection."

Never officially released, Berman would run this footage for friends, projecting it on his refrigerator. Screening exclusively tonight for the premiere, a new negative of "Aleph" will be accompanied by a live performance from prolific jazz composer John Zorn and his band. Friday, prominent beat artist and "Warhol superstar"

Taylor Mead will introduce the companion pieces "My Home Movies," shot by Taylor, and the film "Tarzan

and Jane Regained ... Sort Of." If you're looking to try to fathom Warhol, this series is a great way to start.

Every generation needs to reflect on its predecessors. And for a generation lacking an artistic renaissance, this series should be a revelation. Berman remains one of the most important figures not only in the L.A.-based beat community, but also in the history of counterculture. Aside from his art, he founded Semina (literally

"Outsider Art"), a privately run publication he headed to generate interest in his and his contemporaries' art.

Still from one of his films called 'Her', yes there is another film by that name. And it's better. 

An artist's artist, Berman worked outside the marketplace, considering art a personal pursuit rather than a business - an ideal Lampert claims has faded in today's culture.

"He provided a social, artistic and literary space in California for these innovative and unusual people to meet each other, to mingle with experimental artists from elsewhere and to express ideas not common in America during those years," said Shelley Rice, a Tisch photography professor. In addition to his photography, Berman pioneered collaging, which became the essence of the art Warhol would later popularize. As part of Semina culture, Berman's work should fit in perfectly at the Anthology.

"It makes sense to have it here," Lampert said of Berman's place in the series. "It's about time." • Starts today and ends Sunday at Anthology Film Archives. Live musical accompaniment by John Zorn tonight at 8 p.m.; Taylor Mead introduces his films at Friday's program, also at 8 p.m.

From 'Girls' to Frances Ha, NY Girls Just Can't Seem to Grow Up.

Smoking and drinking on the fire escape. Definitely a part of my EARLY 20's, not my LATE 20's. Go on the damn balcony. You know what Virginia Woolf book this reminds ME of? None of them!

Finally watched Baumbach's minimalist mumblecore women-constantly-on-their-period flick Frances Ha (2013) and I have no idea how it's appealing at all. Greta Gerwig, although a great actress is reduced to playing a woman whom if I was in college with I would make fun of every day just for not having her shit together. Which might have been cute at like 22 but she's like what 28 in this film?

They still use words like 'd-bags' 'omg I love you', and smoke on the fire escape without the fear of it buckling underneath them and falling to their deaths. It's like seriously enough. Move in with your ugly hipster boyfriend who doesn't shave, make a five year plan, and get a mother-effing job. We're in a recession and don't have time for your menstrual bullshit.

Baumbach can write great characters, no one is questioning that. But can he write relevant ones. The only time that, in my not-so-humble opinion, in which he has done that was in The Squid and the Whale (2005) because he wrote about his own family and the struggles didn't seem pretentious and pointless, they seemed existential and sincere.

Even with a desk job, Hannah can't help from pouting.

Back in the 90's we had middle-aged white man anger and frustration, I guess today's trend is 'twenty-something New York hipster chick in limbo'. That's the giant cash cow. Lena Dunham's pile of Golden Globes is getting larger and larger and likely to continue growing after this Sunday. And perhaps I'm biased but ever since I moved to Los Angeles, I get seriously tired of people in New York who do nothing but to complain about living in New York...here's an idea, fucking move! 'I can't afford Tribeca/NoHo/Morningside Heights' then maybe find some job that pays more than 10$ an hour.
Oh and your ugly, good-for-nothing slacker, jobless boyfriend is giving you a hard time? Break up with him and join eHarmony like the rest of us, or go hang out at a bar near Wallstreet. It's time to stop dreaming and start doing. My life is hard too and don't get me wrong, I'm unhappy. But when I try to complain to my mother she tells me to do two things; 'shut up, and grow up'. (But that could be just her Soviet upbringing talking). Also, the most fascinating thing about a man should not be whether or not he smokes indoors kay?? 

After a while of Frances Ha (2013) I felt like one of those poor souls at that dinner party that she goes to that have to politely nod and smile as she talks nonsense endlessly and ends it with 'blah..I sound stoned, but I'm not stoned'. It's like thank god she's leaving. 

Dear Frances and Hannah, try living my life for one minute. Yeah, I might complain about it with a box of Chardonnay on a Friday night,  I mean who knows what I say then? But I'm not going to film it and pitch it to HBO...or to Baumbach for that matter (always had my heart set on Gus Van Sant myself). :P Anyway, seriously, enough. My ears are bleeding. Is this really what Gloria Steinem and the rest fought for and burned their bras for? For privileged white girls to whine about nothing for hours? Just remember what Tina Fey says to Noelle Welles portraying Hannah Horvath in the 'SNL' parody of 'Girls'...'You're 24? What the fuck is wrong with you?'.

How Much Did The Canyons Suck and Why?

I made this my background on facebook ironically, and people took me seriously. Um...urly?

Good news friends, I watched The Canyons (2013) so you don't have to. That's right I sat in a dark room, chains-moking, crying, and shaking for two hours, it was like the climax of an episode of Intervention. I was at a party the other night, and people kept mentioning it to me, and at first it had seemed like something I had never heard of because I subconsciously blocked it out. But then things kept coming back to me, like an amnesia patient on a bad soap opera; Lohan, Schrader, porn aficionado James Deen, kickstarter, and then the Eureka moment came, and I almost had a hemorrhage.

Lindsay Lohan from fame-whore child-star gone horribly wrong, drunk driving, and general infamy fame, Paul Schrader from rogue student film generation and Taxi Driver (1975) fame, and James Deen from hardcore anal porn fame collaborated on a shitshow funded almost fully by kickstarter because not even the most eccentric film executive in this godforsaken town would put money down on this project. It popped up that night on my iTunes menu to rent for 6.99$ and I took that as a sign. I put my hand over the 'rent' button and prepared myself for the worst. It was right before I left work, so I took a minute in the bathroom to have a 30 second cry, and then drove home, shaky already.

A still from the film. No, seriously. Now it haunts my nightmares.

It was a warm Los Angeles Friday, and my roommate was away for the evening. I was all alone, vulnerable and scared. I cuddled our dog, and my favorite pillow and pressed 'play' and by the time it was over and my roommate had returned, my face was covered in mascara that had run down to my chin from the nervous crying, my hair was disheveled and I was rocking back and forth like a crackhead who just had their baby taken away from them by the government, grasping the pillow like I was in the freezing waters of the Atlantic with the Titanic sinking behind me, and it was my life raft/frozen dead person float.

Lindsay's signature look which I like to call 'melted Barbie'

As a Warholian, even I was completely and utterly disgusted by the casting, which is in fact, very Warholian, and probably intentional on Schrader's end. Warhol, as some of you know, frequently cast porn stars, junkies, vagrants, and hustlers; all labels that we can throw on both Lohan and Deen, but he cast them to eat bananas sensually, get a blow job from the neck up, or sleep for 6 and a half hours, and considering both Lohan's and Deen's range as actors, that probably would have made for a better film, but Schrader just had to write in a damn narrative didn't he? And these motherfuckers that he cast actually had to pretend they could act!

Yes everyone stop talking to check your phones. It makes for good time filler!

We haven't seen LiLo turn in a good performance since...well ever. And as for Deen, he's basically good at one thing, and it's below the waste. It was almost comical to watch them try to deliver lines and cry and be sadistic, weird, and fabulous if it wasn't so fucking sad. I don't even want to tell you the story because there basically isn't one. Wiki it, it's like a sentence. For someone who was as innovative and fearless to write something like Taxi Driver over 30 years ago, this is the utmost in public humiliation. They should all be taken to the town square and put on a medieval rack and flogged for our amusement because this film was like experiencing the Theater of Cruelty, but not in an ironic titillating way, this was downright cruel, and it's a scar on the back of Los Angeleans, like they don't have enough as it is, because people will watch this thinking that's what we're actually like...and that's only HALF true! Usually I would recommend to watch something bad just for shits and giggles, but I wouldn't even watch it with a drinking game involved. It will just seriously depress the shit out of you. No reputable festival even allowed it to be screened because they didn't want they're name sullied. Way to make a comeback Lohan, and as for James Deen, stick to what you do best; no words, just thrusts.