Sins of Omission: Actors Snubbed by the Academy

We all know that the Academy Awards are more political than a presidential race, but we keep watching every year, and that's why when we fill out ballots (that is if we're really into it) we have a separate ballot for whom we secretly hope will win that we know will not because they're not in good standing with the committee, because the competition is too fierce, or they dropped too many F-bombs. Whatever the case may be, perhaps George C. Scott got it right when he straight up refused to show up to pick up his golden idol for his bravura performance in Patton and when it was mailed to him he mailed it back. 'It ain't nothing but a meat parade' he said. And it's sad but true that for the most part, actors especially are not given awards based on the actual merit of their performance, but for circumstance. Here's a list of some of the most grievous sins of omission in Oscar history. There are way too many for me to cover the entire spectrum so let's just focus on the acting categories...for now. By the way, this is just the tip of the iceberg, there are countless others, these are just the first ones that come to mind. In no particular order...

Anna Magnani got her start as an icon of Italian Neo-Realism, and made her transition into American films with the help of her #1 fan; Tennessee Williams who adapted his play The Rose Tattoo to film specifically for her. And to impress Tennessee Williams is no small accomplishment. But going back to Italian neo-realism, one has to really be something beyond method and dig into the depths of their soul so roughly that there’s nothing to do but suffer and cry through your performance so that your audience can fully understand your struggle. 

Gena Rowlands could be the greatest actress of all time second only to Meryl Streep. I would go as far as to say she’s perhaps even better, and with her director being her genius husband John Cassavetes, he worked her like a horse in a mine so that she could turn out the most heartbreaking and nuanced performances that touch on the female condition without beating you over the head with her plight. She embodied every part she played, and some were so down right complicated and layered that a ‘regular’ actress would be doomed to mess up. She is so intelligent as an actress that she knows exactly how to peel open all of those complex layers and get to the heart of her character. 

Leonardo DiCaprio was first nominated at 19 for his role in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, since then he’s turned in some amazing performances, and some not so much performances; (We all remember The Beach) Oh you don’t? It’s because no one saw it, but as good as Matthew McConaughey’s performance was in Dallas Buyer’s Club, I think we can all agree that DiCaprio’s ballsy, spared no expense take on Jordan Belfort in The Wolf of Wall Street should have given him unquestionable rights to that golden statue. 

Joaquin Phoenix seems to be the one that’s always robbed because of politics. The Academy just doesn’t like him no matter how brilliant he can be on screen, and I’m not just talking about his Johnny Cash. Working with Gus Van Sant throughout his youth definitely gave him the right training, and even in his teens, his performances were intelligent, thought provoking, and full of swagger. This culminated with his masterful performance in (excuse the pun) The Master, but he was upstaged by Philip Seymour Hoffman in the same film. Even though no one won for that film that year. Another oversight. 

Judy Garland won some kind of fake Oscar for ‘Most Promising Juvenile Performer’ or something like that which has since been omitted (thank god), but seriously? Judy? No Oscar? I object! Not only is she a screen legend, and an icon not only of cinema but of culture itself, it seems almost criminal that this unbelievably talented shooting star never got her golden statue. 

Naomi Watts is an actress that has time, but in my opinion has already proved herself worthy of a golden statue. She was introduced to us with one hell of a bang in Mulholland Drive, and has been going strong ever since. The problem with her is that her performances, no matter how en pointe, are just not Oscar fodder. Her two nominations for The Impossible and 21 Grams are great examples of what this woman is capable of. She’s very much on her way, and she’s on the Meryl Streep track. I expect great things of her in the future, and hopefully the Academy will eventually recognize that too. 

Jake Gyllenhaal is very young and also has plenty of time, but to only have one nomination for Brokeback Mountain, and getting completely overlooked for his incomparable performance in Nightcrawler is just plain wrong. I’m sure he’ll garner a few in his career to come, but it still seems like a huge oversight. As brilliant as Heath Ledger was in the former mentioned film, I would argue that Gyllenhaal’s bare soul performance was perhaps even better. He shines in everything he undertakes. Hopefully this will get noticed very soon. 

Cary Grant was another that has that ‘thank you for your body of work’ Oscars, which is basically let’s give them one before they kick the bucket kind of awards. You’re probably thinking this is a mistake but look it up, even the iconic Cary Grant who was Hitchcock’s favorite collaborator has 0 under his belt. One of his wives once said she thought that he played the same role in every movie, and who cares? He played facets of Cary Grant; that deserves an Oscar in my opinion.

Montgomery Clift was perhaps the greatest actor of all time never to receive an Oscar, and he made no point in hiding how much he wanted one. He was ‘a serious actor’ if ever there was a more perfect example, and from his first film to his last, he turned out absolutely flawless performances. He was trained by the Lunts as a child on Broadway, then studied the method with Strassberg before employing his own personal acting coach, just like Marilyn Monroe had. But his self-destructive behavior sadly overshadowed his intense raw talent. All you have to do is watch his 6-minute role in Judgment at Nuremberg (his last film) to see the absolute raw talent of this man. 

Marilyn Monroe has 1 Golden Globe for Best Comedic Performance by a Woman in Some Like It Hot and that’s it. You might want to disagree with me here because she’s known for playing dumb blondes, but that’s only half of it. Marilyn, wanting desperately to be taken seriously as an actress, and already being established, did something totally unexpected and moved to New York to start over, mastering her craft under the watchful guidance of Lee Strassberg who later became her mentor. Watch her performances in Bus Stop and The Misfits; those are performances. They aren’t just Monroe on screen. 

Below...clips and trailers. 

Future Sex Pots to Watch Out For

As Vanity Fair usually does, I've made a really short list of up and comers (no pun intended) that are sure to make both men and women swoon pretty damn soon, if they haven't already. Move over Skinny-legs McGee (Kristen Stewart) and Jockface Thick-neck (Channing Tatum), it's time for a new crop of sexy bitches to waltz over the silver screen and prove they've got the goods in more ways than one.

Claire Julien (age 19). She's already made a name for herself as a supporting player in both The Bling Ring (2013) and The Dark Knight Rises (2013) whilst continuing a very successful modeling career. She looks like a healthy version of Kate Moss heroin chic from the 90's, and now she's proven she has acting chops. I'm excited to see what she does next.

Xavier Samuel (age 29). This Aussie hunk of man-meat has actually been in the game for a while, but mostly in Australia, ornly garnering notice since he appeared in one of the Twilight films, and if I tell you which one you would lose respect for me for knowing so I'm not gonna. So far he's been called the best thing about the upcoming film Adore (2013), and when your co-stars are Naomi Watts and Robin Wright that's quite the feat. He'll also be starring in Catherine Hardwicke's new film opposite Emily Browning called Plush (2013).

Marine Vacth (age 23). This stunning French exotic beauty is already making good choices by making her first starring role in a Francois Ozon film where she plays an underage prostitute. The film, her, and her filmmaker all won praise for their efforts at Cannes, and she looks like she could be taking Eva Green's place as reigning hot bitch of France pretty soon. I smell Bond Girl all over her.

Dane DeHaan (age 27). With that junkie charm, and a real talent for sensual expression, he's making waves in what's bound to be the definitive indie film of this year; Kill Your Darlings (2013) where he plays Allen Ginsberg's (Daniel Radcliff) lover, Lucien Carr, while also getting notice for his role in A Place Beyond the Pines (2013). He has that Pete Doherty/River Pheonix dangerous element to him, with talent to boot. Bad boys are always sexy.

Below some trailers: 

Sleeping Beauty; A Real Snoozefest

Classy whoredom.

I finally watched the Jane Campion produced Sleeping Beauty (2011) by first time director Julia Leigh and it was rather interesting if it wasn't so goddamn boring. I've been following this film for a while because it seemed bizarre, sexual, and Jane Campion had something to do with it, but it's the same old whore story, with a really sick twist. With that indie-film flare where people spend a lot of their time just walking without anything playing in the background, just to provide 'exposition' or as i like to call it 'time filler', Sleeping Beauty began to scare me after the first few scenes, kind of like the what the hell did I just get myself into scare. And yeah it turned out to be like Eyes Wide Shut (1999) on Xanax.
Lucy (Emily Browning) is a struggling student who supplements her income by being a guinea pig for a medical school and performing messy blow jobs for drunk Aussies in putrid upscale bars. One day she answers an ad in whatever Australia's version of The Pennysaver is (highly likely) for a strange kind of prostitution gig. It's of course very classy and the meticulously to match the insatiable appetite of their older and wealthy (probably) old money perverted clientele. There are weird dinner parties where all the men enjoy wine being poured to them by girls in bondage lengerie; just basically everything I once hoped and dreamed for myself, just kidding...or am I?

Lucy gets inspected for scars and moles. Yeah, I'd be annoyed too.

But what Lucy's particularly good at is sleeping. Let me explain. She drinks a special concoction that her pimp, a very classy older woman with a ridiculous Jean Paul-Gaultier in the 80's wardrobe and hairdo makes for her which I assume has a serious amount of tranquilizer in it, and that knocks her out. Then the Kubrick influence is prevalent again because we always cut to her in a room that I swear was designed after the dying room of Dr. David Bowman in 2001: A Space Odyssey (1969). She's lying there motionless in a dreamless sleep (hopefully) As an older naked man is able to do what ever he wants with her, except no penetration. One time an angry bastard puts his cigarette out in her ear, but you know, she's a whore so kind of goes with the territory, this happens for about 40 minutes of the film repeating itself and I'm praying I fall asleep myself and a young hot gentleman comes over and does stuff to me, instead of these old hairy somewhat aggressive and somewhat Uncle Fester meets Albert Brooks kind of men, but anyway I finally finished watching and there is a twist at the end, which almost makes this movie bearable but not really.

Cuddling but no fucking. It's a golden rule.

 It's a poor Freshman effort and you're better off skipping it. It's like an Ozon movie gone wrong. If it was directed by a Frenchie it probably would have been eons better. Now if you'll excuse me I have to watch something else that has been staring at me in my queue for ages; Whore's Glory (2012), wish me luck. 

Trailer below

The Great Gatsby Now in 3D and Sensory Overload

Normally I don't do two blog posts in the same day, but since I'm having a pretty stressful one, and since I'm all out of klonopin, as you know, I sometimes blog out of frustration, which is exactly why I blog so frequently.

Anywho, the highly anticipated trailer for professional Australian Baz Luhrmann's shit show The Great Gatsby in 3D got rammed up our asses today, and I just don't know what to make of it.

So let's do a close analysis of the trailer shall we? Because with every Baz Luhrmann film, the trailer is far superior to the film.

First thing's first, we all know Leo DiCaprio is like 20 years too old to play Jay Gatsby, and just like in Moulin Rouge! (2001). They took massive creative liberties in the make-up and costume department, I mean Carey Mulligan looks like a two cent hooker on 42nd street in the 80's. But Baz was always an aesthetic nightmare. I definitely feel the need to smoke copious amounts of meth in order to appreciate one of his films before I pay the price of admission. 

Also, the music. I mean seriously? You have to be anachronistic in everything? Watch the Throne? Oh that's totally appropriate and I get why. Because this is a re-invisioning of the quintessential Jazz Age story for the 21st century, like you don't 're-invision for modern times' in every single film you've ever done. But whatever it's not like it's passe or anything, she wrote with heavy sarcasm. If you really want me to be wowed then give Kanye West and Jay-Z cameos in Gatsby, that would be pretty freakin' awesome.

Now let's just get to it, this is how it should be recast. Mulligan can stay, she looks like a slightly better Mia Farrow when she was that age, so fine. Gatsby is a Gosling role bar none. I mean really. You never considered that? Armie Hammer, there's a better suggestion too. And while we're on The Social Network bandwagon, anything Tobey Maguire can do, Andrew Garfield can do better. I think The Amazing Spiderman (2012) will prove that in due time. Anyway, here's the balls to the wall trailer. I'm not too blown away by it. Also, the title is missing some obsequious punctuation. Like '+' for Romeo + Juliet (1996) or an unnecessary exclamation point like in Moulin Rouge! (2001) (which is apparently meant to be yelled when mentioned verbally), so how about The Great Gatsby ;) It's just asinine enough to work. 

Here's the trailer.

A Few Best Men - Australia's Version of The Hangover

you can tell they mean trouble because one of them is already drinking out of the bottle.

Tonight, I went to a screening of Stephan Elliot's new film A Few Best Men (2012). Lest you forget, he directed the comically brilliant Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994), and we haven't really heard from him since, unless you were one of the 5 people that saw Easy Virtue (2008). The director introduced the film by saying that it had all three 'B's'...bestiality, blow, and bum-fucking. So I was in for a treat. Usually that kind of college-humor gives me a good chuckle, as it did with this, but I couldn't help thinking how this film was pretty much Australia's version of The Hangover (2009). It involves a group of British boys that come to Australia to marry off one of their mates to an Aussie daughter of a senator. It's virtually identical to the instant classic from two years ago, except the jokes were re-written for an Australian/British sensibility and sense of humor, just didn't work.

Xavier Samuel plays the British version of Justin Bartha, a boyishly handsome unfortunate who desperately wants to get married to the girl of his dreams, even though ridiculous circumstances seem to constantly get in his way, hissy fits and comically overdone sunburn included. Character actor and British goof ball with a dangerous side Kris Marshall is Bradley Cooper's counterpart; he's too cool for school, taller and cuter than every one else and always seems to have his shit under control. Then there's the chubby trouble maker-awkward-creepy-in-an-endearing-way scene stealing character originated by the incomparable Zach Galifianakis, played in this version by Kevin Bishop, not nearly as precociously nor amusingly. But I guess fat people getting into improbable shenanigans is funny in all countries. Instead of having a certain amount of time to get a tiger back to Mike Tyson's mansion, the group of rag tag drunks, coke heads, and sexually frustrated misfits has only a certain amount of time to get a prized ram back to it's stable house and get the lipstick of it...long story...and really not too interesting.

There's a lot of bare asses, shit jokes, and excessive and unrealistic drug consumption...oh and Olivia Newton-John is there too, but sadly all of these elements fell flat on their face. I'm not one who cringes easily but my dinner was slowly and gradually making it's way up my wind pipe. I was more frustrated than anything, because I hate it when a film promises dirty jokes and doesn't deliver. There's only so much of a man sticking his full arm up a sheep's ass I can stomach. I think this film tried to be raunchier than The Hangover but it fell short ironically. Mishaps at weddings are a great sub-genre, but the mother of the bride getting loaded on cocaine and hitting on the groom is small beans next to the wedding band playing 'candy shop' in their most disgusting undertones with a jazz beat.

There is of course the element of the crazed up drug dealer from whom the protagonists have stolen who chases them down through the film, and in this case, no one one-ups Ken Jeong. So i'll just leave it at that. See it if you must, but I wasn't crazy about it, it was pretty predictable, and filth wise, it was a bore.