Sofia's Epic Fail

4 out of these 7 women have speaking roles. 

Was that harsh? Well, watching her new film The Beguiled felt like a one and a half torture ride to nowhere's-ville. I want my time back, and my money. And I want her to make better films, but that's not going to happen is it? 

The film was marketed as a radical feminist revenge story, perfect for the chauvinist rhetoric of the Trump era, but Valerie Solanas it is not. It's not even a 'hell hath no fury…' kind of thing. As I said, it's about an hour and a half of nothing. Which is a fair assessment of basically all of her films, yeah I said it. It had such great potential. It's a Misery meets Gone with the Wind story based on a Clint Eastwood movie from the 70's (arguably the best era of America filmmaking). With a stellar cast like Kirsten Dunst, Colin Farrell, and the up-and-coming Elle Fanning, you were thinking how could this go wrong? In all respects apparently.

Admit it, this part from the trailer is why we all wanted to see it. 'Get me the anatomy book'.

I have to give it up to the marketing department. They did a great job with the theater art, the promo art, the trailers, etc. Basically building up this turd in a dress so that people would shelve out 11 dollars to see it. I saw it with a friend earlier today and we witnessed quite a few walk outs. At first we thought it was because we were basically screaming at the screen, but we couldn't help ourselves. Eventually, we realized that the walk outs had the right idea. 

So stop fucking with us, Coppola. Just because you're Hollywood royalty doesn't mean you can do no wrong. In fact you can do so much wrong to some seriously ripe and brilliant material that it kind of taints your family's legacy.

The film is photographed beautifully; with low-lit interiors, candlelight and sunshine, and dressing that looks like it's actually a house that has been lived in and not a matte painting that was put up the day before. Costumes are en pointe and that's about the only positive things I have to say about the film. I know it was just released, so unlike most of my reviews I'm not giving away the plot. Here's what we know. Colin Farrell is a Union deserter; a Irish mercenary who has been badly injured and is found on the outskirts of a large Southern plantation in Virginia. He is taken in by the children and their headmistress who have had to lay low three years into the Civil War. It's pretty obvious that 6 girls in their sexual prime or in puberty and a woman a bit past her prime but still hot AF (Nicole Kidman) would create sexual tension with the one man they're keeping in the house so palpable you could cut it with a bread knife.

I will give her the director of photography a lot of credit. He managed to make a dull film very pretty. So you have that to look forward to. 

Firstly, this house she runs with 6 pupils seems to have an endless supply of food and wine. What the actual fuck? Every movie about the Civil War, or any war for that matter is about people having no food or rations. Also, three of the girls don't even have speaking parts. That's a waste of space, they literally do nothing. You could just cut them out of the film and save the budget. For an hour and a half run time, I would say there's about 20 minutes of dialogue which is par for the course for a Sofia Copolla film. Every single time there is a moment for potential pathos, drama, and hubris, she builds that moment and then kills it. It's like getting really close to orgasm, and then the person falls asleep on you.

Although it appears deliciously sexually devious, the actually sexuality of this film has about as much erotica as a 13 year old's vampire fan fiction.  

It's almost as if Sofia is afraid of the sexuality of this film, which is basically the driving force of the plot. Even scenes that should be highly erotic are creepy and weird. Scarlet O'Hara crying on Ashley's chest was more erotic than anything in this movie. For a mostly silent film with no plot and no nuance of the main characters it seems to kind of move into the category of Avant-Garde, which I believe is actually Sofia's calling. But go Avant-Garde all the way. Film on 16mm silent Bolex cameras, with a 10 minute run time, and save us the grief. She so desperately wants to be considered a serious artist, but she comes off as uber-pretentious. She breaks so many film rules that it's just not right. 

I know breaking film rules can be fine, but what we think of as breaking is actually bending. Tarantino does it, Scorsese does it. But rules are there for a reason. Example: Your main characters have to be nuanced. They have to be three dimensional. They have to have motive good or bad. There has to be a plot that moves forward and doesn't just meander around waiting for shit to happen. I don't care how pretty it looks. 

People think that she's so unique because she plays up the subtlety which is actually giving her audience a giant middle finger. There's being subtle, which is fine, and then there's saying nothing at all, and that's what this film does. I don't need resolution, I can leave a film without closure as long as the film presents interesting questions to consider later. This film does not. You leave the theater thinking…'well, that happened'. Sofia is should really stop writing her own films because she writes about 30 pages and stretches it to an hour and a half run time (I keep mentioning that because it felt way longer). It's kind of sad that coming from such a talented family, we'll think of The Bling Ring as 'the good one'. Hard pass.

Trailer below...I mean...whatever.

20 Foreign Films That Are Sexier Than Anything American

Perhaps I was inspired by my current Netflix queue, but I just finished a lazy rainy Sunday full of sexy and raunchy European films, because I totally have a life and I'm super cool. maybe it's because Europeans understand sex better, or maybe because they give absolutely no shits, and over there, it's dirty to show someone's head blowing off rather than someone's pubic hair, they just seem to get it right when it comes to Original Sin. Whether it's erotica, vanilla romance, straight-up kinky shit, and especially unsimulated sex, they've got it down. Having no filter really pays off. We as Americans have a total black and white approach to it. Because we're a kindergarten country. It's either way extreme and niche like the faux kink sweaty piece of sex bullshit; Fifty Shades of Grey (directed by a Brit, and written by a Brit, but still in the American idiom done for American audiences); or it's the most watered down single-girl fodder known to man in the tradition of Nicholas Sparks adaptations. So here are my picks. A lot of them fall (unavoidably so) into that 'controversial' category, while others straight up got the kiss of death with a dreaded NC-17 rating which basically goes to show that we're a country of people that just can't handle anything that is just a little too visceral. These are in order, we'll start from the bottom and go to the best.

20. Caligula (dir. Bob Guccione). Anything starring Malcolm McDowell and produced by Dino de Laurentis with a screenplay by Gore Vidal you shouldn't expect to be a comfy ride. Full of incest, full frontal nudity, and a birthing scene that might be more uncomfortable than sitting through an actual birth this film checks every box for what we consider to be sexual obscenity. And it's fabulous. It's ancient Rome, not a landlocked Midwestern city in the 50's.

19. Diary of a Nymphomaniac (dir. Christian Molina) this Spanish gem I don't even think had theatrical distribution in the states. It's a no-holds barred feminist farce on what it's like to be a nymphomaniac and the meteoric rise and fall of one. It's not easy, especially when pesky things like love get in the way. 

18. 9 Songs (dir. Michael Winterbottom). A director known in the UK for being sexually incendiary, this is probably in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the most unsimulated sex scenes in one feature. It's not just a one off like The Brown Bunny. It's literally like watching a relationship. A normal one, where two people have sex...they do other stuff too, but this is one of those rare occasions that puts the sex front and center. 

17. Young and Beautiful (dir. Francois Ozon) I am a huuuuuuge Ozon fan. I think no one photographs, writes, or understands young women quite like him. This is the first of a few directors who are on this list more than once and no one deserves it more. It's the story of a reluctant whore. Are we noticing a pattern here? I think so. 

16. Chansons d'Amour (Jean Genet) Quick history/culture lesson. Listen up babies. Jean Genet is basically a French national treasure. He was arrested in the 40's for vagrancy, among other things (but mostly for being gay which was against the law at the time) a brilliant playwright and poet, this is his only film based on his encounters while in a French prison. If you ever took an avant-garde film class you probably saw it. If you haven't go on ubuweb.com. You're welcome. 

15. Sleeping Beauty (dir. Julia Leigh). And yet another hooker movie. Here's the twist, the beginning of the story is somewhere we've all been girl in financial trouble from student loans (take a lesson, Vera) looking desperately for a way to make extra money. She finds a gig, might be the weirdest form of hookerdome we've ever seen. She's basically given a sleeping pill cocktail every day and has to basically be a dead body to men who get off on stuff like that. However disturbing it is, a lot of naked Emily Browning is never a bad thing. 

14. Sytiracon (dir. Federico Fellini). Another ancient rome orgy film, only this one is by Fellini, so I think it's one of the best things ever. togas, wine, and general sexual ambivalence, this film definitely has everything. Literally. 

13. Belle du Jour (dir. Luis Bunuel). If you don't get a little hot watching Catherine Deneuve in her underwear check yourself for a pulse. The end. 

12. Y Tu Mama Tambien (dir. Alfonso Cuaron). Native Mexican filmmaker, Cuaron made a film in his hometown which is perhaps the most graphic coming-of-age story ever. Pun fully intended. It launched the careers of Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna, and a film that starts and ends with full nudity is one not worth missing. PS it was nominated for it's almost perfectly splendid script. Watch it, if you haven't already I'm judging you. 

11. The Dreamers (dir. Bernardo Bertolucci). A film for perverts and film lovers, and sometimes those can be mutually exclusive. Michael Pitt plays a young American studying in Paris in the mid-60's and chances upon a brother and sister cinephile team who have a strange relationship from the word go. Together they'll bring the term 'threesome' to a whole other level. 

10. And God Created Woman (dir. Roger Vadim) The film that introduced a naked Brigitte Bardot to the world. I'm surprised theater screens didn't catch on fire. No one before or since in the European film idiom has been so sensual...arguably. 

9. Blue is the Warmest Color (dir. Abdellatif Kechiche) I don't remember a film that generated so much controversy before it was even released. Along with it came accolades from the Academy to Cannes. It's universally considered not only one of the most beautiful love stories, but also one of the best films of the year and perhaps the decade. Brilliantly acted by Adele and Lea in the two principal roles, it's one not to be missed. 

8. Bad Education (dir. Pedro Almodovar). I know what you're thinking, why is this the Almodovar film she picked? I absolutely love it, and I never understood critics who thought it was one of his weakest. Bernal outdoes himself in drag, and as a personal piece, granted all of Almodovar films are in one way or another, but one that really expresses his passion for cinema is always a treat. Also there's a lot of naked Bernal in it. 

7. The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover (dir. Peter Greenaway). I was just re-watching this film today. It is so beautifully experimental surreal and downright weird. It's a formalistic masterpiece. With the avant-garde set dressing and costumes designed exclusively by Jean-Paul Gaultier and incomparable performances by Helen Mirren and Michael Gambon, this is truly in my opinion one of the greatest films of all time. 

6. Swimming Pool (dir. Francois Ozon). Ludivine Sagnier plays the promiscuous Julie who has moved unannounced back to her father's place in the French countryside disrupting the life of writer Sarah Morton (Charlotte Rampling) who has just come up there in a fit of writer's block to find some solace which is now made impossible by Julie's constant philandering drinking and general debauchery

5. Sex and Lucia (dir. Julio Medem). Paz Verga, perhaps one of the most gorgeous women on the planet plays someone who's seriously unlucky in love. With more sex scenes than probably all American films from the past 5 years put together against a beautiful non-linear backdrop of secrets, lies, and a Spanish island, this film is breathtaking in every way. Also there's an areola on the poster. There ya go. 

4. Nymphomaniac Parts I and II. (dir. Lars von Trier). Lars von Trier really hates sex, and women, and everything...oh and Jews lest we forget. But this film is really really sexy. None of the advertising points to that because he photographs sex as it is. No romance, no flickering candles, and no feelings a lot of the time. This is sex stripped down to its bare animalistic, selfish, and at times maniacally impulsive nature. Thanks Denmark! 

3. The Night Porter (dir. Liliana Cavani). And yet another film directed by a woman. This also stars Charlotte Rampling in the most unsexy of places. She's a young Jewish woman who's been sent to a work camp during the Holocaust. Yes it's frightening. A German guard at the camp becomes infatuated with her and makes her his sex slave basically which comes with a lot of privilege. It's perhaps the most perverted scenario imaginable, and yet, it's still somehow romantic. We women, we're a clever bunch. 

2. Last Tango in Paris (dir. Bernardo Bertolucci). I know a lot of people that would disagree with me on this, in fact so vehemently that they'll get all oh-hell-no on me, but you know what despite 'that infamous scene' I still find both Brando and Schneider completely sexy together in this film. For the most part their sexual chemistry is right on. But I find it hard to imagine Brando not having good sexual chemistry with anyone. 

1. Lust, Caution (dir. Ang Lee). Here's another film by a director who's made so many sensually stunning films, but this one is head and shoulders above the rest. Lust, Caution is not a pretty film. It's not romantic, well maybe...but it's not rainbows and butterflies put it that way. It's a very dark film, and there are some insanely graphic scenes in it that somehow manage to remain highly erotically charged and incredibly sexy. Winner winner chicken dinner. 

VIDEOS BELOW:

My favorite Music Videos (No Particular Order)

Smashing Pumkins' 'Tonight, Tonight' (dir. Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris), 1996. A very literal nod to the cinematic trend in music videos that had taken over around that time by basically recreating the Melies film; A Voyage to the Moon (1902).

Red Hot Chili Peppers' 'Dani California' (dir. Tony Kaye), 2006. What a tribute to rock 'n roll trends. No snark here.

Miley Cyrus' 'Wrecking Ball' (dir. Terry Richardson), 2013. I had to...don't you dare judge me...I know I can't look at myself in the mirror either...I know Terry's awful...yes I heard about the allegations...yes all of them...No I do not excuse nor condone them...yes this video is shot beautifully.

Fiona Apple's 'Criminal' (dir. Mark Romanek), 1997. She has a wonderful been-dead-for-a-few-days look about her. Romanek later went on to direct One Hour Photo (2004).

The Verve's 'Bitter Sweet Symphony' (dir. Walter A. Stern) 1997. None of this was staged. Lead singer Richard Ashcroft was asked to purposely bump into people as hard as he could.

R.E.M's 'Losing My Religion' (dir. Tarsem Singh), 1991. A great eclectic recreation of Renaissance art, Soviet propaganda posters, and Michael Stipe's indescribable dance moves.

Lauryn Hill's 'Doo Wop (That Thing)' (dir. Big TV!) 1999. I was beyond in love with this song and this video. Can't believe she stopped making music after that.

Justin Timberlake's 'Cry Me a River' (dir. Francis Lawrence), 2002. The ultimate indictment-of-a-cheating-lover public statement ever. And it's so sexy don't we all wish we had a music video like that to our name?

FatBoy Slim's 'Praise You' (dir.  Spike Jonze), 1999. High concept, high art, really really original and hilarious stuff. We all know what Spike Jonze as the delightfully dorky and slightly unhinged filmmaker of such critical darlings as Being John Malkovich (1999), this was a first glimpse into his particular brand of self-effacing humor.

And finally...

Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance' (dir. again, Francis Lawrence), 2009. Because most of my friends will have a fit if they don't find this on the list, and quite honestly it's awesome. What can I say? I'm a little monster.

Wallace Berman (LA-Based Experimental Filmmaker) at Home at the Anthology.

His wife was the posterchild (literally) for the Semina movement

Back in the day, when dinasaurs romaed the earth I had a gig at the Washington Square News as a staff writer. So I'm doing what I do every morning and lookin up birthdays/anniversaries and it turns out that it's one of my favorite influences' birthday; Wallace Berman, more of an artist than a filmmaker, his 'Semina' movement was quite unique. Anyway, I tried to find that article that I wrote when his films cames to The Anthology Film Archives back in 2007 and I went to review it, in the archives of the news paper, but notices that I had saved it as a word document on my computer just in case I might every need it for anything...like this. So here it is:

Berman at home with hi children.

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Berman art at home at Anthology

Vera Ryzhik

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Published: Thursday, February 8, 2007

Updated: Saturday, September 6, 2008

Ginsberg, Kerouac and Cassady - it's difficult to disregard the artistic legacy left by the Beat Generation.

Although those names are associated primarily with the New York Beats, an autonomous beat community also existed in Los Angeles: Photographer, filmmaker and poet Wallace Berman was a key figure. In conjunction with NYU's Grey Art Gallery and the exhibition "Semina Culture: Wallace Berman and His Circle,"

Anthology Film Archives is running "Semina Cinema," a series devoted to Berman and his contemporaries.

Like most films of the Anthology, the series contains rarities and treasures of the avant-garde movement that are unlikely to appear anywhere else. Works by counterculture figures such as Bruce Conner, Stan Brakhage,

Andy Warhol and Taylor Mead provide a window into the times and art of a complex bohemian movement.

Berman himself, though famous for his photography and collages, had a strong connection with the avantgarde film movement of the '50s and '60s.

Andrew Lampert, film archivist for the Anthology and programmer for this series, calls Berman a "causal link" between the different mediums utilized in the movement. The series becomes a link in itself between

Berman and his contributions to filmmaking - his only film, "Aleph," is the centerpiece of the series. It's accompanied by a collection of 28 minutes of lost footage that didn't make it into the film, brought in by his son and appropriately titled "Artifactual: Films from the Wallace Berman Collection."

Never officially released, Berman would run this footage for friends, projecting it on his refrigerator. Screening exclusively tonight for the premiere, a new negative of "Aleph" will be accompanied by a live performance from prolific jazz composer John Zorn and his band. Friday, prominent beat artist and "Warhol superstar"

Taylor Mead will introduce the companion pieces "My Home Movies," shot by Taylor, and the film "Tarzan

and Jane Regained ... Sort Of." If you're looking to try to fathom Warhol, this series is a great way to start.

Every generation needs to reflect on its predecessors. And for a generation lacking an artistic renaissance, this series should be a revelation. Berman remains one of the most important figures not only in the L.A.-based beat community, but also in the history of counterculture. Aside from his art, he founded Semina (literally

"Outsider Art"), a privately run publication he headed to generate interest in his and his contemporaries' art.

Still from one of his films called 'Her', yes there is another film by that name. And it's better. 

An artist's artist, Berman worked outside the marketplace, considering art a personal pursuit rather than a business - an ideal Lampert claims has faded in today's culture.

"He provided a social, artistic and literary space in California for these innovative and unusual people to meet each other, to mingle with experimental artists from elsewhere and to express ideas not common in America during those years," said Shelley Rice, a Tisch photography professor. In addition to his photography, Berman pioneered collaging, which became the essence of the art Warhol would later popularize. As part of Semina culture, Berman's work should fit in perfectly at the Anthology.

"It makes sense to have it here," Lampert said of Berman's place in the series. "It's about time." • Starts today and ends Sunday at Anthology Film Archives. Live musical accompaniment by John Zorn tonight at 8 p.m.; Taylor Mead introduces his films at Friday's program, also at 8 p.m.

Spotlight on: Gareth Pugh

Gareth Pugh, a quite genius and fashion prodigy

Now that the grand innovator and genuine artiste Alexander McQueen is no more and Sarah Burton is basically butchering his legacy by dumbing down the fashions until it's not haute couture but something your grammy wore that now belongs in a consignment shop, it's time to look for that other British bad-boy designer who is going to revolutionize the industry and hopefully take enormous risks with an effortless fearlessness that makes us all stand up and take notice.

for inspiration, Pugh works with themes like cubism, bondage, and the Avant-Garde

 British fashion never had a Jean Paul Gaultier, or a John Galiano, or a Betsy Johnson, but they did have iconoclasts like Vivienne Westwood and Alexander McQueen who threw Burberry's tweeds and stripes right back into their face with their innovative designs and devil-may-care aesthetic. Now there's another bad boy of textile on the British scene who is setting the stage to bring the Brits back to the forefront of high fashion. 

a dress made completely out of safety pins, a nod no doubt to Vivienne Westwood. 

His name is Gareth Pugh, he's barely out of his early 20's and is killing it in every piece of clothing he lets walk the runway. His themes include androgyny, bondage, S&M, and what looks like every German Avant-Garde film from the 30's  I've ever seen. Every one of his models looks like walking art and he is now being recognized by the likes of Lady Gaga (of course), Beyonce, Rihanna, and others. He is truly a force to be reckoned with considering 30 years ago, his clothes wouldn't even be legal. 

Walking art. Don't  you wish your man dressed like this? Well, every once in a while. It's like a viking and  a pterodactyl went to an S&M bar together.

He invented the concept of inflatable clothing and yeah you might not wear it to the office on a Tuesday, but damn isn't that interesting. He's restored art back into fashion, and fashion back into the general folds of entertainment. He's shocking, outlandish, and creative, as well as being a completely genuine article. 

Gareth's now famous inflatable clothing line. 

I believe that his contribution to the British fashion idiom is as important as that of Vivienne Westwood who with a few safety pins and inline zippers completely changed the look of the whole country 30 years ago. Gareth Pugh is doing the same now. To look at his designs and think 'that's too much' is exactly what he's going for and I think that Alexander McQueen were he around today would be proud, not to mention extremely jealous. 

Arousal on a Plate

Babette prepares the fruit course.

It's no secret, I love watching films about food. I love to watch people prepare food, I love close ups of food, I love it all, why the hell do you think I sit through Gordon Ramsay yelling the tar out of some poor soul on Hell's Kitchen? So I can get to the part where they finally bring an immaculate medium rare lamb loin to the hot plate.

If you're on Hulu nearly as much as I am, you'll notice they've basically bought up the entire Criterion collection, so all that savings money you were going to use towards it whenever Barnes and Noble has a sale is totally inadequate now. Anyway, last night I watched a pretty boring film, save for the last scene. It's a Danish film (yes I've been watching a lot of Danish films lately, shoot me) from 1987 called Babette's Feast. 

Babette's guests would be criminal not to enjoy what she serves them.

It's about two Danish sisters that live in a remote impoverished town of devotees to the lord. They for some reason have a French maid, and yes this is before the slutty French maid aesthetic. It's a woman named Babette (Stephan Audran) who escaped the Napoleonic wars to the mercy of these two sisters and works for them for free. She keeps a friend in France that plays the lottery for her regularly, and finally she ends up winning 10,000 francs. She decides that to celebrate, and also honor the memory of the sisters' father who was the town pastor, she would like to cook everyone in the town (all 12 of them) an exquisite French feast. Unbeknownst to everyone, she was the head chef at one of the most posh restaurants in France. She insists on paying for it herself, and the town folk get nervous. They only eat pious things like bread soup, and refuse to take pleasure in any worldly indulgences such as fine French food. Sounding familiar by now? That's because I'm more than sure that this was the basis for the plot of Chocolat (2000) with Juliette Binoche. 

Juliette Binoche presents her nipples of Venus, aside from the cheeky name we all know that chocolate is one of the main aphrodisiacs.

It's almost sublime to watch her make fresh turtle soup, then belinis with caviar and sour cream, after which stuffing quails with foie gras and black truffles before putting them inside puff pastry, I mean I nearly lost it. Then, there was an endive salad and a cheese course before a delicate French pastry was served and everyone in the town secretly convinced that this indeed was a higher pleasure than the lord's love. I should mention it was all served with different versions of the best French wine, I mean you'd definitely have to be dead inside not to have your mouth watering right now. 

Quail in puff pastry. I just lost my mind.

If photographed well this will serve (no pun intended) just as well if not better than any porn on the internet right now. Why do you think I watch Julie and Julia (2009) to the point where I can recite it verbatim. Anyway, watch the film, and I have an application to Paris' Le Cordon Bleu academy to get cracking on. 

Trailer below. 

Chocolat trailer below. 

Another Von Trier Sex Film? Um...I Guess.

Still from Nymphomaniac (2013)

Gratuitous and relentless painful sex is as likely to appear in a Lars Von Trier film as much as bare-knuckle boxing matches are likely to appear in a Guy Ritchie film, so brace yourself children for Nymphomaniac (2013).

Starring Charlotte Gainsbourg (who’s been in the two prior Von Trier films; Melancholia (2013) and AntiChrist (2009)) a dying self-proclaimed nympho retells of all his sexual experiences to anyone who would listen, but for the love of god why would they? I mean if Von Trier is involved I imagine every story has something to do with just a lot of blood and tears. Has sex in any Von Trier film ever been enjoyable or arousing to watch? It’s been torture, and not in the good way, but I think that is a creation of Von Trier unto itself. The displeasure of sex.

Hate to say it but it sounds very Breaking the Waves (1996) don’t it? Remember his first English language film? The one that was actually good and not polarizing? The one that was not art for art’s sake? The one before he made the incendiary statement that he sympathizes with Hitler?

Innocent small-town girl Emily Watson plays against Skarsgård (a man who's appetite for sex knows no bounds) and eventually leads to her demise.

Anyway, Breaking the Waves (1996) was a beautiful film starring Emily Watson and Stellan Skarsgård, who is in this one too apparently. It involves some kind of rig worker (Skarsgård,) who gets injured on a barge (or something I can’t remember) and becomes paralyzed form the neck down. He then forces his wife Watson using survivor’s guilt on her sorry ass to have sexual encounters with other men and then tell him all about it so that he can thereby vicariously experience them himself because his peen is more or less in the vault at that point.

So basically, this is not a film about sex, it’s a film about the stories we tell each other about all the sex we’ve had or hope to have, so kind of like a Danish existential bizarre-as-shit slumber party. I for one still haven’t forgiven Von Trier for his completely irresponsible comments at Cannes, but again looking at it from a filmmaking perspective, I have a love-hate relationship with him. His earlier Danish films don’t interest me much, and I never liked them. Then, he had a winning streak with Breaking the Waves (1996), Dancer in the Dark (2000), and Dogville (2003) (which he appropriately titled his ‘Death trilogy’) how Ingmar Bergman of you, Trier. But Antichrist (2009) is a film I flat out blocked out of my brain it was so profoundly idiotic. And Manderlay (2005)…let’s be honest, no one gave a shit about, or watched as far as I remember. 

Von Trier on the set of Melancholia (2011) with co-stars Kirsten Dunst and Charlotte Gainsbourg

Melancholia (2011) on the other hand was a revelation, it took me a couple of times (and a couple of friends, you know your names) to finally convince me that this was a great work of art, so based on his history, I’m going to say that I have faith in the project, but am expecting a widely mixed if not totally polarizing reaction from every festival it travels to this year (except Cannes considering he’s a persona non grata there and we all know why), but that’s exactly what he wants. No publicity is bad publicity is it Trier? Unless of course you’re defending Hitler. 

 Below some trailers.

'Disconnected' from Reality: Warhol was Right All Along

Film's poster.

Finally a film allegory of the badness of technology, Ok I can do better than that to describe the new film Disconnect (2013), but because I was once a graduate student and PhD candidate in the ever growingly redundant and useless department of film studies anywhere, I'm going to drop some logistical reasoning on y'all before I get down to business.

This film harkens back to an idea I had been toying with during my PhD year, and yes I was only there one year before I said 'fuck this shit' and rightfully so. Anyway the idea was based on the Warholian concept of wanting to live forever and exist in technology as a machine. His simple quote 'I want to be a machine' harkens to the prophetic nature of machinery becoming integral in how we live our lives. I am not speaking in terms of how it would be perceived during say the industrial revolution like 'cars help us get places faster, and radio gives me information right in my living room', I mean in the sense that whatever we deem imperfect with our lives, we can refashion in our seemingly endless existence in the machine world. This has manifested itself particularly in terms of the superhuman or the post-human identity particularly with that of facebook. Bored yet? Well I am so let's switch gears. 

'text away, son'.

So a lot of hot people realize that their necessity in finding 'absolute truths' about themselves through the online universe has lead to their own demise. As Rooney Mara's character in The Social Network (2010) so eloquently put it 'the internet isn't written in pencil, it's written in ink'. Ergo, all of our mistakes, faux pas, dumb moments, etc. exist forever; being the double edged sword of internet post-human existence. And there I go off again. 

It has potential, it's the second seemingly serious reflection of our growing dependence and odd addiction to what some have started calling 'public displays of narcissism' which is basically what facebook is. In our endless pursuit of magnifying the good and deleting the bad from our online avatars, we have created a system of self-destruction the first sign of which is human disconnection. Ok I'm getting tired of my own voice here. The first film to address this new-millenium issue particularly a post-2010 issue was of course The Social Network (2010), after which, I think Catfish (2011) did a pretty good job, and if it weren't the highly overrated bullshit television series it turned into I'd say that with a straight face. Also, I have to give props to David Cronenberg's imaginative and surreal Cosmopolis (2012) which was also an anthem against this 'disconnect phenomenon'. More and more films like this that are reflexive of this particular bizarre influence on our culture including Matteo Garrone's Fellini-esque opus about a man who struggles in not living his life on a grand enough scale to where people everywhere can experience it too and becomes obsessed with getting on a second rate TV show slated for release later this year called Reality (2013).

Warhol and an antique camera. Most pictures of him had him holding a camera because he was always in the process of recording.

Aside from that, this phenom was actually something prophesied by you guessed it, Warhol. His films echo that sentiment in that they basically go on forever, as life organically does, without stopping or editing, but it exists mechanically, therefore the mechanical existence of ourselves overpowers our organic existence, and yes I am trying to remember bits and pieces of my dissertation right now, so I'll just leave you with the trailers.