Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Are You Looking Forward to A Place Beyond the Pines? Me Neither

Hey girl...gotta light? I'm a bad boy now if you haven't already heard.
First of all, I think even Ryan Gosling is sick of Ryan Gosling. I mean, I can't look at his face anymore. He's so hot he's gotten not hot. And let's face it, this looks like Drive (2011) and Blue Valentine (2012) had a bastard child. First of all, I heard one critic mention that he thought that Blue Valentine was like a 2-hour acting exercise, and I very well have to agree with that statement, so I wasn't expecting much from this 'action thriller' with indie gritty realism and two really hot guys and a hot chick that was good in that one movie that one time.  
Fine, I'll just say it, I haven't seen it, but I do have a friend at work and we have very similar tastes so I trust him, and he told me it was garbage, and this is coming from a guy who lurves Blue Valentine. Filth wise, I feel that this film is going to be just as disingenuous and gratuitous as the latter of the director's. I found his love scenes in his first film almost grotesquely unsexy, by that I'm not talking on superficial levels. I mean, it wasn't aesthetically choreographed to where you would enjoy it, it was like watching bad porn, and nothing is worse than that experience. That takes a 3 cold shower minimum to wipe away. 
I have a feeling the only good thing about this film is Bradley Cooper because he's pretty brilliant in everything.

So if you're thinking, sophomore slump, you're both right and wrong. First of all, it can't be called a slump if your first effort was a piece of shit, second, I don't think I've heard anyone give it a good review, or at least anyone I know or respect as a bona fied film connoisseur. (I know it was generally well-received on metacritic but honestly when did any of us seriously read any of those). So, of course I am going to be a presumptuous bitch here and recommend without any further knowledge or experience that you not see it and hold out for something better, such as Upstream Color (2013) which comes out this Friday, if you're desperate to fulfill your indie hipster film quota for the month.

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