Thursday, March 7, 2013

Housewives Recap: Everyone’s an Alcoholic and Paul is a Douchebag

Taylor chatting it up with Yolanda Foster's hubby David Foster about absolutely nothing after hitting the wine glass a couple dozen too many times. As Yolanda said 'there's nothing uglier than a drunk woman' well, let's put it this way 'There's nothing uglier than a drunk Taylor'
Finally caught up on my Real Housewives of Beverly Hills because my life had become an empty void, and I gave in, just like Taylor does to a bottle of wine every so often. I was in Real Housewives rehab but I relapsed and bad. And what did I miss? Well here’s the gist. 
We all know Brandi is being sued by Adrienne and her hubby Paul the surgeon, who never stops talking about the fact that he’s a surgeon even though we’ve not once seen him perform surgery this season because he’s too busy playing second banana to his wife’s shoe-line ambitions. Adrianne is worth approximately 100 million dollars according to (as you can see I use my spare time wisely) and Brandi is worth lets say nothing considering she hasn’t had a modeling gig since 1997 and her only income is selling incendiary stories to US Weekly. So basically that’s a shitty move on Adrianne’s part. 
Hypocrisy alert! Kim the former alcoholic, who apparently relapses later in the season, confronts Taylor about HER drinking problem now that she's in a 'better place'....really?
But here’s what’s happening now. For Kim’s new nose, she decided to throw a Kim’s new nose coming out party, it was the most bizarre thing I’d ever seen, but probably par for the course in Beverly Hills. During which, sisters Kim and Kyle which kind of remind me of the two wicked stepsisters from Cinderella get a rather strange phone call from Taylor saying she’s going to Beaver Creek and also implying she has no idea where her young daughter Kennedy (that’s right, that’s what she named her) is. This raises red flags. Then Bravo has the wear-with-all to show us other times that Taylor wasn’t how shall we say ‘aware’ and tipsily yapping about god knows what. Ergo, Taylor’s got a drinky problem, so says Kim the former alcoholic, and by former I mean for 3 months. 
What are you talking about I'm fine...glug glug glug.
So that now makes 2 out of 6, but lets face it, Brandi’s quite the frat girl herself, if you look closely, not that you would because your eyes would burn off from all that shiny, you’ll notice Brandi always has a glass of wine in her hand and tends to be pretty chatty and say things she shouldn’t. Red flag? Um yeah.
And in this day and age where in Beverly Hills it’s easier to get botulism than a driver’s license these girls are still picking alcohol as their main problem? Puleeeease. Get addicted to valium or cocaine like a proper Beverly Hills housewife and stop boring us with your sorority girl moments. 
Adrienne talking emphatically about nothing as usual, and Paul pretending to laugh at his wife's jokes because he loves her....paycheck.
Also, Paul’s being a cunt basically. That’s as much as I have to say about that. If you watch any promo it hints that he and Adrienne are headed for divorce court and all I can say is it’s not going to end well for him. It was mentioned in Season 2 that the two signed a pre-nup so he’ll definitely be taking that depressed divorced man’s condo while she keeps the billion dollar home in the hills, the dogs, and probs the kids so good luck to him, especially with that face of his.
That’s all. Ciao for now!

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