Sunday, June 3, 2012

Guess What Everybody? Hobbits are Sexy Again!

Believe it or not, I actually do have the hobbit outfit with the little green vest and three-quarter pants that I make potential suitors wear. That's the first test. And no I haven't invested in those feet yet. I still think they're gross.
So after the initial self-loathing episodes we all had after the first three Lord of the Rings films came out, and even though we 'claimed' we were all in love with Viggo, we were totally fantasizing about getting hot and heavy with those Scottish hobbits. We couldn't get enough of their adorable earthiness, incorrigible shenanigans, and slightly gay love for each other.
We all had a favorite, mine particularly was Pippin, just because of the accent and he looked like he was more grown up than the rest of them, which he was, I believe he was the only actor (Billy Boyd) in his 30's. Then there was Charlie--I mean Merry whom we have all somehow magically embraced as former drug addled rockstar/mystery island martyr Charlie Pace on the TV Juggernaut Lost (2005-2011). Samwise we'll always remember as being forever chubby and the one who talks with a lisp. And Elijah Wood will always be North to me. He's doing alright for himself, has a hot girlfriend, a steady TV gig, still can't grow a beard though. 
But the now svelt Peter Jackson has one more trick up his sleeve, and it's coming in the form of an epic prequel to his earth-shattering trilogy, based on the very first JRR Tolkein novel that started the whole thing, in hindsight, he kind of should have done it all in order, not done three in order then backtracked, but whatever I don't care, because professional British nice-guy Martin Freeman stars as Bilbo Baggins, and honestly, I've never wanted to bone a hobbit quite so much in my life. If you watch Sherlock (2010 - present) which I do, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. He's that nice awkward rubber-faced stuttering milquetoast reincarnation of Leslie Howard that you just want to bring home to mom, but then you rethink it because mom would probably get all up in that too.
And he's adorably funny in that British way, that makes all of us go 'aww, he can't string a sentence together because he's nervous around girls how precious'. On the other hand, he's a very funny individual,  which is redundant considering he's actually a professional comic. But either way, he's perfect for the role. And though the original Bilbo (Ian Holm) really did stand no taller than like 5'1, he was pretty good looking back in his day. I'm glad they re-invisioned him as a Martin Freeman role. I can finally re-open that secret file in my fantasy drawer which is labeled 'Hobbits' and add a new chapter.

Below is the trailer.

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